Do brothers tell sisters to cover up?

nope, but I do know some brothers who would compliment Muslimahs to get them to wear Hijab lol. Like "You look better if you wore a hijab".

It's obvious they should know what they are suppose to do, I guess I'm pretty bad with Woman so it'll be more awkward to actually say that directly and I'm more of an indirect person towards people I do not know well. I know a really fired up Muslimah who have a long list of arguments on hand if you even dare to question it.

It's the same with asking people whether they do Salat or not(without build or leading questions), you are questioning them and it makes them agitated because it's a personal and emotional thing. I'd rather invite them to Salat knowing they would not go but worth the try anyway. It's frustrating at times but you remind yourself that Allah gave you Hidayah and thats why you are doing certain things that other people did not do. He can also take that Hidayah back or that person who does not follow Islam properly may get Hidayah from Allah we don't know. Allahu'alam.

well thats the joke. how can you claim to be both without knowing whats written in the quran?

..so yeah, quran only.

...and no.. because thats quite a befuddlement.

dont know where i read it?

its really sad. because i dont know arabic.. and at the time thought about if it actually meant right hand?

anyway. what people do without thought..

ignorance is bliss.

..and then the day comes where everything is too close.

i cant really say anything because everybody knows everything.

..they apparently have the best answers.


but i must say, i dont fit the label you gave me.

im pretty sure you dont question either the quran or hadith resources..

and in that i think you could justify whatever your heart willed.

damn im still wearing a cap so people dont make comments on my hair length.

..and so people dont talk about how ball'd im getting.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

Me: "Well I don't like strange men approaching me for anything, how would you like it if a strange guy approached your wife to tell her that she has her dress in her pants, he'd have to look at her butt!"

Why does a man have to look/stare/focus at a woman's private parts in order to tell her something is wrong with her hijaab? If someone is at a distance and something is wrong with their garment, I'll be able to see it quite easily without focusing my attention at that certain body part. Once this girl was standing next to me, and I glanced over and saw that her abayah's buttons at the top weren't buttoned and her scarf was not covering her chest. Her eyes were adorned in makeup and her posture looked like she couldn't care less either about how she was dressed. So I was thinking should I tell her? because she doesn't even look like she even cares. I'm also generally quite a shy person so here I was thinking I'll just ignore her and let her continue her day as she is, if she cares she'll fix it herself. After a few seconds debating with myself, I thought, what's the right thing to do despite how I feel or how I'm judging her?? So I simply leaned in to her and I said sis your chest is exposed and that's it. She looked down and fixed it. It was really that simple. So had I not said anything and brothers saw her skin exposed like that, I may get some blame for it because I didn't speak out against something which was wrong when I had the chance to.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

DH: "You are supposed to tell her in the best way possible and for women, telling them on the spot will only result in some sort of drama because women tend to be emotional about this subject. If it is an ongoing thing, you'd have to find the right way to address the situation. It will be difficult though, because they choose to dress that way knowing that it isn't appropriate. If it is somebody I know, I will address it, but it still doesn't turn out pretty though."

This exemplifies a reaction, which we pointed out earlier as a problem when it comes to informing sisters. Brothers don't tell them because of sisters being dramatic, which they prefer to avoid. So their intention to say something is still there. They want to say something to protect them, but don't because they don't want to get in trouble So I think in that regard, sisters are harsh.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

Not true. Walking in skin head territory with Islamic attire is completely uncomfortable lol, if comfort was my end goal,I would not wear it. But my end goal is actually to be properly covered as Allah asked me to be. I make sure everything is fastened and in its place before leaving the house every time so I have no slip ups. I got rid of the stuff that doesn't work well (like button up abayas/jilbabs) and I layer where need be so nothing has a chance of sticking out.

