When I was younger, my doctor overprescribed ADHD medication and it gave me horrible headaches and I acted out until I got the medication unprescribed and a new doctor, but, not trusting them, argued further about medication i needed, which i was taken off of (a medication which calmed me down) and ended up getting violent. i continued acting out even after regaining the calming medicine, because i no longer trusted authority after months of abuse by the adhd medicine (adhd is a disorder that causes inattention and hyperactivity, i took a stimulant). i acted out so much i traumatized my brother for life and earned the mistrust of my sister, and constantly beat up my mother as a teen while my brother stayed upstairs because i was messing with everyone. while i acknowledge i am also at fault, i was 12, and they started it. they should be held accountable but they never were, while i was locked up in mental hospital and ostracized and subject to failing grades, then bullying in alternative school, lost potential, etc. how do i fix this?
You must have had something that needed to be attended to. The rest were consequences.
Now you have results. Not a good one.
It appears that you have analysed the results and found some of the cause and the effects.
Now that you have gone through it, question yourself, because it seems that you are still very much in control of your thoughts, “is this what you want?”
Work on those areas rather than blame everyone else. As you said it yourself, you have a problem, it has traumatised your brother, you recognise it, so you have to slowly work on it.
May Allah help you all the way, but you have to try.
I am sure your parents were and are trying to do the best by you. Certian medications work wonders in moderation but other times it can have crippling effects. Alhamdulilah you have the knowledge, experience and clarity now so treasure and live in your present. Try and make amends with your siblings and help them understand any of your past shortcomings. I am sure this will make you a stronger person insha Allah. Be grateful you have your parents as they must have sacrificed a lot for you.
Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.
May I ask a question please because your title is " How do I forgive my parents ? ". You mention that it was in fact your doctor who wrongly over prescribed your medicine and from there, it was a domino effect of clearly traumatic events for both you and your family. But you have not really mentioned what you feel your parents done wrong. You have said " you acted out " and " you messed with everyone " (through no initial fault of your own) I understand the impact of what you went through, how the medication was responsible in triggering your behaviour. But can you please specify what your parents did wrong as it appears it was not their fault either ? From there maybe we can all offer better advice to you. At the moment it feels more like you may be asking how do you fix the fragile relationship with your family when so much has happened ? Or is your question about forgiveness of your parents in which case you need to give more details as to what you are blaming them for in the first place.
One thing I will say .... ( I am assuming here you have no kids). Try and picture yourself in 5 years time, you have a baby boy, your pride and joy, the first ten years of his life at least you give up full on, to put him before yourself I.e you feed him, wash him, clothe him, you are exhausted sometimes but the responsibility never ends because you are a mother/father so even if you have had a long day/ long week, you keep going, your son is very active so he is always keeping you on your toes, you are always running about ( this is not in reference to your ADHD, but to being a parent and boys are usually much more energetic and on the go than girls). You cook, clean, make sure your son is happy, take him to school, pick him up. Put him to bed etc. You basically never have nothing to do. Your life revolves completely around your son. Try and genuinely picture it if you can please. Let's fast forward years later you find out your son has ADHD, you didn't chose this as a parent, and your child did not chose this. No one did. It is no one's fault. But you put your faith as a parent for your doctor to make this better, to be able to manage and reduce the symptoms. You feel relieved inchallah things are going to get better, you think.The last thing on earth that you expect is that the GP has in fact over prescribed your son, yet it has happened and because of it you all go through hell, your son is confused, he is starting to behave worse, you as a parent are then challenged, your son starts getting aggressive toward you and then one day he hits you. Your kid who you have given up your life for, and who you would die for ( I'm sure if a car was about to run you over your mum would instinctively jump first in front to save you ) then hits you. Basically you then ALL become entwined and carrying feeling of anger, confusion, hurt, betrayal, and you all have your own way of dealing with it. You might have acted violently, maybe another family member might have withdrew themselves in silence, one might have tried to make out everything was normal, another of you might have spent the whole time crying. Everyone reacts to things differently. But can't you see it was none of your faults. It is just the unfortunate chain of events that was bound to you because of your DOCTOR. Your family didn't ask for it. They are not psychologists nor are they experts in medication. For this part of the story at least, place the blame on the doctor. It is very hard being a parent and if you can put yourself in their position, how hard it must have been for them to manage it all. Perhaps you all made wrong decisions in how to deal with things along the way, but you were all thrown into the deep end. You all deserve sympathy. I am glad you want to make things better and I truly understand that it must have been a horrible experience for you too, how alone and isolated you must have felt, and that no one but "you" felt the pain you were going through but trust me they ( your parents ) experienced another type of pain. You cannot change the past. But you can fix things between you and your family for sure. Alot has happened and sometimes all it takes is small but meaningful gestures to begin that journey of repair, and in other aspects it will take time. Time is a healer. Maybe if you can start by little things such as : going to hug your mum and telling her, how sorry you are for hitting her when you were younger and that when you remember it it breaks your heart and you hope she can forgive you ". Even if it feels weird or awkward for you to do this and say out of character if you are all not naturally touchy feely, still DO IT, TRUST me the happiness this will fill your mums heart with, it will be worth it. Even if you feel there are things she done wrong, one step at a time. Please be the bigger person first and do this.
