× Register Login What's New! Contact us
Page 2 of 2 First 1 2
Results 21 to 29 of 29
  1. #1
    Array xboxisdead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    781
    Threads
    82
    Reputation
    1018
    Rep Power
    0

    The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce (OP)


    About ten years ago, I was standing in my son's junior school classroom. The teacher had stuck up on the wall the best essays on the topic: 'How I Spent Last Weekend.' One caught my attention.

    Not for this little boy a visit to the zoo or the excitement of a football game. Instead, he had chronicled a weekend's battle between his divorcing parents.

    'Mum calls dad names on the phone,' he had written in his laborious handwriting. 'We had cake for tea. My sister and I cry.' The teacher caught my eye. She had put up that story on purpose.

    'I want the parents to see what divorce they are doing to their children. They should be ashamed of themselves,' she said.

    My son recently bumped into that little boy. A decade on, he is 18, has dropped out of school and is on drugs.

    Sir Nicholas Wall, the President of the Family Division of the High Court, agrees that something has to be done. He has accused separating couples, especially those from the middle classes, of using their children as 'both the battlefield and the ammunition' to try to score points in their personal disputes.

    'There is nothing worse, for most children, than for their parents to denigrate each other,' said the country's most senior family court judge. 'The child's sense of self-worth can be irredeemably damaged.'

    Six years ago, my husband and I divorced. It came as a great shock. But we were all too aware our children were just becoming adolescents - and that adolescence is perilous enough without warring parents.

    We tried, not always successfully on my part, never to criticise each other in front of the children. Very occasionally, I even managed to emphasise his good points (of which there are many) - it was quite hard when at the time all I wanted to do was murder him.

    A female friend was shocked. 'Why aren't you using the children against him?' she asked. 'I would.'


    Her reaction is not unusual. The battlefields Sir Nicholas Wall describes are too often of the wife's choosing. This is because most divorces are initiated by women due to their husband's infidelity, as the fatherhood research body Fathers Direct points out.

    These women are hurt and they want to get their own back through the children, money or both. They are determined the husband is as much divorced from his children as his wife.

    One wealthy man I know finds himself, despite his riches, at the beck and call of his former wife.

    'How can my wife hurt me? How could she bring me to my knees?' he asks. 'Through my children.'

    The strategy is very successful. This otherwise powerful man submits to every capricious demand.

    'With just two hours' notice, I had to cancel an important meeting and take them to the dentist,' he said. If he refused, his wife said, he would not see them for a month.

    An advertising director found himself equally powerless when his wife suddenly moved from London to the Midlands with their two sons.

    'She did not tell me. One day she just stopped answering the phone. Until then I had been seeing my sons every weekend,' he says.

    By the time the case reached court, the sons were settled in a new school. The judge admitted that what the woman had done was illegal, but because it was in the best interests of the children to be with their mother, he did nothing.

    'She had got away with effectively kidnapping my children,' said the father. His relationship with his sons has all but broken down. Their new home is too far for them to come to London. When he goes to see them, he has to stay in a hotel.

    'The children get bored in an hour or two,' he says. 'They have their friends and their sports, which they would rather do instead.'

    He tells me he finds the situation 'so goddamn painful. I try to play the role of a father - but how can I when I have been deliberately moved to the periphery of their lives?'

    The situation leaves many men I have interviewed distraught. They describe the loss of their children as 'an emotional amputation' or 'a living bereavement'.

    It is no wonder that within two years of divorce, half of fathers lose contact with their children.

    As one man said sadly, divorce 'leaves many fathers on the edge of a bloody great abyss. Many fall off and are never seen again'.

    Douglas Alexiou, one of London's pre-eminent family lawyers, agrees that the wife holds all the cards in a divorce case.

    'Court order after court order is served. The wife claims the children are ill or just do not want to see their father,' he says.

    'There is very little a court can do if a mother has poisoned the minds of her children against the father. There is no sanction against the mother apart from a jail term - and no court will do that.

    'Perhaps one day a judge will be bold enough to jail a mother and finally set an example.'

    In all this there is only one real victim - the children. If one of those wives was handed an axe and ordered to hack off a limb of her child, she would be appalled. Yet so many women are happy, even gleeful, to commit the equivalent emotional amputation on their children by depriving them of their father.

    U.S. author Kathleen Parker in her excellent book Save The Males points out that in depriving a child of their father, 'we reduce a child's chance of a successful and happy life.

    'Growing up without a father is the most reliable indicator of poverty and all the familiar social pathologies affecting children, including drug abuse, truancy, delinquency and sexual promiscuity.'

    But this misery is not only the fault of the parents. The family court system is adversarial and encourages couples to fight, says Nadine O'Connor, campaign manager at the lobby group Fathers4Justice.

    And change, she says, will be a long time in coming - until lawyers stop making their own killing from warring parents, children will continue to be used as weapons.

    https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...s-divorce.html

  2. #21
    ardianto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,558
    Threads
    157
    Reputation
    51593
    Rep Power
    99
    Likes (Given)
    2862
    Likes (Received)
    4808

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Report bad ads?

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    the brother is not in his teens, but still lingering.........
    I know that he is not teen, but ... if I am not wrong ... 38 years old man.

  3. Report bad ads?
  4. #22
    xboxisdead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    781
    Threads
    82
    Reputation
    1018
    Rep Power
    0
    Likes (Given)
    33
    Likes (Received)
    212

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by ardianto View Post
    No, he is not gay.

    Gays are not attracted to women, but they do not hate women in general. Even some gays prefer to befriend with women rather than with men. Asexual men are not attracted to women too, but they are not anti women.

    The anti-women attitude like that occurs only among heterosexual men, with various level, depend on the level of trauma that they have experienced, or level of indoctrination that they received (Men like this tend to indoctrinate their anti-women view toward the other, especially toward younger male/boys).

    As heterosexual those men actually still have desire on woman. But the trauma or indoctrination makes them afraid of being attracted to a woman. Afraid to be rejected if they fall in love, afraid to be cheated by a women, afraid to be abandoned by a woman if they already in relationship. So they develop "hating the women" attitude in their minds to prevent them attracted to a woman.

    The anti-women view like this actually quite common occur among men, especially teen boys and young adults. But mostly only in low level that can easily be faded after those men begin to more active in social relationship that makes them meet women who treat them kindly and change their view on women.
    While with your immature psychology degree and indie therapy certificate that you have hanged on the wall as a kid with scribbles, maybe you should focus on fixing the societal issues that the OP have been posted and see how you can work on cleaning the filth before going into me in personal level? I guess it is too hard for you but easy to go at me, no? I would not want to wish this to any of my brothers, but I guess it may take a non-Muslim who have had enough of this to cause a revolution (a bloody one at that) to change things while we sit here...psycho analyzing each other? Amazing how we don't even say, "You know? I think i am going to take a shower, get out of this house and computer and gadgets, form a group of organization and spread Islam and it's laws correctly against the cloud of evil that is lurking above our heads and fix all social calamities that befall us even if it means my enemies will stab me in the heart. But I am doing it for Allah, alone." Allah only him knows that you would make a huge difference and inject antidote to society that may take a while to heal itself but it is in the process...maybe I am putting this in quotes, "men like me" as you like labeling it...having nothing to say. But the more men are pushed in corner, yapping nut cases like me will increase. What are you going to do then brother? Psychoanalysis each of them and ask them to lay down and hypnotize them to return back to the childhood and make them come out of your room with a smile on their face as they see the world full of Rambo and unicorn when in reality it is in flaming filth or are you going to say he is a symptom of a bigger problem...the war on family, the war on men and family and that we need to be speaking in media to fix the problem? What if an opposing force comes at out and that opposing force is a female and she have strong case against you, would you cower or would you have something in your hand to shut her down and push on your case for family unity and family bond again? I am just wondering...

  5. #23
    *charisma*'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    I am a traveler, May Jannah be my home ameen
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    4,707
    Threads
    193
    Reputation
    49959
    Rep Power
    117
    Likes (Given)
    1240
    Likes (Received)
    2801

