Hello, I am sorry if this is not the place to ask this but here I go.
I am a 22 years old Christian living in Europe. I met a Muslim man. We bonded very fast without realizing it...but we didn't have any sex other than some occasional kissing....
heis married since 10 years and has 2 kids, now he wants me to marry him in Islam. What will that mean for me? But for him? Considering I will be his 2nd wife...
I mention that I won't change my religion and his wife will have no knowledge about this marriage.
about the religion... it's not that I don't want to but it's takes time to learn about a whole different world and We don't want to commit haram and have relations before being married
What am I risking if I accept?
and I know I seem like a horrible person....but please just restrain yourself to advices
In this case, it is possible to have empathy for both and from many angles, It will depend on your life experiences.This is why it is wise to ask a group of people from many walks of life, like this sister is doing.
Layth;2952172]If you are serious about cutting him off, you need to change all of your contact details and place a restraining order so he doesn't come by your place. He will be permanently gone before you know it. He needs to take care of his wife and children, it isn't worth breaking up his home over feelings he allowed himself to develop in a haraam manner.
This is proactive advice.
In terms of 'empathy' I'm glad sister Umm Layth was able to apply her situation as a 'step mother'. How the constant ping pong game between houses has a mentally exhausting strain on families.
Islam is simple & beautiful.
Sister Layth made a valid point. If this man had intended for you to be his second wife in Islam then he would of presented a solid case without doubts.
You don't have to be the bad guy in this script written by the guy who is selling you this fantasy.
You just need to be aware of your Islamic rights. You deserve respect with acknowledgement through the proper Islamic channels.
I pray you get the guidance your seeking from Allah swt.
BTW Scimi I'm leaving this subject here.
Last edited by Finding MEMO; 03-06-2017 at 09:16 PM.
In terms of 'empathy' I'm glad sister Umm Layth was able to apply her situation as a 'step mother'. How the constant ping pong game between houses has a mentally exhausting strain on families.
Yes, and to elaborate a bit further, I have heard of a grown man cry because he can't keep up with two households and the demand for time and attention from two wives. It is exhausting on everyone involved.
Then, in the case of first wife leaving and divorcing, the step mother will never get to raise the children in the manner she would like because their bio mom will always interfere and her influence will influence her other children. Being a step parent is no easy task, it isn't for the faint of heart.
OP you are seeing what your relationship is causing and the risk of breaking up his family.
My advice is for you to back off this is the simplest and most realistic thing to do, and also considering what the man did all was very unislamic with you from the start and he will not have second thoughts in leaving you when he feels like it, or when the pressure becomes too much. Sorry to say.
This will be my last update and I really hope this *discussion* will help someone one day. And I need to thank everyone again for their answer. patience and respect.
As the majority of you said, he will dispose of me when he gets bored.
And he did indeed somehow. He is now with another girl, much younger than me.
I stopped any contact with him.
He disappointed and deceived me, and lied to me most important, about his feeling and intentions.
Good thing I stopped caring since a few weeks now so it wasn't a big hit when I saw them together.
I learned a lot of things, and never trust a married man and listen when others advice you, since they see it from outside your little balloon.
But I think most important... It opened my eyes about my beliefs, I've been raised christian but never really went to church or followed nay of it's traditions and practices, I've always been against it and considered myself a non believer. But I did think there is something that guides you, gives you back and takes away from you.
I always had this feeling that I don not belong anywhere even though I loved that place, I though I am standing still when I was accomplishing so many of my dreams and goals. I loved people but never felt whole with them.
So I started researching more and found out that my doubts have an answer in Islam, all the questions I had mostly found replies regarding belief.
I don't regret this only because it brought me to know more about Islam. But I repent from it since It was the worst thing I did in my life to another person (his wife).
Maybe one day I will find my eternal inner peace in Islam Inshallah
This will be my last update and I really hope this *discussion* will help someone one day. And I need to thank everyone again for their answer. patience and respect.
As the majority of you said, he will dispose of me when he gets bored.
And he did indeed somehow. He is now with another girl, much younger than me.
I stopped any contact with him.
He disappointed and deceived me, and lied to me most important, about his feeling and intentions.
Good thing I stopped caring since a few weeks now so it wasn't a big hit when I saw them together.
I learned a lot of things, and never trust a married man and listen when others advice you, since they see it from outside your little balloon.
But I think most important... It opened my eyes about my beliefs, I've been raised christian but never really went to church or followed nay of it's traditions and practices, I've always been against it and considered myself a non believer. But I did think there is something that guides you, gives you back and takes away from you.
I always had this feeling that I don not belong anywhere even though I loved that place, I though I am standing still when I was accomplishing so many of my dreams and goals. I loved people but never felt whole with them.
So I started researching more and found out that my doubts have an answer in Islam, all the questions I had mostly found replies regarding belief.
I don't regret this only because it brought me to know more about Islam. But I repent from it since It was the worst thing I did in my life to another person (his wife).
Maybe one day I will find my eternal inner peace in Islam Inshallah
Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah,
Sister, sometimes the Creator will put some very very odd things on our path that FINALLY will make us ponder. While we already see many odd things, but they have become normal and thus we will not see them as strange things. Within Islam a person as far as i know cannot marry a person if the parents do not agree with it, but this not agreeing, MUST HAVE A LEGIT reason. So just because somebody is not a millionaire is not a legit reason. Also there is much wisdom in the Islamic way of marrying. Also no direct contact with the person you are marrying only with another person being in your presence. There is even more, but you will in'sha'Allah one day also know about those.
Do not always just listen to people without analyzing their advice. Listen to their advice but ask questions. If you cannot refute their argument/advice with logic, rationality and reason than they might have a point and valuable advice. Some people will because of envy deny you good. So always careful to judge the advice before applying it.
I am glad that you had not witnessed and experienced all the drama and much suffering that would have come after the marriage. I hope you have learned a lot, please do not become negative inside your heart. Learn from it and be careful. As Muslims we know, that NO practicing God fearing male Muslim would approach you as how he had approached you. The God fearing practicing male Muslim would rather look down and walk past you without giving you any attention. As your beauty and character belong to your spouse not to him to enjoy.
I wish you all the best and you know where to find us. Around the corner at starbucks with the big sign saying www.islamicboard.com
Last edited by Simple_Person; 03-21-2017 at 08:59 AM.
I am so sorry that you have had to go through all this pain, but somewhere there is a husband for you.
God works in mysterious ways, and there is a great need for all of us to search for God. I have heard it said, that inside everyone of us is a 'God hole'. If we try and fill this hole with the things of this world like relationships, cars, houses, holidays having a good time, etc, we never start to fill the 'God hole, and we have a sense that something is missing.
I don't think you can search for God on your own, you need to be a part of a community. When we start to put God first, then things like relationships take on a greater meaning, marriage has to be for life, until death do us part. A part of your journey in life is over, there are now the chances for new beginnings.
Life is a journey always one day at a time. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a great mystery, Lord grant me the wisdom, peace and serenity to live this day and every day, knowing that you hold me in the palm of your hand.
Good luck to you for your searching of inner peace. If you ever need some advice, we are here to wait you and your questions. I don´t say we are experts as we all are still studing and searching (maybe rest of our lives) but we try our best.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this although you are so blessed it didn't go further like it does for many. I'm happy to hear that you are finding answers, I know that feeling! Get up in the middle of the night and sincerely ask God for guidance, more answers and clarity. You will be amazed
If you need to reach out, please feel free to do so. I wish you the very best in this life and the hereafter <3
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