Are virginity and purity strongholds in Islam?

My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?

Muslim world is no different than the Christian world these days. You have those who are chaste and follow their faith and remain chaste till marriage and then you have those who are not chaste and not so keen being on their faith. We all are humans and some astray while others fare better, but overall more Muslims you will find to be chaste then other faiths because it is something Islam teaches and Muslim culture encourages.

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.

That is not being a loser, that is being noble about it and respecting your body and others.

Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.

But how is possible all this?

Like said above, Muslims, like people of other faiths, come in all colors. Some are adhereant to their faith and others not so much. So yes, there are Muslims who date, fornicate, lie about it and even get their hymen repaired before marriage. It happens and that is the reality. But is it the majority? I doubt it.

First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....

Islam will save you bro. It'll save you from the ill vices of society and keep you on the right path. More importantly, in the long run, it will save you from the hell fire.

format_quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1

The obsession muslims have with virginity is cultural- as is the backwards notion that somehow a man can get away with it and a woman cant.

Actually that is incorrect. Virginity is something Islam emphasis by commanding us abstain from pre-marital relationships. Prophet (S) guaranteed paradise to those who would guard what is between the legs. And the Quran tells us that the pure are for the pure and sinful for the sinful. So being virgin and chaste is very much part of Islam.

Demanding women to be chaste more than men or the whole hymen test and stuff is cultural though, as is the looking down upon those who are not virgin through legitimate reasons (such as divorce, death, etc.).

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

Dear sisters and brothers,

I didnt imagine that, in an Islamic forum, we could also talk about these sensitive and private issues.

There is no shyness when it comes to seeking knowledge, so long as it is done properly and appropriate. For general topics, they can be discussed here in the open. For more explicit topics, we have gender specific rooms to ask.

In these days I suffered another bad blow, always from a Pakistani girl.
A Pakistani girl from Florence contacted me (she moved to Italy when she was about 10) to be able to give me Urdu repetitions. I told her about my dream, and she herself (she was honest) told me about her experience, which is that she is Muslim but not very religious and has had premarital relationships with her ex-boyfriends.

why what I have always hoped for is shattering like this?

In my area the Pakistani community is very small .... there are very few girls. Some are already married, some are promises spouses, some are singles... but if these singles they behave like western girls.... What hope will I have? None.

You are just looking at a bad batch and basing everything on that. If the pool of candidates is too small then find a bigger pool. Even Muslims who migrated to the west or live in the west are of two kinds, one that adheres to their faith and one that wants to embrace the new culture and thus do all kinds of unislamic things. You just have to stop looking at cultural girls (those will be the majority) and find someone who is more into Islam. Unless their is a bigger community in another city, looking online or going to pakistan would be your best bet. I know of a black bro from usa who went to pakistan and found himself a nice girl.

Lets make an example: I find a muslim girl, we know each other and we organize our marriage.

But was if:

- some days before our marriage i find out that she lied about her past... What is going to happen? Can i avoid marriage? What is going to happen to her with her parents?

- I get marry with her. And she hides to me her past. After some months that we are married i find out the truth (she had men) so....what is happen? I start to dont trust her, i feel cheat and betray... She based our marriage over in a big lie and i cant live with it. What do say islam rules? Our nikah was already signed up... In case of divorce who will be in right part?

You talk to the sister first and convey what type of a person you are looking for. And where you draw the line on grounds of possible divorce. She does not have to reveal her past or sin, she can just refuse marriage to you and no one is blamed this way. But should you find something out about the other person you don't like, so long as the nikkah hasn't been done then either party can back out at any time. As to what will happen to the family, it will be embarrassing for them and more than likely they will make you out to be the bad guy to the community to save their honor.

You question reminds me of a French court case regarding a Muslim couple whose marriage was annulled due to the woman lying about her virginity.

Regarding, finding out stuff after the marriage nikkah. Then it depends on how much are you in turmoil from it and whether you are able to forgive and move forward together or separation is the best option. This is where you get the imam involved or ask a scholar for advice.

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

If you had a sexual past, you must say it out of respect for me but also for Allah: marrying a person by deception is not a sin?
When will we swear to Allah to live our lifes in love and honesty, how will you live with this weight? How will you look me in the eyes every day?

