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Thread: Choosing mahr

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    Ciarraí Sri's Avatar
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    Exclamation Choosing mahr

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    Can a fiancée choose what my mahr is? I haven't specified an amount, but he told me I have to accept a ring. Now this is no longer the case, and he has had that my living expenses will be my mahr. I'm a convert to Islam so I am not knowledgeable on this topic.

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    Ciarraí Sri's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    I'd just like to add, he stated he was willing to pay the full mahr to an arab woman, but I'm living abroad so my monthly expenses will be my mahr. I feel this is not right or fair.
    Jazakallahkhair for your replies.
    Asalam alaikum.

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    BeTheChange's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    Asalamualykum,

    Your living expense cannot be used as mahr. Please correct me if i am incorrect brothers & sisters.

    Living expense is a lifetime responsibility of the husband to the wife.

    This article may help you clarify some things:

    https://islamqa.info/en/224876

    Jazahka Allah.
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    Choosing mahr

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
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    ardianto's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr



    Mahr is gift that given by the groom to the bride when he marries her. So, the wife's living expense which is the husband's duty cannot be a mahr.

    About amount of mahr. Basically you can ask anything. But you must notice your fiancee affordability. If your fiancee is rich, it's okay if you ask expensive thing. But if your fiancee is not rich, you must understand it and do not ask something expensive as mahr.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    Assalamu Alaikum sister,

    No this man is trying to cheat you out of your mahr. You have a right to your mahr, and you delegate how much you want it to be. If he is unable to pay this amount, then you can come up with an agreement where he will pay it to you during the course of your marriage, but he must give it to you if you want it, no exceptions. How much you want your mahr to be depends on you, not him. If you want to pardon him, you can make it a low amount so that he is able to pay it. However, the fact that he doesn't want to give you anything at all is a red flag to me.
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    Choosing mahr

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    Re: Choosing mahr

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    If he is unable to pay this amount, then you can come up with an agreement where he will pay it to you during the course of your marriage,
    Although it's allowed, I really do not suggest it, because it will make the groom has bad impression toward the bride, and it affect the husband view on wife in marriage. If the groom really not afford to give mahr in big amount, just ask small amount. Do not make a deal like in trading which the husband can pay later in installment.

    One thing that the husband expect from the wife is her understanding on his financial ability. If the wife understand it, In Shaa Allah, the husband will loves her better. But if the wife cannot understand it, it will make the husband lose his.
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    Asalamualykum brothers & sisters,

    Does anyone know why a mahr is obligatory in Islam? Are we advised of the reasoning behind giving mahr?

    Is it just to show appreictaion & gratitude?

    Jazahka Allah.
    Choosing mahr

    Pain and hardships allow you to grow spiritually Alhamdulilah so smile when a so called calamity befalls upon you.
    Alhamdulilah Allah swt is the greatest.

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    sister herb's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    Quote Originally Posted by Ciarraí Sri View Post
    I'd just like to add, he stated he was willing to pay the full mahr to an arab woman, but I'm living abroad so my monthly expenses will be my mahr. I feel this is not right or fair.
    Jazakallahkhair for your replies.
    Asalam alaikum.
    Salam alaykum

    Welcome to forum sister. Great you came here as this is a place you can find a lot of information and get good advices.

    This sounds to me like he knows that the family of born-Muslim bride would force him to pay full mahr but he thinks that you, as revert, don´t know enough about these things and he tries to save his money.

    There isn´t any rules which says that to an Arab bride should pay but not a revert or to woman from other ethnic origin. It sounds quite same as racism and racism isn´t allowed in Islam.
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    Bhabha's Avatar
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    Re: Choosing mahr

    I noticed converts get jipped on the mahr for some reason. Lol
    Choosing mahr

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