Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise

**TrueStranger** · 03-26-2012

Wifehood and Motherhood are Not the Only Ways to Paradise --Maryam Amir-Ebrahimi

“Why are you majoring in that field?” I asked a sister in college. She sighed, “To be honest, I just want to get married. I don’t really care about what I’m studying right now. I’m just waiting to get hitched so I can be a wife and a mother.”

“It’s awesome that she wants to be a wife and a mother, but why would she put her life on hold?” I wondered. Why would a skilled, passionate young woman create barriers to striving for self-improvement and her ability to be socially transformative when she doesn’t yet have the responsibilities of wifehood or motherhood? Being a wife and a mom are great blessings, but before it actually happens, why exchange tangible opportunities, just waiting for marriage to simply come along—if it came along? I didn’t have to look far to find out.

“I’m already twenty-six,” another sister lamented. “I’m expired. My parents are going crazy. They think I’m never going to get married and they pressure me about it daily. My mom’s friends keep calling her and telling her I’m not getting any younger. She keeps crying over it and says she’ll never be a grandma. It’s not like I don’t want to get married; I’ve been ready since college! I just can’t find the right guy,” she cried.

Why, as a general community, are we not putting the same pressure on women to encourage them to continue to seek Islamic knowledge? Higher education? To make objectives in their lives which will carry over and aid them in their future familial lives, if such is what is meant for them? Perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with the idea that women need to get married and become mothers and that if they don’t, they have not reached true success.

We all know the honorable and weighty status of wifehood and motherhood in Islam. We all know that marriage completes half your deen1 and that the Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) has told us about the mother, “[…] Paradise is at her feet.”2

But getting married and becoming a mother is not the only way to get into Paradise. And not every grown woman is a wife and/or mother, nor will ever be. Some women will eventually become wives and/or mothers, if Allah subhanahu wa ta`ala (exalted is He) blesses them with such, but for others, Allah (swt) has blessed them with other opportunities.

Allah (swt) did not create women for the sake of wifehood or motherhood. This is not our first goal, nor our end goal. Our creation was to fulfill our first and most important role—to be His SLAVE. As He tells us in Surah Dhaariyat (Chapter of the Winnowing Winds), “And I did not create the jinn and humankind except to worship Me.”3

Worship comes in such a variety of forms. Being a housewife (a.k.a. domestic engineer!) can be a form of worship. Being a stay-at-home-mom can be a form of worship. Being a working wife and mother can be a form of worship. Being an unmarried female student can be a form of worship. Being a divorced female doctor, a female journalist, Islamic scholar, film director, pastry chef, teacher, veterinarian, engineer, personal trainer, lawyer, artist, nurse, Qur’an teacher, psychologist, pharmacist or salon artist can each be a form of worship. Just being an awesome daughter or house-fixer upper can be forms of worship. We can worship Allah (swt) in a variety of ways, as long as we have a sincere intention, and what we do is done within the guidelines He has set for us.

Unfortunately, however, that is not the message our community is sending to single sisters – both those who have never been married, and those who are now divorced. When I speak to many women and ask them about the ways they want to contribute to society and the ways they want to use their time and abilities, a number of them will tell me that they have no idea and that they’re only going through the motions of school or work while they’re waiting for Prince Muslim to come along and with whom they can establish parenthood.

However, Prince Muslim is not coming along quickly or easily for many awesome, eligible Muslim women. And for some, he has come along, and he or the institution of their relationship turned out to be more villainous than harmonious. Single and never married or divorced — very capable and intelligent Muslim women constantly have to deal with the pressure of being asked, “So…when are you getting married? You aren’t getting any younger. It’s harder to have kids when you’re older.”

The amount of tears, pain, stress, anger and frustration which these awesome women are constantly dealing with because of a social pressure to get married (especially when many already want to, but are just not finding the right person!) and have children is not from our religion.

