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    DavidK565's Avatar
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    Family converted to Islam without me...

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    Hi everyone. I'm an outsider here, but I thought I would go right to the source, since that is where my problem lies.

    My family and I (were) Jewish Americans. Recently, my father, mother and younger brother took a vacation to visit the Middle East, and went to several countries along the way. I stayed behind, as I couldn't take time off from my job.

    They had always been intrigued by religions in general, and Islam specifically. Apparently, they were greatly influenced by their travels and together, made a determination that they would prepare to convert to Islam and join that community. And that is what they did.

    Quite frankly, I was disappointed with their decision (not to insult anyone here... really). Now, I'm apparently the lone holdout in my immediate family, and whenever I see them, I seem to be bombarded with questions about when I'm going to choose to accept Allah and when I'm going to rejoin my family. They give me books to read and pamphlets and all sorts of stuff that I'm supposed to read that will "somehow" get me to see the light and convert too.

    I'm not converting; its not because I'm a religious Jew by any means, but rather because I simply do not believe strongly enough in any supernatural creation to turn my life upside down.

    The reason why I'm here is: I want to know what the rules are regarding Muslims pushing their religion on others (whether this is acceptable behavior). I would at least like to know that I can tell them to leave me alone and practice their own stuff on their own time. However, i would like to find a way to do this without having my family alienate me or vice versa.

    Thanks for your input.

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    Alpha Dude's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Hi David,

    To be honest, if your family sincerely believe Islam is the truth and at the same time, they love and want what is best for you, I don't think there is anything you can do to stop them from trying to convert you. After all, they really are just doing what they believe is good for you.

    Saying that, there is no compulsion in religion. They can't 'force' you to convert. Their duty is only to deliver the message. But like I said, it's not so easy for your family to leave it at that in your case cos your family are acting on the love they have for you.

    I suggest just be patient with them and know they are only looking out for you the best they know how.

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    DavidK565's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude View Post
    Hi David,

    To be honest, if your family sincerely believe Islam is the truth and at the same time, they love and want what is best for you, I don't think there is anything you can do to stop them from trying to convert you. After all, they really are just doing what they believe is good for you.

    Saying that, there is no compulsion in religion. They can't 'force' you to convert. Their duty is only to deliver the message. But like I said, it's not so easy for your family to leave it at that in your case cos your family are acting on the love they have for you.

    I suggest just be patient with them and know they are only looking out for you the best they know how.
    So it is their "duty" to deliver the message to me, even if I expressed to them that I don't want to receive it. Judaism isn't a "preaching" religion in that sense.

    I understand what you said, and I see your point. But as with all religious conflict like this, their constant pushing directly influences my happiness. The more I hear it from them, the less I want to be around them. It would seem logical that if they cared, they would choose not to preach to me, but I suppose at the same time, my "salvation" is on the line or something.

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    جوري's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Greetings,

    There is no compulsion in religion.. There is really no preaching in Islam in that christian sense:
    [Pickthal 18:29] Say: (It is) the truth from the Lord of you (all). Then whosoever will, let him believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve

    My family urged me for years to do certain things (for instance) praying and I never heeded their advise as orthodox as they are, they never forced only advised.. it wasn't until I was in grad school. that I discovered all the benefits of prayers..

    I think it is natural when a member of a family cares and loves for another to want to offer them the very best...


    Family converted to Islam without me...

    Text without context is pretext
    If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him


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    DavidK565's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye View Post
    Greetings,

    There is no compulsion in religion.. There is really no preaching in Islam in that christian sense:
    [Pickthal 18:29] Say: (It is) the truth from the Lord of you (all). Then whosoever will, let him believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve

    My family urged me for years to do certain things (for instance) praying and I never heeded their advise as orthodox as they are, they never forced only advised.. it wasn't until I was in grad school. that I discovered all the benefits of prayers..

    I think it is natural when a member of a family cares and loves for another to want to offer them the very best...



    Gossamer,

    Have you and your family always been Muslim? I ask because my family's religious interest in me is fairly recent because they are new to Islam. Before this whole thing, we all lived our lives and that was it. (that isn't to sound like we never spent any time together. We're together quite often). But none of these other issues were important.

