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    ameerkam's Avatar
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    Living longer because of respect to family

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    Salaam

    I have heard that if you love/respect your family even if they have wronged you your life will be longer. Is this true? Are there any differing views on it?

    Jazzakallahu Khair

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    AabiruSabeel's Avatar
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family



    Narrated Anas bin Malik :

    Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life be prolonged then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin." [Bukhari]
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    Living longer because of respect to family

    عن عبد الله بن مسعود رضي الله عنه : ـ
    مَن كانَ مُسْتَنًّا ، فَلْيَسْتَنَّ بمن قد ماتَ ، فإنَّ الحيَّ لا تُؤمَنُ عليه الفِتْنَةُ ، أولئك أصحابُ محمد - صلى الله عليه وسلم - ، كانوا أفضلَ هذه الأمة : أبرَّها قلوبًا ، وأعمقَها علمًا ، وأقلَّها تكلُّفًا ، اختارهم الله لصحبة نبيِّه ، ولإقامة دِينه ، فاعرِفوا لهم فضلَهم ، واتبعُوهم على أثرهم ، وتمسَّكوا بما استَطَعْتُم من أخلاقِهم وسيَرِهم ، فإنهم كانوا على الهُدَى المستقيم
    رواه ابن عبد البر في "جامع بيان العلم وفضله" (2/947ـ رقم 1810) ـ
    ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: “Whoever wants to follow a path, let him follow the path of one who has died, for the living are not safe from fitnah. I mean the Companions of Muhammad . They were the best of this ummah: the purest in heart, the deepest in knowledge and the most straightforward. Allah chose them to accompany His Prophet and establish His religion, so recognise their status and follow in their footsteps and adhere as much as you can to their example of conduct and attitude, for they followed true guidance.” [Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr in Jaami‘ Bayaan al-‘Ilm wa Fadluhu, 2/947, no. 1810]

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family








    Source: Fazail Sadaqat - by Maulana Muhammad Zakariyyah

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    Living longer because of respect to family

    عن عبد الله بن مسعود رضي الله عنه : ـ
    مَن كانَ مُسْتَنًّا ، فَلْيَسْتَنَّ بمن قد ماتَ ، فإنَّ الحيَّ لا تُؤمَنُ عليه الفِتْنَةُ ، أولئك أصحابُ محمد - صلى الله عليه وسلم - ، كانوا أفضلَ هذه الأمة : أبرَّها قلوبًا ، وأعمقَها علمًا ، وأقلَّها تكلُّفًا ، اختارهم الله لصحبة نبيِّه ، ولإقامة دِينه ، فاعرِفوا لهم فضلَهم ، واتبعُوهم على أثرهم ، وتمسَّكوا بما استَطَعْتُم من أخلاقِهم وسيَرِهم ، فإنهم كانوا على الهُدَى المستقيم
    رواه ابن عبد البر في "جامع بيان العلم وفضله" (2/947ـ رقم 1810) ـ
    ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood said: “Whoever wants to follow a path, let him follow the path of one who has died, for the living are not safe from fitnah. I mean the Companions of Muhammad . They were the best of this ummah: the purest in heart, the deepest in knowledge and the most straightforward. Allah chose them to accompany His Prophet and establish His religion, so recognise their status and follow in their footsteps and adhere as much as you can to their example of conduct and attitude, for they followed true guidance.” [Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr in Jaami‘ Bayaan al-‘Ilm wa Fadluhu, 2/947, no. 1810]

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    ameerkam's Avatar
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    What if your family has seriously wronged such as cases of abuse? And it is beneficial for a son/daughter to maintain distance from them? Even then, would you deserve to have a shorter life? What would be the view in these cases?
    2 | Likes سلم, aflawedbeing liked this post

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by ameerkam View Post
    What if your family has seriously wronged such as cases of abuse? And it is beneficial for a son/daughter to maintain distance from them? Even then, would you deserve to have a shorter life? What would be the view in these cases?
    You are not alone on this. I am exactly in the same situation as you are. In my father side not one of his family member are good up to and including his own mother. In my mom's sides both her siblings are bad people. So we live in far way land distance from them..have not talked to any of our family members for over 25+ years. None of us are married either . So don't fret. I have a question to ask though. Do you really want to live long in this world? Like seriously? Just remember...in this world you cannot see Allah or you cannot talk to any of his prophets (since all the prophets have left this world). Every year good scholars and people are dying of old age and new generation of wickedness are born. My only thinking (that applies for me and for everyone else), it is best to have a short life but have prepared huge for the afterlife in such ways that if the angels comes and take your soul you will say with a smile, "I have been waiting! I am happy to leave this world." and you have a peace in your heart and soul. I would rather have that then live longer but end up in the same boat as before where I have an evil heart with bad deeds.

