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What is your view on divorce?

View Poll Results: How do you think about divorce? (Male only)

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  • I would never get divorced.

    3 27.27%
  • I would only get a divorce as a last option.

    5 45.45%
  • Depends on if she was there for me when I had nothing.

    3 27.27%
  • Divorce is like buying ice cream for me.

    0 0%
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  1. #1
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    What is your view on divorce? (OP)


    As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

    How do you think about divorce?

    Edit:
    To clarify, this is just a hypothetical question. To further clarify, the question is if the two scenario's are the same and if you agree/disagree on it.

    Edit:
    It seems some people still don't properly understand the question. So I'll rephrase it: "Is it fair for a men to divorce his wife for shallow reasons, if the women had shallow requirements (high mahr etc. etc.) when they got married."
    Last edited by 00001001; 02-26-2018 at 09:29 PM. Reason: further clarification

  2. #21
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

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    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

    How do you think about divorce?

    Edit:
    To clarify, this is just a hypothetical question. To further clarify, the question is if the two scenario's are the same and if you agree/disagree on it.
    If the two scenario's here were:
    1, women only want to marry someone who has a good job and his own house...
    2, divorce the wife when she is not beautiful anymore...

    then I would say the two scenario's are pretty the same. both shallow, and only looking at the outside.
    Reality is different.

    Women do not want that. that is nonsence...they do want certainty though. If you are still studying, but maybe almost finished...or you are looking for a job...and it looks like you are stable and can support her, then I think there should not be a problem.

    otherwise they might be interested but maybe not yet get married...because it might not always be the most wise idea to do.

    on the other side, you wanting to get married just because she is beautifull is pretty stupid. but I guess you are still young and you will understand the value of someone's personality after you married and divorced a -----. (sounds hard I am sorry for this, but I am just saying to be carefull here.)

    I know this is a hypothetical question, but I just wanted to point that out.
    1 | Likes 00001001 liked this post

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    Thanks for the video, learned a couple of things. But it fails it answer my question
    he does answer your question, around 8 different times by relating that you cannot divorce for silly reasons. And let’s be fair, your reason was kinda dumb!
    1 | Likes cinnamonrolls1 liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?


  5. #23
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

    How do you think about divorce?

    Edit:
    To clarify, this is just a hypothetical question. To further clarify, the question is if the two scenario's are the same and if you agree/disagree on it.
    A person may marry a woman for 4 reasons.

    1. her deen
    2. her beauty
    3. her wealth
    4. her status

    So she is bringing one or more of those things to the table. She already has it and is being approached because of that.

    A man is approved of marriageble material when he is able to afford a family. Regardless of one having a job or education or what not, if he can provide for her at the same level as her father then he is qualified to get married. you getting an education and a job so you can provide for her at the same level as her father is what you need to bring to the table. She already is at the table with what you want, are you at the table with what she wants or are you whining about it?

  6. #24
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by Scimitar View Post
    he does answer your question, around 8 different times by relating that you cannot divorce for silly reasons. And let’s be fair, your reason was kinda dumb!
    While the video clearly made it known that indeed you cannot divorce for silly reasons, it fails to answer if it would be fair for the husband to divorce his wife if the wife marries him for shallow reaons. Agree that it is a dumb reasons, but in my eye's it is fair as every action has a reaction.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Zzz_ View Post
    A person may marry a woman for 4 reasons.

    1. her deen
    2. her beauty
    3. her wealth
    4. her status

    So she is bringing one or more of those things to the table. She already has it and is being approached because of that.

    A man is approved of marriageble material when he is able to afford a family. Regardless of one having a job or education or what not, if he can provide for her at the same level as her father then he is qualified to get married. you getting an education and a job so you can provide for her at the same level as her father is what you need to bring to the table. She already is at the table with what you want, are you at the table with what she wants or are you whining about it?
    Oh boy oh boy, where do I start...

    1. Please explain how Mohammed s.a.s. married a rich women even though he was poor.
    2. I'm not questioning if a women shouldn't have requirements. The question is if it's fair to divorce a women for shallow reasons (beauty), if her requirements were shallow (money).
    3. No need to acuse me of whining.
    4. Please refrain from posting in the future if you can't even understand the question properly.

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Oh boy oh boy, where do I start...

    1. Please explain how Mohammed s.a.s. married a rich women even though he was poor.
    2. I'm not questioning if a women shouldn't have requirements. The question is if it's fair to divorce a women for shallow reasons (beauty), if her requirements were shallow (money).
    3. No need to acuse me of whining.
    4. Please refrain from posting in the future if you can't even understand the question properly.
    Bro listen,

    A man marries a woman for a 4 reasons as listed previously, that is a hadith. There may be exceptions to that but for the most part that's how the world goes.

    The prophet (S) had a job and was able to provide for a family whether she is rich or not. Even if you marry a millionaire, you still have to provide for her. So whether you can provide or not is the question here.

    A requirement of marriage in Islam is that the person is financially able to support a family. If that means you need to get a degree and a job then that's what you have to do. You have to do the minimum of being able to afford a family. So you have to come to that level first before you even qualify to be married in Islam. Otherwise it comes across as nothing more than whining.

    So to answer your question, it's that simple.

    1. a woman has brought to the table what she has
    2. have you brought the minimum required to have her?

    Your logic is flawed to begin with. Whether she loses her beauty after marriage or not is same as you getting rich or poor. If you think you can divorce her because she isn't pretty anymore then by the same token she can divorce you if you aren't rich or making as much money.
    Last edited by Zzz_; 02-26-2018 at 09:41 PM.

  9. #26
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    While the video clearly made it known that indeed you cannot divorce for silly reasons, it fails to answer if it would be fair for the husband to divorce his wife if the wife marries him for shallow reaons. Agree that it is a dumb reasons, but in my eye's it is fair as every action has a reaction.
    The answer is No! All shallow reasons are unjustified and silly, because they are shallow -

    If you're having to ask these ridiculous questions, then you have clearly not matured enough to be married!!!
    Last edited by *charisma*; 02-26-2018 at 11:38 PM. Reason: no personal attacks plz
    1 | Likes cinnamonrolls1 liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?


  10. #27
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Assalamu Alaikum

    Would you marry a very extremely physically unattractive with the hopes that she will become your dream girl? The reality is you probably will never even come NEAR a woman like that.

    The same reasoning applies to why some women will not marry a man who has no money, job, home, etc. The reality is BEFORE marriage, there is absolutely no time wasted on anyone, no sacrifices made, no emotional bond, no commitments, and no experience to know any differently than what they were brought up in. So women have their views on what marriage would look like to them, and they have the exclusive right (same as men), to keep their options open and wait for someone who has all those things they desire. Why should a girl who lives happily with her family, and has everything taken care of, choose a life which is less than? This is a valid question. You have to present something which is far greater than what she already has and I don't mean just materialistically. You also need to take in account that a man can see a woman and know immediately by physical appearance whether or not he will propose to her or if he will be interested. If she's not physically attractive AT ALL, regardless of her personalities and other qualities, would he even think about her? Probably not. So in that aspect, that is where we are equal. Is it a man's responsibility to ask as many of the unattractive women he knows for their hand in marriage? Nope. So as women it's not our responsibility to accept every guys proposal if there's a chance there's a better one coming along.

    Now for your actual question, how come your mind jumps to divorce? How does divorce help you if your issue is to get married to prevent fitnah and fulfill the feelings you have? You'll just be starting from square 1 again. Divorce isn't a solution to anything unless if being divorced prevents you from a great fitnah or say, Allah forbid, the wife cheated on you or commits kufr. Those are VALID reasons. After marriage, there is the hope that you will build some sort of life together, gain experience, have an emotional connection, attraction etc. so there's much more on the table there with divorce than there is when presenting yourself for marriage. If those things are absolutely non-existent, then sure, get divorced. If her beauty is what's keeping you there, then you probably shouldn't get married to begin with because it's inevitable that we all lose beauty in the end. Both men and women have this fear for divorce, that when they get married, this is the notion that they build their marriage upon. Marriage has to be build on longevity, and as Muslims we know what lasts and what doesn't. Maybe that's the point you're trying to make with your question but we need those initial things that "hooks" us to each other, however what keeps it going are the everlasting substances far beyond those superficial things.

