I have been trying to study for my grad exam but I no longer feel like it...I have been feeling so burnt out. Constantly I have been asking my parents to let me get married but they say first get accepted into med school otherwise you never will find a good girl. Yet I cant study when my depression is crippling me. When i was young money and big house used to motivate me as I was materialistic. Now I do not care about money or anything. I'm trying to be a good muslim but this days my iman is sooo low that I cant help but feel negative all the time. I did salatul istikhara for marriage yet now I'm thinking that Allah doesnt want me to get married otherwise it would have been easier. What is the point of me studying if I'm not going to have a family. These are the thoughts that keep coming in my head. The closest thing to ever getting to a wife was an abusive woman who tormented me. On top of that Girls in my university are constantly showing me signs of attraction yet I'm trying so hard to stay away. It's not helping the fact that my mom is telling me to marry a nonmuslim girl because she believes they are better than muslim women. I'm just fed up from this nonsense...I'm staying away from haram doing as much as charity I can and help others yet despite that I still feel neglected and shunned by Allah. Sometimes I think I'm young why should be trying to be a good muslim when other youngs guys are going around committing zina nonstop. Guys my age are smoking. I never commited zina or smoked, nor do I want to or wish to. I just wish Allah would make it easier for me. It literally feels like I'm holding on to burning coal
Brother, you still need to learn a lot.
Not only in the university, but about the life.
To be actually able to serve Allah.
Material things are important also, it is even said so in Quran, sorry I didn't bookmarked that ayat.
Try to see affairs from your future wife's point of view.
Do you think you are able to be a good husband right now?
Those girls who hanging with guys in bars are also looking for husband. But they behave more like animals:
In animal world females conceive child from alfa-males and then become available to weak males in exchange for food (promiscuitet)
Same those girls, often unconsciously, they are looking for 2 types of guys: feeling attraction to macho guys, doing zina with them, but also are looking for serious guys who they can rely on being a good husband, while again cheating them with macho guys.
Do you want to be part of this game?
Or better find a right woman for whom you will be the only man?
This sudden change from wanting to be the holiest of the holy to now considering zina indicates insincerity in your iman and insincerity is basically the root of all evil and calamities (it draws calamities to us like a magnet)
You have considered yourself as being a very good Muslim always trying your best and people have just taken advantage of you and wronged you, bringing about your depression, now there is proof of what I've been saying all along, that all these calamities is Allah's wrath for your own wrongdoings. Now it's in the clear that your iman and aim in life is messed up and it's this you need to fix.
“.... Verily! Allah will not change the condition of a people unless there is a change of what is in themselves. [al-Ra’d 13:11]
I think this was actually a good step forward in developing your iman, to admit your lustfulness.
Instead of being depressed "holy" man with suppressed desires, now you can face your problems to solve them.
The sexual desire you are facing is the natural thing, same as a hunger for example.
You can fulfill it either right way, as a righteous human being, which contains his hunger until will obtain a decent meal.
Or, you can fulfill it like an animal, which will eat from the nearest trash bin.
It's not lust... it loneliness. I desperately long to have kids and family of my own. I truly want to be among the 70,0000. It is just so hard. I'm staying away from zina and everything the best I can.
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Besides I'm not considering zina at all...I'm telling you that I was just making a comparison to me and people who are not religious.
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Also I do not like the fact that you have been constantly attacking me and bullying me with all kinds of low accusations. Who are you to say what is and what is not punishment from Allah? How can you call someone evil and accuse them of being zina and insincere? I know I am not perfect but I am trying. I am trying my best to get help yet it's hard when my family isnt supporting me or when your muslim brothers are attacking you acting all self righteous as if they never made a mistake.
You came for help, we are doing our best to help you, we are also not perfect.
You need help because you are somewhere wrong but you don't know where. It's hard to admit own mistakes, more pleasant is to reject. Only you yourself are able to distinguish false accusation from your real mistakes.
For this you need to be honest to yourself.
Loneliness... a nice word, which allow to omit real motives, what exactly one want from other people but can't get right now.
That abusive woman which tormented you...
She may feel herself lonely as well.
She had some ideas about what her husband should be like. But you ruined her hopes.
Now you also have some ideas about your wife. Are you sure she will be happy with you?
Make things clear for youself, what is it exactly what you want.
It's not lust... it loneliness. I desperately long to have kids and family of my own. I truly want to be among the 70,0000. It is just so hard. I'm staying away from zina and everything the best I can.
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Besides I'm not considering zina at all...I'm telling you that I was just making a comparison to me and people who are not religious.
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Also I do not like the fact that you have been constantly attacking me and bullying me with all kinds of low accusations. Who are you to say what is and what is not punishment from Allah? How can you call someone evil and accuse them of being zina and insincere? I know I am not perfect but I am trying. I am trying my best to get help yet it's hard when my family isnt supporting me or when your muslim brothers are attacking you acting all self righteous as if they never made a mistake.
Brother I gave you proof from Quran and sunnah. Your first question on this board was, if I'm not mistaken, is it a punishment from Allah?, so what happened?, you seemed to be ready to accept it as a punishment but soon as I said it's that you went ballistics, complaining that people are not being nice to you
Ego and superiority complex is a root cause of your problems too. The more you consider yourself a victim and not the one at fault, the more these problems will persist
How have I been insincere? I have been trying to be a good muslim and I come here to get advice regarding my question for istikhara for marriage. I only mentioned that my struggle of trying to be a good muslim my age despite other kids doing haram. I' do not have a big ego. I just cant stand when people are hounding me constantly. If you are just going to attack me a without even knowing my struggles , please honestly do not say anything. The prophet saw said if you have nothing good to say , just stay silent.
