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Problems in society hindering Marriage

Problems in society hindering Marriage
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  1. #1
    Array ChosenTCO's Avatar
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    Problems in society hindering Marriage (OP)

    Hahaha! Honestly, I don’t like this labeling at all, but if you must know I fit under the regular/average sunni muslim.

    I don’t follow any specific scholars or madhabs because I feel like they are all made up by human beings that are very well fallible. Add to that the element of misunderstanding and miscommunication and you get rulings and things that are very morphed and extreme ideologies. But thats not the worst part.

    The thing that annoys me the most is when modern scholars keep warning us about the haram things, yet neglect to give halal substitutes for that which is haram. Every time when a new technology or idea or concept that immerge, scholars are quick to deem it haram without proper investigation or substitutes for it. It just makes the world harder and harder to live in.

    The simplest example I can offer is to look at the problem of marriage and premarital relations. How many times have we seen new things that immerge which promotes and simplify premarital relations (i.e. porn, one night stands, dating apps, pickup artists)? And how many times have we got things from scholars and Islamic leaders that help the youth get married and encouraging it? When was the last time you’ve seen as scholar asking parents to lower their standards of potential spouses for their daughters? When have you seen the umma provide apps or methods for the young muslim girls to background check their potential spouses? When have you seen Islamic leaders help the muslim men with their mahr for marriage? And if there are, why aren’t these things being promoted just as much as the haram things and warnings about them are?

    Oh boy, I just went off on a rant there and didn’t realise … lol. Anyways … point im trying to make is that, I don’t follow any specific madhabs or scholars because I feel like most of them are disconnected from reality and dont provide reasonable or compatible solutions to our modern-day issues of the world. And how could they when they have disconnected themselves so much from the rest of the world and only surround themselves with pious people that don’t see 10 feet beyond their sphere of influence to where the true fitna lies (which is actually where most people live and reside)?
    3 | Likes cinnamonrolls1, Eric H, Reminder liked this post

  2. #41
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    Re: Is everyone on Islamicboard a salafi?

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    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    I need to clarify things that we men do that destroy us:

    A) Respect all women.
    ---Wrong!--- Why do all women deserve respect? No one deserves respect. Respect is earned and not giving immediately. In your sentence you are saying just because she is female she deserves respect. Just because she is female she deserve to have her door open for her. Just because she is female she deserve to have someone stop the car on the road and help her fix her car when it is broken down. Just because she is female and pregnant she deserve someone to stand up and give her a seat.

    I say no, no, no, no to all of that. As women have shown how strong and capable they are and no doubt they are capable and strong and even in many cases stronger than men, they don't deserve respect immediately just because they are female. They don't deserve to have the door open for them. They don't deserve to have someone help fix her car (if she have not prepared herself in case a car is down that is her fault not yours). If she is pregnant and is able to use the public transportation she stands up with the rest of the men and women who are forced to stand up in bosses and if it means her pregnant stomach hit people around her that is her issue not yours. Your aware that pregnant women go to the gym, play sports run and do physical activity. In fact it is best for her to stand up and do physical labor like the rest of us when she is pregnant it helps produce strong offspring, don't you think?

    B) Men who feel they are bored or have stagnant life thinking marriage will fix that and help remove any loneliness and feel important
    ---Wrong!--- You are aware what other problems you are facing now will not somehow magically fix itself after marriage. All your habits and issues and problems you have faced in your life alone will follow you in marriage but it would only magnify 100x time and add other problems you didn't have before marriage and in addition have to deal with HER problems as well and drama. If you love drama, if you think drama is what gives you that spark in life, then go for it. By the way don't think you will be moving away from her mother and father when you are married, you are marrying the family and so many men mistake the idea that ones they are married they own their wife. No you don't. I told my mom if I was going to get married I will take the daughter and put her aside. I am not interested in what she does at all, I am not interested in her habits or hobbies or her character or anything she is just a picture an illusion that men keep falling into. I am interested in her mother. If I am marrying any woman I am marrying her mother with a new body of the mother. 98% of the time the daughter is the duplicate of the mother from dress, attitude, character and how she deals with men in her lives. If the mother is matriarch, the daughter is always a matriarch. If the father have so little input in the house and raising the children, YOU WILL have little input in the house and raising the children. If the mother is evil in character, the DAUGHTER is evil in character. Not always but majority of the time the daughter is clone of the mother.

    You think by you marrying you will have this sunshine ramboo sky with flying unicorn and you get it all wrong.

    To clarify about Japanese men. You have misconception that the Japanese men are feminine you are wrong. Japanese men could not have being more masculine and they are terrifyingly scary, strong and masculine and they can kick you butt in ways you will only find them in action movies. They don't want to be patriarch anymore because patriarch in Japan means you are a mule while the women live a happy life a man is forced to work to death and not get even a thanks or benefit of being a working mule. So many Japanese men find women to be a hassle, a burden too much work, too much issues they prefer living a single life where they enjoy shopping, looking good, relaxing, living with their parents over age 30 and more where they are serviced, have food done for them, have a clean house and not deal with responsibilities. So many Japanese women are becoming aggressive, warrior, seeking careers and climbing up the ladder and they are content living alone and happy and not really interested in men. I don't see anything wrong with men not being a working mule, an ungrateful job that we have proven can be replaced by governments and other services so why should a man worry like before. Women have also shown they can go out there and be strong, well educated, get high end degree and make more money than men. I see no reason why should a man should burden himself with marriage as there are no more pressure for that and there shouldn't be a pressure for that. If you cannot find fulfillment alone and be happy alone even if it means not getting married for the rest of your life then you have bigger problems than that and marriage will not solve it, it will only add more issues and burdens than you can handle. In the end you will get divorced and then deal with divorce stress, such as alimony, she filing false allegation at you of rape or domestic violence and if you have children you will lose all custody of those children and you will be 8th class citizen when it comes to your right as a parent. SHE WILL use the children as weapon and turn them against you even in the most subtle way possible so no traces can reach her and you will be forced to pay child support for until the child reaches age 25 last I checked. I could be wrong in that one. My advice not to run and rush into marriage and solve your issues before then. You feel you have bored life go to therapy and talk out all your issues, if you have issues living alone fix those issues and pretend that one day women will go to the government and demand forced gender separation and a time will come where there is a wall that separate men and women...pretend it is like that. What will you do if that happen? Go flailing your arm in the arm and shrieking like a freak and kill yourself and kill other men around you or smack your head on the wall or weep like a little girl? You need to be able to live alone and be strong alone and not need one. Put all your trust on Allah (Subhanu Wa talaa) and need him only. THAT'S where you strength comes from, you get that and you will live truly a happy life.

    By the way, if you think nowadays your wife will be your backbone through thick and thin you are in deep illusion that need to wake up to reality. Remember, anytime you rely on your wife she will put it in the basket of favors that she will be using it against you. You have trouble only go to Allah (Subhaanu Wa talaa) not to your wife. You have closed chest, read Qura'an and do supplication. Do Dua. Get closer to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) only Allah listen to you, not humans. Only Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) will protect you and help you in your issues and not humans, not even your children. Women and children want from you and expect you to protect them and take care of them, they will resent it if you expect something from them. If you are getting married thinking she will take care of you and protect you then you get a rude awakening and another reason not to seek marriage until you understand what your expectations are and everything is cleared out to you.
    Im sorry but what is the point of this? If you think all women are dupes of their mum( which is very wrong btw) then don't get married. Don't come and sit here ranting about women because clearly some of the guys in this thread actually want to get married.

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