Satirical Article On Atheism

OK, thought you guys might like this. I have edited out offensive language, and am withholding the link, for the website would be no doubt considered ultra offensive by most Muslims.

Atheism is a religion for people who worship science Richard Dawkins instead of God. It is most notably the only religion without any real basis or organization whatsoever. Its followers are no less uneducated, dogmatic and fanatical about their chosen spiritual path than they claim Muslims, Christians, Hindoos or Jews are.

Where atheism stands out is in the insistence that it is based on fact, and not based at all on faith. As there is no way to use logic to prove or disprove the existence of God, atheism is, in fact, based completely on theory and faith. Atheists may be the True Non-Believers, but their arguments are still rubbish, and will ultimately all just end up burning in Hell.

Atheists suffer from a rare, aggressive form of unwarranted self-importance. Atheists invariably think they are smarter than you, since they were the first to figure out how to question a pre-existing concept, or because they don't believe in God. In fact, it is the norm, not the exception, that an atheist is committed so completely to their disbelief that they'll not even consider theistic arguments, and then wonder out loud about and criticize theists who don't question their own beliefs, usually discrediting their opponent as stupid, closed minded, brain washed, or, most ironically, bigoted. (The moderation of the particular theist's faith never accounted.) Any time they claim that they only want food for thought and conversation they invariably lie, as that statement is always later followed by the declaration that discussion with a theist pointless or like talking to a brick wall.

They believe that some philosopher (e.g., Friedrich Nietzsche, Richard Dawkins or Karl Popper) has proven atheism. However, they will of course dismiss any philosopher that believes in God. The circular argument goes like this:

1. Anyone who believes in a God is stupid, ergo
2. anything they say is stupid, ergo
3. even listening to said person would be wasting the intellectually superior atheist's time.

Those who aren't busy posting threads about the deep meanings in a System of a Down song are vlogging it up on the YouTube and cry about how they are being mistreated by the evil "xtians".

Atheists have a very critical choice when they make the change, they either claim to believe in magic (and mean it) or call evolution bull****, since most are so fat, ugly, and stupid at this point that they have no choice but to think magic is real, since there is no way "Survival of the Fittest" can be true with people like TAA still stealing our oxygen.
Ex-Christian-Atheists

As much as everyone enjoys an Atheist's company, you will feel nothing but utter love being with what can only be described as ex-Christian-Atheists. These are the people who actually fell for the idea that believing nothing actually makes you smart, and are the only people still stupid enough to compare God to unicorns. On top of forming whole arguments around horrible analogies, they will probably try begging forgiveness from God, still hoping to make it into heaven. Lulz will ensure.

More likely than not, these are the people you will see everywhere who try and scream on the internet without either THE FURY or Exclamation points, so you have to have the pleasure of reading it all over again.

An example of such stupidity:

* God is a myth made up by sheep trying to control more sheep.
* My age doesn't matter. I'm still smarter than you.
* I haven't told my parents yet, because I'm still 27 and don't want to move out for being a genius.

Its a good thing that the internets have voice, or we would be darned.

Since atheists don't believe in God, they don't care about morality. All atheists are moral relativists. Given the chance, they would rape and murder every member of your (or their own) family, simply because they can. Stating this to an atheist will result in a 10-page rant about how morals are natural and are pre-programmed to keep us from murdering our families, friends and neighbors for their delicious cake. Nevertheless, the atheist will fail to realize that nobody cares, and will keep on ranting far after the listener gets bored and walks off or stops reading.

Atheists are consumed by the delusion that religion somehow is the cause of all conflict and that it is directly responsible for every war and murder that has ever occurred in history, when in reality it is just a source of major lulz for their more temperate kin. Of course, most atheists fail to realize that, with or without religion, there will always be stupid people in the world who will fervently believe anything they read.

Failing to justify man-made morals, they resort to a comparative exercise. The main crux of their argument rests on body counts, but a short sample of atheist leadership data reveals a different picture.

* Joseph Stalin, Atheist: 20 million plus dead
* Mao-Tse-Tung, Atheist: 40 million plus dead
* Adolf Hitler, Atheist: 10 million plus dead
* Pol Pot, Atheist: 2 million dead
* Kim-Il-Sung, Atheist: 5 million dead
* Fidel Castro, Atheist: 1 million dead
* Maximilien Robespierre, father of secular France, Atheist: 40,000 dead

PROTIP: When in an encounter with an atheist and this issue comes up, simply point out that atheist dictators killed millions of people over the past century and murdered hundreds of thousands in an effort to eradicate religion itself, because, you know, mass murder is the inevitable result when a community becomes too intolerant of outlandish dogmas and too fond of critical thinking.

The atheist will undoubtedly respond with, "BUT THEY DIDN'T KILL IN THE NAME OF ATHEISM!!11", which is rubbish, because they obviously did.