How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

Brother, ever since I was 12, I suffered from these feelings for many years, until I was around 19 or 20. I am 20 and a half and yes I suffered with tremendous pain, and I was fortunate enough to have the "silver lining" (blessing in disguise) of being socially awkward due to my Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism), and being unable to approach anyone. But even in spite of that and when I became more sophisticated, I knew deep down it was wrong (fortunately I discovered religion on my own after a lengthy period of irreligiosity). I knew the Qur'an and sunnah and scholars were quite clear, and I chose to not do anything. Unfortunately for you in a way my choice was a little easier since I was bisexual, not homosexual, but I dealt with gender segregation and awkwardness in integration and lingering autism. But here's what I did, I prayed, and prayed, and truly believed it would go away, and it did. That's it. pray to Allah, but one of the conditions of dua is that you believe Allah can solve your problem, but Allah may choose to solve it in ways you didn't consider, like you living a normal life with the feelings still there but you being indifferent to them. But in my experience it just went away, despite being quite strong. if dua isn't working, don't be alone with men, know what triggers you, and know that this is a sin. Don't believe those fools who say the nation of Lut (as) were punished for "raping men" when the Qur'an clearly says "would you do with a man what you would do with a woman?' does this mean rape of women is allowed? of course not! the entire nation of lut (as) was destroyed for this. because men were created for women and women were created for men. Adam (as) was lonely and woke up with hawwa in his arms, and when he said, "who are you," she replied "I was created so that you may find tranquility in me, and me in you. the Qur'an mentions many verses of how men and women are meant to love each other tenderly and with affection, and BOTH satisfy each other's intimate needs, and this is unfortunately neglected in many muslim cultures, where husbands and wives fight, and men and women have double standards on both sides. also consider talking to someone you trust.

also, pornography is a serious problem in our ummah, it is not just you, it is a drug. it affects the wiring of our brain and gets our brain hooked in te pleasure centers of our brain without us even doing anything (laborious) i would look on islamic websites for advice on how to stop watching porn and how to stop masturbating. i too suffered from this problem. unfortunately i was introduced to masturbation at a young age from my own father, and at the age of 10, and got addicted to porn at the age of 12. but i overcame it. i suggest you watch islamic lectures on youtube, and spend much time in the masjid, and avoid being alone. stay well covered at night, don't spend too much time in the bathroom, and immediately leave sites with clickbait images.

if you dont menttion that you was watching a dirty videos i will guess that because this is what led you to that feeling
its like addiction when you used to something you need something stronger and stronger until you look for unusual things
so what i can advice you
forst to repent to allah from watching those movies
have a goals that you have to reach every day connecting to your biggest goal which is jannah
trying to fight and strive against that desires and being far from the places of fitnah
knowing that this affect your worldly life and your akhirah too, and look at it as a disease you need to get a healing for it
sleep well and wake up early and discover the sun rising and get enough sun shine
you can also get the chance to pray fajr at time and make the adkar of the morning and i thing this is so helpful for this desires towards the same gender because it may be a kind of "mass" مس in arabic and you will see how much will be helpful for you

try to fast as the prophet's advice
this advice for you and for any guy who have desires in the time of temptations and he can't merry
also make a lot of istighfar and make douaa in your sujood and at the third part of night
i know this may seem hard ... but you see how much your life will be changed
and it will come a time while you start see how much life is beautiful and how this problem was just a problem of no goals and waswas and kind of side affect of addiction to haram watching which make you weak and let shaytan controlled you
read surah aljinn and assafat alikhlas alfalak annas ayatu lkursiy
and say la ilaha illa lah wahdahu la sharika lah lahu lmulku walahu lhamd wa houwa ala kulli shay'in kadeer many times

listen to quran more and stop listening to music
those advices help you in your dunyah befor akhirah and you will see how your life become different inshallah
i don't ask you to do all this in the same day
try to began with it gradually and say la hawla wa la kuwwata illa billah many times
i advice many people befor you with this advice and it helped them in different issues
i am sure that will help you too inshallah
assalamo alaykum

