Marriage is for Lovers

In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful


Marriage is for Lovers?


as-salamu `alaykum wa rahmatullah:

The Prophet (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) said:


“There is nothing for two who love one another like marriage.” Recorded by Ibn Majah.


It was graded sahih by Shaykh al-Albani in as-Sahihah no. 624 as well as others.




Classical Interpretation


In Faidh al-Qadeer (the commentary on Jami` as-Sagheer) al-Munaawi said:

“‘It is when a man looks at an ajnabiyah [unrelated woman] and his heart has desire of intercourse, then marrying her will result in increased love.’ This was mentioned by at-Teebi. And more correct than him is the saying of some of the elders that the meaning is that it is the greatest remedy to treat the passion of desire for marital relations. For it is a remedy which there is no equal for by any means. And this is the meaning which is indicated by Allah, Glorious is He, after making women lawful; the free of them, and the slaves of them due to need, by His saying:

(Allah wants to lighten [the burden] for you, and man was created weak.) (An-Nisa’ 4:28)

So by Allah, Glorious is He, mentioning lightening in this subject and informing about man’s weakness, it proves that he is too weak to carry this desire, and that He, Glorious is He, lightened its matter for him by what He permitted for him of pure women. And with this explanation it clarifies that the information relates to when he intends to propose to a woman, and he sees her and feels love for her, then it is legislated that he may plan to marry her merely based on what he saw.”(end quote)

In Kifayat al-Hajjah, (the commentary on Sunan Ibn Majah) as-Sindi said:

“It is, when there is love between two, then that love will not be increased by anything among the various types of means of drawing nearer, nor will anything make it last, like the marriage tie. So if they are married with that love, then the love will increase and become stronger with every day.” (end quote)



Regarding The Modern Interpretation of Love


It should be clear from the statements of these scholars, that the objective here is to observe that when two people feel an attraction for each other – especially a physical one that instils the desire in their hearts to have relations – then there is nothing that is better for them than to get married.

And, that, as al-Munaawi noted, this desire itself is a sufficient sign that it is time to get married to each other, as opposed to the long drawn out micro-management planning that is common today.

All of this is obvious, because when two people desire to marry each other, and there is no legal reason to prevent them, then they should not delay in doing so unduly, and all of the shari`ah texts indicate exhortation for marriage whenever one is able to do so, and in this, that man is not able to bear the burden of such desire, so marriage has been made lawful to facilitate that, to remove the burden.

And this meaning is explained in one of its versions of the narration recorded by `Abdur-Razzaq, in mursal form, and it is an authentic chain, that Ibrahim bin Maysarah said: “A young man proposed to a woman whom he ‘loved’ but they refused to marry her to him, so I asked Tawus about that, and he said: ‘Allah’s Messenger (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) said…’” and he mentioned it, and afterwards Ibrahim said: “And he ordered me to marry.”



Allah has Lightened the Burden Upon The Sexes


Regarding Allah’s saying (which means):


(Allah wants to lighten [the burden] for you, and man was created weak.) (An-Nisa’ 4:28)


as preceded – since Allah mentioned that He wanted to lighten that burden, if He had not done so, it would be heavy, due to man’s weakness, and he would not be able to bear it, and that would not be just.

So Allah has lightened the burden of desire from people, out of His justice and care for His creatures, making marriage lawful for them, and there being nothing better for two attracted to each other than it. So who is it that would make unlawful what Allah has made lawful? And who is it that would place a burden on one whom Allah has lifted a burden from, except an oppressor?



Getting to “Know” One Another?


Then, one may find that people want to use this hadith to prove that a man and a woman should get to know each other well prior to marriage, for how else could they love each other prior to it?

And it should be clear from the commentary that the meaning of “love” in the hadith, is desire, not the complicated concept of love that modern people intend.

So a man loves bread, and his love of his bread is similar, and at the same time not similar, to his love of his wife. When he is hungry and he sees bread, his desire to consume it increases until he does so. And yet, we call that, “love” of bread.

This is the type of love that is common through out this topic, it is present in the two mentioned in the hadith, and it is present in the man when he sees bread.

But man’s love for bread does not increase after he consumed it, while marriage causes love to grow. So the love that comes from marriage, is not the same as the love (i.e. desire) before it. And this is obvious and common in normal speech.

Conversely, the modern evil concepts of marriage dictate, ‘we must get to know each other well prior to marriage.’ While this has nothing to do with love, but “getting to know.” And knowing something is not the same as loving something. Then, it is no secret what this concept leads to, and even among Muslims.

So the Prophet (sall Allahu `alaihi wa sallam) did not say: “I have not seen anything for two who love each other like fornication.”

Rather, he said: “marriage.” That is, marriage increases love, while fornication will only lead to anguish, in this life and in the Hereafter.

And Allah knows best

was-salamu `alaykum

Abu Khaliyl