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    azc's Avatar
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by ameerkam View Post
    What if your family has seriously wronged such as cases of abuse? And it is beneficial for a son/daughter to maintain distance from them? Even then, would you deserve to have a shorter life? What would be the view in these cases?
    ‘Abdullah bin Amr narrated that the Prophet said:“Merely maintaining the ties of kinship is not adequate. But connecting the ties of kinship is when ties to the womb are severed, and he connects it.”[Tirmidhi]

    Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “A person who maintains ties of kinship is not someone who only does so with those who maintain ties with him. A person who maintains ties of kinship is someone who restores them when they have been cut off.” [Bukhari]
    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    You are not alone on this. I am exactly in the same situation as you are. In my father side not one of his family member are good up to and including his own mother. In my mom's sides both her siblings are bad people. So we live in far way land distance from them..have not talked to any of our family members for over 25+ years. None of us are married either . So don't fret. I have a question to ask though. Do you really want to live long in this world? Like seriously? Just remember...in this world you cannot see Allah or you cannot talk to any of his prophets (since all the prophets have left this world). Every year good scholars and people are dying of old age and new generation of wickedness are born. My only thinking (that applies for me and for everyone else), it is best to have a short life but have prepared huge for the afterlife in such ways that if the angels comes and take your soul you will say with a smile, "I have been waiting! I am happy to leave this world." and you have a peace in your heart and soul. I would rather have that then live longer but end up in the same boat as before where I have an evil heart with bad deeds.
    The obligation is minimally fulfilled by saying the salam to them, and can also be reasonably fulfilled by giving gifts, visiting and generally being of service to them when needed.

    [`Ala’ al-Din `Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya; Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha]
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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    ‘Abdullah bin Amr narrated that the Prophet said:“Merely maintaining the ties of kinship is not adequate. But connecting the ties of kinship is when ties to the womb are severed, and he connects it.”[Tirmidhi]

    Prophet of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) also said, “A person who maintains ties of kinship is not someone who only does so with those who maintain ties with him. A person who maintains ties of kinship is someone who restores them when they have been cut off.” [Bukhari]


    The obligation is minimally fulfilled by saying the salam to them, and can also be reasonably fulfilled by giving gifts, visiting and generally being of service to them when needed.

    [`Ala’ al-Din `Abidin, al-Hadiyya al-`Ala’iyya; Nahlawi, al-Durar al-Mubaha fi al-Hazr wa al-Ibaha]

    They have not talked to us and we have not talked to them for over 20 years now . Even my oldest brother have changed his last name (our father's name) and used a jewish name and he named his children jewish names and he is out there in filipine living with his wife and children, who she control him and he is a dayyouth in nature. This is the new world. Cutting ties is normal now. Especially cutting ties between children and fathers and hating your dad or changing your father's name is so normal now..that it is a second nature.

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    azc's Avatar
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    They have not talked to us and we have not talked to them for over 20 years now . Even my oldest brother have changed his last name (our father's name) and used a jewish name and he named his children jewish names and he is out there in filipine living with his wife and children, who she control him and he is a dayyouth in nature. This is the new world. Cutting ties is normal now. Especially cutting ties between children and fathers and hating your dad or changing your father's name is so normal now..that it is a second nature.
    instead of blaming on others who sever ties I self examine my actions concerning restatement of relationship with them.

    Did you try to touch with them..?
    1 | Likes Eric H liked this post

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    instead of blaming on others who sever ties I self examine my actions concerning restatement of relationship with them.

    Did you try to touch with them..?
    Nope.

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Nope.
    then there is no difference between you and him

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    then there is no difference between you and him
    I agree. But since it is normalized to cut ties between children and their own father and since it is accepted, glorified and not much care is done for that then what is cutting ties between relatives and friends? After all since relatives are lower level status compared to fathers. We are moving into saluted society. A society of living alone and that is glorified as strength and empowerment.

