My wife is a Latina and we live in Germany. I married with her 1 year ago. She converted to the Islam and adheres to the five pillars of Islam.
My issue:
We have almost every day quarrel and even our environment is seeing this. The main problem is that she talk too much and being an open book to everyone. She tell to everyone about our private things and also when people say something to here she spread it to other people. This caused a lot of problems between me and my environment. I talked a lot about her behavior, but she refuse to admit that she is doing wrong. Even when we get upset she can’t stop talking. It’s really frustrating when someone can’t stop talking (exaggerate talking) when you ask to stop for several time. Also she is really stubborn with me, judging me for many things that I didn’t do and have for everything an excuse ready.
I can’t deal with this anymore and sometimes I lose my control and myself. I can’t trust her anymore and I feel like I am hating her at this moment so much. She lied to me with many things that I can’t discuss here, and I forgive her for that.
I really don’t understand what to do anymore and it feels like I want to end our relationship. Trust me I tried everything to solve this. Maybe it’s a cultural thing that I am not aware of….
I ask Allah many times for a healthy relationship…
I just want to know if this is a cultural thing, personal thing or both:
- My wife almost never let me speak and start judging me. This is really frustrating. When I say one word she already know the answer and start talking, but in fact 90% of the time she is wrong.
- For almost everything she have an excuse ready or lying to me. I grow up in an environment with honest persons. We are straight persons and don’t like that people lie.
- She is really stubborn and most of the times she don’t listen to what I say. She listen half of what I say and start talk nonsense.
- Almost everything what I say she put it back to me. This is so annoying. Also when I reflect her to something she put it back to me.
With this I lose my temper also ( I was for a long time patience with her ) , and sometimes it start physically. I turned in something that I never expected from myself. Its fire with fire. I never wanted this and seek for Allah forgiveness. I was always polite and nice person to her. But know I changed also. Maybe I am forcing her 2 much to be a person that she is not or not yet.
I am also a temper guy I will not deny that. I like that someone being straight with me and not talking nonsense.
Also I say to her to seek for girlfriends that can help you with your deen. Unfortunately she doing the opposite.
I am a guy that want to help her. I invest a lot of time and dedication to her that I forget myself.
Like I said before for me is important to know if this a south American thing or personal. Then maybe I can live with that…that’s why I wanted to contact the Latin sisters.
Brother let me give you another advice. Allah Azza wa Jal says in the Quran that sometimes your wives can be an enemy and fitnah for you. I gave you the advice that you should attempt Muslim counseling with her. If she refuses or it doesn't work because she is incorrigible, then you have to say goodbye. Don't forget your purpose in this world and that is to worship Allah Azza wa Jal. The purpose of marriage is to help in that direction so you don't give into your desires and do the unlawful and to be each others strength to do the right and forbid the wrong. So a good wife or husband, because this applies to husbands who are incorrigible as well, are a positive asset in that direction, and when they are a fitnah they become a liability. And if your iman is suffering because of it then you have to say goodbye and consider this a learning lesson for choosing a future wife with good character, Insha-Allah. If it is to the point of getting physically violent with her then you need to separate. Married Muslim couples have to remember that they are each others brother and sister in Islam before they are each others spouses. Stop focusing on the excuse that this is a Latin thing. This type of behavior is not acceptable in any culture, religion or ethnicity. There is one question you always have to ask yourself in life in whatever you aspire to do: Is the juice worth the squeeze? In other words, is the time, effort, and/or money worth it. Only you can answer that. And Allah Knows Best.
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