Physicist, Your saying that It was me who ruined her Hope's? That's just great. That's exactly the kind of thing you should tell someone who Is still suffering from her abuse and harrassment.
Physicist, Your saying that It was me who ruined her Hope's? That's just great. That's exactly the kind of thing you should tell someone who Is still suffering from her abuse and harrassment.
Do you look for a good advice which will help you or for a comforting speach?
Yes, I think, it was you, who ruined her hope.
You did so simply by being yourself.
That's her mistake, not your's. Because she had some false image of you in her head.
I made this as an example to show how important it is to see things from outside, from other person's perspective.
I dont understand...are you saying I deserve this? Look I know no one cares or believes me. But I really am trying to be good muslim. I would never go near zina. I was only trying to make a comparison between me and those who dont care and follow their every whim and desire. I make mistake and sins but I'm still trying. I just feel so depressed and hurt. I feel neglected by Allah. This person who abused me, has cost me my job, sanity, and my reputation. I was always nice with her, honest, and treated more than a queen. Yet despite that she got bored and when got bored she made sure I would never find anyone else by destroying my mind and self esteem. I now stay away from girls and there have been many issues with my life such as people harming me and taking advantage. Yet despite that I'm still trying to be good and please Allah. I forgive when I can and I honestly tried to forigve her but I just cant. I want justice for abuse she did against me. It's easy to tell people to stop suffering and be upset , but you have no idea how hard this battle as been. Even dealing with health issues has taken a toll in me. I really want to be in highest heaven and the 70,000 so I can be with the most righteous who wont be judge me or be rude. No one understands what I'm going through...
Perhaps, there is the need to find company of a Shaykh whom you can learn from and take spiritual advice in order to discipline your nafs/self and progressively advance in both your akhirah and dunyah.
So make appropriate duas such as; Ya Allah I need to overcome my problems in life to be successful please help me every step of the way because I am weak, please bring such an esteemed teacher who succeeded on the righteous path whose blessed company I can truly benefit from and whom can elevate my soul and strengthen it by pure association, your love and sacred knowledge.
Consider this carefully: someone abused their position over you and destroyed your reputation, yes I agree it's a horrible situation to be in. However, reality is there have been many who had worse than this; there are those who have lost property and loved ones because of standing up for the truth, there are those who are in jail for the rest of their lives/ a very long time due to proclaiming the truth. And, we want to get into Jannah? Then we ask ourselves what have I done to deserve reaching there. Shall I be stuck in my darken worrisome place giving up or shall I keep striving on because Jannah is really worth it.
And, if you can put the incident behind and move then this is one great victory for you that will no doubt strengthen your emaan significantly. And, another if you can scarifice for your studies to become a doctor then you would be able to assist both Muslims and non-Muslims. A very notable position done for the right reasons. So, maybe can delay marriage until then because you will also be more ready.
The Istikhara prayer has certain conditions to be fulfilled and one of those is that a person must be halal for you and if wanting to make nikah, both should be ready in all/most aspects so that the union would be really blessed and your children benefit.
Should medicine not be your passion then you can try something else and discuss with your parents. There are many great options. Also, there are many Muslimahs in various fields including medicine, so you never really know, be greatful to Allah saving you from the unforseen harms. A door that closed probably was not best for you and there are many many more. Have faith!
Also in Islam, there is no obeying to anyone who calls towards disobedience . So, teach your mom/family about what Islam states regards marrying a non-Muslim, in fact were you already teaching your family more about Islam they would have been more supportive and encouraging with the right goals for you. It doesn't happen overnight but takes time and dedication like every other successes.
May Allah help you, make things easier and grant success. Ameen.
JazaakAllahu khair.
Last edited by HisServant; 07-16-2019 at 04:30 AM.
Them girls Being attracted to you and 'offering themselves' is really a trick and illusion from satan
When girls see a nice looking guy ignoring them their ego takes a bashing because as far as they're concerned they are the coveted tantalising beauty queens that every man is mad for, so they pretend they're interested in you and once they get your attention and you are grovelling after them, then all of a sudden they will shun you and ignore you
.so don't fall for this trick of satan where he deludes you into thinking you are Gods gift that girls are crazy for
Jazakallah khayran brother. I will keep that in mind. I'm staying away from them...I only feel guitly that sometimes I find them attractive too. I have to force myself to look away but sometimes I feel guilty that I accidebtly look at them or if I look longer than I should have.
Jazakallah khayran brother. I will keep that in mind. I'm staying away from them...I only feel guitly that sometimes I find them attractive too. I have to force myself to look away but sometimes I feel guilty that I accidebtly look at them or if I look longer than I should have.
Brother...you love this...you are a drama queen and love the attention and love to be woooes me and love people to pat you on the head and give you a hug and pad you on the back and.....
What did i say before?
GO TO THERAPIST AND RESOLVE YOUR ISSUE
You even gave me a like and agreed with me. Why are you here still posting the same thing over and over. You have a disease and you need to go to the hospital and take medicine to kill your disease.
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