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  1. #1
    outspeakingsoul's Avatar
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    What level of privacy should I keep?

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    Salam, I am a 16 year old female, with very well and healthy relations with both of my parents and adolescent brother.
    Soon, I will be moving due to certain reasons and will be sharing a bathroom with my Father, mind you both me and my father have a respectable relationship, I never feel held back, have kept something or a secret from neither. My parents are very vocal people and like me we dont think that there are or should be taboo things, especially when referencing to our religion, islam.

    Same as the title, i'd like to know what things about me should i keep from my father, i am sure he knows that i go through pms cycles, however recently my mother had repeatedly scolded and reminded me that it is wrong, haram even for my father to see the menstrual products i've used, in the trash can. Her manner of expressing this apparent concern of hers was very aggressive and doesnt make much sense.

    I understand things better when i know and can accept the reason WHY its supposed to be like that, however my mother failed to explain why it was wrong, this led me to think that this was yet another one of her 'cultural' teaching that meddled with our religion, it was also because i cannot find anything regarding this matter and im finding it quite hard to get answers to all these questions. I cant help it, I need reasoning - everything in Islam is done and stated for the better good of the ummah and its guidance towards the right path right? It is sometimes very agitating when parents do not provide much support in a era as digitally aware as this.

    I have been disputing over this concern of mine for so long now, I would be so grateful if someone could help me out, jazakallah

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    azc's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Quote Originally Posted by outspeakingsoul View Post
    Salam, I am a 16 year old female, with very well and healthy relations with both of my parents and adolescent brother.
    Soon, I will be moving due to certain reasons and will be sharing a bathroom with my Father, mind you both me and my father have a respectable relationship, I never feel held back, have kept something or a secret from neither. My parents are very vocal people and like me we dont think that there are or should be taboo things, especially when referencing to our religion, islam.

    Same as the title, i'd like to know what things about me should i keep from my father, i am sure he knows that i go through pms cycles, however recently my mother had repeatedly scolded and reminded me that it is wrong, haram even for my father to see the menstrual products i've used, in the trash can. Her manner of expressing this apparent concern of hers was very aggressive and doesnt make much sense.

    I understand things better when i know and can accept the reason WHY its supposed to be like that, however my mother failed to explain why it was wrong, this led me to think that this was yet another one of her 'cultural' teaching that meddled with our religion, it was also because i cannot find anything regarding this matter and im finding it quite hard to get answers to all these questions. I cant help it, I need reasoning - everything in Islam is done and stated for the better good of the ummah and its guidance towards the right path right? It is sometimes very agitating when parents do not provide much support in a era as digitally aware as this.

    I have been disputing over this concern of mine for so long now, I would be so grateful if someone could help me out, jazakallah


    I agree with your mother. Perhaps you and your father like western culture.
    And I dislike western culture.

    Plz see this hadith which proves that you and your father are more open minded than Hz Ali

    Muslim, Chapter 3 : ON AL-MADHI book 3, Number 0593:

    'Ali reported: I was one whose prostatic fluid flowed readily and I was ashamed to ask the Apostle (may peace be upon him) about it, because of the position of his daughter. I, therefore, asked Miqdad.b. al-Asad and he inquired of him (the Holy Prophet) . He (the Holy Prophet) said: He should wash his male organ and perform ablution.
    1 | Likes outspeakingsoul liked this post
    What level of privacy should I keep?

    Allah (swt) knows best

  4. #3
    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Walaikumasalaam

    Some things are best kept private. Not everyone needs to know everything about you even the people who are the most closest to you. Hayaa and modesty can be forgotten when one is so open. There is nothing wrong with being honest and open in your approach but some matters are best kept private and this elevates your respect and modesty.

    A husband and wife wouldn't share intimate acts for the whole world to see. There are restrictions and responsibilities for every relationship so please respect the boundaries.
    1 | Likes outspeakingsoul liked this post
    What level of privacy should I keep?

