Was I am being unfaithful? Please help and answer

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

I realize in the past I was an ignorant person and sinful. I have obviously learned this now and corrected myself. But I need advice. When I was with my ex, she was abuse emotionally and hurtful and still harms me whenever she gets a chance. However because of her doing this, I started to feel attracted to other women. I would say hello to pretty women and ask them how did they do on their exam. I asked my friends what to do and other people opinion and came to realize that if I commited to someone then I should stay with them and stop having these feelings. I later changed my feelings and stop talking or looking at other girls and focused on my ex. But in the end she left me. I want to know if this was a punishment from Allah or a test? Was I unfaithful and cheating? Please answer me and give me advice. Allah will reward those who help their brother in need.

**Ahmed.** · 03-25-2019

This 'ex' of yours sounds like a girlfriend and not a wife am I right?

Girlfriends are haraam so you should stop seeing or making eyes at any girls.

If your 'ex' is that bad then I wouldn't advise you to marry her, but since you have a weakness in the 'girl' department, you should try to marry a good girl as soon as possible.

As to the answer to your question, it was a punishment for having a haram girlfriend

**azc** · 03-25-2019

Both of you are responsible for this situation. But you are more than your ex. No woman can tolerate her partner being with any other woman.

You had to have patience in dealing with her if you had any serious issues.

If you are repenting now, she might be repenting too. Try to restore your relations.

Or if reunion is not feasible, then forget your past as it's no use crying for dead.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

Of course like I said I know it is haram and at the time I didnt know. Obviously I stay away from girls in all from looking and everything. But what I was asking, is the abuse she put me through a punishment from Allah? Was I being unfaithful? Please answer my questions? I am here seeking advise and at the time I didnt know it was haram and before I even pursued a relation with this girl I sought permission from my mother.

- - - Updated - - -

I am simply asking if saying hello to pretty girl in my class and asking how she did on her exam is being unfaithful. I said afterwards I even stopped and fully commited myself to her but she was extremely abusive. It was her abuse that me feel attracted to other women. And I have said I have repented and changed my ways. I stay away from girls. But I am asking about this mistake I made. Please answer my questions

- - - Updated - - -

The only reason I am thinking of my past is if I wronged her any way. Because I do not want this case to go against me in the day of judgement. The abuse and humiliation she put me through was horrible. Please understand what I went through. Every time I come here seeking advise and help, I get criticized and treated as horrible sinner by trigger happy judgmental people. I repeatedly said I was ignorant and honestly did not know. I sought permission from my mother and she herself said it was okay. It was only later I found out it was haram. Besides I never commited any zina or haram with her and instead was kind and gentle with her through out.

**azc** · 03-25-2019

Ex = girl friend...?If you hadn't committed zina, then I don't think it's punishment but there is remote possibility of punishment if you were a highly pious person before engaging in friendship.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

Nevermind...if you do not wish to answer my questions. then please do not answer.

**MazharShafiq** · 03-25-2019

if you know that is haraam tnen you should make toba from Allah .he will remove your all Singh.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

I said I have repented. But no one is answering my questions. Did I wrong her by saying hello to a pretty girl in my class and asking how she did in my class. Of course I later changed and commited myself fully to this girl but I am worried the case may go against me in the day of judgement as I am complaining to Allah for all the abuse she puts me though. This girl harms me still by bullying me.
I want to know if I was unfaithful. Please answer my questions. Repeatedly telling me it is haram and repent dowsnt answer my questions especially when I said I stay from girls now and have already repent. Please stop repeating the same thing

**azc** · 03-25-2019

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

I said I have repented. But no one is answering my questions. Did I wrong her by saying hello to a pretty girl in my class and asking how she did in my class. Of course I later changed and commited myself fully to this girl but I am worried the case may go against me in the day of judgement as I am complaining to Allah for all the abuse she puts me though. This girl harms me still by bullying me.
I want to know if I was unfaithful. Please answer my questions. Repeatedly telling me it is haram and repent dowsnt answer my questions especially when I said I stay from girls now and have already repent. Please stop repeating the same thing

When Allah

forgives all the sins, it means you are not accountable on the judgement day for the forgiven sins.

ignore her.

That girl is wrong, you are not.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

Jazakallah khayran

**ardianto** · 03-25-2019

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

I realize in the past I was an ignorant person and sinful. I have obviously learned this now and corrected myself. But I need advice. When I was with my ex, she was abuse emotionally and hurtful and still harms me whenever she gets a chance. However because of her doing this, I started to feel attracted to other women. I would say hello to pretty women and ask them how did they do on their exam. I asked my friends what to do and other people opinion and came to realize that if I commited to someone then I should stay with them and stop having these feelings. I later changed my feelings and stop talking or looking at other girls and focused on my ex. But in the end she left me. I want to know if this was a punishment from Allah or a test? Was I unfaithful and cheating? Please answer me and give me advice. Allah will reward those who help their brother in need.

Assalamualaikum.

I know that what you mean with “ex” is ex-girlfriend. But I decide to answer you because your behavior can repeat again in marriage if you don’t try to change yourself from now. I knew personally few husbands who have affair with other women, but blame their wives attitude as the cause. This is actually an act of seeking justification.

Are you unfaithful?. What you have done showed sign that you indeed have unfaithful nature, although not strong, but you try to deny it. That's why I suggest you to change yourself.

My advice. In the future after you get married, if you have problem with your wife, you must try to solve this problem with her. If you and her do not reach agreement, then it’s better if you get divorce, before you start to seek better woman.

**AbdurRahman.** · 03-25-2019

Brother being faithful or not doesn't apply to bf/gf relationship as such a relationship is not halal in Islam.

So you have looked at other girls and talked to them but that doesn't make you any more of a immoral guy then you already are as your relationship with your ex was immoral too, I.e. it's not that you would have remained good by not looking and talking to these other girls as there was no good in your relationship with ex, do you get what I'm saying?

Why is your ex nasty to you? Did you hurt her feelings?; if there is a chance to mend relations with your ex so that she isn't nasty any longer, then ask her to marry you while keeping the relationship as halal as possible, I.e. no intimacy and no being alone without 3rd person present

Hope this helps

**Bmh2019** · 03-25-2019

Above reply makes sense to me too as a member on this forum.
Bf and gd relations are hatam from the outset so everything about it and the persons in it is involvedharam. Must refrain from those relationships 100%
Ask a mosque person how to guide you on alternative halal relations.

**oceanbreeze** · 03-25-2019

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

I said I have repented. But no one is answering my questions. Did I wrong her by saying hello to a pretty girl in my class and asking how she did in my class. Of course I later changed and commited myself fully to this girl but I am worried the case may go against me in the day of judgement as I am complaining to Allah for all the abuse she puts me though. This girl harms me still by bullying me.
I want to know if I was unfaithful. Please answer my questions. Repeatedly telling me it is haram and repent dowsnt answer my questions especially when I said I stay from girls now and have already repent. Please stop repeating the same thing

Seriously, the guy’s direct question has been repeatedly ignored.

I am not Muslim BUT I have been studying Islam and I may soon accept it. If my research is correct, it is not a sin to simply speak with a girl in class. Perhaps you were having unfaithful feelings, but did you try to woo this other girl? Did you try to kiss her or have sexual activities with her? It does not appear to me that you were being unfaithful, though you might have been leaning in that direction.

As for Allah punishing you with your ex’s abuse, I can’t answer that

**Studentofdeed** · 03-25-2019

She honestly was nasty for no good reason. She may have been involved in spreading rumors about me. Her friends bullied me to the point where I had to quit my job. There is much more. It's not like I havent tried to resolve the issue and I even asked her if I doing everything alright and she said yes your fine but would continue abusing me
I know and I am.not justifying my actions. I also ask if what I did was wrong was if I harmed her. I never cheated nor was I actively trying. I never flirted or hit on women. But because of her abuse i started wishing to be with other women. Sometimes I would say hello and ask them about school. I would tell them my exam score so people would compliment me. I only wanted people to compliment me so I feel like there wasnt anything wrong with me. My ex was so abusive and still bullies me. I only ask.because I do not want the case to go against me on the day of judgement. And by Allah I will never go back.to haram relationships again. This was the only girl I ever was with.and i honestly didnt even know. I even asked my mother permission before dating this girl. So please understand I was trying to be good. I changed my mind about seeking compliments and focused completely on the girl. But I am only asking my past if I was unfaithful.

***charisma*** · 03-26-2019

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

She honestly was nasty for no good reason. She may have been involved in spreading rumors about me. Her friends bullied me to the point where I had to quit my job. There is much more. It's not like I havent tried to resolve the issue and I even asked her if I doing everything alright and she said yes your fine but would continue abusing me
I know and I am.not justifying my actions. I also ask if what I did was wrong was if I harmed her. I never cheated nor was I actively trying. I never flirted or hit on women. But because of her abuse i started wishing to be with other women. Sometimes I would say hello and ask them about school. I would tell them my exam score so people would compliment me. I only wanted people to compliment me so I feel like there wasnt anything wrong with me. My ex was so abusive and still bullies me. I only ask.because I do not want the case to go against me on the day of judgement. And by Allah I will never go back.to haram relationships again. This was the only girl I ever was with.and i honestly didnt even know. I even asked my mother permission before dating this girl. So please understand I was trying to be good. I changed my mind about seeking compliments and focused completely on the girl. But I am only asking my past if I was unfaithful.

Here's the thing bro. Your relationship Islamically was not valid. It's not just that it was haram, but what I mean is that you can't be "unfaithful" to someone who you're not married to in the first place. The person you're being unfaithful to is yourself because you dabbled in something which has stolen from your future marriage and committed sins for it. The emotions, the time, etc, was basically stolen from your future wife. I think this is what members are trying to explain to you. I think you might already know this. Maybe what you're asking for is the girl's point of view in how she saw your actions. For that I can only say that it doesn't matter. You knew what your intentions were even if you haven't physically done anything wrong with another girl. Thirdly, about the way this girl treats you now, keep in mind this verse:

“Whatever of good reaches you, is from Allah, but whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…” [al-Nisa 4:79]

Had you not involved yourself with this girl, then you probably wouldn't have these problems. I've also noticed many of your previous threads seem to about this same person. I hope that you will let go and move on with your life instead of being so fixated on these past events, especially if you've repented from this. You still talk to her, I wouldn't even give her the time of day. Just ignore her. Give her the old cold shoulder.

And lastly, regarding the day of judgement, if you've sincerely repented then just pray that Allah accepts your repentance. You haven't abused this girl, you haven't really done anything wrongfully except be in a relationship with her. So there's nothing for you to feel guilty about except that you've wronged your own self with the sins of being in a relationship in the first place and involving another person as well. I want you to remember that true love is when you want good for a person just as you'd want for yourself, so you'd protect them from committing sins, especially with you.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-27-2019

Thank you again oceanbreeze charisma. Your replies means alo. No I didnt try to kiss or woo any girl. I just had thoughts and sometimes I would say hello but I was so scared of breaking my ex heart. Yes I know I did wrong but at the time I didn't know. I am honestly am trying to move on. I no longer have feelings but I feel fear and anxiety. As this girl still bullies me. Her friends spread rumors about me. I no longer study at library but at mosque because in the library I do not want to put myself in a position where I get angry. I know i will lose control. It's hard when someone insists on harming you. But thank you guys for addressing my question. May Allah bless you in both lives

***charisma*** · 03-27-2019

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

Thank you again oceanbreeze charisma. Your replies means alo. No I didnt try to kiss or woo any girl. I just had thoughts and sometimes I would say hello but I was so scared of breaking my ex heart. Yes I know I did wrong but at the time I didn't know. I am honestly am trying to move on. I no longer have feelings but I feel fear and anxiety. As this girl still bullies me. Her friends spread rumors about me. I no longer study at library but at mosque because in the library I do not want to put myself in a position where I get angry. I know i will lose control. It's hard when someone insists on harming you. But thank you guys for addressing my question. May Allah bless you in both lives

Well to me it seems like she just stinks at being a decent person. There's nothing you should be afraid of except Allah of course

Be strong. Live your life as if she was never in it. Live your life that no matter who spoke badly of you, you'd be the absolute last person they'd ever believe it was about. That'll kill her inside lol. If she spreads rumours, then you will get hasanat for it. In fact, if you knew how much good this is for you, you'd wish that she was spreading rumours about you all your life. She is in loss. The less you validate her existence, the easier it will be for you to get your life back together, seriously. Go to the mosque, go to the library, be loved by Allah and the people will love you, don't let her take away the things which help your iman or increase your ibaadah. Is she that worth it? I don't think so. I don't think anyone is.

**Studentofdeed** · 03-27-2019

Thank you again. May Allah bless you . I do not think I can go the library as I fear Allah and do not want to do anything to put my life and deen in jeopardy. I know I will not be able to control myself. So I am going remain studying at mosque. And no you are right, she isnt worth it. Please make dua that I get through difficult time

**Bmh2019** · 03-27-2019

Read up about fkdong tauba and moving on withafresh clean start as it can be worth finfig out about fong tauba

Correction, doing tauba is an option. Find out about tauba

DoingTAUBA and starting fresh is an option

Remember this claim

(Allah helps those that help themselves)
(

Originally Posted by Studentofdeed

Thank you again. May Allah bless you . I do not think I can go the library as I fear Allah and do not want to do anything to put my life and deen in jeopardy. I know I will not be able to control myself. So I am going remain studying at mosque. And no you are right, she isnt worth it. Please make dua that I get through difficult time

We Ll din in different ways without realising and given abillity to repent and dotauba to repeafsins you are concerned about. Have you considered doing tauba sicerelh and properly?

you considered that

After doing tauba one must never repeat and involve in sins concerned.

Unfaithful or zina not appropriate term in your unlawful haram relationship from the start as islamic tules prohibits intermingling of male and females after puberty. You can helpnyourself by researching and finding on this and frmefrain from irrelevant indirect and indirect contact with females. Learn about your deen too

Originally Posted by Bmh2019

Read up about fkdong tauba and moving on withafresh clean start as it can be worth finfig out about fong tauba

Correction, doing tauba is an option. Find out about tauba

DoingTAUBA and starting fresh is an option

Remember this claim

(Allah helps those that help themselves)
(

We Ll din in different ways without realising and given abillity to repent and dotauba to repeafsins you are concerned about. Have you considered doing tauba sicerelh and properly?

you considered that

After doing tauba one must never repeat and involve in sins concerned.

Unfaithful or zina not appropriate term in your unlawful haram relationship from the start as islamic tules prohibits intermingling of male and females after puberty. You can helpnyourself by researching and finding on this and frmefrain from irrelevant indirect and indirect contact with females. Learn about your deen too

You were involved in haram relations and must sop interningling with non mahrem females going forward.