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  1. #1
    mohmaz's Avatar
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    Post Difficulty in finding a suitor

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    Assalamu 'alaikum,

    I am concerned for my cousin sister who is currently at an age that she should get married.

    She is 27 years old and completed her Masters from Madrasa. She is ready for marriage.

    We are looking for UK based suitors as we would like her to be settled over there rather than her home country as we believe she would have freedom and able to be independent of herself, which is not possible in her home country due to peer pressure.

    I have signed up for a few matrimonial sites and marriage bureau and have given her bio-data and photos but once I pass them, I have no response or have timewasters. We find it difficult to ask the groom for feedback as it shows desperation and almost like begging for the groom to take our cousin.

    I just want some advice on how to increase chances of considering our sister. I know this is not an easy question to answer, but would like some guidance on how to have better luck.

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    Iceee's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    Salaam brother.

    Quote Originally Posted by mohmaz View Post
    We are looking for UK based suitors as we would like her to be settled over there rather than her home country as we believe she would have freedom and able to be independent of herself, which is not possible in her home country due to peer pressure.
    What country do you live in? And what does peer pressure mean in this context?

    Did your cousin say she is ready for marriage herself? If yes, please speak to the Imams of local mosques in your area and tell them your cousin's situation. In fact, accompany her when you go to the mosque or have another mahram with her.

    I recommend doing this before using matrimonial sites.

  4. #3
    mohmaz's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    She is ready for marriage. She is in Bangladesh and what I mean by peer pressure is that they are conservative and therefore if they had independence and opportunities it will not go down well with the closer families.

    I am keen to get my sister-in-laws married off to suitors to UK or US or Canadians.

  5. #4
    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor



    Brother if she is a madrasa graduate then best is she remains in Bangladesh surrounded by the Islamic culture there.

    I live in London and trust me, the culture is very shameless and unIslamic here and the 'independence' a female gains here is only independent to becoming corrupt and lured by this sinful culture

    Let's say she manages to remain good once she gets here, however her future children run a great risk of being caught up in this awful haram culture so it's better for her to remain in Bangladesh

    - - - Updated - - -

    And what 'oppurtunities' does she seek?

    It is not right for a woman to work if the husband works as the woman should stay indoors except for necessity so other than maybe holding some female or children's Islamic classes at her home, I don't see what other halal opportunities awaits her here, and she could do this is Bangladesh too
    | Likes Eric H liked this post

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    mohmaz's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    If you ask me, I think in the UK, Islam is practised more seriously than Bangladesh. For example, when I was in Bangladesh during Ramadan, some of the houses I saw in a village were watching Indian movies, during Ramadan, playing music. I am not saying that the same don't happen in the UK, but I think in the UK they take Islam more seriously.

    I know that there are some sisters work but remain modest. They have a right of earning money for themselves even if the husband can give them money. We are in an environment whereby majority of the people are Muslims so there's lots of opportunities to develop their Islamic faith.

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    According to Shariah, it is not permissible for a woman to leave her home except in dire need and necessity. The only exclusion to work is for that woman who has no relatives to support her and she is forced to seek a livelihood that is sufficient for her to live upon.

    And Allah Knows Best

    Mufti Ebrahim Desai

    http://askimam.org/public/question_detail/13322.html

    Public » Askimam
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  9. #7
    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    Assalamu Alaikum

    The grass isn't greener. In countries where Muslims are a minority, fitnah is more prevalent. Those who sincerely do want to increase in their faith will find the means. It's all about the intention at the end of the day and how well you carry them out.

    Secondly, the societal burdens you are trying to push your cousin away from is also being committed by you. She doesn't have to feel rushed into marriage for being single at 27. If Allah has written for her to get married, she will get married whether it is at 27 or 35. This is life, so no need to make her feel burdened about marriage, or that things will be much better if she were to marry in the UK. She could end up with someone who does not want her to work, or she may have children and not have time to work. If independence is what she is seeking, then marriage would be a contradiction to that. However it sounds that going to the UK is more important than finding a suitable suitor. Why not try to find someone in your home country who has plans to move to the UK for work or study?
    | Likes Ahmed., Eric H liked this post
    Difficulty in finding a suitor

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

  10. #8
    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    Greetings and peace be with you mohmaz; and welcome to the forum;

    Quote Originally Posted by mohmaz View Post
    Masters from Madrasa.
    Although I do not understand what that means, it sounds like she has achieved a high level of education, that would need huge amounts of dedication, commitment and hard work. She sounds like a very determined lady with a plan. If she gained her education in Bangladesh then I would admire her more if she used her education to help people in Bangladesh, this is a country that needs all the help it can get.

    She sounds like the kind of woman, that if she wanted to get married, she would have a plan and she would let the right people know.

    Quote Originally Posted by mohmaz View Post
    is currently at an age that she should get married
    Has she said this to you?

    May she be blessed with the wisdom and the strength to do the will of Allah,

    Eric
    Difficulty in finding a suitor

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

  11. #9
    Nerdo's Avatar
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    Re: Difficulty in finding a suitor

    Quote Originally Posted by Eric H View Post
    Greetings and peace be with you mohmaz; and welcome to the forum;



    Although I do not understand what that means, it sounds like she has achieved a high level of education, that would need huge amounts of dedication, commitment and hard work. She sounds like a very determined lady with a plan. If she gained her education in Bangladesh then I would admire her more if she used her education to help people in Bangladesh, this is a country that needs all the help it can get.
    [...]

    AFAIK Madrasa means "place of study".
    | Likes Eric H liked this post


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