Before I got married, my friends used to keep saying that I should have the polygyny questions done as soon as possible. Most of the times, it was brought up as a joke between us friends, but when I actually got married, I gave it a thought and asked my wife about it last Ramadaan. She instantly said no. I didn't insist anything, but I added that she shouldn't give the answer away as an impulse as what I'm asking is not something haraam, but something which Allah has permitted. She thought about it for a while, and then she said that she WOULD LET me take a second wife if I want to in the future. Although she also mentioned a couple of conditions which I found to be completely fair (but mighty expensive).
I don't want to take a second wife, but I wanted to know what my wife thought about it. Alhamdulillah, the discussion I had with her over it educated me so much more about what kind of polygyny is allowed in Islam. One of the conditions include that I should build her a house. That condition itself taught me that it is best that only the affluent class goes for multiple wives as they have the resources to maintain more than one household.
Along with that my wife added that she agreed to it because she feels that as Allah has allowed it then inshaAllah He will also provide her with the patience for dealing with it. MashaAllah I was very pleased to hear such pious words from my wife. In fact, after a few days I came to know about a hadeeth which says that when women are exposed to situations that make them jealous, and they hold fast to patience in such situations then those women are rewarded like the martyrs. I'm not sure about the authenticity of it, although I've read somewhere that it is da'eef.
As I have the green signal from my wife, I actually considered another wife, only to realize that another wife meant maintaining another household. That was enough to shoo me away as maintaining one household itself is pretty difficult in today's economy.
Sometimes, I also think that my wife would worry if I start making more money, because then I'll be able to afford another wife.
There are also situations when a fellow Muslim sister is in need, and there's no one to take care of her. Helping a helpless Muslimah opens a door of rewards, and that's another motivation behind my wife's consent. Here and there, my wife has told me that if I take a second wife, I should use that opportunity to support someone in need.
So dear sisters, would you allow your husband to take another wife?
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
JazakAllah Khair for approving this thread.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali_008
One of the conditions include that I should build her a house.
Is that what she wants for mahr?
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
^^ Nope. Her mahr is separate. She says I should be able to give her a separate place to live, and it has to be bought by me for her, not rented.
If Allah helps you, none can overcome you; and if He forsakes you, who is there after Him that can help you? And in Allah (Alone) let believers put their trust.
Surah Ale Imran : 160
It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said:
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) climbed up Uhud, accompanied by Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and ‘Uthmaan, and the mountain shook with them. He struck it with his foot and said: “Stand firm, O Uhud, for there is no one on you but a Prophet or a Siddeeq or two martyrs.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3483)
Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala) does not inspire seeking forgiveness in a slave whom he wishes to punish.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
It's not necessary for you to build a house for your 1st wife.
There's no evidence to suggest that as far as I'm aware of.
What she is entitled to is a separate comfortable dwelling which doesn't have to be owned. It can be rented.
If she is making a personal request as a condition for consenting to you having a 2nd wife then that is different, but from an Islamic point of view it is not required for you to build her a house.
This is why it's good to learn about the rights of a husband and also what rights the wife is entitled to, to prevent one party making things un-necessarily difficult for the other.
The other point is concerning whether a woman would let her husband take another wife.
Again the question here should really be, firstly can the husband fulfill the rights of the both wives properly?
And secondly would wife # 1 be able to handle her husband taking another wife?
Last edited by Mustafa2012; 01-23-2013 at 07:49 PM.
Reason: Updated
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Mustafa2012
What she is entitled is a comfortable dwelling which doesn't have to be owned. It can be rented.
as to the OP's Q.
I don't personally care, I suspect if I married for love it would be a different story.. in such a case if he really wanted to be with the other person I'd just seek a divorce.
Last edited by Insaanah; 01-23-2013 at 06:50 PM.
Reason: ....
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ
as to the OP's Q.
I don't personally care, I suspect if I married for love it would be a different story.. in such a case if he really wanted to be with the other person I'd just seek a divorce.
I meant a seperate dwelling of course.
Last edited by Insaanah; 01-23-2013 at 06:51 PM.
Reason: removed edited part and response to it
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by شَادِنُ
I suspect if I married for love it would be a different story.. in such a case if he really wanted to be with the other person I'd just seek a divorce.
What if you had an arrange marriage then it became love? Would you choose the same option?
فَبِأَيِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ "Then which of the favours of Your Lord will ye deny?"