    25. Only the rich receive a share of any gains, and the poor do not. [Tirmidhi]

    26. The leader of a people will be the worst of them. [Tirmidhi]

    27. A trust is used to make a profit. [Tirmidhi]

    28. When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother; and treats his friend kindly while shunning his father. [Tirmidhi] <-- We are here!

    29. When voices are raised in the mosques. [Tirmidhi]

    30. People will treat a man with respect out of fear for some evil he might do. [Tirmidhi]

    31. Men will begin to wear silk. [Tirmidhi]

    32. Female singers and musical instruments will become popular. [Tirmidhi]

    33. When the last ones of the Ummah begin to curse the first ones. [Tirmidhi]

    ....

    66. A man will leave his home and his thigh or hip will tell him what is happening back at his home. [Ahmad]

    67. Years of deceit in which the truthful person will not be believed and the liar will be believed. [Ahmad]

    68. Bearing false witness will become widespread. [Al-Haythami & Ahmad]

    69. When men lie with men, and women lie with women. [Al-Haythami]

    70. Trade will become so widespread that a woman will be forced to help her husband in business. [Ahmad]

    71. A woman will enter the workforce out of love for this world. [Ahmad]

    72. Arrogance will increase in the earth. [Tabarani, al-Hakim]

    73. Family ties will be cut. [Ahmad] <--- We are here already

    74. There will be many women of child-bearing age who will no longer give birth. <-- I believe we are here already

    75. There will be an abundance of food, much of which has no blessing in it.

    76. People will refuse when offered food.

    77. Men will begin to look like women and women will begin to look like men. <-- We have suppressed this already!

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    @xboxisdead : if you take a fresh start to reconcile will be awarded on the judgement day. At least you will not be held responsible for severing ties.
    Living longer because of respect to family

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    @xboxisdead : if you take a fresh start to reconcile will be awarded on the judgement day. At least you will not be held responsible for severing ties.
    Well honestly I don't know the family from my father's side. Many of them have been in prison and are not good people, even the mother of my father was abusive to him and stripped him of his childhood. I am unsure if they are even alive anymore. I don't know them..never seen them since I was a baby...for 39 years I don't know anything about them, where they live, their contact information...if even if they are alive and have no connection to them whatsoever. I am strangers to them and they are strangers to me. That is on my father's side. On my mom side I don't know her family, have no connections to them, have not talked to them for 39 years, they are strangers to me and I am strangers to them. I don't know where they live, if they are alive, have no contact information to them or they have contact information to me.

    The only family I have is my mom and my brothers that's it. No uncle or chmuncle or niece or fiece...I revolve around my toys (computers) and my routine life style. So in terms of communication with them...I have no idea where to begin. As for my uncle and niece they are bad people and strive to talk bad things about us. My mom and my older brother talked to them and decided to distant themselves from them as far as possible to avoid my headache and problem from them. So I suppose to save my skin, I can ask my brother to send them a hi on my behalf by email so I can fulfill my duty.

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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Well honestly I don't know the family from my father's side. Many of them have been in prison and are not good people, even the mother of my father was abusive to him and stripped him of his childhood. I am unsure if they are even alive anymore. I don't know them..never seen them since I was a baby...for 39 years I don't know anything about them, where they live, their contact information...if even if they are alive and have no connection to them whatsoever. I am strangers to them and they are strangers to me. That is on my father's side. On my mom side I don't know her family, have no connections to them, have not talked to them for 39 years, they are strangers to me and I am strangers to them. I don't know where they live, if they are alive, have no contact information to them or they have contact information to me.

    The only family I have is my mom and my brothers that's it. No uncle or chmuncle or niece or fiece...I revolve around my toys (computers) and my routine life style. So in terms of communication with them...I have no idea where to begin. As for my uncle and niece they are bad people and strive to talk bad things about us. My mom and my older brother talked to them and decided to distant themselves from them as far as possible to avoid my headache and problem from them. So I suppose to save my skin, I can ask my brother to send them a hi on my behalf by email so I can fulfill my duty.
    If you can have their email address, send your salam to them yourself, if they respond amiably, carry on, if they neglect you, forget them as your job is done, however, your intention should remain intact of holding your relationship with them whether they reciprocate positively or not.
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    Re: Living longer because of respect to family

    Alhamdulillah. Thank you.

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