× Register Login What's New! Contact us
Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    ardianto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,558
    Threads
    157
    Reputation
    51593
    Rep Power
    97
    Likes (Given)
    2862
    Likes (Received)
    4808

    We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    Report bad ads?

    Assalamualaikum

    In late of my teen age I often gathered with other guys in my residential area. Every Saturday evening we gathered in house of one of us. Then go out, usually to enjoy roasted corn and hot traditional drinks. ….. Drinking alcohol? Using drug? Go clubbing?. No waaaayy, we were good guys.

    One Saturday evening, when we gathered at that house, my friend grandma asked us “Hey boys, why you always gather every Saturday evening? Don’t you have girlfriends?”. One of us answered “Oh grandma, we are flock of guys who run out the girls”. We laugh. And a moment later my other friend said “Hey, flock of guys who run out the girls, can be shortened into ……..sound good to call our group”. We laugh again, and agreed.

    But, were we really the guys who ran out the girls?.

    All of us are fathers now. We got married in age that we had planned, without difficulties to get wives. Yes, without difficulty, because we were guys who had high values in the girls eyes. Was not difficult for us to get girlfriends in that time if we wanted. But we didn’t want. We wanted to enjoy our freedom, and we believed when the time has come we would get wives.

    We had good confidence. That’s why we didn’t feel inferior when we saw other guys had girlfriends. Even we laughed when we saw a guy tried to get girlfriend, but rejected and rejected. Yes, we had good confidence. That’s why we had high values in the girl’s eyes. Girls love the guys with good confidence.

    Okay young brothers of IB. Can you have good confidence like this?. Can you assure yourself that when the time to get married has come you will get a wife?. Can you be proud because now you don’t have girlfriend?

    I challenge you.
    | Likes RisingLight, Nájlá liked this post

  2. Report bad ads?
  3. #2
    Nájlá's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Gender
    Female
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    3,870
    Threads
    54
    Reputation
    38226
    Rep Power
    93
    Likes (Given)
    202
    Likes (Received)
    111

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.



    Nowadays the youth most concern is having a relationship, sadly mobiles, social media, TV, maginzes etc has a big influence on our youth even in Muslim countries. So I disagree with those who say that's why Muslims should live in muslim countries.

    We having a saying in arabic that says zaman Al tayiboon rah ( the time of the good (people) has gone). I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. You'll find a 13 year old now talking about heart break and listening to love sad songs. Like really???? But honestly I was in that situation, I don't blame them. Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    Three simple rules in life:

    1) If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it
    2) If you don't ask, the answer will always be no.
    3) If you do not step forward, you'll always be in the same place

  4. #3
    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    366
    Threads
    21
    Reputation
    196
    Rep Power
    3
    Likes (Given)
    11
    Likes (Received)
    76

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    Quote Originally Posted by ardianto View Post
    Assalamualaikum

    In late of my teen age I often gathered with other guys in my residential area. Every Saturday evening we gathered in house of one of us. Then go out, usually to enjoy roasted corn and hot traditional drinks. ….. Drinking alcohol? Using drug? Go clubbing?. No waaaayy, we were good guys.

    One Saturday evening, when we gathered at that house, my friend grandma asked us “Hey boys, why you always gather every Saturday evening? Don’t you have girlfriends?”. One of us answered “Oh grandma, we are flock of guys who run out the girls”. We laugh. And a moment later my other friend said “Hey, flock of guys who run out the girls, can be shortened into ……..sound good to call our group”. We laugh again, and agreed.

    But, were we really the guys who ran out the girls?.

    All of us are fathers now. We got married in age that we had planned, without difficulties to get wives. Yes, without difficulty, because we were guys who had high values in the girls eyes. Was not difficult for us to get girlfriends in that time if we wanted. But we didn’t want. We wanted to enjoy our freedom, and we believed when the time has come we would get wives.

    We had good confidence. That’s why we didn’t feel inferior when we saw other guys had girlfriends. Even we laughed when we saw a guy tried to get girlfriend, but rejected and rejected. Yes, we had good confidence. That’s why we had high values in the girl’s eyes. Girls love the guys with good confidence.

    Okay young brothers of IB. Can you have good confidence like this?. Can you assure yourself that when the time to get married has come you will get a wife?. Can you be proud because now you don’t have girlfriend?

    I challenge you.
    There are guys who don't drink, smoke or drugs and still have girlfriends.

    But the more important issue is how do you propose we find wife? I hope the answer isn't arranged marriage because that doesn't work anymore. How on earth would you know what misdeeds a girl has done before marriage. What guarantee do you have she won't cheat? What do you really know of her personality? Arranged marriage is now more dangerous if not more than love marriage.

    Here's an example: https://www.dhakatribune.com/banglad...-in-chittagong

    The problem isn't the concept of arranged marriage itself, the problem is the internet and the "freedom" people pursue in it.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post

  5. #4
    MazharShafiq's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Pakistan
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    752
    Threads
    54
    Reputation
    963
    Rep Power
    17
    Likes (Given)
    66
    Likes (Received)
    176

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. because of Being away from Islam .Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.we All of us should focus on training the children and train the children according to Islamic principles.
    | Likes ardianto liked this post
    We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.


  6. Report bad ads?
  7. #5
    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    366
    Threads
    21
    Reputation
    196
    Rep Power
    3
    Likes (Given)
    11
    Likes (Received)
    76

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    In modern day, how do you know arranged marriages will work as well? Here's an example of it gone bad: Here's an example: https://www.dhakatribune.com/banglad...-in-chittagong

  8. #6
    ardianto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Indonesia
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    8,558
    Threads
    157
    Reputation
    51593
    Rep Power
    97
    Likes (Given)
    2862
    Likes (Received)
    4808

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nájlá View Post
    We having a saying in arabic that says zaman Al tayiboon rah ( the time of the good (people) has gone). I really believe in that. It's hard nowadays to find decent people. All the youth think about relationships, they have no purpose. You'll find a 13 year old now talking about heart break and listening to love sad songs. Like really???? But honestly I was in that situation, I don't blame them. Everything around them suggests a corruption of the youth.
    Melodrama kids like that did exist in my time too, although not weird like social media kids nowadays. And this actually effect of pop movie and pop novel that 'teach' to exaggerate feeling when fall in love, when broken heart.

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    But the more important issue is how do you propose we find wife? I hope the answer isn't arranged marriage because that doesn't work anymore. How on earth would you know what misdeeds a girl has done before marriage. What guarantee do you have she won't cheat? What do you really know of her personality? Arranged marriage is now more dangerous if not more than love marriage.
    We didn't think to have girlfriend with purpose, if she matched with me I will marry her, if not, then break, and I seek the new. What we seek when we had been adult was future wife. We seek by ourselves, and our parents just approve, although not always. My mother did not approve the first girl who I chose. So I chose the second girl who already approved and be liked by my mother.

    And we seek wives only among women we already knew before, like working colleague, neighbor. Or, women who introduced by people we knew personally. The first girl that was not approved by mother is my close friend cousin. The girl who then became my (late) wife was my classmate in highschool. Even few of my friends (not from that group) married their friend sisters.

    I am not the only one who married ex-classmate. Few of my friends married ex-classmate or schoolmate too. But no one of us had special relationship in school. We just knew each other in school, and met again after we became adult. While all of my schoolmates who had special relationship in school didn’t go to marriage.
    Last edited by ardianto; 02-02-2019 at 03:34 PM.

  9. #7
    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2019
    Gender
    Male
    Religion
    Islam
    Posts
    366
    Threads
    21
    Reputation
    196
    Rep Power
    3
    Likes (Given)
    11
    Likes (Received)
    76

    Re: We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.

    Quote Originally Posted by ardianto View Post

    We didn't think to have girlfriend with purpose, if she matched with me I will marry her, if not, then break, and I seek the new. What we seek when we had been adult was future wife. We seek by ourselves, and our parents just approve, although not always. My mother did not approve the first girl who I chose. So I chose the second girl who already approved and be liked by my mother.

    And we seek wives only among women we already knew before, like working colleague, neighbor. Or, women who introduced by people we knew personally. The first girl that was not approved by mother is my close friend cousin. The girl who then became my (late) wife was my classmate in highschool. Even few of my friends (not from that group) married their friend sisters.

    I am not the only one who married ex-classmate. Few of my friends married ex-classmate or schoolmate too. But no one of us had special relationship in school. We just knew each other in school, and met again after we became adult. While all of my schoolmates who had special relationship in school didn’t go to marriage.
    Purpose? You mean like actively? Very few do that, and usually they are attention seekers and have more to do with attention than actually being serious. Those relationships don't work for more than 3-4 months.

    Overall, the approach you mentioned is smarter than the usual lottery type arranged marriages that happen over here.


  10. Hide
Hey there! We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud. Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.

When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. We didn't have girlfriends. And we were proud.
Sign Up

Similar Threads

  1. Girlfriends and Drinking
    By ConfusedGal in forum Family & Society
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 09-17-2017, 01:15 PM
  2. My girlfriends parents disowned their daughter
    By youngen in forum Advice & Support
    Replies: 159
    Last Post: 05-10-2016, 02:01 PM
  3. Lawful Wives or Unlawful Girlfriends
    By sis muslimah in forum Family & Society
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-03-2011, 01:14 AM
  4. Lawful Wives or Unlawful Girlfriends
    By sis muslimah in forum Advice & Support
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-31-2011, 10:34 PM
  5. Replies: 31
    Last Post: 05-07-2009, 02:23 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
create