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    I just hate it when I hear the way men talk as if they are literally worshipping women instead of worshipping Allah. They say the most beautiful thing in the world is women and the most majestic thing is a woman...WATCH IT IN TV and cartoons and movies...to men..women is their all and end all and I am like..............STOP that is shirk. Be Careful....be careful....be careful....be careful.....you are so close to prostrating to a woman and glorifying her and worshipping her. I hear men saying that I cannot live without women..I will die without women and I am like...wait hold on....you can live with associating partners with Allah and neglecting your prayer and lacking in glorifying Allah AND IT IS HE WHO CREATED YOU, SHAPED YOU, IT IS HE WHO GAVE YOU A GENDER AND IT is Allah who deserves to be glorified and worshipped and only him. I think as Muslims we are doing so many shirks without knowing it. We have to be careful.
    The thing is whether we like it or not, we come from both sexes. So our world revolves around each other even without having one of your parents or without having siblings of the opposite gender, or whatever the case may be. Even you, who is quite critical of women, speak about them at least 95% of the time. Nearly EVERY ONE of your topics is negatively directed against women. The sad thing is, you can get your ideas across more effectively if you focused on the message of elevating the father/brother/male role instead of rambling about women and what you hate about them, because when you do that it actually expresses more of your obsession with women than it does about your care or ideas for fathers and men in general.

    Secondly, instead of saying you NEVER want to get married, or you NEVER want to do something which is of the sunnah and encouraged, you should ask Allah to grant you what is BEST for you and the BEST of what He has created. That will express your love for Allah much more and show your acceptance of qadr whatever it may be. Instead you seem scared of everything while at the same time very boastful. This is not a good mix. We can plan for ourselves but in the end it is Allah who is the best of planners.
    | Likes eesa the kiwi liked this post
    The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

  6. #24
    Mandy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2018
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    301
    Threads
    8
    Reputation
    1109
    Rep Power
    7
    Likes (Given)
    161
    Likes (Received)
    193

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Ahaha...oh yeah. don't laugh. It actually does happen.Even shiekh and learned scholar tell you the many of shirk people do, worshiping jesus, worshiping the sun, some worship mar or jupiter the planets, other worshp the stars by making wishes to them and hoping the stars will reply to their wishes or prayers, others worship santa clause and others actually worship women. There are lots of women call themselves goddess...it is even mentioned in the qura'an how people worship Gods and Goddesses. You will find lots of Goddesses in video games and old tribes. It is there. I just don't want any brother to fall in the wrong direction without knowing it.
    Dear brother, the people in "old tribes" or even video games are indeed committing shirk. Simply because they are worshipping a false god. They are no more worshipping women than people who worship a false male god are worshipping men. "worshipping women" as in worshipping anyone who is female is not really a thing as far as I know even if some people commit the sin of worshipping a human figure (may it be male or female).



    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Allah AND IT IS HE WHO CREATED YOU, SHAPED YOU, IT IS HE WHO GAVE YOU A GENDER AND IT is Allah who deserves to be glorified and worshipped and only him. I think as Muslims we are doing so many shirks without knowing it. We have to be careful.
    As you yourself said a few posts ago, Allah created us all with a gender and decided what gender was best for us. Women are no more evil and wicked than men are.

    In all of your posts you seem to focus exclusively in warning people of the evilness that resides in anyone who is female. Instead of being so negative, maybe you could try to focus more on the problem that some men face and what the solutions might be? That would be constructive and helpful. What do you suggest ?


    I really do not want to sound mean, I simply believe you may be helpful to others who could use help if only you stopped being only negative all the time.

  7. Report bad ads?
  8. #25
    xboxisdead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    781
    Threads
    82
    Reputation
    1018
    Rep Power
    0
    Likes (Given)
    33
    Likes (Received)
    212

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum



    The thing is whether we like it or not, we come from both sexes. So our world revolves around each other even without having one of your parents or without having siblings of the opposite gender, or whatever the case may be. Even you, who is quite critical of women, speak about them at least 95% of the time. Nearly EVERY ONE of your topics is negatively directed against women. The sad thing is, you can get your ideas across more effectively if you focused on the message of elevating the father/brother/male role instead of rambling about women and what you hate about them, because when you do that it actually expresses more of your obsession with women than it does about your care or ideas for fathers and men in general.