    NOW all of sudden, they know the "truth" and all of a sudden they HAVE to tell me about it and NOW suddenly they care about my religiosity. It all seems very fake to me. They are so new to all of this, how can they POSSIBLY know whats right for me when they don't even know what's right for themselves?

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    DavidK565's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Just to elaborate quickly, to me its as if someone has been eating steaks their entire life. Then suddenly they decide to become a vegetarian and then the next week, they come up to you and say, "You have to be a vegetarian. It's so much better for you".

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidK565 View Post
    Gossamer,

    Have you and your family always been Muslim? I ask because my family's religious interest in me is fairly recent because they are new to Islam. Before this whole thing, we all lived our lives and that was it. (that isn't to sound like we never spent any time together. We're together quite often). But none of these other issues were important.

    NOW all of sudden, they know the "truth" and all of a sudden they HAVE to tell me about it and NOW suddenly they care about my religiosity. It all seems very fake to me. They are so new to all of this, how can they POSSIBLY know whats right for me when they don't even know what's right for themselves?
    I haven't always been practicing even if I were born Muslims and yes I was annoyed by their 'advise' ..
    you are the best suited to understand all the highways and byways of your relationship with them, I'd think the forum is the wrong place to paint them as fake or sincere. I really think you'd benefit most, simply sitting down with them and letting them know how you feel about all of this and that it is a bit much and a bit fast for you to take in..

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidK565 View Post
    Just to elaborate quickly, to me its as if someone has been eating steaks their entire life. Then suddenly they decide to become a vegetarian and then the next week, they come up to you and say, "You have to be a vegetarian. It's so much better for you".
    Religion and food are very separate issues I feel the analogy runs very short..


    good luck with all of that, I sincerely hope you sort it out..

    peace
    Family converted to Islam without me...

    Text without context is pretext
    If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him


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    Ummu Sufyaan's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    congratulations first and foremost to your family. secondly, you shouldn't feel disheartened by them "leaving you out" for the reason that Islam enjoins the uphold of blood ties. i dont think they will you out or alienate you...

    please dont be offended by them preaching to you...they probably feel the natural inclination to worry over you, etc...their preaching and methods of preaching might seem really annoying to you, because they are still new at it and haven't found/learnt the most affective way...which is why they come across as blunt and forceful,


    NOW all of sudden, they know the "truth" and all of a sudden they HAVE to tell me about it and NOW suddenly they care about my religiosity. It all seems very fake to me. They are so new to all of this, how can they POSSIBLY know whats right for me when they don't even know what's right for themselves?
    they are proably acting like that "so suddenly" because they have just realized and grasped the truth. they believe Islam is the one, and so naturally worry over people (especially over their own family)...
    you will actually see the same trend in Muslims who haven't been practicing for a while, that after they have realized their mistakes, seem to have this zeal and strong desire to preach to people....this sudden desire to preach may ware off after some time, but the love of Islam, and the desire to continue to preach will not.

    everyone goes through periods of strong motivation, and that sometimes may diminish slightly.
    Family converted to Islam without me...

    ...desperate for husnul-khitaam...


    please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.


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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    is not so much a "religion" issue as it is a "relationship" issue. The family dynamics have changed and everyone needs to do some adjusting---this adjusting will come with patience and tolerance.
    You need to understand that because of changes, you cannot "go back" to the "old ways"---you will have to renegotiate the family relationship.

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ummu Sufyaan View Post
    congratulations first and foremost to your family. secondly, you shouldn't feel disheartened by them "leaving you out" for the reason that Islam enjoins the uphold of blood ties. i dont think they will you out or alienate you...

    please dont be offended by them preaching to you...they probably feel the natural inclination to worry over you, etc...their preaching and methods of preaching might seem really annoying to you, because they are still new at it and haven't found/learnt the most affective way...which is why they come across as blunt and forceful,

    they are proably acting like that "so suddenly" because they have just realized and grasped the truth. they believe Islam is the one, and so naturally worry over people (especially over their own family)...
    you will actually see the same trend in Muslims who haven't been practicing for a while, that after they have realized their mistakes, seem to have this zeal and strong desire to preach to people....this sudden desire to preach may ware off after some time, but the love of Islam, and the desire to continue to preach will not.

    everyone goes through periods of strong motivation, and that sometimes may diminish slightly.