Islam gave women scholarship. Our history is filled with women who have dedicated their lives to teaching Islamic sciences. Have you ever heard of Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr? She was a scholar who was born around the year 522. Her father, Sa`d al Khayr, was also a scholar. He held several classes and was “most particular about [his daughters] attending hadith classes, traveling with them extensively and repeatedly to different teachers. He also taught them himself.”4 Fatimah studied the works of the great al-Tabarani with the lead narrator of his works in her time. You know who that lead narrator was? The lead narrator of Fatimah’s time was not named Abu someone (the father of someone, indicating that he was a male). The leading scholar of her time was a woman. Her name was Fatimah al-Juzadniyyah and she is the scholar who men and women alike would study under because in that era, she was the greatest and most knowledgeable in some of the classical texts.5 Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr eventually married and moved to Damascus and eventually to Cairo and she continued to teach. Many scholars travelled specifically to her city so they could study under her.6

Fatimah was brought up in a family that valued the education and knowledge of a woman to the point that her father was the one who would ensure she studied with scholars from a young age. Before marriage, she was not told to sit around and be inactive in the community out of fear that some men would find an educated woman unattractive or intimidating and would not want to marry her. She was not going through the motions of studying random things in college because she was stalling until she got married. She sought scholarship and Allah (swt) blessed her with a husband who was of her ranking, who understood her qualifications and drive, and who supported her efforts to continue teaching this religion even after marriage. She left a legacy we unfortunately have most likely never heard about because we rarely hear about the over eight thousand female scholars of hadith who are part of our history.7

Why do we never hear about Fatimah Sa`d al Khayr and the thousands of female scholars who were like her? I think that one of the reasons—and it’s just a personal theory—that as a community, we are so focused on grooming our women to be wives and mothers that we lose sight of the fact that this is not even our number one role.

Servitude to Allah (swt) is our number one role. We need to use what He has given us, the means that we have at the moment we have, to worship Him in the best of ways.

Islamic history is filled with examples of women who were wives and mothers, who focused completely on their tasks of being wives and/or mothers, and produced the likes of Imam Ahmed rahimahu allah (may God have mercy on him).8 We take those examples as a community and we reiterate the noble status of such incredible women.

But we also have examples of people who were not only wives and not only mothers, but those who were both of those, one of those, or none of those, and still were able to use the passions, talents and skills Allah (swt) blessed them with to worship Him through serving His creation, through calling His creation back to His Deen and leaving legacies for the generations to come. Some of these women were wives and mothers and dedicated their lives to focusing on their families completely and some of them continued to serve the greater society at large.

Shaykh Mohammad Akram Nadwi mentions in his introduction to his Dictionary of women hadith scholars, Al Muhadithaat, “Not one [of the 8000 female hadith scholars he researched] is reported to have considered the domain of family life inferior, or neglected duties therein, or considered being a woman undesirable or inferior to being a man, or considered that, given aptitude and opportunity, she had no duties to the wider society, outside of the domain of family life.”9

Female scholars in our history were focused on being family women when they had families to whom they held responsibilities, and when able, they also had goals and objectives in life which extended beyond the roles of wifehood and motherhood. So what about someone who is not yet married? Many single women are using their time to the utmost, focusing on improving their skills and abilities to contribute back to the ummah (community) and society at large. They are loving worshipping Allah (swt) through investing in their abilities and using those for the greater good. Perhaps we can all take from their example.

God, in His Wisdom, has created each one of us differently and in different circumstances. Some recognize this, love any stage they are in, and develop their abilities to the fullest. Let us, too, use the time and abilities God has given us to maximize our worship to Him and work for the betterment of society and humanity as a whole. If wifehood or motherhood comes in the process, then at least we were using all of our ability to worship Him before it came and can continue to use the training and stamina we gained before marriage to worship Him with excellence once it comes along.

If there are parents, families and communities that are pressuring women to get married and have kids: Be grateful Allah (swt) has blessed you with daughters, married or unmarried, mothers or not, as the Prophet ﷺ has said, “Do not be averse to daughters, for they are precious treasures that comfort your heart.”10 We are putting more pressure on our sisters than they can emotionally and psychologically handle. Let us give them space, let them find themselves and establish their relationships with Allah (swt).

