I am married with a converted muslim women. Before I married her I didn’t had a beard. Hamdolilah my imane is growing and I decide to let my beard grow for Allah s.w.t. Unfortunately my wife is absolute against a beard. Since I let my beard grow she is keeping distance from me, don’t look at me and the intimacy is less than before. Everything changed between us. I told her many times that it is obligatory to have a beard and I don’t want to disobey Allah s.w.t and his messenger. She know about the importance, but she don’t like a beard at all. She told me if I met you like that I will never married you. And the saddest thing is that she don’t want to be with me anymore.
My wife does pray her daily prayers.
Even I am struggling with my beard. Many times I have the feeling to shave it. But I most be strong and fight against the shaytaan.
Everyday I am making dua to Allah s.w.t to guide me and my wife.
I agree with the wisdom of those who encourage patience and kindness. Soon, she'll accept the changes. It's just a beard but you are still the same person (whom she married and loves). Don't give up over this, it takes others time to get used with changes, maybe Allah will give more tranquility (than before) in the marriage, once this barrier is overcome with required patience and faith. In the meantime, also encourage your wife to grow as a Muslimah by joining Islamic study circles for sisters in your area.
We are usually influenced by the company we keep; perhaps the women who are her present friends are having a negative effect. Good companions are a true blessing! There is a sisters section to this forum, as well. And, maybe you can search some tips on how to groom/soften your beard so that it's more attractive/less of a discomfort?
May Allah bless your marriage with lots of peace and happiness. Ameen
Last edited by HisServant; 10-20-2018 at 10:49 PM.
To the OP...I am thinking it is more than just she does not like your beard...I think it is a control issue. She wants to feel she have a control over something so she uses the beard to control you or feel she have a say over you or to get her way. If it is not beard it will be something else. Even if you submit to her and shave your beard she will eventually find another fault to pin point that she wants you to change or do. Like for example, you have the toilet seat is up or down and she wants it either down or up. She will find other things to control you with if not toilet seat..but how you smell when you wake up or how you don't put a tooth brush in certain place after you use it or how you leave your socks on the floor or how you do not help in the cooking of the food or...there will always be something she will find to pin-point and make a story about. Even if you submit to all of that and become her slave and obey and do everything she wants with perfection...she will not be satisfied and she will find faults on something else. In the end brother you need to do things to please Allah alone and not the creation of the Allah. You can never please the creation of Allah but you when you do something that pleases Allah, he get will get pleased and in additional to pleasing him he will reward you with gifts that you would never have imagine. But if you please the creation of Allah you get a smile and laugh from them and in an hour later they will find faults and blames on something else (regardless of whether it is a man or a woman).
If you find that your marriage is going to shackles because of something as trivial as beard then my advice is to go marriage counselling and find the root of the issue. If you after that you still have failed in resolving the issue you can do the following things: either tolerate the cold atmosphere, submit to her and shave your beard (only to find that another issue will sprout eventually and you have displeased Allah for the creation of Allah) and here she will lose all respect from you by the way, put your foot down like the old days of my grandma era and say enough is enough, or keep talking to her about this issue try to walk in egg shells and experiment and wait for her to change her heart (while you bite your nail in hopes this will resolve eventually) do prayers and go through mountain and back with classes, lessons, videos, friends, families joke with her and talk to her softly to try to convince her and and and and maybe one day things will finally resolve and you go pheeew finally (only something else may come) ,or if you cannot stand this anymore (because it may worsen) do divorce her and start fresh (if you have no children from her) but this time in this new marriage you put everything in the table so as not to repeat this cycle again. I mean it is really up to you to decide and in the end you are talking to people online and it is your life in your own hands, you have to decide what is the best approach in all of this and everything here we suggestions was not the best approach for you at all.
<Moderator keep this one and delete the other ones I posted earlier>
I realised that in many mosques men have no beard...even the imam...I don't understand this...there a few that have a beard...this is so wrong and strange
You state like every brother who doesn't have beard is wrong, do you know that not all men have hormone to grow beard? are they wrong? sinner? and you know it's not strange because some people also lost the ability to grow hair.
I know because my friend tried to do something with his losing hair, he still under 30s, but he can't, he also tried to grow beard, but he can't.
You state like every brother who doesn't have beard is wrong, do you know that not all men have hormone to grow beard? are they wrong? sinner? and you know it's not strange because some people also lost the ability to grow hair.
I know because my friend tried to do something with his losing hair, he still under 30s, but he can't, he also tried to grow beard, but he can't.
I think Asians by nature are smooth faced, no? That is what I am thinking. The issue of beard is from something much larger and not the beard itself. I mean...let us be honest, she holds equal responsibility.....hold on ....she holds 80% of the responsibility ....hold on...........she holds 80% of the blame...yeah...much better on this matter. Why? Because there are millions of men out there who are born without ever having a beard grown on their faces and many of them are as Muslim as the OP and some maybe even better in the character and deen than the OP....if beard is really her issue why did she not discuss this first? Better yet...why did she not pick men who never grow beard biologically and go there and live happily ever after? Something to ponder. But not me. I am telling you it is something bigger than that and no doubt a control factor.
My oldest brother is an excellent example of what will happen if you submit to every need and desires of your wife and never put your foot down. Want to know my oldest brother who live across the country how he is living?
His wife FORBID HIM from leaving the house and commands him to stay at home and take care of the children. She commands him to tell her when he leaves, where goes and what he does outside the house. As for her? She goes outside whenever she pleases and she talks to men and women alike and go outside and have a party of her lifetime. But if he disobeys her (that is my brother people...) she threatens to kick him out of the country and take his children and forbid him from seeing the children. By the way...he makes all the money and he works like a slave and she demands he give her all his wealth.
Husband and wife need to grow together in their faith and their commitment to Allaah. If only one partner grows and the other doesn't , they will eventually drift apart - even if they choose to remain married.
You state like every brother who doesn't have beard is wrong, do you know that not all men have hormone to grow beard? are they wrong? sinner? and you know it's not strange because some people also lost the ability to grow hair.
I know because my friend tried to do something with his losing hair, he still under 30s, but he can't, he also tried to grow beard, but he can't.
Asalamu Alaikum
You can almost always see the difference between someone who shaves and someone who just can't grow any facial hair.
Woah okay, getting another wife cos of a beard? A bit too far. The beard is disputed anyway- im pretty sure Shafis say it is highly reccomended to have beard but not haram if you don't have one. Try and reach a compromise though. Eg if your beard is some giant messy scruffy thing then try and clean up a bit- stubble etc is still considered a beard and rheres nothing wrong with having a tidy/short beard.
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Tumblr is a place to express yourself, discover yourself, and bond over the stuff you love. It's where your interests connect you with your people....
And/or maybe they don't know, maybe they are revert so they shave their beard. And the Imam is the one who can't grow beard. It's possible right 50%.
But for reader who don't know the situation but agree they are wrong, is bad I think...
The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) indicates that it is obligatory to let the beard grow and that it is haraam to shave it or cut it. It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cut the moustache and let the beard grow; be different from the mushrikeen.” (al-Bukhaari, al-Libaas, 5442; Muslim, al-Tahaarah, 382)-
There are many ahaadeeth which say the same as this hadeeth, indicating that it is obligatory to leave the beard alone and let it grow and that it is haraam to shave it or cut it. Whoever claims that letting the beard grow is no more than a Sunnah for which a person may be rewarded and the one who does not do it will not be punished is going against the saheeh ahaadeeth. The report that says that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to trim the length and breadth of his beard is a false hadeeth. But it should be noted that Islam is the religion of beauty, as it was narrated in the hadeeth, “[A man said,] ‘What if a man likes his clothes and his shoes to look good?’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Allaah is Beautiful and loves beauty.’” (Narrated by Muslim, al-Eemaan, 131). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded [one of his companions] to change grey hair, when he said, “Change this grey hair, but avoid black.” (Narrated by Muslim, Kitaab al-Libaas wa’l-Zeenah, 2102). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recommended combing hair, and said, “Whoever has hair, let him take care of it.” (Abu Dawood, Kitaab al-Tarajjul, 3632. Al-Albaani said in Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood: it is hasan saheeh. Hadeeth no. 3509). Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said: “Ibn Battaal said: combing means tidying the hair of the head and beard, and oiling it.” This is the Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Whoever turns away from my Sunnah has nothing to do with me.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Nikaah, 4675)-
It should be noted that the beauty referred to is shar’i or Islamic beauty (beauty as prescribed in Islam), and not the so-called beauty which appeals to sick minds which are enamoured of kaafir fashions and the appearance of corrupt people such as male and female actors and singers, or fashion models. Hence when some people were misled by those immoral western women who pluck or shave or draw their eyebrows, or make their nails long (like wild beasts), or have tattoos, and thought that this is beauty, many Muslim women imitated them in these things, even though they are forbidden by sharee’ah. The point is not what is fashionable in the east or the west, the point is the sharee’ah which advocates wearing perfume (for men), keeping clean, dressing nicely, combing the hair, changing grey hair, and other kinds of beautification which are prescribed in Islam. And Allaah is the Source of strength.
The majority of Jurists from among the Hanafi, Maaliki, and Hanbali schools of thought have said that shaving the beard is haraam. It is also a view among the Shaafi'i school of thought. The most correct opinion among the Shaafi'i Madhhab is that it is makruuh[1]
There is no obedience to the creation in disobedience. Shaving the beard is haraam according to most and their evidences are very strong.
‘Ali may Allaah be pleased with him narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam), said, “There is no obedience in matters involving disobedience to Allah. Obedience is only in what is good.”
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Just make du'aa regularly that your wife comes about to accepting and even liking the beard. Du'aa solves the impossible. And in the meanwhile have patience both for what she says and for keeping steadfast on that doing anything to your beard.
[1]Kuwaiti Encyclopedia of Fiqh
Volume 35 Page 225-226
So...in the divorce petition to the family court is she going to say "divorcing husband because I don't like his beard"?
Can I say, if she is reading this, that it does happen and she pushes it where there is no point in return and a divorce does happen (remember each man have a boiling point with no return...when you push him so far to that point he will break) and this is the reason in her resume she have put a nail in the coffin forever finding a good husband if ever and it will hurt her reputation and she will be forever laughed at in the community as irrational, crazy, blah blah. She will be a laughing stock and if not by men by other women and in some cases other men and she will have people looking at her at a very negative outlook as silly little girl, immature, defective, the list goes on.
Evidence brother? I remember reading a hadith where Omar's son used to trim his beard.
I think we should not argue about haram not haram. We have to follow the teaching of the prophet Mohammed s.w.t. if he had a beard then we should also do it. We need to follow his lifestyle and stop seek for the things that suite us. Really simpel: follow the way of the prophet Mohammed and stop follow the disbelievers otherwise we will become like them.
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....she holds 80% of the responsibility ....hold on......
on this matter. Why? Because there are millions of men out there who are born without ever having a beard grown on their faces and many of them are as Muslim as the OP and some maybe even better in the character and deen than the OP....if beard is really her issue why did she not discuss this first? Better yet...why did she not pick men who never grow beard biologically and go there and live happily ever after? Something to ponder. 
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