You are right sister. This will most probably get more difficult with time. Its just that I can see were the real problem lies and its solutions while most people insist on dismissing them. And that frustrates me a lot. Its like having a cure to a horrible disease but nobody is willing to spread it because it involves changing their lifestyle and norms … So sad. I once heard about a story of a sister who was a haafizah [ memorizer the entire Quran] who came to a sheikh seeking guidance on how to get an abortion because she fell into temptation … All because her parents didn’t accept any of the proposals she got cause they weren’t “suitable” or fitting to their standards. Look at how our parents and ummas is destroying the youth! :’( I know for a fact that iman is not enough to protect us from sin … but it seems like it’s the only options and weapon these youth have got against temptations these days … Allah al mosta’aan/المستعان (Allah is the one we seek help from). Sorry i got all worked up about this topic :hiding:
Actually, I am very conscious of this problem and I have faced it before xD. The only girl I ever showed interest towards and asked her about marriage, she informed me that she is not considering marriage for herself at this age … AKA I got rejected. My female family relative also had that mentality and caring about her career and what not. But later on when she actually did start working, she realized that its not really a nice thing to chase after your living compared to having a husband to do it for you (cause males are usually the expendable ones I guess :s). Regardless, I personally believe that this is a dangerous trend that has plagued our society (im not suggesting that women shouldn’t have the right to work or raise their academic status, but you will see why its dangerous soon). This mentality originally came from the third wave feminism who are not only trying to promote for equal rights but are also trying to advocate for women to become independent from men and abandon the family concept. This is all bred from that fact that in their countries women used to be oppressed. They weren’t allowed to voice their opinion with men, they weren’t allowed to work, vote, talk in churches and much more (this is nothing like our deen ofc). Problem is that they are not only trying to bring back the balance, they are actually trying to reverse it on men. Whats even worse is that this idea is starting to appeal to many of the young girls of our umma, and they don’t know how harmful this concept is
The nature of men and women are very different. For men, our natural desire is to be providers or guardians over our families and wives, while for women its usually to nurture and care for her family and husband. {{ Quran 2:187 }} [ … They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them … ] So when the woman comes and become as good as men at providing for their families, the man will naturally feel emasculated as he is unable to provide something special for his family. That is why men usually find it undesirable to marry women with high status. (just like women don’t like to marry men with low status)
So in the end, when the woman raises her social, financial and everything status, she will still be looking for the guy that provides even more than what she already has. And when that is more than what the average male has, how many men left do you think will have the status she is looking for? And vise versa for men. Reducing the circle of possible potential spouses is one of the things that is making it more difficult to marry. Hence why this trend or way of thinking is a very dangerous one.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tcghxvhS4U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hbgBbIoUzc
Again, I want to stress on that fact the there is nothing wrong with a woman being successful, but if she plans on becoming independent then she should consider keeping her standards and expectations of men the same and not to raise them as she raises her status. A perfect example of this is Khadija (RA) the wife of the prophet (PBUH) where she was a business woman and agreed to marry the Prophet who barely had anything to show for at that time.
YES! Yes sister that would be much better! XD
With all respect brother, your way of thinking is the very outcome of the problems im trying to fight against. I know exactly what your talking about! I have seen how these modern countries strip men from everything they can show care for and trying to make it 100% female dominant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoXQf2f2Yxo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFpYj0E-yb4
But you cannot roll over and abandon the concept in general as this may turn you into a herbivore feminine man just like the ones in japan. Nor can u become a neomasculine/mgtow man who are is completely self-centered and have zero respect for women. Try to bare patience with these problems and fight it for your future generation. Even if you fail, at least you would say that you’ve tried. I mean .. think about it, what a stale boring life you would live without someone to share your happy moments with? your sad ones, successful ones, hardships, times of illness, all these and you would still choose to be alone? if you think you are strong enough to lead such a life then by all means go for it. I personally started to think about marriage when i was going through rough times and wanted someone to be there for me someone other than my male friends or family members ... someone that could be much closer than that. ... But keep making someone want something for too long, it will only remind them of the bad times they needed/wanted it most but didnt get it and all the pain that came at that time, then they start hating it even if they get it. im very close to this stage unfortunately.