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

  5. #4
    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Walaikum Assalaam

    Quote Originally Posted by outspeakingsoul View Post
    Same as the title, i'd like to know what things about me should i keep from my father, i am sure he knows that i go through pms cycles, however recently my mother had repeatedly scolded and reminded me that it is wrong, haram even for my father to see the menstrual products i've used, in the trash can. Her manner of expressing this apparent concern of hers was very aggressive and doesnt make much sense.

    I understand things better when i know and can accept the reason WHY its supposed to be like that, however my mother failed to explain why it was wrong, this led me to think that this was yet another one of her 'cultural' teaching that meddled with our religion, it was also because i cannot find anything regarding this matter and im finding it quite hard to get answers to all these questions. I cant help it, I need reasoning - everything in Islam is done and stated for the better good of the ummah and its guidance towards the right path right? It is sometimes very agitating when parents do not provide much support in a era as digitally aware as this.
    We aren't Jewish lol. It is not haram at all. There's nothing in Islam that states that it is forbidden for you to make aware to immediate family members whether intentionally or unintentionally that you have a cycle. Of course, it's better not to be expressively open out of modesty, but at the same time you don't have to go to great lengths or degree to hide that you have a menstrual cycle. That would be ridiculous. Just go about your day as a normal day and be clean and hygienic with the products you use. Your father I assume is not unaware of women menstruating. It's a part of life that everyone should understand.
    1 | Likes outspeakingsoul liked this post
    What level of privacy should I keep?

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Dont.know's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Not islamic but Personally everything about periods are scary and irks me out so I don't wanna know or hear about it

    It might not freak you out but I think its the sort of effect where if you fart everyone but you minds the smell but when someone else farts you abhore it even if there is no smell
    1 | Likes outspeakingsoul liked this post

  8. #6
    peacefulone's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Assalamu alaykum
    Sister maybe your mom was advising you harshly like that because it was an idea forced on her by culture.
    How can hiding and being ashamed of your menstrual cycle be the normal way of islam when the hadiths openly talk about this issue for women to learn about thier faith and how to worship during that time??
    There is a hadith about aisha being near the prophet peace be upon him when she was menstruating. If Muhammad openly informed the people on these issues (so women know how to take care of their faith during this time) then how can it be wrong if father knows you are menstruating. It is not going to harm it and why should he even care? it is your body and pms has nothing to do with but it may even help him to deal with yo, to know to be calmer and kinder to you at that time if he knows about what you are going through. he is a parent and he needs to set the reasonable limits with you, not make you feel ashamed of yourself for something that is totally normal and even discuss in a wise way by our messenger peace be upon him. And as the caregiver to you, if your mom is not there, he would be neglectful to ignore you during this time and not discuss health issues with you that you need to know about. He has to man up and be a dad if you are going to live with him not your mother.
    bukhari 294 Narrated 'Aisha: While in menses, I used to comb the hair of Allah's Apostle .
    bukhari 295
    Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet used to lean on my lap and recite Qur'an while I was in menses.
    bukhari 297 Narrated Um Salama: While I was laying with the Prophet under a single woolen sheet, I got the menses. I slipped away and put on the clothes for menses. He said, "Have you got "Nifas" (menses)?" I replied, "Yes." He then called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.

    I can continue but I will just leave you link so you can read for yourself sis.
    https://www.searchtruth.com/book_dis...6&translator=1


    - - - Updated - - -

    Assalamu alaykum
    Sister maybe your mom was advising you harshly like that because it was an idea forced on her by culture.
    How can hiding and being ashamed of your menstrual cycle be the normal way of islam when the hadiths openly talk about this issue for women to learn about thier faith and how to worship during that time??
    There is a hadith about aisha being near the prophet peace be upon him when she was menstruating. If Muhammad openly informed the people on these issues (so women know how to take care of their faith during this time) then how can it be wrong if father knows you are menstruating. It is not going to harm it and why should he even care? it is your body and pms has nothing to do with but it may even help me to know to be calmer and kinder to you at that time if he knows about what you are going through. he is a parent and he needs to set the reasonable limits with you, not make you feel ashamed of yourself for something that is totally normal and even discuss in a wise way by our messenger peace be upon him.
    bukhari 294 Narrated 'Aisha: While in menses, I used to comb the hair of Allah's Apostle .
    bukhari 295
    Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet used to lean on my lap and recite Qur'an while I was in menses.
    bukhari 297 Narrated Um Salama: While I was laying with the Prophet under a single woolen sheet, I got the menses. I slipped away and put on the clothes for menses. He said, "Have you got "Nifas" (menses)?" I replied, "Yes." He then called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet.

