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What is your view on divorce?
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View Poll Results: How do you think about divorce? (Male only)

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  • I would never get divorced.

    3 27.27%
  • I would only get a divorce as a last option.

    5 45.45%
  • Depends on if she was there for me when I had nothing.

    3 27.27%
  • Divorce is like buying ice cream for me.

    0 0%
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  1. #1
    Array 00001001's Avatar
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    What is your view on divorce? (OP)


    As I was talking with my mother about marriage, the topic of requirements popped up. My mother said she never would dare to search for a wife for me, as I haven't finished my education yet, still need to find a job and don't even have a house. This got me thinking. If women only want to get married to men who "have it all", why should I not divorce my future wife if I don't find her beautiful anymore? My mom angrily responded that those two situations are completely different. But are they really?

    How do you think about divorce?

    Edit:
    To clarify, this is just a hypothetical question. To further clarify, the question is if the two scenario's are the same and if you agree/disagree on it.

    Edit:
    It seems some people still don't properly understand the question. So I'll rephrase it: "Is it fair for a men to divorce his wife for shallow reasons, if the women had shallow requirements (high mahr etc. etc.) when they got married."
    Last edited by 00001001; 02-26-2018 at 09:29 PM. Reason: further clarification

  2. #41
    cinnamonrolls1's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

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    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum

    Would you marry a very extremely physically unattractive with the hopes that she will become your dream girl? The reality is you probably will never even come NEAR a woman like that.

    The same reasoning applies to why some women will not marry a man who has no money, job, home, etc. The reality is BEFORE marriage, there is absolutely no time wasted on anyone, no sacrifices made, no emotional bond, no commitments, and no experience to know any differently than what they were brought up in. So women have their views on what marriage would look like to them, and they have the exclusive right (same as men), to keep their options open and wait for someone who has all those things they desire. Why should a girl who lives happily with her family, and has everything taken care of, choose a life which is less than? This is a valid question. You have to present something which is far greater than what she already has and I don't mean just materialistically. You also need to take in account that a man can see a woman and know immediately by physical appearance whether or not he will propose to her or if he will be interested. If she's not physically attractive AT ALL, regardless of her personalities and other qualities, would he even think about her? Probably not. So in that aspect, that is where we are equal. Is it a man's responsibility to ask as many of the unattractive women he knows for their hand in marriage? Nope. So as women it's not our responsibility to accept every guys proposal if there's a chance there's a better one coming along.

    Now for your actual question, how come your mind jumps to divorce? How does divorce help you if your issue is to get married to prevent fitnah and fulfill the feelings you have? You'll just be starting from square 1 again. Divorce isn't a solution to anything unless if being divorced prevents you from a great fitnah or say, Allah forbid, the wife cheated on you or commits kufr. Those are VALID reasons. After marriage, there is the hope that you will build some sort of life together, gain experience, have an emotional connection, attraction etc. so there's much more on the table there with divorce than there is when presenting yourself for marriage. If those things are absolutely non-existent, then sure, get divorced. If her beauty is what's keeping you there, then you probably shouldn't get married to begin with because it's inevitable that we all lose beauty in the end. Both men and women have this fear for divorce, that when they get married, this is the notion that they build their marriage upon. Marriage has to be build on longevity, and as Muslims we know what lasts and what doesn't. Maybe that's the point you're trying to make with your question but we need those initial things that "hooks" us to each other, however what keeps it going are the everlasting substances far beyond those superficial things.

    Your mom's reply is kind of a generalization though. I personally don't believe it's important for a man to have a college degree, but he should be educated, smart, intellectual. I don't believe he needs to be wealthy, but he should be financially stable and hardworking to never need the help of anyone else. Why's that important? Because I'm your responsibility now. If another man needs to help you, I should've just married him . He doesn't need to be a model, but I gotta tolerate your face in the morning and laugh with you You don't have to have a house, but I don't want to live with your parents. You are a college student, and I am as well? We can work upward and go forward together and build our future together. Get the point? You need to give an alternative to what you don't have, otherwise if you're just like "accept me as I am and be hopeful" it's not going to fly. They don't know who you are. You are a list of facts, so there's nothing there to build the hope on.

    You deserve a chance, even if she won't like you..you deserve to get to a point where you can meet a girl and see her face to face because we are Muslims and our trust is in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in the end. With everything I've said, in the end a girl can throw all of that out the window because Allah opens her heart and she meets someone who is worth more than the superficial, generalized, stereotypical descriptions of what her husband should be, simply because Allah destined her to be with this man. He wrote their names together before the world was created. And in some crazy fashion, their pathways to marriage is made easy despite all of the odds against them. Maybe explain that to your mom and let her BELIEVE IN YOU. A lot of times moms can tell when their son is mature enough to be with someone and sometimes they just dont think he's mature, hardworking, or feel reassured about you caring for someone else, etc. They should STILL try, but you should also try harder to convince her that you have qualities she will be extremely proud to brag about to others

    I don't want brothers to lose hope and grow bitter just because it's not working out. There's a reason his wife is not there yet, but you have to be proactive as well in all other aspects of your life. Hypothetical questions can give us some insight and be helpful, but they are no where near reality because we each have a fate written for us and it often includes events we can never predict for ourselves.


    SHORT ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION: NO, it's NOT fair.
    Finally someone is being rational here

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  4. #42
    cinnamonrolls1's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    My view in Divorce is What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?What is your view on divorce?!!!!

    Reasons why I divorce?

    A) A nagging wife.
    B) An ungrateful wife.
    C) A domineering wife.
    D) A verbal/physically abusive wife.
    E) A wife that listen to her parents over me and I have to please her and her parents, while in reverse I will be lucky if I get a pat on the head after a year of being treated like a crap.
    F) A wife who denies intimacy with me or use intimacy as form of controlling my behavior or she getting what she wants.
    G) It is all about her and it is double standard.
    H) She demand more money, demand, demand this and demand that and demand this and demand that.
    I) She abort the child without my consent or say in the matter.
    J) She uses the law of the West against me.
    K) If I have children she disrespect me infront of the children and lower my value in front of the kids. I would divorce her and disappear in thin air never to be seen again.
    L) She does never stop talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking and talking.....
    M) She perform chinese torture into me by repeating things over and over and over and over until I break.
    N) She throws items at me or threaten to call the police for false rape or physical abuse allegation if I don't things she wants me to do.
    O) She is a feminist or believe in equality or feminist ideology.
    P) She believes all men are rapist, evil, bad, idiots, buffon and if there are no women around men will be going around and around drooling like bunch of dogs or chasing their own tail.
    Q) There is a constant tug of war at home to who wears the pants.
    R) She have zero respect of me.
    S) She believes only mothers should be raising children or if I raise children that is not done by a woman's perspective or mother's perspective but a man's perspective or father's perspective she will devalue my role and dismiss my raising of the children, fight with me or have to be done her way.
    T) She no longer looks beautiful for me, she cut her hair short, gain 500 pounds and let herself go.
    U) If I tell her not to leave the house for whatever reason or not to go certain places for whatever reason or tell her not to bring these people in the house or her family and she still does it..I know then and there a divorce is imminent.

    This is why I love divorce! I really do love divorce! If any of the above mentioned happened just one...BANG divorce!! No debate or discussion! I never return back to the same person after a divorce even if she did go 360 degree and the best of person for life, I will never go back. Ones I divorce, I divorce! Finish for me.
    Cool story bro but... Not all feminists are bad my friend and the concept of feminism is good but doesnr really work... So there is no "feminist ideology" really. Since feminisms conceptual idea is about equality the idea of it od say works with islam. However eglatarianism is a better model in my opinion.
    Just my two cents
    1 | Likes 00001001 liked this post