JazakAllah khair my brother for taking out your precious time to reply to me, Yes watching porn has had very bad effect on my memory, and on my life over all. I actually forgot almost the entire quran which i memorized after 4yrs of hard work and dedication, i feel like a complete loser. See the issue is i needed to get married ever since 2010 and now its 2019 im still not married because my dad only approves of his own culture girls. Life is hard when you are stuck between disobeying parents to please the rab or vice versa. Anyways i do write weekly goals, alhumdililah i started reciting 1juz almost every day and walah it helps me mentally and emotionally but these stupid thoughts keeps whispering in my ears. It wont leave me alone. But i will follow one step at the time the things u told me. Thanks alot.

Assalamu ‘Aalaikum Brother,I’m incapable of advising anyone so I’m just giving Da’wah so that I can correct myself…There’re lots that I wanna share with you but the way of communication hinders me to…I’m just listing out some authentic techniques to eradicate all evils and develop taqwa in ourselves based on Qur’an and Hadith without providing any reference. You can approach to a pious person(‘Aalim) or you can check it by your own (better for you and ”ALLAH SWT Knows why did i say this”) if you have doubts or confusion with any of these…1) Salaat (Namaaz),- “Innaswalata tanha……ilaa aakhiril ayah”-Correcting the Salaat………..-Attaining purity is fard(obligatory) for performing salaat;Purity of three things, i.e., heart, blood and body-Heart’s purity from shirk (the foremost and the main problem that I’m facing… we are just away from the visible shirk but the main thing still resides inside me)and it can be attained by… at first removing the beliefs of all the creations(fire,wind,sky,land…from a pinch of sand to the greatest mountains, from microscopic organisms to The Angel Gabriel…………) i.e., except ALLAH SWT none hath any power to do anything(this is what ‘Laa ilaaha’ claims) and gaining the Belief of ALLAH SWT with HIS Names and Powers and that none has any share with it (…and this is what ’Illallah claims to from it’s reciters) N.B.- In simple words, ‘Laa Ilaaha Illallah’…. is the purity of heart Another thing to note is that “the former cleans the heart and the Later purifies” (……one may be clean but not pure).Way of gaining: When lonely think of “ Laa ilaaha Illallah”, the above cited is to be thought and discovered… that’s only the syllabus the chapters(may be finite) and contents are endless……………………………………� ��…. After what you discover bring it into your Amal (practice it) and whenever you find anything that comes near you against the ideology of the Kalma based on your discovery protest it in whatever possible way you can… this is the test of what you’ve gained… and you know it after passing of a lower class one’s admitted to a higher one… and give da’wah on The Names and Powers Of ALLAHIn this way InshaALLAH you ‘ll develop your Imaan and Taqwa………………..there’re lots…..unending This is the first of all lessons ……… others I’ll mention later if ALLAH SWT permits, This is so because “where there resides shirk Imaan can’t”……….”Have fear of ALLAH if any wrong notions arise about the above texts”…… Clarify it from a pious and learnt person before judging, if you have any doubts……..You may feel the question is something and the answer is something else…Belief(Yaqeen), Trust(Tawakkul) and perseverance-‘Sabr’(actual meaning is standing firm in ALLAH’S Commands in all adversities) are the success keys of a MomeenWhat is right is from my LORD and the wrong is from…… May ALLAH Forgive this unworthy servant and all fellow ‘brother-in-Islam’ and guide each and everyone of the mankind to the path of the righteous ones.

Salaam Brother hardtimes,

It is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.

1. Pornography could be the cause of your disgusting thoughts. Best to stop watching it and do anything productive instead. Reading Quran, praying namaaz, spending time at the masjid volunteering, working, sports... anything to keep your mind off pornography.

2. Continue to stay away from the act of homosexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, gay etc. the act itself could change the course of your life. This means staying away from non-mahrams but also staying away from open/closet gay males. Do not engage them.

