Allah has said, he is as his servant thinks he is. If you are going in to the dua without really expecting anything and being half hearted, then you won't get much. Not that you are doing this, I wouldn't know. Conversely, if you are fully expecting hope and mercy, then you will gain it inshaAllah.
We should be consistent in dua too. We want our connection with Allah to grow. If we make dua on and off (i.e. only times of true need), our connection won't be that strong compared to when we make dua day after day. Remember him in good times as well as bad.
On the authority of Abu Harayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: Allah the Almighty said:
I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me.
If he makes mention of Me to himself, I make mention of him to Myself; and
if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an
assembly better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw
near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at
speed.
I caught your post before you edited it. No, you do not have any dysfunction in your brain. That's just silly talk.
Honestly sister, think positive. Sounds cliche but it really will help. Be positive about Allah, before and after and at all times. Granted, it is difficult to do this but that's what you (and us all) should strive for.
I guess I'm just exhausted and tired. I'm fed up with life. Actually I never had any energy for life from the beginning. I never played with other children, they were too energetic for me. I cried all the time. I has a very depressive personality even as a tot. The only time I really had energy was when I was angry. Even now I just want to fight for the sake of it. I don't mean with words... I don't like verbal arguments. I mean I want to brawl. I want to really go all out with my fists, feet, knees, elbows, etc. Or a good sturdy stick fight.
I'm just so angry that I am so lacking in energy unless it's energy fuelled by adrenaline. Then if it is fuelled by adrenaline it's only because I'm angry.
Most of the time I can barely think I'm so exhausted. On top of that I have undiagnosed mental health problems, I say undiagnosed because the docs couldn't put their finger on it. I was normal but... not normal either. Not quite strange enough to say I had an actual condition, but strange enough to be admitted to see someone. People say "oh you're normal everyone feels a little strange sometimes" well guess what I don't feel normal! My interests were always weird, but that's not what I'm on about.
It feels like a real dysfunction of my ability to comprehend what others take for granted. I cannot comprehend prayer. I cannot comprehend dua. I don't comprehend sincerity. I don't comprehend certain emotions that I hear others describe, such as that one where they feel spiritual. Or the one where they feel "exhilarated" or "overjoyed". I understand happiness and contentedness, but what makes it different from joy and exhilaration? Exhileration just sounds like excitement to me and the only time I am excited is when I am scared or angry.
When I was little I wanted to be an animal. Why? Animals just do what they do. I behaved and felt like an animal. I still do. Humanity isn't something I understand very well. And things that feel natural to humans, such as prayer, just don't evoke any response from me other than frustration, nor do they feel natural to do.
I have practically mastered mimicry. I can mimic emotions. I can predict responses. I can predict what others expect in a response. Doesn't mean I really feel it. Being "positive" to me is just mimicking positive behaviours and thought patterns, while I just feel more and more isolated on the inside. I don't actually know what it feels like to be positive.
I learned this mimicry as a survival mechanism to get me through school with minimal torment from the kids. Then so I could communicate as an adult amongst other adults. As for my actual true emotional maturity, it is in a state of disrepair.
Belief in the word of Allah is the only thing in life that has ever rang true to me. But it seems that there are still things missing. I don't really feel it.
Know what I just don't have the energy for this. I'm exhausted, I'm sick, and I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. Hear that? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DON'T GIVE ME THE CRAP ABOUT BEING SINCERE OR "JUST TRY MORE"! I'M SICK OF IT! I DO THESE THINGS AND IT'S JUST NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I DON'T KNOW!
On top of that I have undiagnosed mental health problems, I say undiagnosed because the docs couldn't put their finger on it. I was normal but... not normal either. Not quite strange enough to say I had an actual condition, but strange enough to be admitted to see someone. People say "oh you're normal everyone feels a little strange sometimes" well guess what I don't feel normal! My interests were always weird, but that's not what I'm on about.
What's normal?
Most (not all) of these mental "diseases" classified by psychologists/mind specialists are just rubbish created out of thin air by apparent experts.
Our personality is defined by our experiences. We are not born 'weird' (unless there is a genuine physical problem). It's natural that you are what you are given what you've experienced in life. Why would you care what others define 'normal' as (to the extent you believe you have a problem)? We are all unique.