    Your mom's reply is kind of a generalization though. I personally don't believe it's important for a man to have a college degree, but he should be educated, smart, intellectual. I don't believe he needs to be wealthy, but he should be financially stable and hardworking to never need the help of anyone else. Why's that important? Because I'm your responsibility now. If another man needs to help you, I should've just married him . He doesn't need to be a model, but I gotta tolerate your face in the morning and laugh with you You don't have to have a house, but I don't want to live with your parents. You are a college student, and I am as well? We can work upward and go forward together and build our future together. Get the point? You need to give an alternative to what you don't have, otherwise if you're just like "accept me as I am and be hopeful" it's not going to fly. They don't know who you are. You are a list of facts, so there's nothing there to build the hope on.

    You deserve a chance, even if she won't like you..you deserve to get to a point where you can meet a girl and see her face to face because we are Muslims and our trust is in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the end. With everything I've said, in the end a girl can throw all of that out the window because Allah opens her heart and she meets someone who is worth more than the superficial, generalized, stereotypical descriptions of what her husband should be, simply because Allah destined her to be with this man. He wrote their names together before the world was created. And in some crazy fashion, their pathways to marriage is made easy despite all of the odds against them. Maybe explain that to your mom and let her BELIEVE IN YOU. A lot of times moms can tell when their son is mature enough to be with someone and sometimes they just dont think he's mature, hardworking, or feel reassured about you caring for someone else, etc. They should STILL try, but you should also try harder to convince her that you have qualities she will be extremely proud to brag about to others

    I don't want brothers to lose hope and grow bitter just because it's not working out. There's a reason his wife is not there yet, but you have to be proactive as well in all other aspects of your life. Hypothetical questions can give us some insight and be helpful, but they are no where near reality because we each have a fate written for us and it often includes events we can never predict for ourselves.


    SHORT ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: NO, it's NOT fair.
    Last edited by *charisma*; 02-27-2018 at 04:40 AM.
    2 | Likes 00001001, ChosenTCO liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

  11. #28
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum

    Would you marry a very extremely physically unattractive with the hopes that she will become your dream girl? The reality is you probably will never even come NEAR a woman like that.

    The same reasoning applies to why some women will not marry a man who has no money, job, home, etc. The reality is BEFORE marriage, there is absolutely no time wasted on anyone, no sacrifices made, no emotional bond, no commitments, and no experience to know any differently than what they were brought up in. So women have their views on what marriage would look like to them, and they have the exclusive right (same as men), to keep their options open and wait for someone who has all those things they desire. Why should a girl who lives happily with her family, and has everything taken care of, choose a life which is less than? This is a valid question. You have to present something which is far greater than what she already has and I don't mean just materialistically. You also need to take in account that a man can see a woman and know immediately by physical appearance whether or not he will propose to her or if he will be interested. If she's not physically attractive AT ALL, regardless of her personalities and other qualities, would he even think about her? Probably not. So in that aspect, that is where we are equal. Is it a man's responsibility to ask as many of the unattractive women he knows for their hand in marriage? Nope. So as women it's not our responsibility to accept every guys proposal if there's a chance there's a better one coming along.

    Now for your actual question, how come your mind jumps to divorce? How does divorce help you if your issue is to get married to prevent fitnah and fulfill the feelings you have? You'll just be starting from square 1 again. Divorce isn't a solution to anything unless if being divorced prevents you from a great fitnah or say, Allah forbid, the wife cheated on you or commits kufr. Those are VALID reasons. After marriage, there is the hope that you will build some sort of life together, gain experience, have an emotional connection, attraction etc. so there's much more on the table there with divorce than there is when presenting yourself for marriage. If those things are absolutely non-existent, then sure, get divorced. If her beauty is what's keeping you there, then you probably shouldn't get married to begin with because it's inevitable that we all lose beauty in the end. Both men and women have this fear for divorce that when they get married, this is the notion that they build their marriage upon. Marriage has to be build on longevity, and as Muslims we know what lasts and what doesn't. Maybe that's the point you're trying to make with your question but we need those initial things that "hooks" us to each other, however what keeps it going are the everlasting substances far beyond those superficial things.