    I can continue but I will just leave you link so you can read for yourself sis.
    https://www.searchtruth.com/book_dis...6&translator=1
    Last edited by peacefulone; 2 Weeks Ago at 04:36 PM.
    2 | Likes Nájlá, outspeakingsoul liked this post

  9. #7
    Mandy's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    As other have said before, I do believe it is haram for him to see the product you use. It might happen when sharing a house and he is your father. So he has to know that you are now a young woman and no longer a child. However, you can try to be discreet about it. Most people might not want to know such information all the time. You refer to a shared bathroom, so also keep in mind that other people might occasionally use that bathroom.

  10. #8
    MazharShafiq's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    '
    A husband and wife wouldn't share intimate acts for the whole world to see. There are restrictions and responsibilities for every relationship so please respect the boundaries.Ali reported: I was one whose prostatic fluid flowed readily and I was ashamed to ask the Apostle (may peace be upon him) about it, because of the position of his daughter. I, therefore, asked Miqdad.b. al-Asad and he inquired of him (the Holy Prophet)
    What level of privacy should I keep?


  11. #9
    ardianto's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    Quote Originally Posted by outspeakingsoul View Post
    I understand things better when i know and can accept the reason WHY its supposed to be like that, however my mother failed to explain why it was wrong, this led me to think that this was yet another one of her 'cultural' teaching that meddled with our religion,
    Wa'alaikumsalam, young sister.

    We must not base human to human relationship only on halal-haram which actually the aspect in human and Allah relationship. But we must also consider cultural norm and ethic. Something maybe not haram in Islam, but if it considered inappropriate according to cultural norm and ethic, then it's better if we don't do it.

    Indeed, it's not haram if a male see menstrual products that used by his female family member. But if a female let her menstrual products can be seen easily by male, then this is considered inappropriate according to Eastern cultural norm and ethic.

    Yes, what said by your mother is cultural based. But it's not wrong if we follow cultural norm and ethic, as long as it's not against Islam.
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  13. #10
    outspeakingsoul's Avatar
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    Re: What level of privacy should I keep?

    YES, there it is "an idea forced on her by culture". I'd like to thank you first, thats lots of substantial content (that i agree with) to present to my Mother. Recently, since i've moved to this certain part of the world i've realised that here Islam gets so easily modified by cultural beliefs and norms, i think that it is so wrong that they allow patriarchy to change or extremify a religion as beautiful as Islam, this is a case of that and I've finally got someone who understands the point im getting across, it is very difficult for me to express and explain concerns, questions and sometimes my feelings. However i think it would be challenging for me to make my family realise that their culture, traditions and old sayings have added things into Islam which I think is very wrong, isnt it?

    - - - Updated - - -

    Why do you think it's haram for him to just see, knowing that it wasnt intentional from either his or my side? I understand the discretion part, menstrual cycles are personal bodily matters and all bodily matters should be kept private to be modest. I'd like to add that i dont think my Father is really concerned about this matter, im sure if he had a problem with it he'd state it or talk about it directly with me, it seems my Mother has a rather different approach, and im concerned that this approach has been influenced selectively by partiarchal culture.

    - - - Updated - - -

    You're very accurate, however i still believe that it doesnt justify my Mother's aggressive way of explaining, and by aggressive I mean she also included the use of a word similar to haram, i dont remember it, i think it was something that started with a k but she made it sound like something that was very wrong and prohibited in Islam

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