In Islam, we are taught that one should not reveal their sins, especially after Allah has concealed it for them. If someone had sex before marriage, they can say they made mistakes in the past and something of similar to allude to it without saying out right what they did specifically. This is to keep it civil and dignified and to give the other party and indication and then decide if it's something they can over look or not.

Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me

I would advice you to trust Allah and to have a lot of patience. And with Allah's will you will get whatever you wish. Just be positive

Hope the best for you

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

My question is that: are virginity and purity still strong values in Islam world?
I mean the true purity in body and soul.
Here in Italy, Catholic people are doing everything wrong: no one comes virgin to marriage, they change partners often, and so on.
And when you say them "Hey, you are religious, you should respect some rules" they answer you "God doesnt care about out sexual life, everyone can make mystakes, ect".

I think they're all pathetic apologetics because they know they're wrong.... But of course, everyone is free to do what he/she desires (even if i have got my line of thought and often people judge me for that).

Since i was little i had a dream: get married. But how can i get marry if Italian girls doesnt have my same ideals? They think im just a loser or a person with big mental problems just because i'm virgin at 27 y.o and because i desire a virgin wife.
I discovered Islam after meeting a person, and I understood that women in Islam are as I always wanted. But someone warned me...
Some month ago i chatted with a girl from Pakistan, and after telling her my thought, she started to blame me. "In this modern time you cant find a virgin girl, every girls has something in her past, the purity you are looking for doesnt exist in this world".
She showed me kind of "newspaper articles", where there are written that some girls lie about their sexual past front of their husbands, they rebuild their hymen, and so on. Plus, she said to me she had intercourse at 16 y.o with her ex-boyfriend.
But how is possible all this? First time i read Qu'ran i said in my mind "Yes! Islam will save me!". But now...now im troubled....

Muslims are humans, we err and sin, that does not mean Islam is flawed.

Allah the Most High is al Haqq, al Quddus. You want what is true, what is pure, it can only come from Him.

format_quote Originally Posted by Zzz_

Muslim world is no different than the Christian world these days. You have those who are chaste and follow their faith and remain chaste till marriage and then you have those who are not chaste and not so keen being on their faith. We all are humans and some astray while others fare better, but overall more Muslims you will find to be chaste then other faiths because it is something Islam teaches and Muslim culture encourages.



That is not being a loser, that is being noble about it and respecting your body and others.




Like said above, Muslims, like people of other faiths, come in all colors. Some are adhereant to their faith and others not so much. So yes, there are Muslims who date, fornicate, lie about it and even get their hymen repaired before marriage. It happens and that is the reality. But is it the majority? I doubt it.



Islam will save you bro. It'll save you from the ill vices of society and keep you on the right path. More importantly, in the long run, it will save you from the hell fire.




Actually that is incorrect. Virginity is something Islam emphasis by commanding us abstain from pre-marital relationships. Prophet (S) guaranteed paradise to those who would guard what is between the legs. And the Quran tells us that the pure are for the pure and sinful for the sinful. So being virgin and chaste is very much part of Islam.

Demanding women to be chaste more than men or the whole hymen test and stuff is cultural though, as is the looking down upon those who are not virgin through legitimate reasons (such as divorce, death, etc.).



There is no shyness when it comes to seeking knowledge, so long as it is done properly and appropriate. For general topics, they can be discussed here in the open. For more explicit topics, we have gender specific rooms to ask.




You are just looking at a bad batch and basing everything on that. If the pool of candidates is too small then find a bigger pool. Even Muslims who migrated to the west or live in the west are of two kinds, one that adheres to their faith and one that wants to embrace the new culture and thus do all kinds of unislamic things. You just have to stop looking at cultural girls (those will be the majority) and find someone who is more into Islam. Unless their is a bigger community in another city, looking online or going to pakistan would be your best bet. I know of a black bro from usa who went to pakistan and found himself a nice girl.




You talk to the sister first and convey what type of a person you are looking for. And where you draw the line on grounds of possible divorce. She does not have to reveal her past or sin, she can just refuse marriage to you and no one is blamed this way. But should you find something out about the other person you don't like, so long as the nikkah hasn't been done then either party can back out at any time. As to what will happen to the family, it will be embarrassing for them and more than likely they will make you out to be the bad guy to the community to save their honor.

You question reminds me of a French court case regarding a Muslim couple whose marriage was annulled due to the woman lying about her virginity.

Regarding, finding out stuff after the marriage nikkah. Then it depends on how much are you in turmoil from it and whether you are able to forgive and move forward together or separation is the best option. This is where you get the imam involved or ask a scholar for advice.



