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  1. #1
    tia's Avatar
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    Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

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    I needs some opinions and views here. I am a 26 year old female, wishing to get married. My sexual need is always high. I don't get easily satisfied and I know this for a fact. So I think this is a good reason for me to get married. However, I cannot accept polygyny (this is the correct term for marriage of 1 man with 4 wives). How can I share my husband knowing that I would need him to satisfy me all the time. It is not compulsory to practice polygyny, but I know that if I wish to marry any muslim brother, I need to accept the possibility of polygyny, but I dont think I can.

    People opt to polygyny for various reasons. If thats a mutual choice they made, Im happy for them. But what about sisters like me? Sisters with high sexual drive. How do I deal with polygyny? And what I dont understand is people are saying oh men has higher sexual needs than women, that's why they need to marry more than one lady. but what about this case like mine?

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    anatolian's Avatar
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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    What people say is not an Islamic reason for polygyny. People like to fit the religion to their desires. You better discuss your situation with a doctor first and your future husband before marriage.
    1 | Likes tia liked this post

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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    I appreciate the honesty in this thread. Honesty is ever appreciated. Btw Men don't really have more desire needs then women they are just more open about their desires then women but biologically wise I believe women have more desire then men.

    They are just not open about it and it has something to do with behaviour.

    In order to minimize this lower your food in take or simply just fast every second day. If your intentions are correct you may by destiny run into a partner who has increased desire. Partners are always heavenly matched but we just don't know it. It's a pre-destined thing that we rarely realize. If some has good apettite inshallah they will meet someone off equal apetttie

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    Al Khorasani's Avatar
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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    Quote Originally Posted by tia View Post
    I needs some opinions and views here. I am a 26 year old female, wishing to get married. My sexual need is always high. I don't get easily satisfied and I know this for a fact. So I think this is a good reason for me to get married. However, I cannot accept polygyny (this is the correct term for marriage of 1 man with 4 wives). How can I share my husband knowing that I would need him to satisfy me all the time. It is not compulsory to practice polygyny, but I know that if I wish to marry any muslim brother, I need to accept the possibility of polygyny, but I dont think I can.

    People opt to polygyny for various reasons. If thats a mutual choice they made, Im happy for them. But what about sisters like me? Sisters with high sexual drive. How do I deal with polygyny? And what I dont understand is people are saying oh men has higher sexual needs than women, that's why they need to marry more than one lady. but what about this case
    like mine?
    Asalamu Alaikum

    Can't you just find someone who doesn't want multiple wives?

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    Quote Originally Posted by Al Khorasani View Post
    Asalamu Alaikum

    Can't you just find someone who doesn't want multiple wives?
    Walaikum Assalam

    generally, we don't find, we wait and accept what comes to us


    Quote Originally Posted by tia View Post
    I needs some opinions and views here. I am a 26 year old female, wishing to get married. My sexual need is always high. I don't get easily satisfied and I know this for a fact. So I think this is a good reason for me to get married. However, I cannot accept polygyny (this is the correct term for marriage of 1 man with 4 wives). How can I share my husband knowing that I would need him to satisfy me all the time. It is not compulsory to practice polygyny, but I know that if I wish to marry any muslim brother, I need to accept the possibility of polygyny, but I dont think I can.

    People opt to polygyny for various reasons. If thats a mutual choice they made, Im happy for them. But what about sisters like me? Sisters with high sexual drive. How do I deal with polygyny? And what I dont understand is people are saying oh men has higher sexual needs than women, that's why they need to marry more than one lady. but what about this case like mine?
    Firstly sis, this is something you shouldn't worry about at all. I think your high libido is making you think this way. It's like the first day when you're fasting and your appetite becomes larger than your stomach. If polygyny is something you don't desire, then you can add this as a condition to your marriage contract at the time of marriage, but I don't think that it will make too much of a difference in your husband being able to satisfy your needs if he were to get a second wife later on. It is highly unlikely that men are involved in polygyny anyway. Secondly, even if you have a high sex drive, you need to learn to control it. Just because your husband may not marry anyone else, doesn't mean that there won't be circumstances where he may not be able to fulfill your desires at the time that you will have them. For example, he may be away for travel, be tired, ill, etc. So in that regard, you have to wrap your head around the fact that marriage can be sexually fulfilling and that aspect is important but it isn't the only component of what marriage is. Your drive may drop eventually after marriage within time as well, or your circumstances can completely change. Anyways, hope you find a good husband soon inshallah. Make du'a and keep yourself chaste in the time being. Remove yourself from environments and images of fitnah which sexually corrupt people these days.
    Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    D e a t h

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    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    Assalamu'alaikum.

    I believe there is a muslim man that have high libido as well that is monogamous, because he find monogamous to be more emotionally satisfying than polygamous.

    I see polygamy as defensive/preventive mechanism that Allah given to us muslims so that we will never defeated in term of population.

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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    It is entirely legitimate to have a nikah with a clause that prohibits the husband from taking additional wives without your permission.

    Other than that, you should be upfront with any prospective husband about your high libido. That might cause issues with a husband with low libido, but for many men I'd imagine a high-libido wife would be welcome.

  10. #8
    Abz2000's Avatar
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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    If what you are saying is true - you have most likely inherited such a trait through one or both parents, through normalisation of an abnormal median via practices and stimuli (which may include but not be limited to physical desensitisation, psychological desensitisation, and dietary) which affected the fitrah.

    The best way to resolve such an issue would be to attempt to bring yourself back to a more normal median which is in tune with the God-given fitrah - the baseline of which is Islamic guidance, this way you will either succeed in bringing yourself back to normalisation after a struggle for which you will be rewarded - or at least pass an easier relay burden onto any offspring you beget (if you have any offspring) in which case you will also be rewarded.

    Returning to fitrah can take generations - or can be instantaneous by Allah Who, when He decides anything, He says unto it: "BE", and it IS.


    This is the struggle of creation since biological matter began to evolve - and this is how the human being reached the pinnacle of creation on earth. Pondering on the various possible stages and miniscule relay decisions including the development of fangs, venom, claws, fur, night vision, reception of sound, smell, hearing, sharp sight, vs mind and the subsequent ability to develop tools to do most of those things better, the female who carries the burden of children, the fact that more developed creatures actually carry the sack than lay eggs and go off on walkies - indicates multiple struggles and sacrifices along the way - and Allah has shown us that Islam is the best path to continued long term success in this world - and the heareafter.


    And Allah knows best.

    Regarding the claim that a wife must accept polygyny - i beg to assert that it may be the case that an understanding may be reached mutually between husband and wife within the limits of Allah

    Al-Baqarah 2:221

    وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكَٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنَّۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ مُّؤْمِنَةٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكَةٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَتْكُمْۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْمُشْرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤْمِنُوا۟ۚ وَلَعَبْدٌ مُّؤْمِنٌ خَيْرٌ مِّن مُّشْرِكٍ وَلَوْ أَعْجَبَكُمْۗ أُو۟لَٰٓئِكَ يَدْعُونَ إِلَى ٱلنَّارِۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدْعُوٓا۟ إِلَى ٱلْجَنَّةِ وَٱلْمَغْفِرَةِ بِإِذْنِهِۦۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ

    Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.




    An-Nisa' 4:3

    وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تُقْسِطُوا۟ فِى ٱلْيَتَٰمَىٰ فَٱنكِحُوا۟ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ مَثْنَىٰ وَثُلَٰثَ وَرُبَٰعَۖ فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا۟ فَوَٰحِدَةً أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَٰنُكُمْۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰٓ أَلَّا تَعُولُوا۟

    If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.


    An-Nur 24:32

    وَأَنكِحُوا۟ ٱلْأَيَٰمَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَٱلصَّٰلِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْۚ إِن يَكُونُوا۟ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ ٱللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِۦۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ

    Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things.





    An-Nisa' 4:22

    وَلَا تَنكِحُوا۟ مَا نَكَحَ ءَابَآؤُكُم مِّنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَۚ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَٰحِشَةً وَمَقْتًا وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًا

    And marry not women whom your fathers married,- except what is past: It was shameful and odious,- an abominable custom indeed.



    An-Nur 24:3

    ٱلزَّانِى لَا يَنكِحُ إِلَّا زَانِيَةً أَوْ مُشْرِكَةً وَٱلزَّانِيَةُ لَا يَنكِحُهَآ إِلَّا زَانٍ أَوْ مُشْرِكٌۚ وَحُرِّمَ ذَٰلِكَ عَلَى ٱلْمُؤْمِنِينَ

    Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty, or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.




    ----


    We see that the emphasis and preference is on one wife, polygyny -it appears- is only a license in case of circumstantial difficulty.


    And Allah knows best.
    Last edited by Abz2000; 1 Week Ago at 10:43 PM.
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    anatolian's Avatar
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    Re: Polygamy /Polygyny - Wife with High Libido

    Polygyny was more practicable at past where the ratio of men were less then women becuase of several reasons. However in this age, it is almost same as it is biologically supposed to be. This means each man practicing polygyny reduces the chance of another man to get married. A polygynous man should also consider this reality.

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