This post may seem a bit personal and i applogize but i am including some of these details, maybe some of you have had a similiar experience and have advice.
Im 15 yrs old, and a female. Ive been doing my best to observe modesty, and not interacting unessacarily with the opposite gender. its something I greatly struggle with. Especially with the males that i am sexually attracted to. Sometimes I forget about Allah because i am lost in the desires of this world.
its awkward to talk about but im hoping maybe you can give me some words of motivation so i can stop what i am doing. i dress in shorts, and tight shirts and wear heavy makeup and try to attract the attention of males i like.
Im 15 yrs old, and a female. Ive been doing my best to observe modesty, and not interacting unessacarily with the opposite gender. its something I greatly struggle with.
May Allah (swt) help you sister..... Asalaam O Alaikum.....
Like you said you trying so May Allah (swt) bestow His abundant Mercy on you and protect you from bad deeds.... Ameen
Allah (swt) says in the Quran...
(29:45)....and establish prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do.
If you do prayer (Salaah) then that's beautiful as Quran testifies that it prevents you from immorality... inshA'Allah it will prevent you as well.... and Dhikr (Remembrance) of Allah (swt) is the best and the greatest thing you can take advantage of... it will keep your mind and heart busy with Allah (swt) and that will help you remain steadfast on your prevention....
...in order to keep your Salaah effective after you're done with it...continue remembering Allah (swt) with Dhikr (Remembrance) in your routine activities and thats what the Verse above means....
The formula is in the Quran, just follow and InshA'Allah it will be a great assistance.
As for the affection and attraction between opposite genders thats just natural, you cannot avoid something that Allah (swt) has instilled in to the hearts of the opposite genders...
(30:21) ...And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
May Allah (swt) make things easy for all of us...Ameen
Hi sis! I'm new to these parts like you. So, welcome! Actually, a big part of my motivation for joining this Forum was so that I could perhaps send you some clothes that you can wear as I'd been touched by your thread about wanting to dress more modestly. So, you know, that's awesome!
As far as these mixed gender interactions are concerned, try to limit them whenever you can. Sometimes, these type of interactions are unavoidable; in those cases, keep in your heart keep intentions to observe modesty while also keeping good manners in your interactions with the opposite gender. As always, God always knows our intentions, and so beautify your intentions.
As far as attracting males is concerned, well, sis, you're Masha-Allah very young. It's natural to be attracted to members of the opposite gender at your age. There's nothing wrong with having those desires as Allah SWT has given all of us desires. However, how you handle those desires is key.
Sis, everyone wants to look their best.
The definition of beauty though as a Muslim is kind of different. For example, you always want to look beautiful in the eyes of God, and that means knowing that you're a beautiful young girl that deserves to have her love story written by God. Sis, you know, the girl that values herself as a beautiful creation of God is precious, and you definitely want to wait until God gives you a man In-sha-Allah who will appreciate both your inner and outer beauty.
Also, my Islamic teacher (may God bless him) says that we're all struggling and we're all up and down in our struggles. Victory lays in continuing to struggle for the sake of Allah SWT, and In-sha-Allah our reward for that is Allah's Infinite Pleasure, which is more precious than all creation, all Paradises, and all our imagination. Also, Quran advises us to seek help for our struggles through patience and prayer, In-sha-Allah both of which are avenues that you can pursue to great success.
In-sha-Allah muster the courage in you to define your beauty through the eyes of God.
Love you precious sis for the sake of Allah. Take care. In-sha-Allah, some others can give better advice.
Greetings and peace be with you ayaanaa; and welcome to the forum,
The advice I gave both my daughters is this, in any relationship, there is only one responsible person, and that is the girl. You will be the one left with the sexually transmitted diseases, and holding the baby, the boys can walk away.
Most males who are sexually attracted to you, are only interested in one thing, and that is sex, you are worth more than that, you deserve more.
Its sad though, this generation has done nothing but beg us to sell our souls...the clothes today..clothed yet not clothed...make up, nail polish...everything is designed to beautify our outer appearance, minimal focus on internal beauty...
I always advise kids to find their Identity (mine included), everyone gets affected by peer pressure at some point... so the journey to find your Identity starts with you...no not the green card you issued with at birth, but your true Identity..ie. Muslim...once you embrace your identity everything else becomes a tad bit easier...you stand out like a rose among the thorns...no1 says you have to be in abaya...you can be modest with the fashion available, choose clothes that covers you, that dont fit you like a burrito..read the stories on the sahabiya...
The advice i gave my daughters...
attain the patience of Asiya for without patience the road ahead becomes rocky, endear towards loyalty, like Khadija, with this attribute you will better embrace who you are, steer towards purity, like Maryam, and your heart will always be content, be guided by sincerity, like Ayesha, this way you will experience much joy and lastly drive in determination, like Fatima, you will endevour the will to always succeed WONDER CONFIDENTLY OUTSIDE THE FLOCK, embrace your Identity...
I hope your journey becomes easy my dear...May Allah accept your efforts Ameen...love a mother
As was mention above, think about the Man, who will be sent to you by Allah, when your time will come.
How will you great him? Who will he meet by you? The modest virgin or a ****ty sinfull woman?
Which way you'll choose, worthy man you'll be given.
You would not get the right man if you wear shorts, tight shirt, and heavy makeup with purpose to attract a man, because the right man choose a woman from her personality. And he would not choose a woman who expose her sexiness because it shows the personality that not good.
If you want to get the right man as your husband in the future, then you must build your personality into a beautiful personality that reflected in your modesty. For the right man, the real beauty is beauty that reflected in modesty. If you try to attract the men with your sexiness, it would only attract the wrong men who just want to 'play' with you, then leave you.
Indeed, men are attracted to women who look attractive. And maybe now you look physically attractive. But for how long?. What will happen to you when your beauty begin to fade, or lost?. Will you still beloved?.
I am a widower who ever married for almost 19 years. My late wife was a beautiful woman. We lived happily and have two children. But one day breast cancer attacked her. It made her lost not only her breast, but her beauty too. but I still loved her until the last time of her life. It because I love her personality, not her beauty. Yes, she was a modest woman. That's why I interested to marry her. Frankly, if she was a woman who expose her sexiness to attract the men, I would not marry her although she was beautiful.
If a woman was beloved because her beauty, then when her beauty start to fade, love for her will gone too. But if a woman was beloved because her personality, then when her beauty has lost, love will always stay with her.
So, young girl, do not lean on your physical attractiveness, but build your beautiful personality. In Shaa Allah, in the future you will get the right husband who will love you with the true love.
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