I think you're just trying to be a victim (genuinely say this respectfully). It's like you're trying to find a scapegoat to blame your perceived problems on. You perceive yourself as different to other people and hence think there must be something wrong with you. Why should that be the case? Just accept who you are: a sum of your life experiences to date. Obviously, we don't all have the same life experiences otherwise we would all be similar.
You are not a weirdo. Nor are all the people who have different outlooks on life (again, gained by the sum of their life experiences - who can blame them?).
It feels like a real dysfunction of my ability to comprehend what others take for granted. I cannot comprehend prayer. I cannot comprehend dua. I don't comprehend sincerity. I don't comprehend certain emotions that I hear others describe, such as that one where they feel spiritual. Or the one where they feel "exhilarated" or "overjoyed". I understand happiness and contentedness, but what makes it different from joy and exhilaration? Exhileration just sounds like excitement to me and the only time I am excited is when I am scared or angry.
Your inability to comprehend prayer/dua etc is not due to any dysfunction. It's simply due to you not being exposed to it before. You want to know what's funny? There are so many Muslims in this world who simply do these things (prayer/dua) as routine. They don't thinkconsciously nor do they even try to actually connect with Allah. It's just a bunch of physical actions they do and consider their duty done.
Your case is a good sign. You are trying consciously, you want to feel the strong emotion but are finding a difficulty and you are lamenting this. In my mind, that is way better than the routined folks who are kept in the dark about their own deficiencies in this regard. Allah has favoured you to awaken you to your deficiency*, I honestly believe this.
* Deficiency being the inability to be fully sincere. We ALL have this deficiency. Nobody is fully switched on and connected to Allah at all times. There are good days and bad days. Muslims need to keep striving. It's always going to be a struggle.
It's good to be aware of your problems than to not know it exists in the first place and as I said, there are a heck of a LOT of people who do not realise their problems.
Last edited by Alpha Dude; 10-27-2010 at 11:05 AM.
Know what I just don't have the energy for this. I'm exhausted, I'm sick, and I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. Hear that? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DON'T GIVE ME THE CRAP ABOUT BEING SINCERE OR "JUST TRY MORE"! I'M SICK OF IT! I DO THESE THINGS AND IT'S JUST NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I DON'T KNOW!
I'M OUT OF HERE I HATE THIS PLACE!
Calm down sister. The very fact that you feel this way IS GOOD. Lamenting your inability to do some form of worship is very very good, in fact. Your concerns are just misplaced. You are trying to aim for perfection in worship. Well, newsflash: We are NEVER going to be able to be perfect. It's a flaw in us. We are sinners through and through and would NEVER be able to connect with Allah as is his due. No matter how hard you try, you won't be able to do it.
But we dont' stop! What Allah loves is the sincere ones and they are the ones who TRY even if they find it DIFFICULT. It is this very struggle that you are feeling that Allah appreciates.
I'm sorry. I guess I do just need to calm down. I appreciate what you're saying.
I guess I'm just feeling very, VERY lonely right now and I don't really have anyone else I can think of to turn to other than Allah, but I don't feel any less lonely, only more so. When loneliness strikes me it's like... I'd rather be in physical pain. If I could be in physical pain but not alone, I'd rather that to being alone but feeling numb.
I think I should get off the forum for a while, and I think I need to quit my university course because it's all I ever think about lately. I'm failing (I really shouldn't have been allowed on in the first place because it's more advanced than I was told it would be, and I have no past experience in the field of computing that they take for granted that we will know) and there are other more important obligations I need to focus my full attention on.
sister, everyone one out there has some or the other problem, i guess u should travel somewhere, go out and relax a little bit and do salaah and tasbeeh
Oh lord make my best deeds the last deeds
Oh lord make my best day the last day (aakhirah)
Sister, re: quitting uni. I wouldn't make any rash decisions. Think it through properly. Many students are overwhelmed by study and feel like giving it up.
A good cure for depression that often works is regular exercise. Give it a try if you haven't already, and that feeling of exhaustion should disappear as well.
I'm sorry. I guess I do just need to calm down. I appreciate what you're saying.
I guess I'm just feeling very, VERY lonely right now and I don't really have anyone else I can think of to turn to other than Allah, but I don't feel any less lonely, only more so. When loneliness strikes me it's like... I'd rather be in physical pain. If I could be in physical pain but not alone, I'd rather that to being alone but feeling numb.
