Today is my 20th wedding anniversary, but ....

**ardianto** · 10-02-2014

Today, after maghrib. When I entered my room I found that the TV still on. It seems that my son forgot to turn it off. But when I would turn it off, my eyes glued to the scene of the drama that was being displayed on the TV. It showed a woman was advising her friend to not constantly cry over her husband who has been called back by Allah because it would be burdensome his steps in hereafter. And suddenly a question appeared in my mind "Is it a message for me?".

October 2. For other people this is just a date, same like other dates. But for me, this is a special date. October 2, 1994 was the day when I married my wife. October 2 was the date which my wife never forgot. She always remind me about it few days before that date. She did it every year.

October 2, 2014. This is the day which I've ever expect I would celebrate it with my wife. But it doesn't happen. Allah has called her return to Him more than a year ago.

Today is my 20th wedding anniversary, but I am alone, and I feel an emptiness in my heart. I feel the biggest part of me has gone.

But maybe the advice that I heard in that TV drama is right. I must not cry.

**Muslim Woman** · 10-02-2014

br, may Allah gives u sabr ; may Allah enable u 2 & kids to go to paradise and live happily forever there , Ameen

**Pygoscelis** · 10-02-2014

Perhaps it will help to remember that you have your child (or children?), who is a combination of the two of you and who will forever be a symbol of your love for one another.

**Muhaba** · 10-02-2014

May Allah make it easy on you.

**Eric H** · 10-02-2014

Blessings and peace be with you ardianto;

My prayers are with you and your family, may you find the wisdom, peace and serenity to do the will of Allah with loving kindness.

We read this when my mum died...

Miss me but let me go

When I come to the end of the road

And the sun has set for me,

I want no tears in a gloom-filled room,

Why cry for a soul set free?

Miss me a little – But not for long

And not with your head bowed low,

Remember the love that we once shared,

Miss me – But let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take,

And each must go alone,

It’s all a part of the Master’s plan

A step on the road to home.

When you are lonely and sick of heart

Go to your friends that we know,

And bury your sorrows in doing good works,

Miss me – But let me go.

May the Lord bless you and those you love and care for

Eric

**ardianto** · 10-03-2014

Assalamualaikum, greeting, and thank you very much, everyone.

Last week when I would wash clothes I found her dress in laundry basket. I didn't know how it happened. Maybe my son missed her mother and took her dress. But then I washed her dress, like I usually did when she was still alive. In next day when I walked in living room I saw a card on the floor. I took it and realize, that's my wife medical card. It's wondering me because I was sure I have stored it in cabinet with her other archive. And in early morning of Saturday, she came into my dream.

In my dream I was in a house and she stood in front of me, smile at me. She was healthy and looked very beautiful. And I felt very grateful because Allah has given her back to me. Yes, although in dream, I realize that she has gone. Then I hug her and I felt very happy, until I awoke and realize, that's just a dream. And prior to the noon, I could not hold my sadness, I cried.

I have tried to accept this destiny. But I can't let her go from my heart. I often 'talk' to her. I always greet her when I saw her photo, like "Hey, your smile is so sweet". I tell her everything, such as tell that I just back from shop with our children. No, I don't feel sad whenever I talk to her.

**MuslimInshallah** · 10-03-2014

Assalaamu alaikum Ardianto,

(gently) I believe it's ok to cry. Indeed, it is a Mercy from Allah. But it is also true that a person cannot always grieve. Whatever the loss, whatever the circumstances, we need (as Eric H said) to let go. But that doesn't mean we abandon our loved ones. Oh no! We continue to hold them dear in our hearts. All the years of joys are still there. All the moments of difficulties are still there. All the love is still there. But I think it is only the grief, the wishing our loved ones were still with us in this life, that we need to let go. Because then we can pick up the threads of our lives and let Allah's Filling Light shine into our emptiness.

Today is the day of Arafat. It is a day of remembering and crying.

But tomorrow is Eid.

May Allah, the Gentle, Help you to breathe again.

**Woodrow** · 10-03-2014

As Salaamu Alaikum Dear Brother Ardianto,

Thank you for sharing these things with us. Sometimes we do not know the reasons for things, but by sharing we often awake memories in other people and as thoughts mix, somehow some form of understanding and reasoning take place.

Oddly, I did not think I would be on line today. But I am online and this is the first post I read today. Oddly Oct 2 is a date of importance to me also. My youngest daughter was born on Oct 2, 1969. Strange coincidence on an Oct 2 Allaah(swt) blessed you with a wife and on an Oct 2 Allaah(swt) blessed me with a daughter.

Your post reminded me I better call my daughter and let her know how much she is loved. We never know how much time Allaah(swt) will allow us to have with those of deep importance to us.

Thank you for posting this and reminding me of how important my daughter has been to me for these past 45 years. When I call my daughter I will be certain to let her know how important this day is to a very dear Brother.

Keep Oct 2 as a dear memory and use it as is a reminder that life a journey and we need to remember how much we were blessed on some of the steps(days) we take on this journey and may this Eid ul-Adha bring you many blessings. May the memories of Oct 2 help you overcome the pains. It is time to remember the joys and let them help remove the pain.

**greenhill** · 10-03-2014

Salaams Br Ardianto.

I got married 20 years ago too!

Al fatihah for your wife...

Peace

**InToTheRain** · 10-03-2014

Dear Brother

It's difficult when a loved one passes but at the same time it's a great reminder of the reality we live in.

Inna Lillahi Wa Innah Ilahi Rajioon ("Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return")

Reminds me of what Umm Sulaim(RA) said to her Husband to break the news of their son dying. She said to him "whether, if a person entrusted one with something, and then came to claim it, should one return it?" He answered "that certainly one should return it gladly." Then she took him to the room where the son was lying in a peaceful eternal sleep and said in a trembling voice" that Allah had taken back the son He had entrusted to their care."

So the love I felt from my loved ones and feel for them I attribute to Allah Most High and so my debt to Him increases. He is the one who facilitated this for me; their feelings of Love for me and also my love for them. I am grateful for the times we had and Insha'Allah it's not the last time I see them...

Loss is a double edged sword. It can act as a catalyst to draw Closer to Him or further away from Him. There is a Great Joy to be found in the former and none in the latter.

Islam is Broad and death is just a phase and also a new beginning. The Khidmah of our loved ones do not have to stop with their death. To fully appreciate what I am saying I would advise you to read Kitab-Ar Ruh (book of the Soul) by Ibn Abdul Qayim(RA). There are also abridged versions available on the net but the full thing is something definitely worth reading.

Imam Ghazali (RA) said:
"If you see Allah, Mighty & Magnificent, Holding back this world from you, Frequently trying you with adversity & tribulations know that you hold a great status with Him HE is dealing with you as He does with His Awliya/Saints and chosen Elite and is watching over you. Have you not the heard His saying?
So wait steadfastly for the judgement of your lord! You are certainly before our Eyes ( Qur'an 52:48)

**ardianto** · 10-05-2014

Brothers, sisters

I am sorry if I cannot reply your posts. My eldest son suddenly got sick and need my special attention. I have to take care him. Not only because I am his father, but also because he is my late wife child. Raising and take care our children is what I can do now to love her.

I will take a rest from forum for few days.