My brother is over and him and I are on tense terms. We haven't spoken properly for many years. I live with my mother. I stopped playing my prayer app adhan so as not to wake my mother, who is experiencing women's issues and can't pray, or my brother, since it is long and loud and I don't want him barging in my room yelling at me, or yelling for my mom to stop me. So instead, I asked my mother to wake me up for fajr, but she didn't most of the days, almost all of the days I had to rely on myself or rely on luck or combing isha and maghrib before fajr by sleeping early, often when fasting, which may be a sin in some interpretations at least. She didn't do it today, and I have had it. Can I boycott her by refusing to talk to her?
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
I live with my mother.
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
I asked my mother to wake me up for fajr
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
Can I boycott her by refusing to talk to her?
Salaam Brother,
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’”
‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549)
In Islam, we must Love and respect our mothers, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship. She is the one who made her womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option butto love her. The fitrah (natural inclination of man) calls you to love her. Love between mothers and children and children and mothers is something that Allaah has instilled even in animals, so it is even more befitting for the children of human beings, and for Muslims in particular.
Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience?
So brother, in regards to your question. Change your alarm to something other than the Adhan as not to wake your mother and cause anger to your brother. You can always change the volume of your alarm. You can also put vibrate alarm which can be silent. If that will not wake you, try to sleep earlier so you can wake up by yourself naturally and pray once you are awake.
But brother, PLEASE DO NOT boycott your mother or stop talking to her. Tell her you love her, everyday and make dua every night to her.
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
Greetings and peace be with you SintoDinto;
almost all of the days I had to rely on myself
Take heart, we all mess up, we all make mistakes - However,
You will feel so much better if you take responsibility for your own actions. If you have to get up early, that is your responsibility, not your mum's. If you mess up, that's your fault and not your mum's. Your mum is not going to be banging on your door when you are forty.
Just a thought, but if you have children of your own, one of the biggest challenges you will face is getting them to take responsibility for their own actions.
May Allah bless you and those you love and care for,
Eric
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
My brother is over and him and I are on tense terms. We haven't spoken properly for many years. I live with my mother. I stopped playing my prayer app adhan so as not to wake my mother, who is experiencing women's issues and can't pray, or my brother, since it is long and loud and I don't want him barging in my room yelling at me, or yelling for my mom to stop me. So instead, I asked my mother to wake me up for fajr, but she didn't most of the days, almost all of the days I had to rely on myself or rely on luck or combing isha and maghrib before fajr by sleeping early, often when fasting, which may be a sin in some interpretations at least. She didn't do it today, and I have had it. Can I boycott her by refusing to talk to her?
Assalaamu Alaikum,
I don't know if I quite understand your post but what wrong has your Mother done to you? Waking you up for Fajr is not her responsibility but your own. Praying each of the 5 daily prayers on its allocated times is solely our obligation and responsibility.. On the day of Judgement we cannot blame anyone else for neglecting our prayers. So please have more respect for your Mother as Allah has ordained that our parents particularly our Mothers are the most deserving of the utmost honour and respect:
"Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but him, and be good to your parents. Whether one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of annoyance and do not repel them, but rather speak to them a noble word. Lower to them the wing of humility for them, out of mercy, and say: My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small." (Al-Isra 17:23-24)
Your brother should not protest to you using an alarm to awaken for Fajr as it is an obligation upon him and you and every Muslim in the household. You should invite him to pray with you in a gentle manner reminding him of our obligations unto Allah to fulfill all of our 5 daily prayers on time as an absolute priority over everything else including our sleep. If you know he will not awaken for Fajr and you think it may cause further tensions between you both then try and sleep elsewhere in another room during the duration of his stay. If you have no where else to sleep and you require an alarm to awaken you up then change the alarm tone to a softer quieter tone and leave it closer to your ears so you can awaken immediately and switch it off. You can even get vibrating alarm watches which you wear on your wrist which vibrate instead of give out a alarm tone.
Regarding your relationship with your brother then we are obligated to maintain ties of kinship and to not allow the ties of kinship to sever or be cut off. So are you doing your best to make an amends with your brother? If not then why not? We must not allow our pride and arrogance to prevent us from repairing our relationship with our family members because it will develop into enmity and hatred in our hearts. This is from the tricks of shaythan who wants to destroy our family ties and relationships.
Whatever the issues you have with him then you must do your best to resolve any issues you have between one another. If you have deep rooted issues between yourselves then seek mediation in order to help repair your relationship and resolve any issues you may have. So seek a mediator like an elder respected person in the family, local Imaan, Sheikh, knowledgeable wise person or even a trained Muslim counselor. Dutifulness to kinship is one of the greatest and loftiest good deeds that bring one closer to Allah.
Allah says: "And fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). [An-Nisaa' 4:1].
May Allah enable us to repair our relationships with our family members and relatives and not to not to sever nor cut off the ties of kinship even if they try to cut off ties with us. Ameen
Last edited by Hamza Asadullah; 06-18-2020 at 11:35 PM.
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
My brother is over and him and I are on tense terms. We haven't spoken properly for many years. I live with my mother. I stopped playing my prayer app adhan so as not to wake my mother, who is experiencing women's issues and can't pray, or my brother, since it is long and loud and I don't want him barging in my room yelling at me, or yelling for my mom to stop me. So instead, I asked my mother to wake me up for fajr, but she didn't most of the days, almost all of the days I had to rely on myself or rely on luck or combing isha and maghrib before fajr by sleeping early, often when fasting, which may be a sin in some interpretations at least. She didn't do it today, and I have had it. Can I boycott her by refusing to talk to her?
Asalaamualaykum:
I can understand your situation, but I seriously cannot for the life of me see the logic in your suggested resolution.
How would boycotting your mother resolve your real problem in any way ???
Also, from your wordings - you have an app, which means you have a mobile phone. Can you not just set an alarm on vibrate mode ?
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
Greetings and peace be with you SintoDinto;
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
My brother is over and him and I are on tense terms. We haven't spoken properly for many years.
Our minister told us a story about two sisters who came to see him, they wanted to make arrangements for their mothers funeral. After a while the priest noticed the two sisters were ignoring each other, and he asked why.
One sister said, twenty years ago she asked me to buy a jar of honey and she never paid me. The other sister said, yes I did.
The poor mother must have witnessed this animosity for the last twenty years of her life.
Someone has to say sorry first and build bridges; it is no good waiting for the other person to apologise first; life is too short.
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
format_quote Originally Posted by Eric H
Greetings and peace be with you SintoDinto;
Our minister told us a story about two sisters who came to see him, they wanted to make arrangements for their mothers funeral. After a while the priest noticed the two sisters were ignoring each other, and he asked why.
One sister said, twenty years ago she asked me to buy a jar of honey and she never paid me. The other sister said, yes I did.
The poor mother must have witnessed this animosity for the last twenty years of her life.
Someone has to say sorry first and build bridges; it is no good waiting for the other person to apologise first; life is too short.
May Allah bless you and your family.
Eric
sadly I have apologized multiple times, all he does is insult me.
Re: Is it permissible for me to boycott my mother in this case?
Greetings and peace be with you SintoDinto;
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
sadly I have apologized multiple times, all he does is insult me.
Well done, all you can do is keep trying; never give up hope in Allah; he wants what is best for all his creation.
You may not even be the cause of his anger, sometimes when people are angry, they cannot take it out on the person who angers them, so they are angry with their nearest and dearest.
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
format_quote Originally Posted by SintoDinto
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks