Advice needed

format_quote Originally Posted by Trenace

Salaam everyone I hope whoever reads this is well inshallah.

I need advice regarding my current situation. I'm sorry about the length but think I'll feel better to write it down. About a year and a half ago I was going through some pretty bad anxiety and took medication for it, after stopping the medication however I lost my capacity to function which became worse and worse up until February this year.

My physical and mental health was then destroyed. My symptoms were as follows.
Extreme anger anxiety rage restlessness and depression. I literally had no idea that one could feel the strength of the emotions I felt during this time. Only the thought of Allah got me through these horrible months. My digestive system just stopped working as it normally would, severe gas bloating heartburn burping constipation diarheea. My skin began to itch and burn, my vision became blurry and I struggled to even think or hold a conversation as it felt like my brain was wrapped in cotton. I lost the ability to sleep soundly and would wake up terrified after even a short nap to escape the symptoms. I couldnt even breathe properly and felt as if I was constantly battling suffocation as well as the extent of the mental torment I was going through. Now many months later, I've obviously lost my job and social life although some symptoms have improved. I'm still left with a very sluggish digestive system, blurred vision horrible anxiety and worry, muscle twitches and burning sexual dysfunction confusion paranoia sleep issues itchy skin and spells of crying uncontrollably. Alhamdulillah the ordeal has lead me to prayer and dhikr but I'm just struggling with acceptance still and cling only to the hope of improvement through excessive duaa. Does anyone have any advice? I'm basically just surviving hour to hour now and praying constantly for relief. I've thrown all my future plans out of the window as I have no mental capability nor physical capability of performing like this. Astaghfirullah I never knew life was able to become like this. A nonstop nightmare. Salaam and sorry for going on and I know this is for the best but I'm just struggling.

Salamualaikum Trenace,

sounds like you’ve had a rough year. Anxiety can be crippling and medication doesn’t always make things better. It’s like going through life on hard mode while everyone around you assumes you’ve got it easy and have a character flaw. I’m so sorry you had to find this out the hard way.

Acceptance takes its own sweet time to settle in. You can attempt to come to terms with the fact that you’ll probably never achieve your full potential, then get a glimpse of someone who has, and again start wishing you didn’t have a mental disorder. It’s a rough cycle.

From what you wrote, I know you already trust Allah that He knows what is best for you, and you have brought yourself closer to Him through prayer and dhikr. I hope that shows you that anxiety can be blessing in some ways.

Anxiety is just like any other test from Allah, and it’s up to you how you respond to it. You really have only 2 options at this point, to be patient or to be grateful. Honestly, I find it far easier to be grateful, so you may want to find reasons to consider anxiety a good thing.

Finally, do keep in mind that the reason we call ourselves Muslim is to submit to the will of Allah. If He has chosen for you to live your life with a disability, then make every effort to be content with it. You will find that Allah will make your life better in other ways, which you wouldn’t have expected. You may never get back the life that you had, but perhaps You’ll get something better.

Take care. You’re always welcome to vent over here.

Salamualaikum