when someone does something to you that they know and are fully aware that it will hurt and annoy you, do you
fight back/seek revenge
or
ignore it.
if you do ignore it, how do you deal with that? i mean why is it so easy for you to ignore someone pestering and hurting you intentionally? why do you choose to stay quite about it even though it is bothersome to you? if you ignore it, doesn't this mean that you're being a doormat or is there some greater wisdom that im yet to understand?
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
if you ignore it, doesn't this mean that you're being a doormat
I don't think it's being a doormat. I believe it's showing patience. Remember the old woman that would daily chuck rubbish at the Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Wasalam and he wouldn't show any annoyance?
The only people that would do the kind of thing you are talking about are the ones that are totally heedless and haven't realised the true purpose of life to begin with. So they are in need of guidance. You can make dua for them and be patient with their ignorant behaviour - although they should, they don't really know better.
No need to fight back unless there is an adverse affect on you or anyone else from their bullying. I think there'd be more reward in being patient, forgiving them and making dua for their guidance.
Absolutely no need to take action purely for the sake of revenge because that would just be giving in to your ego.
the prophet (saw) character was not to fight back with that person and just ignore it.
even when a woman use to throw rubbish at him every time he walked passed her house.
The Messenger of Allah, Prophet Muhammad said:
"Whoever curbs his anger, while being able to act, Allah will fill his heart with certainty of faith."
it is reported in a hadith on the authority of Abu Huraira Allah be pleased with him, that Mohammad, the emissary of Allah peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said :
"The man is not a good wrestler; the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger." (Bukhari)
The Prophet said: Anger is a burning coal. Don't you see your eyebrows wide and eyes reddish? So when one of you feels angry, let him sit down if standing, and lie down if sitting.
(m3) If still anger does not stop, make ablution with cold water or take a bath, as fire cannot be extinguished without water.
The Prophet said : "When one of you gets angry, let him make ablution with water as anger arises out of fire."
In another narration, he said: "Anger comes from the devil and the devil is made of fire."
Why would you want to give in to the devil??
So we should be afraid of fighting back because this is what shayytan wants. of course some people can't control but we all can learn by educating ourselves to be like the character prophet (saw) was.
Also if it is the case that the person did fight back they should both ask forgiveness as soon as possible and not leave it to late. it is also important to know that maybe the one who has picked a fight could be facing some problems or maybe even mentally ill. i guess it depends really on whether you know the person or not.
when someone does something to you that they know and are fully aware that it will hurt and annoy you, do you
fight back/seek revenge
or
ignore it.
if you do ignore it, how do you deal with that? i mean why is it so easy for you to ignore someone pestering and hurting you intentionally? why do you choose to stay quite about it even though it is bothersome to you? if you ignore it, doesn't this mean that you're being a doormat or is there some greater wisdom that im yet to understand?
I try to ignore. Some people get satisfied when the make someone get angry and I don't want to give them this satisfaction.
The one who tries to hurt you will reach his goal if you fight back at him.
The Messenger of Allah, Prophet Muhammad said:
"Whoever curbs his anger, while being able to act, Allah will fill his heart with certainty of faith."
it is reported in a hadith on the authority of Abu Huraira Allah be pleased with him, that Mohammad, the emissary of Allah peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said :
"The man is not a good wrestler; the strong man is in fact the person who controls himself at the time of anger." (Bukhari)
i used to ignore it, but you do become a bit of a doormat. now i try to deal with it with sharp words and humour, then they usually back of and we reach a mutual understanding. doesnt always work though...
when someone does something to you that they know and are fully aware that it will hurt and annoy you, do you
fight back/seek revenge
or
ignore it.
if you do ignore it, how do you deal with that? i mean why is it so easy for you to ignore someone pestering and hurting you intentionally? why do you choose to stay quite about it even though it is bothersome to you? if you ignore it, doesn't this mean that you're being a doormat or is there some greater wisdom that im yet to understand?
I ignore it. This is along the same lines as I wrote about in another thread today about forgiving. I can forgive someone, but this doesn't mean that I allow them to walk all over me. Likewise, I can ignore someone whose intention is to harm me, but this doesn't mean that I am a doormat who allows them to abuse me. I can not control the actions of another, I can only control my response to those actions and my attitude. If someone continually seeks to harm me and do things which are hurtful to me, then there is no reason for me to continue a relationship with that person. I can pray for that person and I can forgive them, but this doesn't mean that I have to allow that person to be a part of my life. I can continue to show love to that person, but I don't have to give them the satisfaction of hurting me.
I don't think it's being a doormat. I believe it's showing patience. Remember the old woman that would daily chuck rubbish at the Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Wasalam and he wouldn't show any annoyance?
Bro do you mind giving a source for that, I've also been taught the same but can't find the hadith
He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full of Mercy to the Believers. [Quran {33:43}] www.QuranicAudio.com www.Quran.com
i used to ignore it, but you do become a bit of a doormat. now i try to deal with it with sharp words and humour, then they usually back of and we reach a mutual understanding. doesnt always work though...
good for you, as long as you can keep the wind up merchants away from your heart its all good.
iv gone the doormat route many times, even lost my job doing it that way.
I ignore it. This is along the same lines as I wrote about in another thread today about forgiving. I can forgive someone, but this doesn't mean that I allow them to walk all over me. Likewise, I can ignore someone whose intention is to harm me, but this doesn't mean that I am a doormat who allows them to abuse me. I can not control the actions of another, I can only control my response to those actions and my attitude. If someone continually seeks to harm me and do things which are hurtful to me, then there is no reason for me to continue a relationship with that person. I can pray for that person and I can forgive them, but this doesn't mean that I have to allow that person to be a part of my life. I can continue to show love to that person, but I don't have to give them the satisfaction of hurting me.
interesting...why do you show love to that person? you mean like "kindness Kills" right?
format_quote Originally Posted by Alpha Dude
Wa alaykum salam,
I don't think it's being a doormat. I believe it's showing patience. Remember the old woman that would daily chuck rubbish at the Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alaihe Wasalam and he wouldn't show any annoyance?