I hail from a broken family where my father and morher both tortured me to show the other one they dont care.. Their torturing took a huge toll on my mental health. I ended up having anger issues, i would sabotage any relationship ive ever been in thinking that fighting is the only thing that makes a relationship strong
However. I realised not forgiving them only burdened me and made me more miserable i learned to be patient after i forgave them and got control of my anger to a certain extent as well
I am so so so sorry you had to go through that Wayfarer. That is so upsetting to read. Seriously that actually breaks my heart. It is so sad but these things happen - abuse of children at the hands of those who are meant to love you and do right by you ; I.e your parents, it truly angers me and touches a nerve. I don't know your situation. Clearly they did not know how to be parents and shouldn't have been. You are so strong to have come out the other end of that. But just know and it is something I have seen myself when family lets you down, sometimes Allah will bring you much more loving relationships into your life, whether through good friends, through your brothers and sisters in Islam who will uplift you or through your relationship directly with Allah. Please just know that you are worthy and even though you suffered horribly growing up, do what you can to be happy now. I hope life is better for you. I know what you mean in carrying that burden prior to forgiving them, you felt it weighing down on you more. By forgiving them even when they were in the WRONG, you have freed yourself from that hold they had over you. I mentioned this in another of my replies, about letting go, not for the wrong-doers sake, but for ourselves so we can not carry with us that hurt, nor does that negativity the person/people have caused in the first place, then live in us. I don't know your parents background, perhaps they came from an abusive background themselves and so they did not know or understand love or how to show it or offer it. Perhaps the abuse is something that was done to them so they did not develop the emotional skills in life or empathy that they should have and needed to give you ?
You are honestly so strong. Please do not base your idea of what a relationship is around them. Keep praying and make duaa so that God can help you in healing from what happened and so that you may ask of him things you want for your future and so that any relationships that may present themselves may be much happier and positive for you inchallah".
In terms of the OP, I do feel like it was the doctor that put the whole family in a challenging situation and what followed was a direct result of that, unless there is more to the story which is why I asked what he blames his family for. And I am only going by what he said.
I got the relationships and friendshios i wanted bit like i said i sabotaged each and everyone of them until i became totally alone
Makes me cry at times, but what can u do
Well now you are aware you do it, you can change it. I'm guessing sister maybe it happens as a defense mechanism ; to protect yourself because you feel you have to have your guard up and push people away in an underlining fear that they will hurt you first, due to the abuse you went through. I am sure inchallah now in your future relationships you can do things differently. Also perhaps there is a chance to salvage and make amends with whichever friends you held dearest. I'm sure given your past, they can find it in their heart to be understanding and give you a chance to start over. If not, do not worry sister because in life hmd we always have new opportunities with new people. You can always make new friends. You deserve to be happy and to be loved. Try your best next time to not let your past affect your future, so that you can give yourself what you truly deserve. Allah has power over everything in this universe. Make duaa and ask for any guidance in the areas you need help in. He was always there for me when I was at my lowest, even when I did not realise it at the time. He will be there for you too. Allah will hear you and give you strength. I hope this helps.
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