3. You say that your Dad only approves of culture girls. So do you blame him for not getting married? It's your body, your choice. In your current situation, it's better to get married than stay single and affected by these thoughts, desires, and pleasures. Even if it means your Dad disapproves, Allah Subhanahuwatallah will approve of it.

Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!

We ask Allaah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste.

And Allaah knows best.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

You need to take accountability for your addiction to pornography. Not getting married is not a reason to have indulged in it. As a matter of fact, you don't even need your father's permission to get married, but if you are more serious/mature about it, he may give in to your choice for a wife anyway. Even if you get married now, if you are still addicted to filth, it will definitely affect your marriage, wife, and take any pleasure away from what you would have had with your her. You may even still be addicted to it after marriage. It is better to learn to control your desires before marriage and find a way to break away from this habit. You're no longer 10 years old so you should be awake to what you are doing and be more forceful with yourself in preventing your secret habits.

Of course you need permission to your parents for a man to get married, because if you decide to get married and your mom says to you.. "If you marry this woman I will be angry with you and I would nothing to do with you and don't even talk to me again. I will not even come to your wedding!" Guess what...he have to please his mother and obey her..so he will not get married. You need the permission of your parents to get married. It is that simple. Men are not free like you think.

So if the parents do not want him to get married he have no choice and not get married. And if he have strong desires he will easily fall pray to them. So in the end the parents will be punished too for not allowing his son to get married or give him his freedom to get married.

format_quote Originally Posted by Iceee

Salaam Brother hardtimes,

It is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.

1. Pornography could be the cause of your disgusting thoughts. Best to stop watching it and do anything productive instead. Reading Quran, praying namaaz, spending time at the masjid volunteering, working, sports... anything to keep your mind off pornography.

2. Continue to stay away from the act of homosexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, gay etc. the act itself could change the course of your life. This means staying away from non-mahrams but also staying away from open/closet gay males. Do not engage them.

3. You say that your Dad only approves of culture girls. So do you blame him for not getting married? It's your body, your choice. In your current situation, it's better to get married than stay single and affected by these thoughts, desires, and pleasures. Even if it means your Dad disapproves, Allah Subhanahuwatallah will approve of it.

Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!

We ask Allaah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste.

And Allaah knows best.

Hollywood is the largest cause for spreading homosexuality. I would say 98% of the beardless youth actors from age 10 and up if not even younger is 100% raped by a man. So these young boys start developing homosexual desires at young age which spreads homosexuality even more. I would go as far as 100% of the boys who act in hollywood where raped at least once. It is actual part of the contract and the parents know this and willing to give their son away to be used for sexual pleasure of evil men and women just so that their son get fame or the parents get money.

format_quote Originally Posted by *charisma*

Islamically it is not required to have your parents' permission to validate a marriage. It is of course out of the respect and love you have for your parents that you would not marry without their approval. But my point is that if he was ever serious about marriage or that marriage surely would have prevented him from homosexual acts, then he would put more effort into getting married and his family may at that point accept whomever he wished to marry or respected his decision coming from someone who is mature or serious about it. Although marriage here is not the issue, it is the bad habit he has formed from the age of ten.

