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How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

  1. #1
    Abdulah97's Avatar Full Member
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    How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

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    As-salamu alaykum,

    So I am a type of person who doesn't want to be haram police telling my parents do this do that cos im not perfect and second no one will listen and everyone will hate you.

    I am the type if i see something haram being done i give advice and if the person doesn't care then i did my job when Allah asks me "what did you do when you saw xyz"

    Alhamdulilah my family is very religios in terms of praying strict, giving zakat, not doing haram like smoking, drinking, and other nonsense but we also mix in haram as well such as music, movies, inviting family friends over which might include mixing and what not.

    Now I have been trying to slowly give advice to my family on things they might not have known such as hanging pictures of us as a family all around the house, or pictures of family members around the house, etc...

    According to this fatwa:
    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/7918...e-in-the-house

    Pictures means no angels enter house and this also applies to statues and to dogs as well.

    So this is clear, but yesterday I told my father about this and he said he found fatwa online that the pictures we have nowdays is different from the time of the prophet in that they used to draw and hang pictures but now we are taking pictures with camera/phone so its different. Another point he made is that our nayah as a family in these pictures is not to worship them but only to remember our loves ones and feel happy etc...

    I told him we should probably take down the pictures and brought up abut the fatwa from islamqa as well as authentic hadiths to back me up and he got mad saying idk what am talking about and that the hadith is out of context and i need tafsir etc...

    Ofc I went on youtube and looked this up and looked at bunch of videos from famous shyaks like Mufti menk, assimalhakeem, hudatv, etc... Obv i dont like to use shykas or imams as my main source but always start with Quran and sunnah and then look at islamqa and these trustworthy shyaks i mentioned to give me context to check myself if i am really taking something out of context or not.

    Anyways, their was a big fight in the house and this was completely not my attention, the only reason the fight happened was cos i brought it up twice, again im a person that brings something up once and if the person doesn't like it then i move on, but i brought it twice cos this is the house im praying in, i dont want to be affected too because of my parents... I know a solution to this is to pray on my own in my room but this creates the same problem but also i feel is a bigger problem cos if i pray alone then my siblings forget to pray unless i remind them to pray with me.

    So what to do in these cases where parents don't agree with fatwa on such issues? Do i just stop doing it cos my obligation is to not make my parents angry or upset but at the same time we are talking about religion so i also feel like its my obligation to remind or give advice when appropraite ofc being strategic and not everyday saying "this is haram" "stop doing this" aka haram police.

    Luckily my father agreed we go visit the imam of our local mosque so this is what we planning on doing since he wont believe my "online sources"

    Also is the fatwa that i provided in this post correct in that angles dont enter houses that have pictures, statues, dogs, INCLUDING modern day photos taken with camera/iphone and not just limited to photos from time of prophet that they used to draw?

    Jazakum allahu khayran
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    IslamLife00's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    Wa'alaykumussalaam

    Akhi, if you understand Arabic, look at these hadiths and inshaAllah you will find the answer ( in case you doubt the correctness of translation, as some people used to say because hadiths like the Qur'an are in Arabic )

    About dealing with your family, inshaAllah you have done your best reminding them and informing them about the fatwa. Maybe someone at the masjid will be able to guide your family as well inshaAllah

    https://sunnah.com/bukhari:4002

    https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5952

    https://sunnah.com/nasai:5348

    https://sunnah.com/nasai:5351

    https://sunnah.com/nasai:5355

    https://sunnah.com/nasai:5357

    https://sunnah.com/urn/730300

    https://sunnah.com/muslim:969a

    https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:1751

    https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah/32/102

    https://sunnah.com/bukhari:6130

    https://sunnah.com/nasai:5349

    I have heard that photos of family are allowed but never seen hadiths to suggest this. I can't see why is it different, photos which are digital and painting/drawing by hand/brush - but Allah knows best.

    About photo on ID card, passport - we need for identification purpose and we will not be able to travel, enroll in education program, open an account, receive medical treatment etc without it.
    Last edited by IslamLife00; 04-24-2021 at 03:05 PM. Reason: remove duplicate link
    How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
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    Abdulah97's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    Jazaki allah for these sources

    Yes no object to photography, but to hang modern day pictures around the house whether they were painted or taken as photographs by camera as you said the rule applies.
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    *charisma*'s Avatar Super Moderator
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    Re: How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    Assalamu Alaikum

    I've had this same exact issue with my family growing up lol

    To be honest, what works is only to lead by example. I had my own room so I wouldn't put pictures up there, and if there were pictures of me up I would ask them to be taken down. Sometimes I took pictures down without them noticing too.

    Eventually my family became more religious and removed all the pictures on their own accord alhemdulilah. It takes time, but be gentle and just have conversations about it. THere's no reason it needs to get heated. Everyone's iman is on a different level and sometimes they need to reach understanding on their own. Quarreling can easily make people feel defensive and not want to do what you want them to do even if what they're doing is wrong. They'd prefer to preserve their ego.
    How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    D e a t h

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    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it
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    Abdulah97's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: How do you deal with family who not as strict as you?

    Very good yes I love to lead by example!

    I only ever give advice if I seem something haram being done or something wrong being said and once the person knows its haram its up to them what to do after

    Its just this time it got heated cos i brought up the issue of pictures twice back to back days and that was my mistake, you need to be patient with these sort of things, its just that I wanted the pictures removed cos they affect me too not just my family which is why i brought it up twice, unless I go pray in my room as an example I coulda solved this issue or best way is just to go to mosque and pray there
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