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    hardtimes's Avatar
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    How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

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    Asalam alykum, may peace and blessings be upon you and your family.
    I am new here and I really need internal mental help.

    I was born in a muslim family went to madrasa (islamic school) for like 15 years
    and went to mosque for almost five prayers and really loved it then but ever since 2015 a internal thoughts became like a
    deadly disease to my heart to my imaan and to my prayers, it effects everything I do. I am and was always addicted to watching
    nasty videos ever since last 10 years. But recently like ever since 2015 these new disgusting thoughts been crossing my mind
    such as having feelings towards the same gender, I don't know why. And alhumdulilah I haven't been with a guy with the wrong
    intentions and all my friends are straight , I have nothing against people who are gay but I have issues with gay thoughts
    because it bothers me and I can't read quran or pray my prayers with a clean heart and I just hate it, I was wondering
    if any-other young brothers or sisters were or are facing the same or similar issues and maybe we can help each other
    insha"Allah. If you know any good ideas or anything that can help me stop with these thoughts

    Please don't forget to share, JazakAllah khairan.

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    SintoDinto's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Brother, ever since I was 12, I suffered from these feelings for many years, until I was around 19 or 20. I am 20 and a half and yes I suffered with tremendous pain, and I was fortunate enough to have the "silver lining" (blessing in disguise) of being socially awkward due to my Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism), and being unable to approach anyone. But even in spite of that and when I became more sophisticated, I knew deep down it was wrong (fortunately I discovered religion on my own after a lengthy period of irreligiosity). I knew the Qur'an and sunnah and scholars were quite clear, and I chose to not do anything. Unfortunately for you in a way my choice was a little easier since I was bisexual, not homosexual, but I dealt with gender segregation and awkwardness in integration and lingering autism. But here's what I did, I prayed, and prayed, and truly believed it would go away, and it did. That's it. pray to Allah, but one of the conditions of dua is that you believe Allah can solve your problem, but Allah may choose to solve it in ways you didn't consider, like you living a normal life with the feelings still there but you being indifferent to them. But in my experience it just went away, despite being quite strong. if dua isn't working, don't be alone with men, know what triggers you, and know that this is a sin. Don't believe those fools who say the nation of Lut (as) were punished for "raping men" when the Qur'an clearly says "would you do with a man what you would do with a woman?' does this mean rape of women is allowed? of course not! the entire nation of lut (as) was destroyed for this. because men were created for women and women were created for men. Adam (as) was lonely and woke up with hawwa in his arms, and when he said, "who are you," she replied "I was created so that you may find tranquility in me, and me in you. the Qur'an mentions many verses of how men and women are meant to love each other tenderly and with affection, and BOTH satisfy each other's intimate needs, and this is unfortunately neglected in many muslim cultures, where husbands and wives fight, and men and women have double standards on both sides. also consider talking to someone you trust.

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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    also, pornography is a serious problem in our ummah, it is not just you, it is a drug. it affects the wiring of our brain and gets our brain hooked in te pleasure centers of our brain without us even doing anything (laborious) i would look on islamic websites for advice on how to stop watching porn and how to stop masturbating. i too suffered from this problem. unfortunately i was introduced to masturbation at a young age from my own father, and at the age of 10, and got addicted to porn at the age of 12. but i overcame it. i suggest you watch islamic lectures on youtube, and spend much time in the masjid, and avoid being alone. stay well covered at night, don't spend too much time in the bathroom, and immediately leave sites with clickbait images.
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    Umm Malik's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    if you dont menttion that you was watching a dirty videos i will guess that because this is what led you to that feeling
    its like addiction when you used to something you need something stronger and stronger until you look for unusual things
    so what i can advice you
    forst to repent to allah from watching those movies
    have a goals that you have to reach every day connecting to your biggest goal which is jannah
    trying to fight and strive against that desires and being far from the places of fitnah
    knowing that this affect your worldly life and your akhirah too, and look at it as a disease you need to get a healing for it
    sleep well and wake up early and discover the sun rising and get enough sun shine
    you can also get the chance to pray fajr at time and make the adkar of the morning and i thing this is so helpful for this desires towards the same gender because it may be a kind of "mass" مس in arabic and you will see how much will be helpful for you

    try to fast as the prophet's advice
    this advice for you and for any guy who have desires in the time of temptations and he can't merry
    also make a lot of istighfar and make douaa in your sujood and at the third part of night
    i know this may seem hard ... but you see how much your life will be changed
    and it will come a time while you start see how much life is beautiful and how this problem was just a problem of no goals and waswas and kind of side affect of addiction to haram watching which make you weak and let shaytan controlled you
    read surah aljinn and assafat alikhlas alfalak annas ayatu lkursiy
    and say la ilaha illa lah wahdahu la sharika lah lahu lmulku walahu lhamd wa houwa ala kulli shay'in kadeer many times

    listen to quran more and stop listening to music
    those advices help you in your dunyah befor akhirah and you will see how your life become different inshallah
    i don't ask you to do all this in the same day
    try to began with it gradually and say la hawla wa la kuwwata illa billah many times
    i advice many people befor you with this advice and it helped them in different issues
    i am sure that will help you too inshallah
    assalamo alaykum
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    hardtimes's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    JazakAllah khair my brother for taking out your precious time to reply to me, Yes watching porn has had very bad effect on my memory, and on my life over all. I actually forgot almost the entire quran which i memorized after 4yrs of hard work and dedication, i feel like a complete loser. See the issue is i needed to get married ever since 2010 and now its 2019 im still not married because my dad only approves of his own culture girls. Life is hard when you are stuck between disobeying parents to please the rab or vice versa. Anyways i do write weekly goals, alhumdililah i started reciting 1juz almost every day and walah it helps me mentally and emotionally but these stupid thoughts keeps whispering in my ears. It wont leave me alone. But i will follow one step at the time the things u told me. Thanks alot.
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Assalamu ‘Aalaikum Brother,I’m incapable of advising anyone so I’m just giving Da’wah so that I can correct myself…There’re lots that I wanna share with you but the way of communication hinders me to…I’m just listing out some authentic techniques to eradicate all evils and develop taqwa in ourselves based on Qur’an and Hadith without providing any reference. You can approach to a pious person(‘Aalim) or you can check it by your own (better for you and ”ALLAH SWT Knows why did i say this”) if you have doubts or confusion with any of these…1) Salaat (Namaaz),- “Innaswalata tanha……ilaa aakhiril ayah”-Correcting the Salaat………..-Attaining purity is fard(obligatory) for performing salaat;Purity of three things, i.e., heart, blood and body-Heart’s purity from shirk (the foremost and the main problem that I’m facing… we are just away from the visible shirk but the main thing still resides inside me)and it can be attained by… at first removing the beliefs of all the creations(fire,wind,sky,land…from a pinch of sand to the greatest mountains, from microscopic organisms to The Angel Gabriel…………) i.e., except ALLAH SWT none hath any power to do anything(this is what ‘Laa ilaaha’ claims) and gaining the Belief of ALLAH SWT with HIS Names and Powers and that none has any share with it (…and this is what ’Illallah claims to from it’s reciters) N.B.- In simple words, ‘Laa Ilaaha Illallah’…. is the purity of heart Another thing to note is that “the former cleans the heart and the Later purifies” (……one may be clean but not pure).Way of gaining: When lonely think of “ Laa ilaaha Illallah”, the above cited is to be thought and discovered… that’s only the syllabus the chapters(may be finite) and contents are endless…………………………………… …. After what you discover bring it into your Amal (practice it) and whenever you find anything that comes near you against the ideology of the Kalma based on your discovery protest it in whatever possible way you can… this is the test of what you’ve gained… and you know it after passing of a lower class one’s admitted to a higher one… and give da’wah on The Names and Powers Of ALLAHIn this way InshaALLAH you ‘ll develop your Imaan and Taqwa………………..there’re lots…..unending This is the first of all lessons ……… others I’ll mention later if ALLAH SWT permits, This is so because “where there resides shirk Imaan can’t”……….”Have fear of ALLAH if any wrong notions arise about the above texts”…… Clarify it from a pious and learnt person before judging, if you have any doubts……..You may feel the question is something and the answer is something else…Belief(Yaqeen), Trust(Tawakkul) and perseverance-‘Sabr’(actual meaning is standing firm in ALLAH’S Commands in all adversities) are the success keys of a MomeenWhat is right is from my LORD and the wrong is from…… May ALLAH Forgive this unworthy servant and all fellow ‘brother-in-Islam’ and guide each and everyone of the mankind to the path of the righteous ones.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by hardtimes View Post
    JazakAllah khair my brother for taking out your precious time to reply to me, Yes watching porn has had very bad effect on my memory, and on my life over all. I actually forgot almost the entire quran which i memorized after 4yrs of hard work and dedication, i feel like a complete loser. See the issue is i needed to get married ever since 2010 and now its 2019 im still not married because my dad only approves of his own culture girls. Life is hard when you are stuck between disobeying parents to please the rab or vice versa. Anyways i do write weekly goals, alhumdililah i started reciting 1juz almost every day and walah it helps me mentally and emotionally but these stupid thoughts keeps whispering in my ears. It wont leave me alone. But i will follow one step at the time the things u told me. Thanks alot.
    You need to take accountability for your addiction to pornography. Not getting married is not a reason to have indulged in it. As a matter of fact, you don't even need your father's permission to get married, but if you are more serious/mature about it, he may give in to your choice for a wife anyway. Even if you get married now, if you are still addicted to filth, it will definitely affect your marriage, wife, and take any pleasure away from what you would have had with your her. You may even still be addicted to it after marriage. It is better to learn to control your desires before marriage and find a way to break away from this habit. You're no longer 10 years old so you should be awake to what you are doing and be more forceful with yourself in preventing your secret habits.
    How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

  10. #8
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Salaam Brother hardtimes,

    It is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.

    1. Pornography could be the cause of your disgusting thoughts. Best to stop watching it and do anything productive instead. Reading Quran, praying namaaz, spending time at the masjid volunteering, working, sports... anything to keep your mind off pornography.

    2. Continue to stay away from the act of homosexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, gay etc. the act itself could change the course of your life. This means staying away from non-mahrams but also staying away from open/closet gay males. Do not engage them.

    3. You say that your Dad only approves of culture girls. So do you blame him for not getting married? It's your body, your choice. In your current situation, it's better to get married than stay single and affected by these thoughts, desires, and pleasures. Even if it means your Dad disapproves, Allah Subhanahuwatallah will approve of it.

    Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!

    We ask Allaah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste.

    And Allaah knows best.

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    You need to take accountability for your addiction to pornography. Not getting married is not a reason to have indulged in it. As a matter of fact, you don't even need your father's permission to get married, but if you are more serious/mature about it, he may give in to your choice for a wife anyway. Even if you get married now, if you are still addicted to filth, it will definitely affect your marriage, wife, and take any pleasure away from what you would have had with your her. You may even still be addicted to it after marriage. It is better to learn to control your desires before marriage and find a way to break away from this habit. You're no longer 10 years old so you should be awake to what you are doing and be more forceful with yourself in preventing your secret habits.
    Of course you need permission to your parents for a man to get married, because if you decide to get married and your mom says to you.. "If you marry this woman I will be angry with you and I would nothing to do with you and don't even talk to me again. I will not even come to your wedding!" Guess what...he have to please his mother and obey her..so he will not get married. You need the permission of your parents to get married. It is that simple. Men are not free like you think.

    So if the parents do not want him to get married he have no choice and not get married. And if he have strong desires he will easily fall pray to them. So in the end the parents will be punished too for not allowing his son to get married or give him his freedom to get married.

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by Iceee View Post
    Salaam Brother hardtimes,

    It is essential that you begin first with sincere repentance to Allaah from the sin of homosexuality that you have fallen into, and strive to do all kinds of acts of obedience. Keep yourself busy with Allaah and pleasing Him, then as soon as you feel that you have started to follow the path of guidance, and you feel that you are going in the right direction, then strengthen the motives of goodness and purity in your heart by marrying one who will keep you chaste. But before starting to treat the problem or feeling that you have repented sincerely, do not transgress against anyone else and do not betray the one who has trusted you.

    1. Pornography could be the cause of your disgusting thoughts. Best to stop watching it and do anything productive instead. Reading Quran, praying namaaz, spending time at the masjid volunteering, working, sports... anything to keep your mind off pornography.

    2. Continue to stay away from the act of homosexuality. Whether you are straight, bisexual, gay etc. the act itself could change the course of your life. This means staying away from non-mahrams but also staying away from open/closet gay males. Do not engage them.

    3. You say that your Dad only approves of culture girls. So do you blame him for not getting married? It's your body, your choice. In your current situation, it's better to get married than stay single and affected by these thoughts, desires, and pleasures. Even if it means your Dad disapproves, Allah Subhanahuwatallah will approve of it.

    Allaah has created natural desires in man, and He has made the outlet for that in women. The permissible way to do that is marriage. The one who goes against his natural state (fitrah) and diverts that desire towards other males like him, is even lower than the animals, for the animals that Allaah has created are in front of us, and do we ever see any male mounting another male or looking at him with desire? Look at this and compare it with the one who looks at beardless youths of his own gender with desire, and the one who commits immoral actions with them, and that even makes him refrain from marrying women!

