Regret....

[Ummu Sufyaan]

how does one accept qadr if it was them who was responsible for loosing out on something?

Sometimes one may feel pain due to the hurt people has caused them and can deal with it okay.... but sometimes someone may feel pain due to their own carelessness and may lose out on something because they weren't wise enough to take that "chance". So you can imagine how much regret and pain they would be in if it was thier own fault that they casued themsleves to lose out on that thing. compare this with someone who feels pain due to losing out on something that wasn't in their control to begin with.

how would someone deal with that regret and sorrow knowing that it was their fault? its going to be with them all their lives, no?

[Ali Mujahidin]

how would someone deal with that regret and sorrow knowing that it was their fault? its going to be with them all their lives, no?

Allah, and Allah alone, has the power to make anything and everything happen.

As a very rough analogy, consider this scenerio:

You are an actor in a movie. The director tells you to point a gun at another actor. He tells you to pull the trigger. You do as you are told. The gun fires a live bullet. The other actor is shot though the heart and dies. Do you regret what you have done?

btw that is not a far-fetched scenario. Bruce Lee's son, I was told, died that way during the filming of a movie.

Back to real life. We, as Muslims, do what Allah tells us to do. So we do it with tawakal and iman that Allah knows better. There are times when things do not work out as we would have wished. However, if we remain strong in our iman, we will eventually see that it was really for the best.

Hope that is useful. Insha Allah.

[CosmicPathos]

Allah, and Allah alone, has the power to make anything and everything happen.

As a very rough analogy, consider this scenerio:

You are an actor in a movie. The director tells you to point a gun at another actor. He tells you to pull the trigger. You do as you are told. The gun fires a live bullet. The other actor is shot though the heart and dies. Do you regret what you have done?

btw that is not a far-fetched scenario. Bruce Lee's son, I was told, died that way during the filming of a movie.

Back to real life. We, as Muslims, do what Allah tells us to do. So we do it with tawakal and iman that Allah knows better. There are times when things do not work out as we would have wished. However, if we remain strong in our iman, we will eventually see that it was really for the best.

Hope that is useful. Insha Allah.

The movie was called crow.

bruce lee himself died during a movie shoot. father-son movie deaths, quite interesting.

off track.

[Ummu Sufyaan]

We, as Muslims, do what Allah tells us to do. So we do it with tawakal and iman that Allah knows better. There are times when things do not work out as we would have wished. However, if we remain strong in our iman, we will eventually see that it was really for the best.

what about those "maybe if i...." or "why wasnt i smart enought...." type of thoughts. they would really kill someone....how do you avoid feelings of despair?

[tigerkhan]

^ u know i had passed with this feeling...
but sister this regret or "if" is just weakness of eman and a shatan trick to weak and spoil our eman, honestly.
i blv we should have been strong blv on Taqdeer. eg the Suhaba RA in battle of Uhad, by this mistake of one group appointed on top of a hill, 70 died and even Prophet PBUH had got wound. BUT none of them did suicide bcz of this regret. they make repentance for this HUGE loss and Allah SWT forgive them.
u know in hadith its come that if Younes AS didn't said that dua in abdomen of that fish, he would be there until qayama. so that shows a bit idea of taqdeer. Allah SWT had decided that He will gave him rid of this so Allah SWt give him tofiq to recite that dua of istaghfar. and ALLAH SWT knows what will be the scenario in other case. so there is nothing related to our "cleverness" but what is written, we will get it.
so my advise will be MOVE ON and just neglect what has happened and can never come back. this just a shatan trap to think such. be strong to accept what is written for us. maybe Allah SWT has something better for us and we are not understanding bcz of our little knowledge. there is always some "muslihat" behind every thing and we always be thankful to him. eg if some one fall from a roof and his leg Brooke, now instead of thinking if i didn't go there i can be saved. Say thanks GOD i am alive and there is not much injury in backbone or else. i know writing such lines are easy but practically we need ton of eman for it, but i hope if we strength our eman and seek Allah SWT help, the pbm will be solved insh.
JazakAllah

