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Thread: Oldest sister

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    Pinky's Avatar
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    Oldest sister

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    It's been just nearly a week and my oldest sister (40, embarrassing I know) is already back to causing problems again with me. She's visiting over Christmas. She listens to me talking (not to her) and what I do then says something sarcastic (trust me, in a very HORRIBLE bad way) many times in front of my mom who never notices anything. It's like every move I make she watches it then make a remark. I feel like now I have a phobia of her. She has been doing it for many years. We used to fight when we were young but I've not done anything badly wrong for her to hate me so much. She stares at me and coughs and other things. Im always uncomfortable when she's around. I try to get on for my parents sake but they never see what she's doing or rather they act like she's not doing it. She is a gori type and never fulfils Islamic duties. She once gave back Islamic prayer books to me I was trying to give her but she said it's a joke.
    Last edited by Pinky; 12-26-2018 at 10:00 PM.
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    xa_xa_ft's Avatar
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    Re: Oldest sister

    Just talk to her about it. Honestly just talk! So many issues can be resolved if people actually open up about how they are feeling to the other person.

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    Re: Oldest sister

    Actually my parents have many many times sat and talked with her but every time they get shouted at, blamed, hugely disrespected and so on, so much that it goes round in circles again and again that it's better to actually let her continue behaving in this manner than try to resolve anything. My parents are almost elderly and it upsets me to think about it, what they must feel. My sister has no shame. She keeps bringing up the same issues every time which happened years ago which by the way were minor things that you could just laugh about it. I don't want to deal with her, she actually makes me sick. I'm just worried for my parents. They don't see what I see. She doesn't take responsibility for anything. And she's been playing mind games with me since the day she arrived back here. She's already messed up the tv screen somehow internally and spilt something on the carpet which my mum got stressed about. In just 4 days.
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    Re: Oldest sister

    I'm really sorry this is happening to you during holiday season. Dealing with siblings can be so tough because you're stuck with them for life. If it helps any, my brother and I had a very troubled relationship for years, but now that we're both in our 40's we've been able to reconcile and enjoy each others' company at family get togethers. People can change...except for when they don't
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    Re: Oldest sister

    Aslaam o alikum
    I think she has any problem therefore she react this behaviour.
    Oldest sister


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    Re: Oldest sister

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinky View Post
    It's been just nearly a week and my oldest sister (40, embarrassing I know) is already back to causing problems again with me. She's visiting over Christmas. She listens to me talking (not to her) and what I do then says something sarcastic (trust me, in a very HORRIBLE bad way) many times in front of my mom who never notices anything. It's like every move I make she watches it then make a remark. I feel like now I have a phobia of her. She has been doing it for many years. We used to fight when we were young but I've not done anything badly wrong for her to hate me so much. She stares at me and coughs and other things. Im always uncomfortable when she's around. I try to get on for my parents sake but they never see what she's doing or rather they act like she's not doing it. She is a gori type and never fulfils Islamic duties. She once gave back Islamic prayer books to me I was trying to give her but she said it's a joke.
    Do you ever try to know the reason of her misbehavior..? After all she is your sister, talk to her to reconcile
    Oldest sister

    Allah (swt) knows best

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: Oldest sister

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinky View Post
    Actually my parents have many many times sat and talked with her but every time they get shouted at, blamed, hugely disrespected and so on, so much that it goes round in circles again and again that it's better to actually let her continue behaving in this manner than try to resolve anything. My parents are almost elderly and it upsets me to think about it, what they must feel. My sister has no shame. She keeps bringing up the same issues every time which happened years ago which by the way were minor things that you could just laugh about it. I don't want to deal with her, she actually makes me sick. I'm just worried for my parents. They don't see what I see. She doesn't take responsibility for anything. And she's been playing mind games with me since the day she arrived back here. She's already messed up the tv screen somehow internally and spilt something on the carpet which my mum got stressed about. In just 4 days.
    If after all the sitting down on the chair with cookies and teas and crossing your feet together and talk, talk, talk, talk resolved nothing (after 8 hours of talk) and you are still stuck in the same situation you have two choices...tolerate your sisters behavior and let it go and let her have rein of the situation and she feels she won or distance yourself from her but don't cut ties...ones a while say hi to her and move on. But first...do the sitting down on the chair with cookies and teas and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk and talk



    and see what happens!
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    Re: Oldest sister

    For reasons because she led a gori lifestyle. Nearly 20 years ago my mom thought it was no harm to let her live elsewhere by herself but we never thought my sister would do wrong. After that I remember then I was young and my sister was drunk fighting with my mom. This has happened more times since then. My sister could have chosen not to do this but she did. I know my family, my parents of course get angry, upset but have always forgave and forgot and tried to give as much help as they could which is always thrown back at them. I've never seen my sister even apologise to anyone. Maybe sarcastically but not genuinely. Whatever happened to my sister in the past happened when she was living away, not here with us. And thats no reason for my parents to be shouted at about it. She's a grown woman, she doesn't accept her mistakes and moves on instead we have to keep hearing about it. What are we supposed to do about it, we can't do anything. She takes her religion as a joke so there's nothing else we can do. She has seen counsellors but she keeps saying it didn't help. I've been there when my mom and dad have offered her all sorts of help the earth and moon but she pushes them back and says no to everything. She is absolutely able to take care of herself, she on one hand can talk maturely and do things herself and travel, and on the other hand she behaves like a psycho. I think she is putting an act on and its very scary to think what she's capable of.
    Last edited by Pinky; 12-28-2018 at 12:44 PM.
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    Re: Oldest sister

    Pray for her - your sister and ask allah to guide her. Dont have ill feelings towards her .. maybe shes suffering on the inside too or has other issues your not aware of. Focus on yourself and your energy. Remain positive at all times.
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    Re: Oldest sister

    For some reason my sister hates me and my name often pops up when she is arguing with my parents. But hey... she used to stop me from breathing and throw heavy batteries at my head when I was just a little child...and I also have a life long heart condition which I was born with but that didn't stop her doing those things to me... hmmm... I wonder what a small child like me did to upset her so much....

    - - - Updated - - -

    She is suffering on the inside but my parents must be suffering worse. I will always put my parents before myself or my sister. She can't treat them like that. They gave her money before she left from here and she took it as if they owed it her. She disguts me. In Islam it says even people with depression they should treat it as a FEELING because the fact is there are more incapable people out there with no vision, legs or hands, food, money or home and so we should be grateful for what we do have and can do.

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    Re: Oldest sister

    Quote Originally Posted by Pinky View Post
    For some reason my sister hates me and my name often pops up when she is arguing with my parents. But hey... she used to stop me from breathing and throw heavy batteries at my head when I was just a little child...and I also have a life long heart condition which I was born with but that didn't stop her doing those things to me... hmmm... I wonder what a small child like me did to upset her so much....
    It is unfortunate the way your sister is behaving. However, you mentioned she is 40. She is an adult, not a child. The things you describe here (throwing things, strangling) are acts that should not be tolerated. If she becomes violent toward you, your parents or your children, you should take steps to ensure you are all safe from her. You can and should make duas for her. But under no situation are you required to put yourself at risk because of her.


    I am sorry, but I also had a question. You mentioned she has a "gori" lifestyle? What is that??


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