Al-Qur'aan; Surah Ar-Rahman
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Qurratul Ayn
What if you had an arrange marriage then it became love? Would you choose the same option?
well yeah that's what I said if I had feelings for him then I imagine it would be hard to share and I think if his happiness is with another person then he should pursue it. There's nothing quite as horrible as being trapped in a life you dislike with a person you don't want to be with or while fantasizing about another.. We shouldn't kid ourselves.. it is a matter of what we're able to tolerate and different people have different thresholds when it comes to different things.
I think I have taken the road less traveled with everything else and a home life to me should be ideally about stability and comfort.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali_008
Along with that my wife added that she agreed to it because she feels that as Allah has allowed it then inshaAllah He will also provide her with the patience for dealing with it.
Masha'Allaah!
Kudos to her, what a fabulous Sister!
format_quote Originally Posted by Ali_008
MashaAllah I was very pleased to hear such pious words from my wife.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
Assalamu-alaikum,
This is an individual decision - there are some women who would not desire to be in a polygamous marriage, while there are others who are actually seeking out 2nd wives for their husbands.
Just as we have different personalities - and this is fine, so too, should we respect how different women would feel about being in this situation.
My own (unscholared) understanding is the following: A woman should understand:
1. Her husband does not need to gain her permisssion for taking on another wife (as it has already been made lawful for him by Allah Taa'la)
2. If she knows that she is not willing to be in a polygamous arrangement, then she should discuss this before the nikkah and include it in the nikkah contract (which is permissible depending on ones madhab).
This is not an attempt to make what is lawful for man, unlawful by the woman - but rather to ensure that both parties have the same goals in the marriage, and should the husband later decide to break the contract (by seeking a 2nd wife), then the wife is entitled to seeking talaaq (if she wishes to, on these grounds - i.e. based on a broken contract).
Personally, I admire the man who is able to commit to a polygamous marriage, with the intentions of wanting to look after these women and the families that arise, in a fair and equal manner (as humanly possible).
And I admire the woman who is able to see past her emotional/ worldy attachment to another person - because she realises that our worldly relationships are temporary......and that oneday, insha Allah, we will all be united as a happy family (co-wives, and more : ) ) in an eternal life.
I have often thought about this, and to be honest, I dont think I am at that level of imaan, to help me see past my own insecurities and emotional attachment to one who may be beloved to me.
Coming from a second family that went very wrong, I think I am also psychologically 'tainted' to ever wanting to be part of such an arrangement myself.
And from a personality point of view - Im the type that dreams of 'happily-ever-after-fairytales', and I would probably spend a lot of time feeling wounded and heart-sore at the thought of my beloved in someone elses arms ;(
(however, I would most likely be more consenting in a situation where i am unable to fulfill my 'wifely' responsibilities - e.g. in illness, or an accident, etc).....
Having said this, I realise that the 'weakness' perhaps lies with me.....Allah knows best.
@ brother Ali_008, jazakAllah khair for sharing your story with us.
And I pray that Allah (subhanawataála) showers his mercy and blessing upon your marriage, and grants you righteous and pious children. Ameen
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Salaam.
Even though I am a male, I would never take another girl other than my wife.
Not married at the moment however so I guess time will tell Inshallah.
Just to clarify
We're not talking about girlfriends here.
What the bro is asking is if sisters will consent to their husband taking a 2nd wife which is allowed in Islam if the husband can provide for their needs.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Mustafa2012
Just to clarify
We're not talking about girlfriends here.
What the bro is asking is if sisters will consent to their husband taking a 2nd wife which is allowed in Islam if the husband can provide for their needs.
Just to clarify. (Talking about girlfriend) Neither am I.
I'm saying that if my wife gave consent to marry another woman, I would say no.
Re: Would you let your husband take another wife(s)?
format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee
Salaam.
Even though I am a male, I would never take another girl other than my wife.
Not married at the moment however so I guess time will tell Inshallah.
when you grow up, would you be an independent man, or a wife pet?
Help me to escape from this existence
I yearn for an answer... can you help me?
I'm drowning in a sea of abused visions and shattered dreams
In somnolent illusion... I'm paralyzed
Hey there! Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
When you create an account, we remember exactly what you've read, so you always come right back where you left off. You also get notifications, here and via email, whenever new posts are made. And you can like posts and share your thoughts. Sign Up
Bint-e-Adam liked this post
Hide
Looks like you're enjoying the discussion, but you're not signed up for an account.
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks