I knew it! I knew it! We say we love our sons but that is a big lie!!

format_quote Originally Posted by Misbah-Abd

I am just mad! Because I see it all the time! Even my mom did it to me and I resented it. Why am I not allowed to have soft heart? Why am I not allowed to express my feelings and cry? Look at the prophet peace be upon he cried in public..literally! How do we expect to weep and cry in our prayers and listening to Qura'an when we tell our sons to have a heartless heart? It makes no sense. When I went to Haj, I saw my mom cry and cry and cry as she saw the kabaa and was weeping....me? Nothing. I was jealous that she cried but not me. If we make our men have hard hearts by teaching them crying is a form of weakness how do you expect them to have soft hearts to their wives and their children to their womenfolks...even to their mothers? How do you expect them to have soft heart to hearing or reciting Qura'an or even soft heart to athaan. It is a jahiliya that need to be abolished. The idea crying is for only little girls is a wrong, wrong, wrong message we send.

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format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead

I am just mad! Because I see it all the time! Even my mom did it to me and I resented it. Why am I not allowed to have soft heart? Why am I not allowed to express my feelings and cry? Look at the prophet peace be upon he cried in public..literally! How do we expect to weep and cry in our prayers and listening to Qura'an when we tell our sons to have a heartless heart? It makes no sense. When I went to Haj, I saw my mom cry and cry and cry as she saw the kabaa and was weeping....me? Nothing. I was jealous that she cried but not me. If we make our men have hard hearts by teaching them crying is a form of weakness how do you expect them to have soft hearts to their wives and their children to their womenfolks...even to their mothers? How do you expect them to have soft heart to hearing or reciting Qura'an or even soft heart to athaan. It is a jahiliya that need to be abolished. The idea crying is for only little girls is a wrong, wrong, wrong message we send.

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2017...boys-dont-cry/

When I was a little girl, I got the message that men did not like it when women cried.
Particularly if it was during an argument or disagreement. That was as good as blackmail.

I was indirectly told that it did not matter if my tears were genuine or not, they would always be perceived by men as intentional and manipulative—a way to get what I wanted out of them.

I must have been around five or six when I first heard this—kindergarten aged, anyway.

Throughout my life, I heard a similar message repeated. I learned that any excess of emotion I showed in front of men would earn me a dismissive scoff and the question, “Are you on your period?” I learned that, throughout history, women have been accused of being hysterical and insane because they tend to express more emotion than men do. And, only yesterday, I heard the comment that finally made me break down and write this article:


“You can’t cry as a woman. If you cry, then you give away all of your power.”

Let’s just make it clear now: the amount of emotion you express has absolutely no connection to your level of power. You can be a total badass while simultaneously crying at dog food commercials.

So far in my writing I have been focusing on the female experience, simply because I was born and raised female. I know what it’s like to be a woman, while I’ve never lived as a man. But, I do believe that this is not an issue that stems from the way we traditionally view women and their emotions. Rather, it is an issue that stems from men, and the way that we, as a society, traditionally view them and their emotions.

Many men are taught, essentially from birth, that not only are emotions a bad thing, they are decidedly un-masculine (read: feminine). We allow young boys to express emotions like anger and aggression, and even happiness to a somewhat subdued extent (if they’re too openly happy, they risk being accused of being feminine or, worse, gay).

We’ve all heard the expression “boys don’t cry,” and that expression comes from somewhere, culturally. We teach boys that they shouldn’t cry, that if they’re sad or troubled or struggling they should bottle that up and shoulder the burden themselves. They should not reach out. They should not talk to someone. They should not cry. They should buck up and be a man, grow some balls, rub some dirt in it, and move on.

I’m not trying to say that no man is in touch with their emotions. I have known many men who are even more in touch with their emotions than I am. What I am talking about here is the cultural stereotype that “boys don’t cry,” and how this idea has affected some men.

This idea that men can never be vulnerable or excessively emotional leads to many, many problems for the men who take this message seriously.

Pent-up unhappiness needs to come out in some way, and if men aren’t going to talk about it or deal with it directly, this can sometimes surface in the form of aggression toward other people, or self-harming behaviour. But “boys will be boys,” right?


For others, this unhappiness leads to clinical depression, which in and of itself is a major problem that we, as a society, need to address, especially when you take into account the fact that men in America die by suicide 3.5 times more often than women.

But, in many cases, men who take this message of “boys don’t cry” too seriously end up, to put it simply, emotionally immature. They become men who don’t know how to deal with emotions when they’re confronted with them. Men who assume that every time a woman cries, she is weak and manipulative and evil. Men who just emotionally check out of a situation when it becomes too much or too big for them to handle.

My point is, when we teach young boys that “boys don’t cry,” they can’t deal with their emotions and work through them. All we do is hurt them in the long run. We take away their opportunity to learn about their emotions and how to deal with them in a healthy and mature way.

But, this is something that’s getting better, right? As feminism becomes more mainstream and we begin to question gender roles more openly, we, as a society, are becoming more accepting of male emotions, right?

Well, actually, if the personal experience that I shared at the beginning of the article means anything, I’m tempted to say: no. In fact, in some ways, this issue actually seems to be getting worse.

Even as we talk more about feminist issues, society at large still has this tendency to think of things as a binary of good and evil, right and wrong, and gender still tends to fall into that binary worldview. We’re opening up more and more every day—discussing transgender issues more openly and acknowledging the existence of gender queer or non-binary people (to some extent at least). But, at the same time, I believe we still tend to split gender into this idea of man/masculine, as opposed to woman/feminine. And, more than that, as with most binary systems, depending on our perspective, we tend to value one end of the spectrum, while disparaging the other.

We like light better than dark, no pineapple on pizza better than pineapple on pizza, and men better than women. And, along with that hierarchy, we also categorize all the behaviours traditionally associated with the two genders.

There is a reason society tells men they should be emotionless: because, in society’s eyes, emotions are weakness.

Women are emotional, and that’s what makes them weak (even hysterical, insane). Men are better suited to the world of leadership, protection, and big business because they don’t let emotions get in the way; they are strong. And, as women emerge more and more into these fields, they tend not to be accepted for the emotional, vulnerable women that they might have been taught to be from childhood.

Rather, they are expected to become more like men are expected to be: hard and emotionless. And, even then, they will constantly live with society’s doubt about whether they can achieve that level of “strength.” For proof, look at the fact that, recently, we, via the media, posed the doubt that a woman could be as successful a president as a man because when she gets her period, she might get PMS and declare war on Germany or something.

Except emotions are not weakness. In fact, if anything, they are strength.

Being able to discuss our emotions enables healing, as well as bonding. Being able to understand the way someone else is feeling and empathize with them allows us to connect with them on a human level. I’d argue that experiencing and expressing emotions actually makes us better leaders, as it makes us want to understand the people we are leading, as well as the people who could potentially be our enemies.

I may be a weak, manipulative, hysterical, emotional woman to some, but I believe being an empath is my superpower. It is the reason I haven’t lost myself for good in the depths of depression. It is what helps me understand and love people, rather than give up on them all as cruel or worthless. It is what makes it possible for me to reach out to others, even help them through difficult times. It is what makes my life worthwhile. I don’t know where I’d be if it weren’t for my connection to my emotions.

Emotions are a treasure that much of society looks down on “feminine” people for possessing. But the truth is, they are a gift that we should give more “masculine” people as well.

We treat emotions as though they are shameful, something to be be hidden or ignored, but they are beautiful, and human—all of them.

They have the capability to turn us into better people. All we need to do is accept them, get to know them, and allow ourselves to experience them for what they are.

I agree.

The details described I think are symptoms of a larger problem.

The children (of both sexes) are not being cared for.

I do agree kinda as well. I just honestly wish this stupid assumption about women being hysterical would stop.

Salaam

Men on the whole have always had it harder, its a fact that people in the past acknowledged this.



"Women and children can be careless but not men."

Of course its not fair but you wont be preparing your future sons for the future unless you tell them how people actually behave rather than how you wish them to behave.

In properly functioning traditional societies these problems would be mitigated

Boys can cry but men dont

format_quote Originally Posted by Zeal

Boys can cry but men dont

Next time you go to a masjid or even go to hajj, tell the grown men, whose throwing their hands up in the air and crying while in supplication, that their acting like a bunch of little boys.

format_quote Originally Posted by Zeal

Boys can cry but men dont

The prophet cried...
Its normal and healthy to cry. Id be worried if ppl didnt cry

format_quote Originally Posted by Zeal

Boys can cry but men dont

Asalamu Alaikum

Many Islamic figures have cried, and they are much better men than you. Might want to take it back and repent for your idiotic and potentially blasphemous statement.

format_quote Originally Posted by Ibn Shahid

Asalamu Alaikum

Many Islamic figures have cried, and they are much better men than you. Might want to take it back and repent for your idiotic and potentially blasphemous statement.

Honestly. I wasnt aware discharging water from your eyes when emotional was an unmasculine thing to do!
Khalas, im done

format_quote Originally Posted by cinnamonrolls1

Honestly. I wasnt aware discharging water from your eyes when emotional was an unmasculine thing to do!
Khalas, im done

Asalamu Alaikum

There are times to cry and there are times to not cry. Like everything, it should not be done in excess.

If someone wails over something like not getting the last cookie, then yeah there's a problem. But shedding a few tears when someone dies or when you make dua is perfectly acceptable, along with other things of that magnitude.

format_quote Originally Posted by Ibn Shahid

Asalamu Alaikum

There are times to cry and there are times to not cry. Like everything, it should not be done in excess.

If someone wails over something like not getting the last cookie, then yeah there's a problem. But shedding a few tears when someone dies or when you make dua is perfectly acceptable, along with other things of that magnitude.

Obvs yea

format_quote Originally Posted by Ibn Shahid

Asalamu Alaikum

Many Islamic figures have cried, and they are much better men than you. Might want to take it back and repent for your idiotic and potentially blasphemous statement.

Could you not choose some other suitable words...?

format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead

Oh it is more than just boys do not cry EVIL EVIL stigma have being put into boys!! But it is we do not take boys being molested by grown women serious! In fact if a 5 year old or a 10 year old boy get touched by a grown women we say to him "Oh you are soooo lucky!!" or "I wish grown woman had sex with me when I was 6 year old or or 10 year old" this is ANOTHER BOY HATING, DISRESPECTING boys in ways I cannot comprehend in addition to boys or men cannot cry mentality! Boys really, really, reallly have it hard. Nowadays being a boy and a man is impossible mission!



The reason why I am saying women here and not men because when men molest boys he get hanged by his gentile! He gets thrown to prison faster than a blink of an eye or get shot by the father if he is around his son. If he goes to jail he will not last two days, he will be killed by prisoners for molesting children. Women in the other hand are rampant sex predators in USA and Canada (where I live)...especially female teachers but they go scott free. And boys who get raped or molested by them are in the boat this man just described....

Im sorry but i have heard no one say to ANY child who has been sexually harassed that they are lucky.
Your posts are all about the same thing my friend. If you dont like something do something about it. Change doesnt come around by long passive agressive rants.

I don't get the anti-women stuff.

People abuse children and try to silence them. There is a good book by Alice Miller called "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware" that talks about that.

In that instance, a person does need to be able to feel their feelings. If someone's dealt with abuse, that person should be able to feel their feelings and deal with their inner issues. If they want to cry they can do so. And definitely it's not cool when someone abuses someone and tries to shut them up to hide the abuse.

But whatever you are going through and have been through, I think you should not keep posting all this anti-women stuff.

The Godfather clip is appropriate. If a guy wants to cry in private, I guess that's cool. But it's something that in general it is better for a man to avoid in public. It's okay to have feelings but a guy should try to control his emotions when in public. It's not best for a guy to overly be emotional. If a guy needs to cry or whatever- it's generally better for that to be done in private. And if someone has gone through things and is upset at women... firstly, if they are going to be mad they should be mad at the particular woman who did something. Not just be anti-women in general. That is not at all cool. And misogyny is unIslamic. Islam is for the dignity of women. Islam promotes respect for women. Secondly, if for whatever reason you feel some need to watch videos of guys ranting about women- you should not post that here. You should keep it to yourself. Thirdly, if someone is continually posting anti-women stuff there should be some sort of administrative action against that. It shouldn't be tolerated. This anti-women ranting is unIslamic and frankly it is unmanly.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

format_quote Originally Posted by AllahIsAl-Malik

I don't get the anti-women stuff.

People abuse children and try to silence them. There is a good book by Alice Miller called "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware" that talks about that.

In that instance, a person does need to be able to feel their feelings. If someone's dealt with abuse, that person should be able to feel their feelings and deal with their inner issues. If they want to cry they can do so. And definitely it's not cool when someone abuses someone and tries to shut them up to hide the abuse.

But whatever you are going through and have been through, I think you should not keep posting all this anti-women stuff.

The Godfather clip is appropriate. If a guy wants to cry in private, I guess that's cool. But it's something that in general it is better for a man to avoid in public. It's okay to have feelings but a guy should try to control his emotions when in public. It's not best for a guy to overly be emotional. If a guy needs to cry or whatever- it's generally better for that to be done in private. And if someone has gone through things and is upset at women... firstly, if they are going to be mad they should be mad at the particular woman who did something. Not just be anti-women in general. That is not at all cool. And misogyny is unIslamic. Islam is for the dignity of women. Islam promotes respect for women. Secondly, if for whatever reason you feel some need to watch videos of guys ranting about women- you should not post that here. You should keep it to yourself. Thirdly, if someone is continually posting anti-women stuff there should be some sort of administrative action against that. It shouldn't be tolerated. This anti-women ranting is unIslamic and frankly it is unmanly.

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means”[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

100%

Your attitudes towards women are honestly unsettling,i know we have problems within our cultures of gender equality etc, but im surprised someone on the forum would think like that. If you dont like women so much then dont get married, simple. Don't keep ranting though about women on a forum which has a lot of female users though?? I could say SO much about men but im not because respecting each other is a highly islamic concept.
Rant/tangent over.