    Your mom's reply is kind of a generalization though. I personally don't believe it's important for a man to have a college degree, but he should be educated, smart, intellectual. I don't believe he needs to be wealthy, but he should be financially stable and hardworking to never need the help of anyone else. Why's that important? Because I'm your responsibility now. If another man needs to help you, I should've just married him . He doesn't need to be a model, but I gotta tolerate your face in the morning and laugh with you You don't have to have a house, but I don't want to live with your parents. You are a college student, and I am as well? We can work upward and go forward together and build our future together. Get the point? You need to give an alternative to what you don't have, otherwise if you're just like "accept me as I am and be hopeful" it's not going to fly. They don't know who you are. You are a list of facts, so there's nothing there to build the hope on.

    You deserve a chance, even if she won't like you..you deserve to get to a point where you can meet a girl and see her face to face because we are Muslims and our trust is in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the end. With everything I've said, in the end a girl can throw all of that out the window because Allah opens her heart and she meets someone who is worth more than the superficial, generalized, stereotypical descriptions of what her husband should be, simply because Allah destined her to be with this man. He wrote their names together before the world was created. And in some crazy fashion, their pathways to marriage is made easy despite all of the odds against them. Maybe explain that to your mom and let her BELIEVE IN YOU. A lot of times moms can tell when their son is mature enough to be with someone and sometimes they just dont think he's mature, hardworking, or reassuring of caring for someone else, etc. They should STILL try, but you should also try harder to convince her that you have qualities she will be extremely proud to brag about to others

    I don't want brothers to lose hope and grow bitter just because it's not working out. There's a reason his wife is not there yet, but you have to be proactive as well in all other aspects of your life. Hypothetical questions can give us some insight and be helpful, but they are no where near reality because we each have a fate written for us and it often includes events we can never predict for ourselves.


    SHORT ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: NO, it's NOT fair.
    You are the only one that actually made some valid points. Thanks for that.

  12. #29
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    You are the only one that actually made some valid points. Thanks for that.
    As long as someone can get through to your unreasonable self - its a success.

    But do tell us, where you stand now!!
    What is your view on divorce?


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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    You are the only one that actually made some valid points. Thanks for that.
    You're very welcome!

    Quote Originally Posted by Scimitar View Post
    As long as someone can get through to your unreasonable self - its a success.

    But do tell us, where you stand now!!
    Who cares, I deserve a prize or something

    And it's too cold for ice cream so don't even..
    1 | Likes ChosenTCO liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by Scimitar View Post
    As long as someone can get through to your unreasonable self - its a success.

    But do tell us, where you stand now!!
    I changed it to "never marry a shallow women".
    Last edited by 00001001; 02-27-2018 at 12:10 AM. Reason: bug?

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    My view in Divorce is !!!!

    Reasons why I divorce?

    A) A nagging wife.
    B) An ungrateful wife.
    C) A domineering wife.
    D) A verbal/physically abusive wife.
    E) A wife that listen to her parents over me and I have to please her and her parents, while in reverse I will be lucky if I get a pat on the head after a year of being treated like a crap.
    F) A wife who denies intimacy with me or use intimacy as form of controlling my behavior or she getting what she wants.
    G) It is all about her and it is double standard.
    H) She demand more money, demand, demand this and demand that and demand this and demand that.
    I) She abort the child without my consent or say in the matter.
    J) She uses the law of the West against me.
    K) If I have children she disrespect me infront of the children and lower my value in front of the kids. I would divorce her and disappear in thin air never to be seen again.
    L) She does never stop talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking.....
    M) She perform chinese torture into me by repeating things over and over and over and over until I break.
    N) She throws items at me or threaten to call the police for false rape or physical abuse allegation if I don't things she wants me to do.
    O) She is a feminist or believe in equality or feminist ideology.
    P) She believes all men are rapist, evil, bad, idiots, buffon and if there are no women around men will be going around and around drooling like bunch of dogs or chasing their own tail.
    Q) There is a constant tug of war at home to who wears the pants.
    R) She have zero respect of me.
    S) She believes only mothers should be raising children or if I raise children that is not done by a woman's perspective or mother's perspective but a man's perspective or father's perspective she will devalue my role and dismiss my raising of the children, fight with me or have to be done her way.
    T) She no longer looks beautiful for me, she cut her hair short, gain 500 pounds and let herself go.
    U) If I tell her not to leave the house for whatever reason or not to go certain places for whatever reason or tell her not to bring these people in the house or her family and she still does it..I know then and there a divorce is imminent.

