Why Allah gave men the right of talaq and not to women.

**00001001** · 03-11-2018

A lot of people, muslim or non-muslim, always have second thoughts about the fact that only men are allowed to divorce their wifes unconditionally. Obviously women are allowed to divorce their husbands in exceptional cases, like physical abuse (through an Islamic judge).

Just a couple of days ago, after watching a video on how men and women process breakup and reading more about it, did I realize the greatness behind this seemingly "unequal" rule.

Before I actually explain how men and women differ on how they handle their breakup. I first want to make it clear why God makes things haram for us. In most cases it is simply because it is BAD for us. Things like alcohol, gambling and murder are bad for the individual and society as a whole. Pretty obvious, but let that sink in before you begin reading the next paragraph.

So why would Allah give men the right for divorce, but not to women? According to a study released in 2015 in the Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences by Craig Morris, research associate at Binghamton University and lead author on the study. Men and women differ in their ability to fully recover from breakups.

"women ultimately tend to come out emotionally stronger, whereas men never really, truly get over it—they just find another mate."

There could be a couple of reasons for this, the first thing that comes to my mind is that women simply had to adapt, men used to die rather quick back in the day (Khadija RA was widowed 2 times before marrying Mohammed pbuh at the age of 40), while men generally died much earlier than their wifes. In other words, while men were polygynous, women were more of a serial monogamist.

Another interesting finding in the study, was that

"Interestingly, women were also more likely to do the breaking up than men—despite facing a more painful road to recovery. The researchers point out that this finding backs up previous research showing that women initiate divorce in 70 percent of legal cases."

Again, this has to do with biology. Since women fully recover from breakup and also since they have more to lose if they get pregnant (when men could literary disapear and never been seen again. It still happens, but much much less).

So back to the ruling of Allah, as to why only men have the right for talaq. I think you already know the answer, but I'll spell it out anyway. The only time a men would divorce his wife, is when he rather has his hearth permanently damaged, than to stay married to that particular women. I.e, it has to be a damn good reason.

Edit:
Now, let the fight begin

**xboxisdead** · 03-13-2018

Originally Posted by *charisma*

Assalamu Alaikum

This is just my opinion but I believe the reason why men are given this right is simply because they are the protectors and maintainers of their women. They ultimately have the greater authority, and with this authority comes a great responsibility of maintaining the family dynamic. In the divorce actually, the children are supposed to go with their father (unless they are infants), and the (ex)husband is to support the wife during the 'iddah while she observes it in the very house they lived in. There is wisdom in every aspect of the divorce because emotions fluctuate intensely during the entire process and it gives the leeway to reassess the situation because it is always preferable to fix the relationship. In the end, Allah knows best and divorces are trials just like other parts of life, given to the man nonetheless, which is not an easy responsibility to have. So there shouldn't be any pride in that because I would assume it's weight on the scale is quite heavy even when it feels light on the tongue.

This is a huge misconception. Men and women express their emotions differently, but I wouldn't say one is more emotional than the other, we are just emotional in different ways. There have been men who also throw around "talaq" when they are angry and regret it afterwards, there are men who are abusive, there are men who's egos are crushed due to divorce *cough cough* so you can't really assume that they all have emotional self-control or are indifferent in that regard. And perhaps the power of divorce is given to a man simply because this is what Allah wants to test him with and not necessarily because women are ever considered as "less than" or "more emotional." A man catches the flu and it's his death sentence

sooo I can pretty much say that ya'll need to calm down with the whole "women are emotional" stereotype.

I agree 100% By the way, there is a scientific study to proof it and back it up 100% why when men catches flue he goes down...there is evidence to this and it doesn't just affect human males, it affects all mammals that are males, including cats. Males have weaker immune system than females in general. This is life. This is how Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) created the difference of gender, not objecting or complaining, just pointing out if you see your son or husband as if the world is ending when he have the flu...it is because well...they have weaker immune system and it is true...it is the world ending almost to them. Also in genetic diseases as well, males are more prone to genetic diseases than females. The Y chromosome is small and it is prone to attack whereas females have two X chromosomes more stronger and can handle genetic diseases better than males.

Originally Posted by *Misbah-Abd*

Oh don't worry

I am just pointing out everyone goes through discrimination and stereotype. It is not just women but men also have stereotypes and hurdles they climb too, even some are discriminated at based on skin color or culture or ethnic.