    We ask Allaah to heal you, purify your heart, and keep you chaste.

    And Allaah knows best.
    Hollywood is the largest cause for spreading homosexuality. I would say 98% of the beardless youth actors from age 10 and up if not even younger is 100% raped by a man. So these young boys start developing homosexual desires at young age which spreads homosexuality even more. I would go as far as 100% of the boys who act in hollywood where raped at least once. It is actual part of the contract and the parents know this and willing to give their son away to be used for sexual pleasure of evil men and women just so that their son get fame or the parents get money.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Of course you need permission to your parents for a man to get married, because if you decide to get married and your mom says to you.. "If you marry this woman I will be angry with you and I would nothing to do with you and don't even talk to me again. I will not even come to your wedding!" Guess what...he have to please his mother and obey her..so he will not get married. You need the permission of your parents to get married. It is that simple. Men are not free like you think.

    So if the parents do not want him to get married he have no choice and not get married. And if he have strong desires he will easily fall pray to them. So in the end the parents will be punished too for not allowing his son to get married or give him his freedom to get married.
    Islamically it is not required to have your parents' permission to validate a marriage. It is of course out of the respect and love you have for your parents that you would not marry without their approval. But my point is that if he was ever serious about marriage or that marriage surely would have prevented him from homosexual acts, then he would put more effort into getting married and his family may at that point accept whomever he wished to marry or respected his decision coming from someone who is mature or serious about it. Although marriage here is not the issue, it is the bad habit he has formed from the age of ten.
    How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    xboxisdead's Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Islamically it is not required to have your parents' permission to validate a marriage. It is of course out of the respect and love you have for your parents that you would not marry without their approval. But my point is that if he was ever serious about marriage or that marriage surely would have prevented him from homosexual acts, then he would put more effort into getting married and his family may at that point accept whomever he wished to marry or respected his decision coming from someone who is mature or serious about it. Although marriage here is not the issue, it is the bad habit he has formed from the age of ten.
    I put partial blame of his bad habit on his parents! At age 10 is when the parents should have send their sons to work and make money instead of sitting home and playing videos and being at home (if the OP have a father it is this age where the dad takes his son away from the mother and home and make a man out of him! The father should show his son what he is doing for a living, show him the ropes, teach him to be a man, make him responsible by going out to work). When boys go out to work his mind is busy, he have to go out to wear up and dress and go to work, he have to be busy, he have to interact with people...he would not have time to go behind computers and iPhone and browse pornography (all of these are necessary and needed for transforming boyhood to manhood). Parents should NOT GIVE their children: iPhone android or smart phone...NO...they should be busy out there playing, working, socializing, learning, studying, going to mosques, learning Qura'an, learning Islam, HAVING FAMILY time that puts them so much busy that they would not even think of developing these evil habits. The problem with developing such evil habit is THAT IT BECOMES almost impossible (NOT SAYING IMPOSSIBLE but almost impossible) to get rid of it. When a person masturbate the brain releases over 8 different chemicals..ALL OF THEM ARE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE like drugs or heroines....now it becomes EXTREMELY difficult to stop such habit..especially if you start at such young age (and your body and mind is so frail and sensitive and not ready to handle such drugs injected into it's bloodstream) and then you don't stop until adulthood. NOW your body NEED these drugs...it is no more about sexual..it is about getting your fix and your body and mind need it. He need not only follow the Sunnah about fasting but he may need to perform rehabilitation as he have at least 8 different drugs injected into his bloodstream and all of them are HIGHLY addictive.

    You said in Islam he is not required to have his parents permission but you know mothers have this idea they can go around it by simply using the power that Allah have given them and threaten the son that she will be "GHADBAAN" (angry) at him if he marries this woman or get married at all. Some mothers are selfish and the son for herself so that he devote the rest of his life to service her until death takes her. That is more common than you think and if he ever wants to get married she brings the mountain over her son's head and guess what...he doesn't get married. So I go with son asking the mother's permission if he can get married only so he can keep peace and harmony between him and her. Last thing a man need is to go to hellfire simply for getting married...I rather he never get married if it means him entering hellfire...but then the parents should also accept that they will take full responsibility and share of their son(s) sins every time he perform this deed and if he should go full gay and perform the deed the parent should accept that they will get the sin too because they prevented their son from getting married.

    It doesn't help also when parents interfere with their sons marriage home too where the son he is pulled at tug war between the mother and his wife.

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: How to stop haram feelings and thoughts including gay thoughts?

    Anytime you feel these haram thoughts coming on, engage in zikr.....


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