In Islam, we are taught that one should not reveal their sins, especially after Allah has concealed it for them. If someone had sex before marriage, they can say they made mistakes in the past and something of similar to allude to it without saying out right what they did specifically. This is to keep it civil and dignified and to give the other party and indication and then decide if it's something they can over look or not.

Ahhh no sorry i didnt explain very well; you're right virginity is a prized thing for men and women in Islam and its obvs v good to remain a virgin, what i mean is some people act as if virginity is the be all end all: eg not marrying a divorcee because theyre not a virgin etc. Sorry for not explaining well.

format_quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1

Ahhh no sorry i didnt explain very well; you're right virginity is a prized thing for men and women in Islam and its obvs v good to remain a virgin, what i mean is some people act as if virginity is the be all end all: eg not marrying a divorcee because theyre not a virgin etc. Sorry for not explaining well.

It's alright. I just wanted to clarify it for the readers.

format_quote Originally Posted by Artic090

Thanks a lot brothers... But i feel very sad. When I sleep I have nightmares because I think that in this world I wont have any salvation. All i asked was a little chance. I would have done everything for the love of a woman and of God...
Maybe in this world there isnt space for guys like me

Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah.

I tried to read the entirety of your post. I am Italian too and I reverted one year ago. I would like to raise my concern about the way you are dealing with your situation hoping that in sha Allah it might help you see it differently. First of all, I failed to understand whether you already became muslim or are just looking into Islam! But if the second option is the case, this is my advice: do not look at the muslims but rather look at the religion, because muslims are not perfect while Islam is (alhamdulilah). The fact that the morals that are part of Islam are bringing you close to it it's good, but the main reason should be the understanding of Islam as the truth. Islam will save you after you converted for the sake of Allah and the will to submit to Him. This will be the best gift you will ever receive and the thing you have to cherish the most (your faith). After that, you can think about marriage as it is human to desire to find a spouse. But Allah has warned us to not take our loved ones as a distraction over our duties towards Him. When you make du'a and ask Allah to grant you a pious wife, you HAVE to believe He will answer you. Never loose trust:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “The slave will receive a response so long as his dua does not involve sin or severing of family ties, and so long as he is not hasty.” It was said, “What does being hasty mean?” He said: “When he says, ‘I made dua and I made dua, and I have not seen any response,’ and he gets frustrated and stops making dua.” Narrated by al-Bukahari, 6340; Muslim, 2735.

As far as the society is concerned, there is no doubt we are lost, but alhamdulilah Islam helps lots of people to follow the path of the pious and it would be absurd to ignore the their existence! You will be granted a pious wife as long as you are pious yourself. Marry for the religion and everything else will come by the will of Allah. I also advise to avoid chatting with girls, even online. If you want something serious you have to use serious means to get it. Make du'a and get in the community informing brothers that you are looking for marriage.
As for the issue of lying about past sins, I do think some scholars have said it is allowed because if the necessity of covering up ones' sins! And it is narrated that in the case you find out about a sin in a brother or sister and decide to cover it, you will be rewarded.

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever removes a worldly hardship from a believer, Allah will remove one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection from him. Whoever grants respite to (a debtor) who is in difficulty, Allah will grant him relief in this world and in the Hereafter. Whoever conceals (the fault of) a Muslim in this world, Allah will conceal him (his faults) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah will help a person so long as he is helping his brother.”

In the end, this life is nothing but a test and the destination is what we need to focus about. If you didn't do it yet, convert. Wallahi this is the truth and I am sure you can feel it by yourself. I ask Allah to help you in all matters and to guide you to be a good muslim. Only Islam will mend and cure your heart. Only remembering your Creator will make you happy. No human will ever do that; we are imperfect and we all leave at some point whether we want it or not. Love as a great place in Islam of course, but the highest place is only the love for Allah and after that the love for His messenger sallAllahu 3alayhi wassalam. Good women still exists (tho they might not correspond 100% to your requirements as for ethnicity or other things) as good men do. Alhamdulilah. May Allah grant you a good spouse. And (I do think this is more important cause this is what will give you the possibility to be really saved from punishment) may He guide you to the truth.

Thanks Revert. I'd like to ask you more (just because you are italian and for me it easier to explain my problem) but i wanted know: is still possibile, for me, realize my dream?