**cinnamonrolls1** · 03-13-2018

Originally Posted by *charisma*

Assalamu Alaikum

This is just my opinion but I believe the reason why men are given this right is simply because they are the protectors and maintainers of their women. They ultimately have the greater authority, and with this authority comes a great responsibility of maintaining the family dynamic. In the divorce actually, the children are supposed to go with their father (unless they are infants), and the (ex)husband is to support the wife during the 'iddah while she observes it in the very house they lived in. There is wisdom in every aspect of the divorce because emotions fluctuate intensely during the entire process and it gives the leeway to reassess the situation because it is always preferable to fix the relationship. In the end, Allah knows best and divorces are trials just like other parts of life, given to the man nonetheless, which is not an easy responsibility to have. So there shouldn't be any pride in that because I would assume it's weight on the scale is quite heavy even when it feels light on the tongue.

This is a huge misconception. Men and women express their emotions differently, but I wouldn't say one is more emotional than the other, we are just emotional in different ways. There have been men who also throw around "talaq" when they are angry and regret it afterwards, there are men who are abusive, there are men who's egos are crushed due to divorce *cough cough* so you can't really assume that they all have emotional self-control or are indifferent in that regard. And perhaps the power of divorce is given to a man simply because this is what Allah wants to test him with and not necessarily because women are ever considered as "less than" or "more emotional." A man catches the flu and it's his death sentence

sooo I can pretty much say that ya'll need to calm down with the whole "women are emotional" stereotype.

^^^ totally right

***charisma*** · 03-13-2018

Originally Posted by xboxisdead

I agree 100% By the way, there is a scientific study to proof it and back it up 100% why when men catches flue he goes down...there is evidence to this and it doesn't just affect human males, it affects all mammals that are males, including cats. Males have weaker immune system than females in general. This is life. This is how Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) created the difference of gender, not objecting or complaining, just pointing out if you see your son or husband as if the world is ending when he have the flu...it is because well...they have weaker immune system and it is true...it is the world ending almost to them. Also in genetic diseases as well, males are more prone to genetic diseases than females. The Y chromosome is small and it is prone to attack whereas females have two X chromosomes more stronger and can handle genetic diseases better than males.

but women give birth?
they have monthly cycles??
they take care of their children while sick and pregnant??
...and you guys are dying with the flu

I think we win.

and I think a man wrote that scientific article..he's trying to save the male dignity

**xboxisdead** · 03-13-2018

Originally Posted by *charisma*

but women give birth?
they have monthly cycles??
they take care of their children while sick and pregnant??
...and you guys are dying with the flu

I think we win.

and I think a man wrote that scientific article..he's trying to save the male dignity

I didn't think we have to save any dignity here. Let me tell you this, I am thankful I am born male and I thank Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaa) I am born male.

Men have done so much to society and brought so much to society, including have the best creation ever, even better than paradise and that is Prophet (peace be upon him) born male. I am not ashamed of who I am..but I am ashamed of people's action and not on their gender.

By the way, this have always being like that sister. It is in all the animal kingdom not just humans. Even the mosquitto the female the one that transmit diseases, harm and cause deaths, the male mosquitto is harmless. Even in the wasps, the female wasps or hornets with large needles and harm VS the male wasps and hornets is completely harmless. Look at the angler fish, it is the female fish with those sharp teeths that kill and harm and the male one is the harmless one and is tiny compared to the female angler fish. You have not won anything by the way sister, because to win you need to actually work hard and achieve and climb and succeed after your effort. You simply just have different attributes because you are female. But when I look at the men with all these hurdles in front of him, including genetic weakness and he achieved this far...now that is a winner. By the way, are we are competing here? Remember you have strength that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) to test you with. How are you faring in this exam, sister? Are you going na na na na na naa I am better than you or are you taking these and bringing something to the table. Honestly, when someone tell me "You are stronger and better than that person", you know what is the first instinct that comes in my mind? To protect that person who is weaker than me and not lure it on him or her.

When I was a little boy and everyone told me boys are stronger and better than girls (when I was living in Saudi Arabia) every time I was thinking of protecting my future wife and take good care of her because she is weaker than me and and and and...and that is when no one told me about men are the protector and maintainer of women and when i was not reading qura'an. It was instinctive in my bloodstream and on top of that my father died when I was a baby. I had lived under a roof of my mother and grandmother in Saudi Arabia and raised by two women and not one of them taught me how to be a man and this primitive instinct build into me to protect the ones who are weaker than me.

**Umme salma** · 03-16-2018

Many women have no choice but to to leave men who are abusive and don't take thier roles seriously,hence having mutual respect and admiration should be encouraged...having a degree of authority should not be confused or be a reason to abuse ..as the sister said correctly it is man's responsibility to protect and maintain..

**xboxisdead** · 03-16-2018

Originally Posted by Umme salma

Many women have no choice but to to leave men who are abusive and don't take thier roles seriously,hence having mutual respect and admiration should be encouraged...having a degree of authority should not be confused or be a reason to abuse ..as the sister said correctly it is man's responsibility to protect and maintain..

I agree 100% for both the sister and brother!