    I totally agree with this and attest from my own experience.

    I was not practicing Islam for a loong time, but alhamdulillah Allah SWT has melted my heart and gave me hidayah.
    I've had very energizing urge to ask my friends and family members who are either not practicing or not muslims to come back to the fold of Islam.
    This is coming from my love for them and wish them to go back to the true path. But my method seems to only work on those who are already on the right path and practicing, while can seem to be very annoying on others.

    It seems your family are also on similar situation. They want the best for you, and because they have just have found it, they want very much to share it with you.
    Please be patient with them, and may Allah SWT guides you to the right path.

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    Asiyah3's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Welcome to the Forum David I hope you'll have an enjoyable and beneficial knowledge insha'llah(=If God wills).

    It seems to me that you don't know much about Islam. It's better to study it first and then judge it. Also as the other members have stated there is no compulsion in religion, no one can force another to believe.

    May Allah grant your family the best in this life and the Hereafter and guide you to the Straight path.
    Family converted to Islam without me...


    Those who believe and obscure not their belief by wrongdoing, theirs is safety; and they are rightly guided. (6:86)

    Behold! verily on the friends of Allah there is no fear, nor shall they grieve. (10:62)

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    hi David,

    Welcome to the forum,

    Congratulations to your family on accepting islam as there belief.

    I guess its hard for u to understand this all as it happened in a matter of time but im sure your family had a thought about it and this is what they wanted, i guess u need space and time to take it all in but i would recommend u to read up more on Islam simply because now yoyur family have took in a interest u might want to know why. And im sure in time u will come to realise all your answers and hopefully will be guided in the right direction.

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    DavidK565's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my post. I know I got off on a little bit of a rant there; my apologies.

    To "_muslim_", who posted below, I just want you to know that I was not trying to pass judgment at all on the religion of Islam. I acknowledge that I don't know much about it, but I certainly was not trying to judge it. I was only judging the peculiar actions of my family.

    I think many of you hit on the same points and I appreciate that. It seems there is certainly an adjustment period that we must all go through, and I forget that their new "life" has caused them to be more enthusiastic about it and I need to accept it. It could be worse I suppose... they could be miserable all the time.

    Thank you all for your time. I may be popping in occasionally to ask a question or two, if that's alright. You've all been very helpful.

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Bit funny your situaiton cos i am in the same dilemma cos i because practising at 13 and really found the deen, like most i drfited here and there over the years but Allah swt kept me guided on the Striaght path ultimatly.

    Now my brother is younger brother is 18 and ive been so concerned for him for the last few years. thinking i started practisng at 13 why hasnt he.....

    alhmadullia i got the understanding early on that the more you "force" them the more they are likely to rebel and thats human nature (as mentioned in surah kahf).

    so instead ive been trying to guide him to understanding why its important to pray, purpose of fasting, benefits of worshipping Allah and harms of comming sin etc...

    Its been a long slow struggle cos for everyday i make progress shaytan also works on him and ruins my dawah.

    In the end it is Allah Who Guides Whom He wills and not Iblis can prevent that
    Family converted to Islam without me...




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    PouringRain's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by siam View Post
    is not so much a "religion" issue as it is a "relationship" issue. The family dynamics have changed and everyone needs to do some adjusting---this adjusting will come with patience and tolerance.
    You need to understand that because of changes, you cannot "go back" to the "old ways"---you will have to renegotiate the family relationship.
    I was thinking along these same lines (relationship), only a little different. To me it seemed like the problem is not that they converted to Islam, but that they all went away on vacation, has a great family bonding experience, and did it all without him. He probably feels left out, neglected, and seems to be resentful. The family wants him to share in their joy and their bonding, but he seems unable to move past his hurt and accept their love.

    I could be completely wrong, but that is just my thoughts on what I read.