Allah (swt) created us to worship Him. That is our number one role. Now, let us do our part and figure out how best we can fulfill the purpose for which we’ve been created.

http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationsh...s-to-paradise/

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude

Oh, I do agree with that. Although, there are people out there who put career over marriage for no reason but to find some kind success. In which case, I think their measure of success is corrupt.

I have met a few uber ambitious people who have missed the train so to speak and unanimously they admit that the goal was never the ultimate satisfaction in their career so much as being able to stand on their own two feet and be able to be financially secure to face whatever life brings and it is almost always something in their life that has pushed them to that point.. Fear of failure or homelessness or not having a dignified life can make people linear in their thinking..

I didn't know they had a name for what ails me.

Oh I doubt that very much...

**cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by TrueStranger

Being a wife and a mother IS ONE of the best ways to contribute to society. Jannah is not under the feet of a husband, but rather that of the mother. However, Abu Hurayrah reported that Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:(1) “When a woman prays her five (prayers), (2)fasts her month (Ramadan),(3) preserves her chastity, and (4)obeys her husband, she will be told (on the Day of Judgement), “Enter Jannah from any of its (eight) gates.”

I can not for the likes of me understand why people emphasis the fourth part and not the first, the second, or the third condition. If a woman has taken care of the first three ( which is between her and Allah), then understanding and obeying her husband should never be a problem. And when it comes to raising children, last time I check it was a primary obligation on both parents. Why the emphasis is overwhelming more on the mother, that too, I can not understand.

“No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.”

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”
‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) asked Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.”
A woman came to ask the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.”

Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazzar, narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, in Abwab a-rida, Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah

‘Aishah urged women to take good care of their husbands and to recognize the rights that their husbands had over them. She saw these rights as being so great and so important that a woman was barely qualified to wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face, as she stated: “O womenfolk, if you knew the rights that your husbands have over you, every one of you would wipe the dust from her husband’s feet with her face.”

This is a vivid expression of the importance of the husband’s rights over his wife. ‘A’ishah wanted to bring this to women’s attention, so as to remove from the hearts of arrogant and stubborn women all those harsh, obstinate feelings that all too often destroy a marriage and turn it into a living hell.

sahih by Ibn Hibban, and with a jayyid isnad by al-Bazzar

Do you have reference to your quote? All of them matter, the thing is here, that a woman who does her daily prayers, fasts as she should AND is chaste will be able to see reality for what it is. It all goes together. A woman of Taqwa knows her place,its really quite simple.

As far as how we educate children with no formal education (as stated in another post). Well, what is formal education? Why does a person have to graduate from a place and have apiece of paper that states what they know? The scholars of Islam and the people who contributed the most to science, medicine and everything else are people who did NOT attend places like harvard or some facility of education. We can learn at home. I for one don't let a day pass by where I don't learn something new. Alhamdullilah. My daughter who is only 5 knows all the main body parts by their scientific names (ie: filanges (fingers) patella (knee cap) etc and she knows the names of all the continents and she can recognize them mashaAllah... list goes on. So that's an invalid argument IMO.

- cOsMiC

**CosmicPathos** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude

ersonally, a woman not marrying because of some overly ambitious fixation on finding success in her career alone above all else, I dislike as it shows such a woman has her priorities mixed up.

Why is it wrong? Why are her priorities mixed up? Its her choice. She can do whatever she wants with her ovaries and her head.

On one hand you are arguing for letting people do whatever they wish (like helping community selflessly) and are promoting such ideals, which is not necessarily a bad thing, and also saying that different strokes for different blokes, then on the other hand you are downplaying women who are over-ambitious (that is better than being just ambitious) who do want to give priority to their career and success and riches over starting families. Which one is it?

**CosmicPathos** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

Do you have reference to your quote? All of them matter, the thing is here, that a woman who does her daily prayers, fasts as she should AND is chaste will be able to see reality for what it is. It all goes together. A woman of Taqwa knows her place,its really quite simple.

As far as how we educate children with no formal education (as stated in another post). Well, what is formal education? Why does a person have to graduate from a place and have apiece of paper that states what they know? The scholars of Islam and the people who contributed the most to science, medicine and everything else are people who did NOT attend places like harvard or some facility of education. We can learn at home. I for one don't let a day pass by where I don't learn something new. Alhamdullilah. My daughter who is only 5 knows all the main body parts by their scientific names (ie: filanges (fingers) patella (knee cap) etc and she knows the names of all the continents and she can recognize them mashaAllah... list goes on. So that's an invalid argument IMO.

- cOsMiC

like. ....

**CosmicPathos** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by لميس

Schizoid Personality Disorder are the only ones who truly enjoy being alone and are a bit eccentric makeup a very very small percent of any population and tend to be men.

come on sis, not all men want to be cuddled and loved. I at one point did not enjoy being in company of others, especially women. and i dont have schizoid or szhizotypal (at least I hope so!).

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

As far as how we educate children with no formal education (as stated in another post). Well, what is formal education?

It isn't a question of formal so much as having one period in matters of deen and dounia-- You asked the sister for a reference yet I see none in yours to the fact that one gets paradise for being 'under the husband's feet'-- 'obeying' doesn't equal obsequiousness and mindless following with no forethought, agreement, compromise or respect of both beings to one another what Allah swt refers to in the Quran as 'mawaddah and ra7ma'. Furthermore, usage of wrong syntax and grammar isn't very promising that the children reared are going to be anymore than under-educated hoodlums ignorant of matters of religion and education if a woman's sole job is to be a mother and teach the future generation. Exactly what is she teaching them if her education is missing in both.. Then they'll be the sort of creatures who count against Islam rather than solid scholarly individuals to build a very ailing ummah. As br. Alpha said it is best to avoid extremes for they're not a part of the religion.

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

come on sis, not all men want to be cuddled and loved. I at one point did not enjoy being in company of others, especially women. and i dont have schizoid or szhizotypal (at least I hope so!).

well you maybe an individual case study.. but I think you haven't met the right gal yet.. underneath this cold exterior is a Mr. Softee..

**cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by لميس

It isn't a question of formal so much as having one period in matters of deen and dounia-- You asked the sister for a reference yet I see none in yours to the fact that one gets paradise for being 'under the husband's feet'-- 'obeying' doesn't equal obsequiousness and mindless following with no forethought, agreement, compromise or respect of both beings to one another what Allah swt refers to in the Quran as 'mawaddah and ra7ma'. Furthermore, usage of wrong syntax and grammar isn't very promising that the children reared are going to be anymore than under-educated hoodlums ignorant of matters of religion and education if a woman's sole job is to be a mother and teach the future generation. Exactly what is she teaching them if her education is missing in both.. Then they'll be the sort of creatures who count against Islam rather than solid scholarly individuals to build a very ailing ummah. As br. Alpha said it is best to avoid extremes for they're not a part of the religion.

First of all, i did not quote when I said paradise is at your husband's feet, i never said it was a fact or a hadith. There is no hadith like that, it's a saying or figure of speech, and I backed it up with relating hadiths. Second, when did I ever say that obeying was "obsequiousness and mindless following with no forethought, agreement, compromise or respect of both beings to one another" as you stated? Please refrain from putting words in my mouth. Knowledge comes from Quran and Sunnah, this is why I mentioned that the people who have contributed most to science and medicine did not graduate from some prestigious university here is a few of them

perhaps you are misunderstanding what I'm syaing, or just in this for the sake of arguing. Personally, I'm not. A woman's place is at home and raising a good family. The ignorant hoodlums you speak of are those who get abandoned when mom is busy with herself and fulfilling her career. I mentioned what I have thought my daughter as far as academics are concerned to make a point, she also knows how to make salaat, wudu and knows more Surah's than I do.

Going back to "obeying isobsequiousness and mindless following with no forethought, agreement, compromise or respect of both beings to one another"

There is a saying, "To assume is to make and ass out of u and me". I do not for one second believe that obeying is an ignorant thing. Right now the subject is women, because the original poster made it so, however there are two sides to the coin. Men and women must understand each other's nature and respect one another. A man doesn't hold a degree over women easily u know. So please don't be so quick to assume that a woman who holds views like mine is ignorant and is ready to be a doormat. lol.

- cOsMiC

**GodIsAll** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by ardianto

What's wrong if a girl just wants to be a wife and a mother?

Not a thing!

I just wonder sometimes if the girl is in love with the man and wants to build a life with him, or if she is only in love with the idea of being married.

**GodIsAll** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by لميس

Schizoid Personality Disorder are the only ones who truly enjoy being alone and are a bit eccentric makeup a very very small percent of any population and tend to be men

Dang...she's on to me.

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by GodIsAll

Dang...she's on to me.

All the schizoids are congregating on this board and yet seem very sociable at the same time.. it is peculiar..

**Alpha Dude** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude

Personally, a woman not marrying because of some overly ambitious fixation on finding success in her career alone above all else, I dislike as it shows such a woman has her priorities mixed up.

Why is it wrong? Why are her priorities mixed up? Its her choice. She can do whatever she wants with her ovaries and her head.

Who said it's wrong? I said I dislike it.

On one hand you are arguing for letting people do whatever they wish (like helping community selflessly) and are promoting such ideals, which is not necessarily a bad thing, and also saying that different strokes for different blokes, then on the other hand you are downplaying women who are over-ambitious (that is better than being just ambitious) who do want to give priority to their career and success and riches over starting families. Which one is it?

Not really. I'm arguing that (i) a woman can selflessly dedicate her life for the sake of reward by not marrying if she has a just cause and sincere desire. Conversely, I'm saying (ii) a woman who doesn't have such selfless, God centric desires, but is doing so for personal gain without seeing the bigger picture, is doing herself a disservice, as she misses out on reward.

Person (i) is doing something good as it brings her reward whereas person (ii) is missing out on reward (and not making up for it in other ways). That's my point and that's why I dislike it. Of course, they can do as they please eitherway as long as it's halal.

I dislike approach (ii) in the same fashion as I woud dislike a kid who has the choice of spending his time and effort playing his favourite games console or striving to memorise the Quran but chooses the former. Playing games isn't haram but there is certainly more reward to be had in Quran memorisation.

**CosmicPathos** · 03-29-2012

perhaps they alternate between schizoid and histrionic personalities.

**CosmicPathos** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by Alpha Dude

Who said it's wrong? I said I dislike it.

Not really. I'm arguing that (i) a woman can selflessly dedicate her life for the sake of reward by not marrying if she has a just cause and sincere desire. Conversely, I'm saying (ii) a woman who doesn't have such selfless, God centric desires, but is doing so for personal gain without seeing the bigger picture, is doing herself a disservice, as she misses out on reward.

Person (i) is doing something good as it brings her reward whereas person (ii) is missing out on reward (and not making up for it in other ways). That's my point and that's why I dislike it. Of course, they can do as they please eitherway as long as it's halal.

I dislike approach (ii) in the same fashion as I woud dislike a kid who has the choice of spending his time and effort playing his favourite games console or striving to memorise the Quran but chooses the former. Playing games isn't haram but there is certainly more reward to be had in Quran memorisation.

why is personal gain such an unislamic thing for which she would be missing out on awards?

salam

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

First of all, i did not quote when I said paradise is at your husband's feet. There is no hadith like that, it's a saying,

Innovation is a worst thing then especially in this case..
As for the rest, I invite you to reread my posts. You've taken what I have written to an avenue where the demographics don't suit me and where I personally haven't tread..

**جوري** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

why is personal gain such an unislamic thing for which she would be missing out on awards?

salam

Because then the main purpose of our creation is ignored. We're here to worship Allah swt and he's ever merciful by allowing multiple avenues for that one merely saying sobhan Allah in awe of creation is such a mean, one of the more important ones making up half your deen is marriage and I assume it completes half of it for both men and women alike.. so if that isn't pursued or possible at least the other half (with whatever that entails of service to Allah) should be fulfilled. do you not agree?

**Alpha Dude** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by CosmicPathos

why is personal gain such an unislamic thing for which she would be missing out on awards?

salam

Wa alaykum salam,

Again, I didn't say it's unislamic. It's halal and permissible.

It's also permissible to not forgive someone who wrongs you but a person who does forgive obviously will earn more reward.

**Muhammad** · 03-29-2012

Interesting... we had an article on this subject giving a different message - emphasising the role of wifehood and motherhood, and mentioning other activities being secondary to this:

http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...omen-west.html
http://www.islamicboard.com/family-s...-part-2-a.html

**Crystal** · 03-29-2012

I don't think society nowadays gives many opportunities for wives or mothers to do anything else other than remain inside the home whereas being a wife shouldn't just be about that - you can be a wife and be a good Muslim by becoming involved in charity, education etc things that benefit others - I think it is our own fault that we categorise wives as women who sit at home and as a sister said earlier in the thread we need women in different roles in society - and society should provide these opportunities and not make it easier for single women just to get these jobs over married women or pregnant women. I know also that there are women who would prefer to stay at home and that is their decision but there are also women who want to be a wife, a mother and also provide a benefit to their society even if it is only 1 day a week helping to volunteer and all good deeds will be rewarded in the sight of Allah...also Islam is a religion about balance we shouldn't just focus our attention and restrict the role of women as being just a wife/mother

**TrueStranger** · 03-29-2012

Originally Posted by cOsMiCiNtUiTiOn

Do you have reference to your quote? All of them matter, the thing is here, that a woman who does her daily prayers, fasts as she should AND is chaste will be able to see reality for what it is. It all goes together. A woman of Taqwa knows her place,its really quite simple.

As far as how we educate children with no formal education (as stated in another post). Well, what is formal education? Why does a person have to graduate from a place and have apiece of paper that states what they know? The scholars of Islam and the people who contributed the most to science, medicine and everything else are people who did NOT attend places like harvard or some facility of education. We can learn at home. I for one don't let a day pass by where I don't learn something new. Alhamdullilah. My daughter who is only 5 knows all the main body parts by their scientific names (ie: filanges (fingers) patella (knee cap) etc and she knows the names of all the continents and she can recognize them mashaAllah... list goes on. So that's an invalid argument IMO.

- cOsMiC

Are you asking for the reference of the hadith? If so, then it is in Sahih Al Bukhari. The problem here is this thread is not about women mistreating, disobeying, or committing a grievous sin against their husbands. Most of the women under deliberation are not even married, so they have no need to worry about a matter that does not concern them at the moment. Why is it that every time a woman’s economic, academic or social status is mentioned that matters concerning motherhood and wifehood are inserted into the conversation? A woman of taqwa is not a woman who is necessarily a mother or a wife.

It truly does not matter where one graduates from, as long as they have a solid education that was provided by a teacher who is qualified. The scholars of Islam had respected and educated teachers that personally taught them or they invested time, resources, and energy into scholarly matters. They did not gain knowledge over night without the help of anyone else. No one mentioned Harvard or any other Ivy League school.

There is nothing in the Quran or the Sunnah that specifically says women your primary obligatory roles are wifehood and motherhood. Motherhood comes naturally to all women who can become pregnant. Islam did not limit women to those two options and doing so today is unrealistic. As for the duties of a wife, as far as I’m concerned according to Islamic Law, her roles do not include cooking, cleaning, washing, and basic household chores. Marriage is more than duties and laws; it involves voluntary sacrifice from both parties. A woman’s obligation is not to be a housemaid, and Islam has not prescribed that role directly to women. The fact that she declines to undertake house chores does not directly translate to “disobeying the husband”. If they agreed before hand that she will become a housewife, then she has to take care of chores pertaining to the house.I personally do not think that housework should even be an issue. Whoever has free time could do the cleaning.

It’s beautiful that you are teaching your daughter all the knowledge you possess currently. But can you honestly state that you have the knowledge and time to teach her subjects such as economics, (Islamic) law, chemistry, biology, physics, business, astronomy, etc…. School and formal education are there to cover a wide range of subjects and provide comprehensively knowledge to young men and women. We do not need to go to both extremes to get to Jannah. Keep a solid relationship with God, respect your parents, spouse (if one is married), and do no harm to Muslims (non-Muslim).

The most perfect of the believers in faith are the best of them in morals. And the best among them are those who are best to their wives. (Narrated in Mosnad Ahmad, and Al-Tirmizi).