I think I should get off the forum for a while, and I think I need to quit my university course because it's all I ever think about lately. I'm failing (I really shouldn't have been allowed on in the first place because it's more advanced than I was told it would be, and I have no past experience in the field of computing that they take for granted that we will know) and there are other more important obligations I need to focus my full attention on.
You are human. That is the answer in it's shortest form.
Us humans have a tendency to be our own most destructive force. These horrible feelings are the result of each of us reacting as humans. I know it does not help but at some point nearl all if not all of us have those very same feelings.
We do call out for help, yet we are mixed as we really do not want to hear any advice or suggestions. We simply want the pain to stop and do not know how to make it stop. It does little good to know that others have felt the same. for each of us our pain is our own pain and nobody else can feel it.
The source of this pain comes from within, the solution comes from outside. This is a time to learn to trust in Allaah(swt) and understand that even though we feel numb to any feeling towards him, he is still aware of our suffering. This is the time to trust and know that our prayers will be answered, even if we feel they wont be.
Life puts many burdens upon us, some we can remove. One hardship is our emotions. We need to know that our emotions are part of us and that they have been held imprisoned by social concepts. We need to learn to love ourselves and understand we each are a unique creation and have a need to open our hearts up and care about ourselves as much as we want others to care about us. this is not being selfish, it is acknowledging that Allaah(swt) has given us purpose and we are gifted to complete our purpose.
As hard and unfeeling it may first seem to be. Place your trust in Allaah(swt) and pray that he give you relief from your inner turmoil. Remember it takes a lot of oil to soothe a raging sea and it will take a lot of prayer to soothe this inner pain.
Also keep in mind other people really do care about you and want you to find peace, even people you will never know.
When others turn to Allah when they're in need they report feeling comfort and security, not feeling alone.
When I turn to Allah when I'm in need, I feel nothing except loneliness and coldness.
Tell me why this is.
Call out to Him sincerely and seek refuge in Allah from shaytan. The feelings of loneliness and depression is from shaytan because he strives to make you feel alienated from your Lord. The best thing that you have with you is your imaan and shaytan wants to spoil your iman so he can leave you in ruin. He strives to make you feel that Allah will not respond to you and that He cannot hear your call, but you must shun these thoughts and be hopeful of Allah and His response. Be confident, assured and expectant of a response from Allah and remain firm in this state continuously and throughout your time of need. Anything thing less than this is from shaytan who wants you to feel pessimistic, lonely and in despair.
When My servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I listen to the prayer of every suppliant when he calls on Me: Let them also, with a will, Listen to My call, and believe in Me: That they may walk in the right way. [2:186]
Last edited by 'Abd-al Latif; 10-27-2010 at 11:52 AM.
And verily for everything that a slave loses there is a substitute, but the one who loses Allah will never find anything to replace Him.” [Related by Ibn al-Qayyim in ad-Dâ' wad-Dawâ Fasl 49]
Know what I just don't have the energy for this. I'm exhausted, I'm sick, and I'm fed up. I don't know what to do. Hear that? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! DON'T GIVE ME THE CRAP ABOUT BEING SINCERE OR "JUST TRY MORE"! I'M SICK OF IT! I DO THESE THINGS AND IT'S JUST NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I DON'T KNOW!
I'M OUT OF HERE I HATE THIS PLACE!
I have the same problem as you...in prayer, its normal, esp when its a new thing and your learning. there is nothing wrong with you. your a new muslim right ? I think your being way too harsh on yourself. I still cant gain khushoo wen i pray, i often get frustrated, ive tried everything that ppl have suggested but still cant get it. The only way to overcome these thoughts is to continue doing everything you are in terms of prayer, also make lots of dua, ask allah to help you have the ability to gain khushoo in salah. you need to be really firm in your belief. I know people that pray, but there not really...they just go through the motions, dont feel anything...its good your trying to correct your mentality...and get closer to allah.
with regards to the uni course, dont quit...take some time out, try and get some extra tuition in if you can. if the course is 2 advanced for you..then maybe see if you can some form of extra help. dont let all your past hard work go down the drain.
from your postings, it sounds like your really stressed, take some time out, stop placing too much strain on yourself, get away for a couple of days, do anything but just try and de-stress. some1 mentioned exercise and the gym ? thats great for de-stressing. I totally understand your frustrations, i was like that when i was getting back in2 prayer. you've been given some good advice above, tke time out, read it, and try and apply it.
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