The only people that would do the kind of thing you are talking about are the ones that are totally heedless and haven't realised the true purpose of life to begin with. So they are in need of guidance. You can make dua for them and be patient with their ignorant behaviour - although they should, they don't really know better.
That’s the thing I don’t really want to guide and show them because i feel so put off and hurt by them. i don’t care what happens to them, i just want them to leave me alone. the way i look at it if i was to advise them, is "you insult me and i reward you" which that concept to me, is strange.
i sort of agree with you that they need guiding, but the thing is as i said, they are fully aware of what they are doing and they know that it hurts-so in other words, they do it just because they can.
And besides if i do try advise them and show them that attention, they only stick their noses in the air at me. (Not to mention they get demanding-this is why i like to keep my distance-because i know it will be a never ending cycle, even if i did try to approach them). it’s a whole ego/power trip for them. That’s all there is to it for them. its for their sake and for their own attention seeking.
No need to fight back unless there is an adverse affect on you or anyone else from their bullying. I think there'd be more reward in being patient, forgiving them and making dua for their guidance. Absolutely no need to take action purely for the sake of revenge because that would just be giving in to your ego.
But they never learn if you don’t stand up for yourself and sometimes they actually back off when you do.
In some cases, I agree, its best not to react as it only makes the situation worse but sometimes, really the person doesn't stop annoying until you do something about it.
if you cant do anything about it (in the case where you choose to stay quite fearing that it will only make the situation worse), it boils up inside of you and you feel sort of "paralyzed" because you *literally* can’t do anything about it... daymed if you do, daymed if you don’t.
You mention not giving in to your own ego? is giving into theirs anything better because sometimes that's what actually happens...you don’t say anything, and may soon find them using you and thinking they can "bully" you because you've just sat and let them treat you like that. That’s exactly what they depend and thrive on- finding satisfaction in you getting hurt...
...desperate for husnul-khitaam...
please make dua that Allah grants me a good end (to my life). please make dua that Allah guides me.
interesting...why do you show love to that person? you mean like "kindness Kills" right?
Kind of like that. Their intention and goal is to hurt you, and by showing them love then you are not giving them the satisfaction of doing such. But, also, it is more than that... I believe we are to love others and pray for them just as God has loved us even when we have done things which hurt him, and he is our example. It is by showing God's love shining through us to others that they come to know him.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
That’s the thing I don’t really want to guide and show them because i feel so put off and hurt by them. i don’t care what happens to them, i just want them to leave me alone. the way i look at it if i was to advise them, is "you insult me and i reward you" which that concept to me, is strange.
i sort of agree with you that they need guiding, but the thing is as i said, they are fully aware of what they are doing and they know that it hurts-so in other words, they do it just because they can.
And besides if i do try advise them and show them that attention, they only stick their noses in the air at me. (Not to mention they get demanding-this is why i like to keep my distance-because i know it will be a never ending cycle, even if i did try to approach them). it’s a whole ego/power trip for them. That’s all there is to it for them. its for their sake and for their own attention seeking.
How about: "you insult me and i reward you which ultimately leads Allah to reward me in return"?
Though I realise how tough it must be. It's best to keep your distance while directing them toward good the best you can.
We should keep our intention sincere toward people that behave ignorantly and try not to have bad feelings for them personally but for their actions. Allah is the one that has guided us to be enlightened and it is part of Islam for us to want others to gain what we have been given too.
You mention not giving in to your own ego? is giving into theirs anything better because sometimes that's what actually happens...you don’t say anything, and may soon find them using you and thinking they can "bully" you because you've just sat and let them treat you like that. That’s exactly what they depend and thrive on- finding satisfaction in you getting hurt...
Them giving into their ego will hurt them in the hearafter, if they don't see the error of their way and repent. You giving in to yours will hurt only you.
I maintain that unless there is any adverse repercussion for being patient with their 'bullying' (for you or anyone else), it is better to be patient and try to guide them as best you can.
If you read the first post, then you will see what is meant by the title. "To spite" "In spite of"
Hmmm...I couldn't find this word in the dictionary.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
when someone does something to you that they know and are fully aware that it will hurt and annoy you, do you
fight back/seek revenge
or
ignore it.
if you do ignore it, how do you deal with that? i mean why is it so easy for you to ignore someone pestering and hurting you intentionally? why do you choose to stay quite about it even though it is bothersome to you? if you ignore it, doesn't this mean that you're being a doormat or is there some greater wisdom that im yet to understand?
What you have stated above is what truly tests the character of a Muslim; is he sincere. Part of the good manners of a Muslim is not to annoy others and to bear the annoyance of people with patience. This is why the scholars say that one should never judge a person in times of easy, judge him when he is angry because then you will see the worst of him come out.
Allah says in Surah al Imraan verse 133: وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ
I.e. وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ - "...Those who swallow their anger..." To give you an example of this; If you have food in your mouth I would still be able to see it by the lump on your cheek. But when you swallow your food it's gone completely. So this verse instructs you to swallow your anger as though it's not even there. And then Allah carries on and says:
وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ - "...who forgive...". Meaning on top of swallowing your anger you forgive them. In another verse Allah says to forgive others if you would like to be forgiven by Allah. And then Allah completes this verse and says:
وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ - Allah loves those who excel in good deeds.
I hope that helps.
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 04-23-2010 at 09:32 PM.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
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