I have been on a relationship with a guy for barely 3 years. We both are muslims. We are from different nationalities. We met in a language course in Germany. He was the first who expressed the love to me (and he was the first boyfriend to me). We were 18 at that time. From the moment we met, we started to spend too much time together and do different activities together until some months after we decided to live together (because he couldn't find an apartment so he moved in with me). The relationship became more serious and we were happy. Honestly there was fights too often but that did not stop us from loving each others. In some cases I catched him lying to me but I forgave him because I did care and loved him. He was always the one saying that he can't live without me, that I'm his family, that he loves me more that anything, that he wants to marry me, that he couldn't live without me and so on. Honestly his reactions in fighting cases were incredible that it made me always think that he loves me truly. Time passed and until 6 months ago we had more and more fights about things which made me feel jealous or not trust him. But anyway we held on. 2-3 months ago he started to search more about Islam and became a stronger believer. By sudden he said to me that we shouldn't be together anymore because the religion does not allow that. I was sooo shocked. I understand that Islam forbids that and that it's haram but at the same time how can you love someone for 3 years and after all by sudden wants to leave the person. But he said that love is nothing, he said that what we passed doesn't matter, he said that I have no worth in front of religion, he said that I don't feel sure with you so I can't think of marrying you anymore (because we habe different minds and we do fight so much). He really offended me in too much times.
So he moved out. For me it was really hard. I couldn't do nothing. But for him he could study he could work he could go out with friends (even girls by lunching with her and boys too) he could go out and do so many things that he used to do only with me.
Anyway time passed. He was praying and practicing that religion more. Until one day he asked me to pray with him if I wanted. I accepted. And from that time I have one Month that I pray 5 prayer the day. And we do pray together when we can Bcs he says it's better when you pray in group. So now we do spend more time together Bcs of the prayers. But still he is ignorant too much times. Especially when he meets with friends. He just ignores me when he wants he just writes when he wants. And comes to me when he wants.
I'm really in a difficult situation. I dotn know what to do. I feel like a doll in front of him Bcs he comes to me only when he wants to. I want to just say to him to get out of my life but at the same time I dotn feel strong to do that because I do still love him.
Why would he change this way ? Was his decision right ?
PLEASE help me with your suggestions and PLEASE do not leave offending comments.
I would really appreciate some kind helpful words from you ..
All our answers and solutions lies in our religion. Why do you think relationships are not halal because they do not tie individuals down to any marital rights or responsibilities. It is not right for you to accept him whenever he wants and you should stop treating yourself as a doormat. Respect yourself first and others will start to respect you.
If you love him marry him and if he loves you he would marry you. You just tell him straight if you want to see me or be with me you have to marry me. You will know whether he loves you or not by his actions. Stop falling in love with his words. If he decides not to marry you cut ALL ties with him.
Turn back to Allah swt and repent. Allah swt will open many doors for you and leaving him will be a blessing.
Last edited by BeTheChange; 07-13-2018 at 04:28 PM.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
Yes, I agree. The dignity of the women is not something to be taken lightly... It's great that he turned to the religion, and helped you to do so as well, but Allah has protective jealously over his slaves as narrated in the authentic sunnah.
It was narrated that al-Mugheerah said: Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah said: If I saw a man with my wife, I would strike him with my sword, and not with the flat side of it. News of that reached the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he said: “Are you surprised at the protective jealousy of Sa‘d? By Allah, I am more jealous than him, and Allah is more jealous than me. It is because of His protective jealousy that Allah forbade immoral deeds, both open and secret.
”Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6980) and Muslim (1499); Muslim narrated an extra phrase: “There is no one who is more jealous than Allah.”
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that she said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “O ummah of Muhammad, there is no one who has greater protective jealousy than Allah if His male or female slave commits zina. O ummah of Muhammad, if you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.”
P.S: Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said:What is not right or appropriate is to describe Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, as having protective jealousy similar to that of people. As for describing Him as having protective jealousy in a manner that is befitting to His majesty, may He be glorified and exalted, it is not wrong or incorrect to ascribe that to Him, as is indicated by this hadith and other similar reportsFull article: https://islamqa.info/en/161451
Last edited by ahmed.younes; 07-13-2018 at 04:12 PM.
Assalam walaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu. There is a bigger issue here other than is he willing to commit to you: Are you willing to commit to Allah by following Islam? Sister, whether this guy marries you or not, your decision to follow or not follow Islam is even more important. I suggest you repent and ask Allah for forgiveness, join a sisters' group, take Islamc classes and go to the masjid. Your relationship with this guy was not only haram but volatile. I know you think that you love him and that he loved you. However, do you think true love means fighting a lot? Do you really want a marriage where you and your husband fight often? You can ask him if he wants to marry you. If he doesn't, break off any contact with him. In the off chance he says that he wants to marry you, you both need pre-marital counseling. You need to analyze why you are fighting, who starts the fights and what are the fights about? You need to get to the root of it before you even consider marrying this guy. I would suggest you look at other prospective husbands. You are young. So is that guy. Maybe he is not ready or mature enough for marriage.
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