    Secondly, instead of saying you NEVER want to get married, or you NEVER want to do something which is of the sunnah and encouraged, you should ask Allah to grant you what is BEST for you and the BEST of what He has created. That will express your love for Allah much more and show your acceptance of qadr whatever it may be. Instead you seem scared of everything while at the same time very boastful. This is not a good mix. We can plan for ourselves but in the end it is Allah who is the best of planners.
    Sister of course we came from both sexes ..in biological sense it is all make sense. The more complex the organism the more it goes toward having genders. Heck, even in the biological level...the very complex cells have male cell and female cell and they literally mate to consummate a child cell. No joke. The more simplistic the organism and primitive the organism however the more we don't need gender period. Hence simple cells in the human body that reproduce asexually. But that have it's role. Other somewhat complex organism, certain lizards for example are single sex organism..composed exclusively of only females. However, the downside of that..if a virus or a deadly organism will kill that lizard it will wipe the entire species into extinctions as there are no variations or difference as it is one single sex society. However, Allah created that with hikim and for a reason also and if anything to show his infinite power. My objection is the minor shirk that people spit out when they become obsessed into creation of Allah instead of Allah himself. We should be OCD in worshipping Allah and glorifying him and mentioning him in our tongues and heart. We should be so OCD in such way that it becomes super difficult to enter washroom because your tongue can't stop mentioning Allah and glorifying him..but alas we are doing the opposite...we are glorifying the creation of Allah and become obsessed with it and die if we don't have it. That is my objection.

    As for fathers role model...I am sorry if I sound rambling...but these men have no power to exercise their role model when the women have all the power and she have the say to prevent him from seeing his children and when the law backs her up (maybe that is not where you live...but it sure is where I live). How can a man play his role when he have to fight to see his children ones a month. If I were married and I only see you once a month or once every three month...and I can only talk with you and socialize with you for an hour or two. Would you consider this a happy relationship or marriage? As for never getting married...I don't get married when I know marriage could destroy my akhira instead of bringing tranquility to my heart. Then yes... I will never get married. Notice however, I did not say I do not believe it...I just said I will not get married because I fear I will lose the afterlife.

    I don't know about you...but I want paradise more than my own children or a wife. If I can make deal with Allah now that I have guaranteed paradise but he take all my health, sight, hearing and I am just sitting my back on the wall in darkness until my death takes me I will take this deal in a heart beat. Because afterlife is eternal...this world is temporary.

  9. #26
    azc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    7,065
    Threads
    391
    Reputation
    23330
    Rep Power
    41
    Likes (Given)
    969
    Likes (Received)
    2440

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    @xboxisdead :

    ''I will not get married because I fear I will lose the afterlife.''

    I am sure nobody agree with you.
    Last edited by azc; 10-27-2018 at 06:38 AM.

  10. #27
    Zzz_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    542
    Threads
    12
    Reputation
    1108
    Rep Power
    0
    Likes (Given)
    228
    Likes (Received)
    281

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    @xboxisdead: you should watch 'divorce corp'. I can get it for you if want. you will never want to marry in the US lol.


    Last edited by Zzz_; 10-27-2018 at 10:21 PM.

  11. #28
    xboxisdead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    781
    Threads
    82
    Reputation
    1018
    Rep Power
    0
    Likes (Given)
    33
    Likes (Received)
    212

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Quote Originally Posted by Zzz_ View Post
    @xboxisdead: you should watch 'divorce corp'. I can get it for you if want. you will never want to marry in the US lol.


    Oh! I already watched the divorce corp IN HD. Don't you worry about that. Got a complete insight of what goes on in the world.

  12. #29
    Desert's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    230
    Threads
    32
    Reputation
    384
    Rep Power
    0
    Likes (Given)
    54
    Likes (Received)
    41

    Re: The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce

    Divorce is the worst thing in the world to me after shirk
    But my divorce cause me to have a sharp tongue it's too much

    Widows get the benefit of doubt
    Like piety and good faith...

    Divorc ee s are in a blame game and animal like behavior....


  13. Hide
Page 2 of 2 First 1 2
Hey there! The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. The cruelty of women who use children as weapons in divorce
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Divorce Impact on children.
    By ameerkam in forum General
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-05-2018, 04:54 PM
  2. Women's rights in divorce...
    By The Ruler in forum Worship in Islam
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 10-09-2008, 11:31 AM
  3. Women's rights in divorce...
    By The Ruler in forum Advice & Support
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 10-09-2008, 11:31 AM
  4. Chechen children being tested with chemical weapons
    By Chechen in forum World Affairs
    Replies: 83
    Last Post: 05-28-2007, 08:04 PM
  5. Custody of children after divorce
    By zash2 in forum Miscellaneous
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 11-20-2006, 04:13 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
create