I put partial blame of his bad habit on his parents! At age 10 is when the parents should have send their sons to work and make money instead of sitting home and playing videos and being at home (if the OP have a father it is this age where the dad takes his son away from the mother and home and make a man out of him! The father should show his son what he is doing for a living, show him the ropes, teach him to be a man, make him responsible by going out to work). When boys go out to work his mind is busy, he have to go out to wear up and dress and go to work, he have to be busy, he have to interact with people...he would not have time to go behind computers and iPhone and browse pornography (all of these are necessary and needed for transforming boyhood to manhood). Parents should NOT GIVE their children: iPhone android or smart phone...NO...they should be busy out there playing, working, socializing, learning, studying, going to mosques, learning Qura'an, learning Islam, HAVING FAMILY time that puts them so much busy that they would not even think of developing these evil habits. The problem with developing such evil habit is THAT IT BECOMES almost impossible (NOT SAYING IMPOSSIBLE but almost impossible) to get rid of it. When a person masturbate the brain releases over 8 different chemicals..ALL OF THEM ARE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE like drugs or heroines....now it becomes EXTREMELY difficult to stop such habit..especially if you start at such young age (and your body and mind is so frail and sensitive and not ready to handle such drugs injected into it's bloodstream) and then you don't stop until adulthood. NOW your body NEED these drugs...it is no more about sexual..it is about getting your fix and your body and mind need it. He need not only follow the Sunnah about fasting but he may need to perform rehabilitation as he have at least 8 different drugs injected into his bloodstream and all of them are HIGHLY addictive.

You said in Islam he is not required to have his parents permission but you know mothers have this idea they can go around it by simply using the power that Allah have given them and threaten the son that she will be "GHADBAAN" (angry) at him if he marries this woman or get married at all. Some mothers are selfish and the son for herself so that he devote the rest of his life to service her until death takes her. That is more common than you think and if he ever wants to get married she brings the mountain over her son's head and guess what...he doesn't get married. So I go with son asking the mother's permission if he can get married only so he can keep peace and harmony between him and her. Last thing a man need is to go to hellfire simply for getting married...I rather he never get married if it means him entering hellfire...but then the parents should also accept that they will take full responsibility and share of their son(s) sins every time he perform this deed and if he should go full gay and perform the deed the parent should accept that they will get the sin too because they prevented their son from getting married.

It doesn't help also when parents interfere with their sons marriage home too where the son he is pulled at tug war between the mother and his wife.

Anytime you feel these haram thoughts coming on, engage in zikr.....

As-Salamu ‘Alaykum,

People must understand that any bad and evil thought, any sinful idea that may cross a person`s mind is the work of Shaytan (Satan, iblis, devil). Both psychology and Islam confirm this, and psychology can be used as a tool, as a scientific proof that evil thoughts are the work of Shaytan.

Dr. Steven Philipson describesOCD (Intrusive Thoughts) as following: “Since becoming a specialist in the treatment of OCD, I have taken a particular interest in the chronic losing battle between the rational self (as represented by an individual’s futile attempts at using reason to combat the disorder) and the brain’s capacity to create unreasonable automatic thoughts accompanied by uncontrolled emotional upheaval. This dichotomy within the sufferer’s mind is best exemplified by examining the frequently reported experience of remaining cognitively aware of the absurdity of the disorder while still feeling (emotionally) that the threat is totally legitimate.”

If one thinks about the thoughts a person describes as mental illness, one can see that it is intended to cause pain, agitation and despair, lack of concentration on important matters, depression, and other self-destructive feelings. If one thinks of it, this is the work of an enemy. It is as if an enemy wants people to live in hardship and pain. Since all the ideas people with mental illnesses suffer from are not good and destructive, the notion that oneself is doing this is preposterous. Thus, there is a need to find this enemy that wants people to suffer from these ideas that come into their heads.

The ideas that compose evil thoughts, intrusive thoughts are from Shaytan, and are divided in three main categories:
1. Ideas of Harm: Ideas telling them to hurt themselves (suicide, for example) and to hurt others (insults, transgression, etc.)
2. Ideas of Lust: Ideas telling them perverted sexual acts (homosexuality, incest, pedophilia, sex with animals, etc.) and creating mental scenarios where the person is committing sexual acts.
3. Ideas of saying about God what they do not have knowledge of: for example blasphemy, associating partners with God, giving God sons, wives, and daughters, insulting ideas towards Allah, Prophet Muhammad, and such.
Those ideas are the same ideas which Allah said in the Holy Quran that Shaytan induces us to commit:

“O people eat from what Allah Almighty has made lawful to you from what the earth brings and do not follow the steps of Satan. Verily, He is an open enemy for you. Shaytan commands you only what is evil, fahsha (immorality) and to say about Allah what you know not.” (2: 168- 169)

Here Shaytan commands us to three main kinds of sins: first is the evil, harmful, what can be described as the first kind of thoughts, violence thoughts, aggression, and such. The second kind of sin is immorality, in this case, sexual thoughts, perverted sexual thoughts, in case, sexual obsessions. And the third kind of sin is to say about Allah what we don`t know, in case, blasphemous thoughts.
So you can see that any bad thoughts are the work of Shaytan, and what this brother is suffering, as he said he does not want to be gay, alhamdulillah, is merely whispers of Shaytan. But the problem is that he is not aware of this; he does not understand how Shaytan tempts people, and he thinks he is the one who is having these thoughts willingly.

This is the first step Shaytan takes to make people commit a sin. He makes us think on sinning, but if the person is too weak, which is not the case of this brother, those thoughts will develop further until they become an action from which the person will be punished. However, merely thinking haram things, merely having sinful thoughts that cross the mind, the person will not be punished by Allah for this, because Allah is the most merciful and the most beneficent.

Even if the case was of a person who suffers from evil desires (sexual desires towards another male), this is a sickness; yes, very grave; however, it is not impossible to cure, and the cure needs spiritual treatment and needs a person turn his heart to Allah, love Allah truly, and make this love to Allah grow bigger than love for anyone else. Such sickness is Islamically known as “passionate love and infatuation”.

Even considering a person who committed homosexual acts, he can be forgiven by Allah; he can change, be straight, and have a normal life. Allah accepts the repentance of any sinner regardless the sin. Allah even sent prophet Lut to his people to tell them to give up the sin of homosexuality. Allah opened the door to repentance; however, the people of Lut did not want to repent.

But, by the grace of Allah, this brother is only suffering from passing thoughts, evil whispers of Shaytan, nothing too grave. Shaykh Ibn Qayim (may Allah have mercy on him), the doctor of the hearts and one of the Most Knowledgeable people of Allah, was a psychologist at his time, a Shaykh, a philosopher, astronomer, chemist. He said: “Ward off passing thoughts, for if you do not, they will become ideas. Ward off ideas, for if you do not, they will become desires. Fight them, for if you do not, they will become resolve and determination, and if you do not ward them off, they will become actions. If you do not resist them with their opposite, they will become habits, and it will be difficult for you to get rid of them.” (Al-Fawaa’id by Ibn al-Qayyim, p. 33) So, we are only punished if we act on haram things, or if we at least create a firm determination on committing a sin.
But as the brother said that he never wanted to be gay, alhamdulillah, so there was absolutely no need for him to worry, in sha’ Allah. Now, the solution to his problem, in resume, is whenever a bad thought crosses his mind, to seek refuge in Allah, recite some verses of the Quran related to Shaytan, as a way to remind himself all the time that Shaytan is the one who brings those thoughts to his mind, say astaghfarullah, call upon Allah and his beautiful name. There are so many adhkars (remembrance of Allah) he can recite.
So now, why he is having this kind of thoughts whereas other people don`t have? There are many factors of it. He might be exposed to images of gays in TV, in school, in the newspaper, which is very common nowadays; the soldiers of Shaytan are spreading immorality around the globe. Maybe, because he has the need to satisfy his desires but he can`t get married, Shaytan uses this as a weak point on this brother. Maybe this brother fears he will never be able to satisfy his future wife, so Shaytan uses this to play with his mind telling that he is not a man, and such.
But regardless the whys, we must focus on the solutions, on the remedy he needs to “drink”. He must try as much as he can to occupy his mind with beneficial things; he should go to mosques, attend Islamic classes, walk with righteous Muslim brothers and friends.