    This is why I love divorce! I really do love divorce! If any of the above mentioned happened just one...BANG divorce!! No debate or discussion! I never return back to the same person after a divorce even if she did go 360 degree and the best of person for life, I will never go back. Ones I divorce, I divorce! Finish for me.
    Last edited by xboxisdead; 02-27-2018 at 01:19 AM.

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    You missed one...She's a farter.
    What is your view on divorce?

    "When a person sees the road as too long, he weakens in his walk." - Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd View Post
    You missed one...She's a farter.
    AHAHAHAHAH!!!

    Nah, I don't mind it. Cause I want to be able to fart on my own peace at my own home and if I have kids I want them to fart on their own peace as well. Of course, I will go jokingly comment lol

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    AHAHAHAHAH!!!

    Nah, I don't mind it. Cause I want to be able to fart on my own peace at my own home and if I have kids I want them to fart on their own peace as well. Of course, I will go jokingly comment lol
    and it will be an ideal family...
    What is your view on divorce?

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by azc View Post
    and it will be an ideal family...
    -- falls on the floor laughing so hard, pounding fist on the floor -

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?



    It's not fair for the one who will become your wife of course.

    The requirements is from your mother and not from your future-wife, isn't it? But you force the consequences of your mother requirements to your future-wife.

    Think about it, what happen when you find a future-wife that accept you whoever you are? will you still divorce her because she becomes ugly, just because you want a fairness with your mother? do you still think it's fair to your future-wife?

    Of course it's fair for just you and your mother.

    So at this point your mother is right, it's different think.

    But of course you might find woman who wants to marry with someone who has everything, it's her rights, but just for safe, skip her, as in hadith it is better to find a wife who has eeman in her even though she's not beautiful, well if you can find someone who has both it's even better of course.

    - - - Updated - - -



    It's not fair for the one who will become your wife of course.

    The requirements is from your mother and not from your future-wife, isn't it? But you force the consequences of your mother requirements to your future-wife.

    Think about it, what happen when you find a future-wife that accept you whoever you are? will you still divorce her because she becomes ugly, just because you want a fairness with your mother? do you still think it's fair to your future-wife?

    Of course it's fair for just you and your mother.

    So at this point your mother is right, it's different think.

    But of course you might find woman who wants to marry with someone who has everything, it's her rights, but just for safe, skip her, as in hadith it is better to find a wife who has eeman in her even though she's not beautiful, well if you can find someone who has both it's even better of course.

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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Greetings and peace be with you 00001001;
    My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house.
    About twenty thousand children will die today as a result of grinding poverty and preventable disease. There are about a billion people on Earth living in poverty, so your mums concerns would not be right for these people. However, if you have the ability to have a good education and find a good job, your patience would be rewarded.

    If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore?
    A beautiful wife is one who adheres to her religion and is faithful to her husband, any other forms of beauty are a bonus

    Marriage is easy, staying married is a struggle, I can say that after 33 years.

    blessings
    Eric
    3 | Likes sister herb, cinnamonrolls1, 00001001 liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric H View Post
    Greetings and peace be with you 00001001;


    About twenty thousand children will die today as a result of grinding poverty and preventable disease. There are about a billion people on Earth living in poverty, so your mums concerns would not be right for these people. However, if you have the ability to have a good education and find a good job, your patience would be rewarded.



    A beautiful wife is one who adheres to her religion and is faithful to her husband, any other forms of beauty are a bonus

    Marriage is easy, staying married is a struggle, I can say that after 33 years.

    blessings
    Eric
    " A beautiful wife one who adheres to her religion" bang on point

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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    The thing is, even if you were to marry some super gorgeous model for example, they would still age and lose physical beauty. So what you get a divorce and marry another woman, same happens to her etc. The most important thing is deen, the rest is a bit shallow in my opinion

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