    Quote Originally Posted by DavidK565 View Post
    Just to elaborate quickly, to me its as if someone has been eating steaks their entire life. Then suddenly they decide to become a vegetarian and then the next week, they come up to you and say, "You have to be a vegetarian. It's so much better for you".
    And this would be a bad thing? If someone changed their eating habits and discovered what they believed to be a healthier form of eating, one that made them and their body feel so much better, and then felt the need and exuberance to share it with the world.... how is that a bad thing? How you eat it still your choice. Just as what religion your follow or how you choose to worship or not worship God is your choice. Everything you do is your choice. Others may desire what is best for you, out of their love for you, but the choice is still ultimately yours.

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    Italianguy's Avatar
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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Gossamer skye View Post
    Greetings,

    There is no compulsion in religion.. There is really no preaching in Islam in that christian sense:
    [Pickthal 18:29] Say: (It is) the truth from the Lord of you (all). Then whosoever will, let him believe, and whosoever will, let him disbelieve

    My family urged me for years to do certain things (for instance) praying and I never heeded their advise as orthodox as they are, they never forced only advised.. it wasn't until I was in grad school. that I discovered all the benefits of prayers..

    I think it is natural when a member of a family cares and loves for another to want to offer them the very best...


    Ms. Skye were you a Christian before? Are your family Christians? Just asking. Or did you mean praying in your own faith as of now?

    Thanks.

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    if you are not comfortable with their preaching to you, maybe you should recite this chapter to them:

    109.001 Say : O ye that reject Faith!

    109.002 I worship not that which ye worship,

    109.003 Nor will ye worship that which I worship.

    109.004 And I will not worship that which ye have been wont to worship,

    109.005 Nor will ye worship that which I worship.

    109.006 To you be your Way, and to me mine.

    (Al Quran:109:1-6)
    Family converted to Islam without me...

    Assalamualaykum... I am back!!

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Good point malaysia"---"to you be your way and to me mine"
    Part of being a "good" Muslim is Adhab (courtesy,ettiquette) which is built on compassion, pateince, tolerance and justice. So, David can actually help his family be better Muslims, simply by being who he is ......?---interesting idea......

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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Italianguy View Post
    Ms. Skye were you a Christian before? Are your family Christians? Just asking. Or did you mean praying in your own faith as of now?

    Thanks.
    No we are Muslims al7mdlillah, though from my mom's side we had some Jews from Morocco, most converted to Islam except for one great aunt!


    all the best
    Family converted to Islam without me...

    Text without context is pretext
    If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him


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    Re: Family converted to Islam without me...

    And this would be a bad thing? If someone changed their eating habits and discovered what they believed to be a healthier form of eating, one that made them and their body feel so much better, and then felt the need and exuberance to share it with the world.... how is that a bad thing? How you eat it still your choice. Just as what religion your follow or how you choose to worship or not worship God is your choice. Everything you do is your choice. Others may desire what is best for you, out of their love for you, but the choice is still ultimately yours.
    It is a bad thing because I have always been of the belief that you should let people do as they please, as long as they are not doing anything to hurt themselves. Perhaps my food analogy wasn't the best.

    But lets look at this scenario. I don't know how religious you are, lets say that you are a strong believer. You pray to god and believe that you are on the right path to salvation. But then someone comes along and tells you that you're wrong and that THEY know the "real" truth. And they tell you this over and over and over again. Sure, at first, you appreciate that they are trying to help, but you already know deep down that you know what's best for you and that you are right. And yet, you have to keep hearing that your choice in life is the wrong one. Its annoying and intrusive, but thats just my opinion.

    Quote Originally Posted by north_malaysian View Post
    if you are not comfortable with their preaching to you, maybe you should recite this chapter to them:

    109.001 Say : O ye that reject Faith!

    109.002 I worship not that which ye worship,

    109.003 Nor will ye worship that which I worship.

    109.004 And I will not worship that which ye have been wont to worship,

    109.005 Nor will ye worship that which I worship.

    109.006 To you be your Way, and to me mine.

    (Al Quran:109:1-6)
    This is a very good and useful passage. Thank you for sharing this. This is what I was looking for.


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