He must marry; it will help him a lot, in sha’ Allah, because he will be distracted with his wife, so he won`t have too much time to think on this problem. He must train himself to let those thoughts flow in and out of his mind without paying attention to them, reminding himself that those are merely whispers of shaytan and nothing more. He must learn a lot of adhkaars and du’aa’sto recite.

Who am I? How I know about this? Simply because I am a Muslim brother who suffered too many years with whispers of Shaytan, in psychology is known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I suffered too much that many times I thought about committing suicide, but, alhamdulillah, by the grace of Allah, I decided not to give myself to Shaytan. I began to study OCD, about the whispers of Shaytan; I have read almost ALL Islamic books about jinns, shaytan, devil, and also I have read millions of psychological articles about OCD. Therefore I know what I am talking about. I decided to defeat Shaytan; I suffered from a lot years, I suffered from all kinds of evil thoughts, both sexual thoughts, homosexuality, pedophilia, incest, blasphemous thoughts, violence thoughts, doubts about Allah to the extent that I thought Shaytan was taking me out from the pales of Islam. I was feeling lost in darkness because I was not a good Muslim; I did not pray, I used to go out with girls, I committed zinah with one girl, I used to drink, I used to watch pornography all days, I was polluted, my heart and my mind.
As I was not a handsome guy in my teenage years, the girls did not want to give me attention, so the guys in school used to do bullying on me, saying like: “oh, you are gay! The girls don`t like you” and such. I think this trauma has made me suffer from this thought: “Am I gay?” This thought used to bring other thoughts, images, and such always alongside with other kinds of evil thoughts. So, what made me commit zinah is that I was trying to proof to myself that I was not gay, but I did not understand that shaytan have fooled and deceived me. I could only understand what happened after I committed zinah, I came back to my reality. I realized that I committed the gravest of ALL sins. I have wronged myself, I have let Shaytan deceive me and make me commit zinah. Alhamdulillah, I truly repented to Allah, I amended myself, I changed a lot, and I decided to study Shaytan, Islam, learn everything I could until I reformed myself. Now, I am married alhamdullilah; I have a wonderful wife, and we have a baby.
I have a healthy marital life with my wife, alhamdullilah. I satisfy her and she satisfies me. I love her, and she loves me. Until today, sometimes, I have those evil, sexual, blasphemous thoughts that cross my mind. However, I have learned not to pay attention to them and always seek refuge in Allah from them. My wife does not know about this mental sickness I had, and I think there is no need to expose myself, but I know I am a good Muslim man who just suffers from whispers of Shaytan.
Raise up your head my dear brother, don`t let Shaytan deceive you like he deceived me. Be patient, try to get married, and go on with your life. Just keep doing good deeds for the sake of Allah and learn to always occupy your mind with good thoughts and ward off bad thoughts. You must from now on pray a lot of voluntary prayers, read Quran every day after Fajr prayer, make a lot of du`aa’s to Allah, and ask Him to purify your mind and heart.
One VERY IMPORTANT thing at the end: you should fast on every Monday and Thursday. You can`t imagine how great is the reward of Allah to the one who fasts voluntary (not only in the month of Ramadan), and it will help you to develop yourself better, in sha’ Allah.
Never despair from the Mercy of Allah my dear brother. He cures all the sickness and ward off all the evil, just turn to Him in sincere repentance and humbleness and be sure that after a period of distress, there comes a period of relief.
Here follows some links that may help you:y

http://pt.scribd.com/doc/958574/Mental-Illness-Satan

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/7491

http://islamqa.info/en/ref/111817/thinking

http://islamandpsychology.blogspot.c...-ocd-mind.html

http://islamandpsychology.blogspot.c...d-waswaas.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/files...mshocd2008.pdf

I recommend you download this book, Al Fawaid; read it all, from the beginning to the end as it will help you reform yourself like it helped me to reform mine:
https://www.kalamullah.com/Books/Al-FAWAID.pdf

NEVER GIVE UP; you are a good Muslim man, just Shaytan is doing this to you.
May Allah cure you, in sha’ Allah,