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    Array SintoDinto's Avatar
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    How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties" (OP)


    I am often put into environments in my family where guests free mix, and it often leads to fitnah, and on one occasion it was particularly bad and lasting for a long time with a girl much younger than me but pubescent when I was 18, and when I was 18 another encounter with such a girl and her older sister who was older than me and saw me as a "little brother", and on other occasions it would be adults and I would think much of this especially he older ones but I am starting to be troubled, for instance, a sunni shia couple from other than our homeland came over recently, and the woman was in her early thirties, and I felt uncomfortable. when i went to go with the man to pray in congregation i found out he was shia and our rituals and adhaan were completely different!!! i felt uncomfortable trying to keep up. even when i talk to an "auntie" in her 50s i felt it was indecent to talk over the phone for no reason and i felt deep shame, despite her always saying i am like her "child" due to the close friendship with my mother. what should i do, given the fact that disability services is taking a long time to help me get a job and get me through the hiring process after filling out bureacracy and I can't drive and i depend on my mother? (oh, and i rely on disability services to get me to learn how to drive, too, given my autism)

  2. #21
    bint e aisha's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

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    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    why are you muslims so "anti west?" you call out for europe to take in syrian migrants while denying saudi arabia should take some (saudi arabia took precisely zero, while lecturing europe on taking more), and the west took in so many "anti west muslims" what did you think was gonna happen? they would grow islamophobic, for you being ungrateful! and supporting dictators who fight against them! if you hate it in the west so bad, why not move to pakistan or malaysia, or make hijrah to indonesia or saudi arabia or uae, etc.? eh? what media outlets am i supposed to believe? RT? the mouthpiece of dictator vladimir putin? Telesur? the mouthpiece of maduro? TRT world? the mouthpiece of a government that is anti journalist? according to politicians such as kemal kilicdaroglu, who ive heard with my own ears? and btw, this is not just media outlets, ive actually spoken to refugees......they HATED IT in turkey. and i have family there. i have relatives who went to jail and were tortured for false charges. AND I KNOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE WHOSE FAMILY WERE JAILED OR HARASSED. Qur'an 36:10 It is alike to them whether you warn them or do not warn them, they will not believe.

    - - - Updated - - -

    why should i not believe? what proof do you have media lies?
    I'm not anti west brother. One of the reasons why we love and support Turkey and Erdogan is because they've taken Syrian refugees. Our own organizations are working with Turkey to provide them basic facilities of life. May Allah reward them and accept their efforts.

    Who in the world would expect anything good from Saudi Government? I hate their hypocrite regime and I don't expect they will do anything good for the Ummah.

    Are you asking me to migrate to a Muslim country? I already reside in one.

    Don't believe any of the media, I'm from Pakistan and I don't trust Pakistani media. I know they only show what they've been ordered to show. Forget about the news channels run by kuffar. They have a propaganda against Islam. Allah ta'ala commands in Surah Hujurat, verse 6:

    "O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have done, regretful."


    Lastly if Erdogan tortures people unjustly then that is indeed wrong. But still let's be fair and appreciate the good which is done by Erdogan. He has reversed many anti-Islamic laws in Turkey and he has love for the Ummah. And you know what, the whole Muslim world loves Erdogan. Ulama from the entire world praise him and make dua for him and Turkey. The whole Ummah celebrated the victory after the failed coup. Senior Ulama from our country wrote letters to him and congratulated him. And I understand you hate him because he is a dictator and forces his views but I would rather live under a Muslim dictator than a secular democrat. That's my personal choice.

    Brother, you skipped my question about Gulen movement. Have you been influenced by them?
    Last edited by bint e aisha; 02-06-2019 at 10:46 AM.

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    SintoDinto's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

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    @bint e aisha what does "influenced by them" mean? are they some sort of terrorist group? lol you listen to alt islamic media too much or pakistani media too much. i refuse to answer such silly questions, and i am done with this discussion. final word: would i really tell you if i was on an OPEN PUBLIC FORUM? when there are aktrolls running around? im taking a break from this forum. ill be back when i feel like it.

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    bint e aisha's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    -
    @bint e aisha what does "influenced by them" mean? are they some sort of terrorist group? lol you listen to alt islamic media too much or pakistani media too much. i refuse to answer such silly questions, and i am done with this discussion. final word: would i really tell you if i was on an OPEN PUBLIC FORUM? when there are aktrolls running around? im taking a break from this forum. ill be back when i feel like it.
    No problem, respected brother. Why are you getting bitter? I had already said we can agree to disagree in the end. I once learnt a beautiful lesson in life which I would like to share. It was: We should not get hostile with our own people when they disagree with our views on politics. It is ok to have a different opinion.

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    -
    @bint e aisha what does "influenced by them" mean? are they some sort of terrorist group? lol you listen to alt islamic media too much or pakistani media too much. i refuse to answer such silly questions, and i am done with this discussion. final word: would i really tell you if i was on an OPEN PUBLIC FORUM? when there are aktrolls running around? im taking a break from this forum. ill be back when i feel like it.
    Lol...she appreaciates erdogan,you dont appreaciate him,i dont care about him, this is how life is,we cant all think the same,better not argue wih each other for wordly things.No matter how good or bad erdogan is,hes not the leader of muslim ummah,so leave him.There are no aktrolls here running around hahah,come back soon.
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    SintoDinto's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha View Post
    No problem, respected brother. Why are you getting bitter? I had already said we can agree to disagree in the end. I once learnt a beautiful lesson in life which I would like to share. It was: We should not get hostile with our own people when they disagree with our views on politics. It is ok to have a different opinion.
    my apologies sister, i should not get so angry about politics, thank you for reminding me. prophet muhammad (saws) taught us that the ummah is like the human body, when one of its parts hurt, the entire body feels pain, and all believers are brothers (and sisters). one of the teachings of bediuzzaman said nursi (rh) who died in 1960, and who wrote the risale i nur, was "i seek refuge in allah from the shaytaan and politics" and that political divisions were a source of much enmity among muslims who normally could be close brothers and sisters, as he wrote about two people who hated each other after finding out what party they supported. i appear to have forgotten his advice, and one of the 6 main problems he wrote about as being one of the main problems in the ummah at the time (and still today) is a loss of the need for brotherhood among muslims. the six main problems were 1) despair (in Allah that the condition of Muslims would improve) 2) love of hate 3) death of truth 4) despotism 5) loss of brotherhood 6) selfishness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Said_Nurs%C3%AE

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    bint e aisha's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    my apologies sister, i should not get so angry about politics, thank you for reminding me. prophet muhammad (saws) taught us that the ummah is like the human body, when one of its parts hurt, the entire body feels pain, and all believers are brothers (and sisters). one of the teachings of bediuzzaman said nursi (rh) who died in 1960, and who wrote the risale i nur, was "i seek refuge in allah from the shaytaan and politics" and that political divisions were a source of much enmity among muslims who normally could be close brothers and sisters, as he wrote about two people who hated each other after finding out what party they supported. i appear to have forgotten his advice, and one of the 6 main problems he wrote about as being one of the main problems in the ummah at the time (and still today) is a loss of the need for brotherhood among muslims. the six main problems were 1) despair (in Allah that the condition of Muslims would improve) 2) love of hate 3) death of truth 4) despotism 5) loss of brotherhood 6) selfishness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Said_Nurs%C3%AE
    JazakAllah for this piece of info. I liked this statement: "I seek refuge in Allah from the shaytaan and politics."
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    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha View Post
    JazakAllah for this piece of info. I liked this statement: "I seek refuge in Allah from the shaytaan and politics."
    The person you speak to has serious illness, best to avoid discussing what triggers him.

    Just as a general rule though, a person who spits at the moon, the spit eventually drops on him. I'm not telling this to you personally but a general statement.

    - - - Updated - - -

    So out of interest, I've found that the members of this forum are quite liberal and pro-west, not at American Muslim standard though but close.

    Is my observation correct?

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    SintoDinto's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    The person you speak to has serious illness, best to avoid discussing what triggers him.

    Just as a general rule though, a person who spits at the moon, the spit eventually drops on him. I'm not telling this to you personally but a general statement.

    - - - Updated - - -

    So out of interest, I've found that the members of this forum are quite liberal and pro-west, not at American Muslim standard though but close.

    Is my observation correct?
    You must be referring to my borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, etc. No, the members of this forum are often anti west, and some are pro isis or pro taleban. I'm pretty much the only "liberal" on here. "Liberal" in the sense that I'm not a salafi and practice sufi practices but generally smewhat conservative in that i try to practice some things my sect neglects. Also, I'm the only patriotic american or anyone who is proud of their western nation. (But ive grown to recognize my that some things my nation does are worth addressing, like the war in yemen).
    Last edited by SintoDinto; 02-06-2019 at 05:45 PM.

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    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Whether it's Erdogan, Muslim Brotherhood, Taliban Iran or Saudis, the excuses from Muslims are the same. And I don't like the Saudis, but they're still somewhat valid.

    "Oh but they don't represent Islam brother. Islamic system is that wonderful imaginary thing we have conjured in our mind, oh but no worry, Mahdi who may not even come in a 1000 years will save us."

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    You must be referring to my borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, etc. No, the members of this forum are often anti west, and some are pro isis or pro taleban. I'm pretty much the only "liberal" on here. "Liberal" in the sense that I'm not a salafi and practice sufi practices but generally smewhat conservative in that i try to practice some things my sect neglects. Also, I'm the only patriotic american or anyone who is proud of their western nation. (But ive grown to recognize my that some things my nation does are worth addressing, like the war in yemen).
    The woman you were talking to seems liberal, and she already denied she doesn't like the West.

    This is not to impose, I'm dipping my toes in the water a bit.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    Turkey is still secular,nothing chance,there are prostitutes,gambling,alcohol,night clubs,all things you can find anywhere else.You can get scammed and police wont even help.Plus some statistics show that the number of atheists in turkey is growing,not to mention that their islam is a bit,lets just say a bit different,starting from imams who are told to shave their beard.

    Anyway am not gonna make anti erdogan propaganda,i used to like him before but because of many things turkey does he lost my respect.I cant talk about what the brother said but,this link with israel,those 6 soldiers that he demands from Greece,making deal with albania and breaking it because albanians dont close schools of gylen,trying to annex cyprus, raising tensions in greece by transgressing its waters while being allies (nato) etc.Maybe all that talk about islam was to get more votes,after all it was muslims who saved him during the coup.Or maybe even the couo was planned.Allah alem,we cant be sure for anything.

    But the way turkey behaves seems very dishonest to me.Anyway im out of subject here,just commented to say that none of these people deserve our admiration. Save it for those who actually do smth for Islam,like good scholars,or for Mahdi,if He comes in our time.
    Atheism is increasing because of application of Islam, no matter how menial it is. It will happen in any country. For example, ISIS colourful shariah caused a seismic increase in atheists in the middle east.

    When religion is applied in a legislative way, many people dislike it. People don't take kindly to reliious coercion.

    On your point about how Turkey follows Islam. Lete tell you the subcontinental Muslims follow Islam exactly same way, minus the part about beard (not sure about that in Turkey).

    Of course here in the subcontinent, we also have the Salafis and deobandis, many of these clerics have very low level of education and provide nothing to society at all. They are also pure misogynists and some of them are homosexuals and abuse children in madrassa.

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  14. #30
    bint e aisha's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    You must be referring to my borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, etc. No, the members of this forum are often anti west, and some are pro isis or pro taleban. I'm pretty much the only "liberal" on here. "Liberal" in the sense that I'm not a salafi and practice sufi practices but generally smewhat conservative in that i try to practice some things my sect neglects. Also, I'm the only patriotic american or anyone who is proud of their western nation. (But ive grown to recognize my that some things my nation does are worth addressing, like the war in yemen).
    Patriotism goes against the spirit of Islam, brother.

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    RisingLight's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    Whether it's Erdogan, Muslim Brotherhood, Taliban Iran or Saudis, the excuses from Muslims are the same. And I don't like the Saudis, but they're still somewhat valid.

    "Oh but they don't represent Islam brother. Islamic system is that wonderful imaginary thing we have conjured in our mind, oh but no worry, Mahdi who may not even come in a 1000 years will save us."

    - - - Updated - - -



    The woman you were talking to seems liberal, and she already denied she doesn't like the West.

    This is not to impose, I'm dipping my toes in the water a bit.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Atheism is increasing because of application of Islam, no matter how menial it is. It will happen in any country. For example, ISIS colourful shariah caused a seismic increase in atheists in the middle east.

    When religion is applied in a legislative way, many people dislike it. People don't take kindly to reliious coercion.

    On your point about how Turkey follows Islam. Lete tell you the subcontinental Muslims follow Islam exactly same way, minus the part about beard (not sure about that in Turkey).

    Of course here in the subcontinent, we also have the Salafis and deobandis, many of these clerics have very low level of education and provide nothing to society at all. They are also pure misogynists and some of them are homosexuals and abuse children in madrassa.
    I know,and that isnt a surprise because we also know that there will be homosexuals imams or deviated imams that will lead people to jahannam.And that just makes me more sure that Islam is the true religion because the prophet saws knew this thousands of years before.
    The prophet saws also said that the ummah will be divided in 72 groups,so the more groups they make the stronger it makes my belief.

    Check the signs of the coming of mahdi,or if you want i can give you a video in youtbe about it,its very beautiful.You will then see how no matter how bad the situation of muslims looks it is all going the way it is planned.Its not a defeat,its not a decline of the religion its all just according to plan.

    Its not that people here are anti west,islam never had a problem with the west.Its just the media trying to make muslims anti west so they would spread propaganda,hate etc, if america was in the south they say muslims are anti south,or anti east.
    We only have a problem with falsehood,opression,degeneracy etc,we dislike what Allah dislikes,wherever it is,even inside muslim lands.
    (Why you have a flag of ottoman empire? Am curious)
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    CuriousonTruth's Avatar
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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    I know,and that isnt a surprise because we also know that there will be homosexuals imams or deviated imams that will lead people to jahannam.And that just makes me more sure that Islam is the true religion because the prophet saws knew this thousands of years before.
    The prophet saws also said that the ummah will be divided in 72 groups,so the more groups they make the stronger it makes my belief.

    Check the signs of the coming of mahdi,or if you want i can give you a video in youtbe about it,its very beautiful.You will then see how no matter how bad the situation of muslims looks it is all going the way it is planned.Its not a defeat,its not a decline of the religion its all just according to plan.

    Its not that people here are anti west,islam never had a problem with the west.Its just the media trying to make muslims anti west so they would spread propaganda,hate etc, if america was in the south they say muslims are anti south,or anti east.
    We only have a problem with falsehood,opression,degeneracy etc,we dislike what Allah dislikes,wherever it is,even inside muslim lands.
    (Why you have a flag of ottoman empire? Am curious)
    Today an imam got arrested for just that. Btw they are not pro-gay publicly, remember they are mostly Deobandi/Ahle hadees types, so they put on quite a religious show and say nice stuff in their Waz.

    I know the mentality of what causes muslims to yearn for Mahdi. When muslims ruled Spain, the Spanish also had prayed for the Messiah to come and save them. It comes from desperation and weakness. This isnot to say I disbelieve in Mahdi, but rather I see people try to force prophesies to assure themselves.

    Well, I and most religious muslims I know uncompromisingly hate the West. But then again, I don't live in the west. I can understand people here have an attachment to the West, because theyare citizens there. And it's a bit patronizing to suggest it's influenced by propaganda, I have a working brain I can figure things out myself.

    I love the Ottoman sultanate/caliphate, that's why.

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    Today an imam got arrested for just that. Btw they are not pro-gay publicly, remember they are mostly Deobandi/Ahle hadees types, so they put on quite a religious show and say nice stuff in their Waz.

    I know the mentality of what causes muslims to yearn for Mahdi. When muslims ruled Spain, the Spanish also had prayed for the Messiah to come and save them. It comes from desperation and weakness. This isnot to say I disbelieve in Mahdi, but rather I see people try to force prophesies to assure themselves.

    Well, I and most religious muslims I know uncompromisingly hate the West. But then again, I don't live in the west. I can understand people here have an attachment to the West, because theyare citizens there. And it's a bit patronizing to suggest it's influenced by propaganda, I have a working brain I can figure things out myself.

    I love the Ottoman sultanate/caliphate, that's why.
    How does it come from desperation and weakness when the muslims will be hurt so badly that the night before Isa as(jesus) comes,muslims would be around 1000 people.
    It will be Isa who will descend and kill the dajjal and thus bring victory,so if this was the case as you say then we would wait for Isa not for Mahdi.I cant wait for Mahdi to come because i love him,and i want to meet him.

    Uncomprimising hate for the west?...sorry but i dont agree at all.Not everything in the west is bad.Actually,the east is worst for muslims than the west.It makes no sense hating whole countries for the actions of some politicians.
    So you know a lot of things about islam,belive in coming of mahdi,love the ottoman empire,makes me doubt wether you are a non muslim or muslim

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    @RisingLight You say the media is wrong just because it makes Muslims look bad. Ask yourself this. Is reporting the truth about Muslims' outrageous mistakes a mistake? Do the people have a right to know what is going on in the world? Do Muslims have the capability of making mistakes? Even outrageous mistakes? Why do Muslim countries have prisoners in their jails?

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    How does it come from desperation and weakness when the muslims will be hurt so badly that the night before Isa as(jesus) comes,muslims would be around 1000 people.
    It will be Isa who will descend and kill the dajjal and thus bring victory,so if this was the case as you say then we would wait for Isa not for Mahdi.I cant wait for Mahdi to come because i love him,and i want to meet him.

    Uncomprimising hate for the west?...sorry but i dont agree at all.Not everything in the west is bad.Actually,the east is worst for muslims than the west.It makes no sense hating whole countries for the actions of some politicians.
    So you know a lot of things about islam,belive in coming of mahdi,love the ottoman empire,makes me doubt wether you are a non muslim or muslim
    I'm not interested in your agreement or not. I was informing about how things are. But i have to say this forum is unique, I have been in other forum, YT channels, even facebook groups. In very few places, I've found muslims who claim to be religious and not hate the West.

    "So you know a lot of things about islam,belive in coming of mahdi,love the ottoman empire,makes me doubt wether you are a non muslim or muslim"

    And? I would hold the same opinion of you if you oppose Ottoman sultanate/caliphate. But I've found it to be a trend among western convert to hate Ottomans. I am from the Indian sub-continent, over here every muslim except Salafis love Ottomans. Here Ottomans enjoy a near immunity status. If you come into islamic facebook groups run by sub-continental muslims (except Salafis) you will be banned for criticizing Ottomans pre-Tanzimat era.

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto View Post
    @RisingLight You say the media is wrong just because it makes Muslims look bad. Ask yourself this. Is reporting the truth about Muslims' outrageous mistakes a mistake? Do the people have a right to know what is going on in the world? Do Muslims have the capability of making mistakes? Even outrageous mistakes? Why do Muslim countries have prisoners in their jails?
    First of all i didnt say that.You said that.Dont twist my words please

    Before asking me those ask youself how much shaytan is influencing you that want the whole world to know the mistakes of your brothers.We are advised to conceal the mistakes of each other just as Allah conceals ours.
    If other people or society is at risk,then ofc let them know so they can be cautions,but if its not,dont be a messenger of shaytan and spread fitnah.
    People have the right to know the truth.Representing islam with terrorists is not the truth.
    Yes.The son of prophet Adam saws killed his own brother,then he truly repented.
    Because nobody is perfect.

    And where do you want to get with this?


    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    I'm not interested in your agreement or not. I was informing about how things are. But i have to say this forum is unique, I have been in other forum, YT channels, even facebook groups. In very few places, I've found muslims who claim to be religious and not hate the West.

    "So you know a lot of things about islam,belive in coming of mahdi,love the ottoman empire,makes me doubt wether you are a non muslim or muslim"

    And? I would hold the same opinion of you if you oppose Ottoman sultanate/caliphate. But I've found it to be a trend among western convert to hate Ottomans. I am from the Indian sub-continent, over here every muslim except Salafis love Ottomans. Here Ottomans enjoy a near immunity status. If you come into islamic facebook groups run by sub-continental muslims (except Salafis) you will be banned for criticizing Ottomans pre-Tanzimat era.
    Maybe i wasnt interested in your opinion or you telling me how things are since the begining,but i went along with it and i thought youd go along with my agreement or not.

    I wasnt accusing you,its just am really not sure if you are a muslim or not,because you believe and know some things but dont know some others.I oppose some things ottoman did,now you can hold the same opinion as me

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    Maybe i wasnt interested in your opinion or you telling me how things are since the begining,but i went along with it and i thought youd go along with my agreement or not.

    I wasnt accusing you,its just am really not sure if you are a muslim or not,because you believe and know some things but dont know some others.I oppose some things ottoman did,now you can hold the same opinion as me
    Makes no sense. I am pretty sure I know a lot you don't. Does that suddenly make you non-muslim?

    I look for the present, and I want muslims to work for the present, instead of hoping Mahdi to save them. Many muslims thought the Mongol invasion would be the end of islam, we know how that turned out.

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    Re: How can I avoid free mixing and "sisterliness" or "aunties"

    Quote Originally Posted by CuriousonTruth View Post
    Makes no sense. I am pretty sure I know a lot you don't. Does that suddenly make you non-muslim?

    I look for the present, and I want muslims to work for the present, instead of hoping Mahdi to save them. Many muslims thought the Mongol invasion would be the end of islam, we know how that turned out.
    Then just say you are muslim and save us all this drama

    We dont wait for mahdi to save us.I already told you but you understand things the way you want.

    How did you know they thought the mongol invasio was the end? Were you there and asked them? Am sure many muslims didnt think the mongol invasion was the end.


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