[Ramadhan]

what about those "maybe if i...." or "why wasnt i smart enought...." type of thoughts. they would really kill someone....how do you avoid feelings of despair?

sister, trust me, I am so getting what you meant.
Years ago I made fantastically stupid mistakes that steered myself towards living as a jahiliyya for many years, and now I am living with those "if only.." "why did I do.." etc every single day.
Everytime I remember all those mistakes (which changed my life like you wouldnt believe), the pain is killing me.
The main things that helped me from going into total despair is my shalah, whenever I recite Qur'an, and my mother. pouring my heart out to Allah and crying in shalah and when reciting qur'an always helped me, talking to my mother always work as an antidote as well.
Of course there are also other factors that helped forgetting those nightmares: work, friends, hobby, but they are sedentary.
What I've been doing is that I acknowledge all those mistakes to Allah and I owned them up (just like the du'as of Adam and Yunus pbut), and sometimes I wished I got punished in this dunya for the results of those mistakes to avoid getting punished in akhirah, (I dont know if it's faseeq to ask Allah for punishment but thats what I feel sometimes) and so I am hoping that the heartaches and the pains will expiate some of those sins if Allah accepts.
During the days when my eeman is really strong, I feel not only contentment but real positive and always grateful that even though I made those mistakes, at the end Allah gave me hidaya and his endless mercy and for this alone it gives me another perspective: what if I hadnt made those mistakes, but down the road my life would slowly drift away from Islam without me realizing and I'd die as a fasiq/kafir/hypocrite/etc.
So yeah, getting my relationships close with Allah is the main reason I am not falling into despair.

I hope it helps and I hope what I wrote is clear and Im not writing like a rambling mad man again.

[nature]

what about those "maybe if i...." or "why wasnt i smart enought...." type of thoughts. they would really kill someone....how do you avoid feelings of despair?

You cant really avoid them feelings as such, but somehow you've got to make yourself "get ova" them, so you can be at peace with yourself & be able to move on. Otherwise your right, eventually those type of thoughts would kill you mentally. I totally get where your coming from. The despair thing i guess it would depend on where your faith was at ?

[Woodrow]

One of the hardest prices we pay for getting older is the regret for our past errors. Looking back we all at some point see we have lost very much because of poor choices.

One of the first tests of maturity is in recognizing at one time we were immature. From this recognition we see very clearly how much our immaturity has cost us. But, we learn from those past errors and if we truly learn and are truly sincere in our repentance we know that at some point what we lost will be replaced with better things. This hope and trust in the Mercy of Allaah(swt) enables us to look forward and stop looking backwards.

[Al-Mufarridun]

One of the hardest prices we pay for getting older is the regret for our past errors. Looking back we all at some point see we have lost very much because of poor choices.

One of the first tests of maturity is in recognizing at one time we were immature. From this recognition we see very clearly how much our immaturity has cost us. But, we learn from those past errors and if we truly learn and are truly sincere in our repentance we know that at some point what we lost will be replaced with better things. This hope and trust in the Mercy of Allaah(swt) enables us to look forward and stop looking backwards.

Allah is Great!

Jazakallah khair Woodrow.

['Abd-al Latif]

what about those "maybe if i...." or "why wasnt i smart enought...." type of thoughts. they would really kill someone....how do you avoid feelings of despair?

Sister, what you need to remember is that life is full of trials and you cannot get into Jannah through trials.

Allah will sometimes test you so that you will fall into regret, heartache and grief. Dear sister, Allah is not trying to destroy you. Rather he is strengthening you and closing your gaps in all your shortcomings. He is refining and polishing your character just as a blazing furnace purifies gold. Think of your heartache as a broken bone; once it heals, it becomes stronger and better than it was before. After this trial you may not be the same person again, but your iman will become a shining light like the full moon on a dark night. Be patient and show gratitude to Allah. If you sinned along the way then repent, Allah will not tire in forgiving you until you become tired of seeking His forgiveness.


No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in a decree before We bring it into existence: That is truly easy for Allah:

In order that ye may not despair over matters that pass you by, nor exult over favours bestowed upon you. For Allah loveth not any vainglorious boaster,- [57:22-23]