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Being a second wife

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    Being a second wife (OP)


    Assalaamualaikum

    I am a second wife to my husband, his other wife doesn't know about our marriage. He promised initially to leave her in 3 months as for all the years that they are married there hasn't been any happiness. Because I know the couple and used to see the unpleasantness between them. We made nikaah and I am still a secret.
    He says I should believe in Allah n mayb one-day we can be together. He says we never know what tomorrow holds. I love him so much but am so scared of loosing him.
    Before we would spend so much time together and now we are hardly together. Also when he goes home switches his phone off n then we can only speak the next day. It hurts so much. He says he loves me, but now I'm not sure if he does.
    He helps me financially and wants me to study, but I can't concentrate on my studies.
    He also wants us yo have a child, but I'm scared that if he abandon us what will happen.
    He sometimes says I should move on and then changes his mind. I really love him and don't want to loose him.
    But I also don't want to loose myself.
    He doesn't want his wife to find out about us n says he is waiting for her yo leave him.
    Please advise me on what to do.
    They always fighting. But these days we also argue alot. He says our personalities have exchanged, she is gone kind and I am gone ugly. There is a big age gap between us. I want the old him that had do much respect n care.
    Please advise me.

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    Re: Being a second wife

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    format_quote Originally Posted by Futuwwa View Post
    How about you take it up with the OP? She is the one who is soliciting advice on a public forum.
    Except your advice not practical not wise. You, or anyone of us, knows enough details to be giving life advice to her. We can say how what the guy is doing is wrong and how it should be and what her options may be. Much like how Choosen and Aisha has done. While its easy to give the advice like yours, you do not know how it could negative affect all parties. For an actual advice on this matter, more information is needed and an imam, elderly wise people of community or islamic marriage counselor needs to get involved.
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    Re: Being a second wife

    Dont do anything which you wouldnt want to be done to you. Thats the never lasting golden rule of ethics taught by all Prophets.
    Last edited by anatolian; 05-18-2018 at 03:02 PM.
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    Being a second wife

    “Either seem as you are or be as you seem” Rumi
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    Re: Being a second wife

    He is n9t being honest. If he married you in secret, and you already has a wife. It means that he is not very honest to his first wife and he’s going to do the same to you. since he married you in secret he doesn’t care about enough to let it out in the open. Go ask a sheikh about this.
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    Re: Being a second wife

    Jazakallah to one and all for the advice.
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