  5. #43
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1 View Post
    Cool story bro but... Not all feminists are bad my friend and the concept of feminism is good but doesnr really work... So there is no "feminist ideology" really. Since feminisms conceptual idea is about equality the idea of it od say works with islam. However eglatarianism is a better model in my opinion.
    Just my two cents
    First of all, feminist all of it..the entire ideology of it goes against Islam. It starts right with equality. That in itself goes against Islam 100%. For one thing there is no such thing as equality between two men and they are of the same fruit, so how can there be equality between man and a woman and they are of a two different fruit? Second of all, feminist goes against Quraan 100% and dismisses one of the verses of the Quraan and who believes in the ideology of equality immediately disbelieves in one of the verses of the Quraan and who disbelieves in one of the verses of the Quraan even if it is one letter have disbelieved and no longer a Muslim and who dies in that state will live forever in hellfire like the rest of the disbelievers. Might as well go down on your knees and worship Jesus or worship cross and formulate your own religion since you are no longer a Muslim. You can do whatever you want then, heck rape, kill, murder, steal, lie, have sex left and right and join feminism if you want it doesn't matter..you are going to hellfire. Unless you return back to islam and actually believe 100% in Qura'an and Sunnah and that disbelieve in the concept of equality between man and a woman. It is mentioned in the Qura'an that female and male are not alike, not the same and not equal. Already it is mentioned in the Quraan that male and female are not equal so how can you believe in equality?

    Second of all, equality is injustice. It brings injustice to both sexes and Islam is all about justice. With the concept of equality the idea that a man is head of the house hold goes out the window, the woman also should equally drive the bus. Then where is the man's right to have baby on his own and have paradise under the feet of the father as well? If we are seeking equality shouldn't there be equal opportunity for men also to have long life span and ability to have babies too and birth feed as well? Who leads? Is leading done by tossing a coin and who wins in the ton match leads? Equality doesn't work, it is false and injustice.

    Look at the day of judgment, if you think there is discrimination here in this world...in the afterlife it is even more severe than here. Would women formulate a rally and group and form their on cult in the afterlife in why some women have lower level of Janna while some men have higher level of Janna? Would there be sword and shield and wage war and go to TV shows and media and fight between the sexes in why some woman are in lower level of Janna while some men are not? Of course the reverse is true, there will be women in higher of level of Janna while there be men in lower level of Janna.

    While you follow model I follow Islam and Sunnah. I don't follow some old white man with beard in USA who is trying to figure out what is what and through his methods people try to apply it and it doesn't work,
    Last edited by xboxisdead; 03-06-2018 at 03:32 PM.

  6. #44
    00001001's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1 View Post
    Cool story bro but... Not all feminists are bad my friend and the concept of feminism is good but doesnr really work... So there is no "feminist ideology" really. Since feminisms conceptual idea is about equality the idea of it od say works with islam. However eglatarianism is a better model in my opinion.
    Just my two cents
    My bad, I accidentally liked your post. Not sure what you mean with egalitarianism.

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  8. #45
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    How do you think about divorce?
    The 4th selection in the poll of this thread:

    What kind of ice cream? I admit that I'm not a fan of all flavors. So buying certain ice cream flavors wouldn't be that easy for me. I'm diabetic too. So I don't eat ice cream anymore either.

    What if the ice cream melts before you make a decision?
    Last edited by najimuddin; 03-07-2018 at 01:01 AM.
    1 | Likes 00001001 liked this post
    What is your view on divorce?



  9. #46
    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by 00001001 View Post
    My bad, I accidentally liked your post. Not sure what you mean with egalitarianism.
    e·gal·i·tar·i·an·ism
    ēˌɡaləˈterēəˌnizəm/Submit
    noun
    the doctrine that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.

  10. #47
    00001001's Avatar
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    e·gal·i·tar·i·an·ism
    ēˌɡaləˈterēəˌnizəm/Submit
    noun
    the doctrine that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities.
    I meant more how she views it.

  11. #48
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    Re: What is your view on divorce?

    Women finally realize feminism has failed

    1 | Likes 00001001 liked this post

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