I'm not talking about wearing hijaab. I'm talking about attire issues. I'm not saying it's between not wearing hijaab and wearing hijaab. It's between having an exposed body part and having someone bring it to your attention, or walking that way until you notice it without a brother bringing it to your attention (considering he was the only option). Two different things. And if I'm correct, you'd prefer to walk that way without a brother bringing it to your attention.

format_quote Originally Posted by Umm♥Layth

Yes, which is why I posed a question earlier. Is it really the clothing that needs to be addressed here or should we be reaching out in another way? It's like telling a smoker they shouldn't smoke and listing all the health hazards, which they already know about. It doesn't work. A different approach has to be taken, in my opinion. That's if one really cares to help change happen.

Or telling a fat person to start a diet Yes, there has to be some art form to it..so I hope we can all brainstorm because I while I think new ideas can help with "hijaab issues" I also think it can help in other aspects too, even with sister-sister interactions.

format_quote Originally Posted by Samiun

nope, but I do know some brothers who would compliment Muslimahs to get them to wear Hijab lol. Like "You look better if you wore a hijab".

It's obvious they should know what they are suppose to do, I guess I'm pretty bad with Woman so it'll be more awkward to actually say that directly and I'm more of an indirect person towards people I do not know well. I know a really fired up Muslimah who have a long list of arguments on hand if you even dare to question it.

It's the same with asking people whether they do Salat or not(without build or leading questions), you are questioning them and it makes them agitated because it's a personal and emotional thing. I'd rather invite them to Salat knowing they would not go but worth the try anyway. It's frustrating at times but you remind yourself that Allah gave you Hidayah and thats why you are doing certain things that other people did not do. He can also take that Hidayah back or that person who does not follow Islam properly may get Hidayah from Allah we don't know. Allahu'alam.

Well, I'll tell you this. When I was in my teens, I didn't wear the hijaab. My family was not really religious, but subconciously I knew it was an obligation for muslimahs to wear it. I still dressed modestly but not Islamically modest if that makes sense. When I started to get into Islam and learn about it, I became more aware that this was a duty I needed to do, but my faith was still not there yet because there was no attachment to the idea of wearing hijaab, that is, until a brother put it in perspective for me. This brother beautified the hijaab for me in a way that made it seem like hijaabis were the hoorulayn of this dunyaa. He never once belittled me for not wearing hijaab, nor complimented me on my beauty if I did wear it. He also didn't criticize non-hijaabis or said anything to intentionally coerce me into wearing hijaab. But what he did do was turn the focus on hijaabis themselves. On the topic, he said "When I see a niqaabi, I think of how beautiful she is, not due to the physicality or anything, but because she reminds me of Allah. Men complain about the beard or about the little things, but a woman who is able to cover her entire body for Allah's sake and be proud of that humbles me and makes me remember Him." He basically ripped apart every image of every "beautiful" woman I had in my mind and made me realize what true beauty is. What he said stuck with me for life and it was probably the first thing that pierced my heart and made me adore the idea of hijaab and love the concept. After that, it was about me building up my iman to the point that my love for the hijaab was far greater than my fears/love of dunyaa. I'd say it was about a year after that, I wore full hijaab and never went back or thought of taking it off because of how much love I had for it in my heart and how much my trust in Allah grew because of it. He didn't have to judge me to make me feel bad about myself in order to wear it. My hidaaya came through him. Had he not said anything, it may have taken a longer time to get to where I wanted to be in life. Allahu a'lem.

Today you see brothers and sisters criticizing hijaabis for how they dress or what they wear etc., but at the same time, they give their attention to nonMuslim women, they speak about what they find enticing about them, and they try to be "accepted" among them, whereas any woman who wears a piece of her faith on her exterior is vile, seductive, wrong, careless, etc. etc. because it's not worn 100% correctly. Why does it have to be that way?


