I'm worried about one thing. I hope I will get answers. Is it really important in life to marry? Isn't it ok if a woman decides that she won't marry anyone? Is there anything wrong with this?
I can understand the pressure, sister. It must be hard in different ways for women than for men, so that I can't fully understand because, well I've never been a woman. But try not to settle for anyone, and make sure you marry with your parents respecting your wishes of who you want to marry. Forced marriage is absolutely haram. Don't go for anyone less than someone who will complete you, but at the same time, try not to be too perfectionistic, because we all have flaws. But too often both issues are a problem. Often both problems are issues at the same time, pulling in opposite directions, where on the one hand we want someone who loves us, and on the other hand, we dont want to be trapped. But do istishara and istikhara and make sure you consult people about who you are speaking to. I feel sorry for many women. Women in many ways have it harder than men due to the immense burdens caused by a bad relationship. This is where your parents come in. As well as scholarly and prophetic guidance. The prophet saws said, to women, marry a man who is good in religion AND good in character. imam malik (rh) even advised to get a man irritated to see how he will respond as a test, whether he will be patient, or angry, calm and trying to resolve, or bitter. the prophet also advised not to marry a man known for beating women. but if you truly do not want to marry, ask yourself, do i need to work on self development, because this is true, we need to be content with ourselves before being with a partner, otherwise well be codependent, or are you at risk of falling in temptation and heartache? ive been there, but im not ready to marry since i need to work on being complete as a person. and we often need to be able to control some of own bad habits before we get married, for instance nouman ali kahn advised (and this applies to women too, women are also victims of this addiction) to get rid of a porn addiction before getting married since it will not change the addiction just being able to have intimacy in marriage. as for the feeling of being trapped, if you find yourself a best friend who you are compatible with, im sure itll easier. and yes, as soheil1 said, marriage makes life easier.
As far as I know it's important if you have desires and fear falling into zina. For a woman, if not mistaken, also if she has no means to provide for and protect herself.
There is no forced marriage in Islam. If you don't want to marry then you don't, but you need to guard yourself.
Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
I'm worried about one thing. I hope I will get answers. Is it really important in life to marry? Isn't it ok if a woman decides that she won't marry anyone? Is there anything wrong with this?
Sister, you don't have to marry if you don't want too. In fact, you can stay single the rest of your life. No where in Islam it says marriage is forced and everyone must marry or they die disbeliever. If you think getting married would mean been neglectful on your duties and be shortcoming then you are better off been single and not have children then getting married. Not everyone is fit to been a parent and not everyone is fit to been a spouse or partner, either. You can take this opportunity in improving yourself in this world and afterlife. Get to know your rab better. Get educated for the dunaya and akhira as well. Have you reached the peek of your degree in university or colleges? Have you build your own company or achieved your dream as a doctor, teacher, etc? Do you have your own business you have always wanted to build but not done it, yet? Take this opportunity to build this business then. Maybe you want to open an orphanage institution and help thousands of children who are homeless a place to live until of old age from harm by men or women (adult).
Know that forced marriage is forbidden in Islam and it is not an Islamic practice. Forced marriage is an ignorance practice. You need to educate yourself and be able to decipher between jahillya practice and not; the only way you can do that is know your deen better. Know the rights of women in Islam better and get closer to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). These are all positive things you can do and achieve, and if you believe marriage will distract you from doing these things (in additional to being unable to fulfill your duties correctly) then don't get married.
Last edited by xboxisdead; 04-30-2021 at 05:56 PM.
My parents are seriously considering a proposal and they're not giving me any right to have a say. I have to do something
Another cliché story of ignorance. This is sheer example, example A of what happens when we go astray from path of Allah and increase in ignorance in our deen and our rights. Sister, your story will only worsen for future women and men alike. It is simple. No parent is allowed or have any authority or right to force marriage to any of their children, period. You have full right not to get married at all and stay single the rest of your life, if you want. You want to stay single, be empowered, work, run a business and contribute to the world politically and economically and sponsor a child (you can only sponsor female child/children) and raise that child alone and never touch, see or have any relationship with the opposite sex? Go for it. It is your choice and your right. You want to get a master's degree and become the smartest person in the world, run your own business, have men and women working under you and enjoy that power and proclaim wealth and be the richest person in the world an die single and wealthy? That is your right, your choice and no one have right to stop you or prevent you from doing that. Go at it. Fill your fill if that what makes you happy. Either way, you are not forced into marriage and no parent have right to marry you by force to anyone you don't want too or say no too. Even if he is the smartest, most handsomest, richest, best of character man with charming personality. If your choice of men, the ugliest, most poorest, dumbest person but he is of good character and deen and you want to bark orders and be qayama in that house and take care of him financially and support him and that gives you fill because he is like a crippled poppy and it makes you feel needed, wanted and empowered...that is your right also. I hope this clears it once and for all.
Last edited by xboxisdead; 05-03-2021 at 10:23 PM.
Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.
Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.
I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.
May Allah make it easy for you. it seems you need to have someone else talk to your parents about it. have you talked to an imam, someone knowledgeable that your parents will respect and listen
Not only your parents cannot force you to marriage. In the time of Prophet sallallahu 'alayhi wa salaam, he allowed a woman to divorce although there was nothing wrong with her husband's Islam and behavior.
She just had to return the mahr.
It was narrated from Ibn 'Abbas that the wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thabit bin Qais regarding his attitude or religious commitment, but I hate Kufr after becoming Muslim." The Messenger of Allah said: "Will you give him back his garden?" She said: "Yes." The Messenger of Allah said: "Take back the garden and divorce her once." (Ibn Majah, An-Nasa'i)
Last edited by IslamLife00; 05-04-2021 at 07:47 AM.
Reason: add
Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
Jabir bin 'Abdullah narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said:'A slave (of Allah) shall not believe until he believes in Al-Qadar, its good and its bad, such that he knows that what struck him would not have missed him, and that what missed him would not have struck him." (Jami 'at Tirmidhi)
I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.
Aoa. Strength for what? To be able to spend my entire life and even eternity with a guy i dont find attractive at all, who isn't religious even. Hasn't recited the quran once. I feel like killing myself but scared of the aftermath since I've never been a good Muslim in the first place.. Should I do dua to Allah to grant me what I want? Or should I just go with the flow?
Aoa. I feel your pain right now. Was stuck in a similar situation. Got no say. Family and social pressure drove me to say yes. Don't like the guy one bit. Has made me wary of religion and life.
format_quote Originally Posted by iammuslim98
Aoa. Strength for what? To be able to spend my entire life and even eternity with a guy i dont find attractive at all, who isn't religious even. Hasn't recited the quran once. I feel like killing myself but scared of the aftermath since I've never been a good Muslim in the first place.. Should I do dua to Allah to grant me what I want? Or should I just go with the flow?
format_quote Originally Posted by bint e aisha
I'm sorry to know that. May Allah ta'ala grant you strength and make everything easy for you sister.
Strength to increase your knowledge of the deen. Strength to make you stronger in iman. Strength to remove suicidal thoughts. Strength to be able to handle whatever situations you may face.
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