Every hijaabi has a "hijaabi journey." We all go through one, and we're all on different stages. But ultimately, we are wearing it for the sake of Allah and we HAVE to have that deep love for it and tawakkul in order for it to be easy for us to wear. So maybe when a brother lets me know something is off about my hijaab, it makes me feel that he respects and cares about my dedication to wearing the hijaab properly, and therefore is helping me preserve what I began years ago. There are men or families who tell their women to remove their hijaab or to not even start wearing it. So I will never discourage, disparage, or cause controversy towards a muslim brother who has a lot more respect and adoration for it than I once did a long time ago. And I've also had male nonMuslims ask me about the hijaab and after I tell them about it they say "wow I wish that our women were like that too.."

Women are indirectly conditioning men to be a certain way where they have no say in how they dress or what they do, and I can understand that because some women are forced to dress a certain way and they want to break themselves free from the shackles of being told what to wear and how to dress, but there needs to be a balance because eventually what it kills off is the innate jealousy/protectiveness in men towards the woman of the ummah. It reinforces the idea that women are only objects (but on the other side of the spectrum), rather than identifying them as sisters, wives, mothers etc. because why should they care about you if you want to be seen as a "free woman of this dunyaa who needs no one to tell her what to wear" and not as a mother, sister, wife in Islam? You already see the effects of this in the west.

Sorry for the long post

One does not have to stare to notice something is wrong. yes, we should lower our gaze, etc. But does that mean we glue our faces to the road? of course not. What we shouldn't do is stare.

Tbh, I have never approached a sister about their Hijab.

Allahu alam.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

What would you sisters actually do though if a man did approach you about your hijaab, whether it be to notify you that something is showing or to advise etc. Do you respond to him, do you ignore him..what?

Also, say a nonMuslim man approached you, and asked you a question about hijaab. Would it make any difference in how you feel?? Would you answer him?

Sorry for the late reply...honestly, I'm not fond of confrontations. I would probably politely acknowledge what he has said, and then walk off. It would be embarrassing though.

If it was a non-Muslim man, the same applies. This has never happened to me and from my experience, most non-Muslim men keep their distance from women wearing the hijab, they're very cautious and wary around you, lol.

Once a Muslim brother did comment that a blue cardigan I was wearing was a little too 'bright'. I acknowledged what he said but thought 'How rude!' as I walked off (very British I know ). It was just a royal blue and was a loose ankle-length cardigan over a black abaya - hardly anything outrageous.

I am not saying men are wrong or do not know about the deen, but I don't think they should be going up to a sister and commenting directly on her clothing, leave that to the women. Discussing it in a khutbah or book is something else and is just fine, or perhaps if you have a respected position in the community or know the sister then you can advise her - but in a way which isn't patronising or awkward.

format_quote Originally Posted by Simple_Person

Sister, Jazakallah khairan for sharing this. Although i myself whenever i see sisters in clothing according to Islamic principles, only two things come to my mind. Respect and wanting to marry such a woman. That piece you wrote gave me even more perspective. Again jazakallah khairan for sharing.

Wa iyaakum. Mashallah that bro ended up marrying a niqaabi and he was crazy about her, may allah bless them both ameen. He was able to elevate the status of the hijaab without degrading any woman, and I think when someone does that (puts Islam first), it eliminates the background noise when selecting a spouse.

format_quote Originally Posted by noraina

Sorry for the late reply...honestly, I'm not fond of confrontations. I would probably politely acknowledge what he has said, and then walk off. It would be embarrassing though.

If it was a non-Muslim man, the same applies. This has never happened to me and from my experience, most non-Muslim men keep their distance from women wearing the hijab, they're very cautious and wary around you, lol.

Once a Muslim brother did comment that a blue cardigan I was wearing was a little too 'bright'. I acknowledged what he said but thought 'How rude!' as I walked off (very British I know ). It was just a royal blue and was a loose ankle-length cardigan over a black abaya - hardly anything outrageous.

I am not saying men are wrong or do not know about the deen, but I don't think they should be going up to a sister and commenting directly on her clothing, leave that to the women. Discussing it in a khutbah or book is something else and is just fine, or perhaps if you have a respected position in the community or know the sister then you can advise her - but in a way which isn't patronising or awkward.

Jazaki Allahu khair sis, I understand where you're coming from. So you would feel better if it were addressed indirectly towards you (eg. in a khutbah) and/or it was brought to your attention but without the actual confrontation (like a note), right?

I've noticed a lot of times sisters don't say anything to other sisters about their hijaab mishaps and there's also a lack of encouragement about wearing hijaab properly. At least in my experiences. They tend to avoid the subject as much as brothers do and I think it has to do with the way sisters respond to such advise, or they simply don't care to say anything.

But how often people in general comment other´s dressing? I think many take it offensive and feel it´s only like criticizing. Only if there is some mistake people may say something but rarely to unknow.

Do brothers make such comments to other brothers as they too might make mistakes with their clothes?

It is true, even amongst sisters, there is this hesitation to give or take advice.

I think we have lost our sense of community and loving one another for the sake of Allah, I'm sure we've all experienced many times saying salaam to a sister and she utterly blanks you. Perhaps it is a consequence of 'modern' society but people aren't as close to or trusting of each other any more.

Sis @*charisma* exactly, I wouldn't mind if a sister approached me, I want to improve. The attitude of the one giving advice and the attitude of the one taking advice is very important. If you criticise someone and make them feel bad and call that 'advice' that never going to work, it's just going to come out as 'holier than thou' and self-righteous. And on the other side, there are some people who react very defensively when taking advice, even from another sister.

There are some women I wouldn't dare say anything to because they'd bite my head off - it's sad but true.

I wasn't particularly good at taking advice myself. I've since gotten better, it's about swallowing down your pride and recognising if what that person is saying actually holds some truths, and be willing to change because of that.

format_quote Originally Posted by sister herb

But how often people in general comment other´s dressing? I think many take it offensive and feel it´s only like criticizing. Only if there is some mistake people may say something but rarely to unknow.

Well there's two things here: 1) A sister's unknowingly has a hijaab issue where it's exposing her 'awrah 2) A sister knowingly dresses improperly (eg. wearing tight clothes with hijaab). It's much harder to go to a sister and talk to her about #2 and advise etc. unless the sister somehow shows openness to this or if you already know her, but for #1 I would hope that both sisters and brothers could be simple and respectful in notifying the sister about exposure and the sister in return has no attitude or issues with this. Like you said it's a rare thing for people to really say anything, so I think that when someone does say something in a respectful way, it's not out of bad intent so there shouldn't be any issues with it.

format_quote Originally Posted by noraina

It is true, even amongst sisters, there is this hesitation to give or take advice.

I think we have lost our sense of community and loving one another for the sake of Allah, I'm sure we've all experienced many times saying salaam to a sister and she utterly blanks you. Perhaps it is a consequence of 'modern' society but people aren't as close to or trusting of each other any more.

Sis @*charisma* exactly, I wouldn't mind if a sister approached me, I want to improve. The attitude of the one giving advice and the attitude of the one taking advice is very important. If you criticise someone and make them feel bad and call that 'advice' that never going to work, it's just going to come out as 'holier than thou' and self-righteous. And on the other side, there are some people who react very defensively when taking advice, even from another sister.

There are some women I wouldn't dare say anything to because they'd bite my head off - it's sad but true.

I wasn't particularly good at taking advice myself. I've since gotten better, it's about swallowing down your pride and recognising if what that person is saying actually holds some truths, and be willing to change because of that.

Mashallah, yes I totally agree with everything you've said. Criticism usually is not going to work (it depends on who's doing the criticism for me though, cuz I have lots of respect for the older generation so I don't mind if they have something to say ), and I also think it's very important to also be doing the right thing when advising others because you don't want to be hypocritical. But I feel that there's a lack of jealousy for one another (as in the protectiveness and sense of community you mentioned), and a lack of jealousy towards those who are better than us (the craving of being among the best of believers and competing with them in good deeds).

I think the question is about a sister who wears hijab but it is distorted somehow. In this case I dont see a problem with a sicere warn. But if the sister doesnt wear hijab at all, its not my buiseness to say anything to her