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  1. #1
    Stoic's Avatar
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    Going through tough times...How to deal?

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    Example me and wife not getting along. Just easier to split right? But what if have kid together? Who should have custody? Tried talking but its not going anywhere.

    Jzk

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    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    I am not sure If I understood your question fully? Can you elaborate a bit more please?

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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    I think she wants you out brother

    In Islam mother gets custody until child is 7 years old and then father gets custody

    But I think the fathers custody is based on that a mum wouldn't have adequate means to support the child, but this doesn't apply in a welfare state as mother gets child benefits and also can claim support money from you, so it may be best to leave the child with mum until their adulthood as child is happiest with mum.
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    Stoic's Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Quote Originally Posted by HabibUrrehman View Post
    I am not sure If I understood your question fully? Can you elaborate a bit more please?
    Just having constant issues. Always yelling and getting mad. At every little thing. Tried talking but doesnt help goes back to mad talking

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    Eric H's Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Greetings and peace be with you Stoic,

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic View Post
    Just easier to split right?
    Marriage has to be one of the hardest things we do in life. An imperfect man, marries an imperfect women, we have imperfect children and live in an imperfect world. It is incredibly tough to work with all this imperfection in life. I believe it will be harder on you if you split, it will tear you apart if you leave your wife and children. I have seen this in many men who have walked away.

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoic View Post
    Always yelling and getting mad. At every little thing
    I know the feeling, I can't remember how many blazing rows I have had with my wife over the years, I can't remember how many things she has thrown things at me, or how many times she has packed my suitcase and told me to go in the last thirty four years. I think she may have mellowed slightly in the last six months.

    I can remember the time she first started to talk about having children, it was at that point I said, if we have children, we have to stick together no matter what may happen. I don't want my children to grow up without a mum and dad. I have learned to let my wife win most arguments, so when there is something I really want, I am in a better position to ask for it. Life is about sharing and caring, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

    I think you grow in strength when you learn to fight all battles with kindness. Try and find solutions where neither of you looses, rather than a solution that only one person can win. We have gone through so much rubbish in our married life, but I would not change her for any other woman, Things change in God's time.

    May Allah bless you, your wife and children,
    Eric
    Last edited by Eric H; 1 Week Ago at 05:33 PM.
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    Going through tough times...How to deal?

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Brother, from her background and nature as you have told us about, she didn't seem mentally ill, therefore this constant arguing and getting angry at you over nothing could well be designed to make you leave. Her daughter has a hard time doing salah at your insistence and she does seem like the sort of woman who was probably just after another baby for benefits reason... And she's probably not compatible with you as you're very religious goody sort of guy....

    Just ask her straight, 'do you want me to leave'? 'is that what this is all about'?

    I hope I'm wrong and everything works out between you and her, but you need to find out her intentions

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    Sawak's Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Do istikhara

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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Greetings and peace be with you Stoic,

    How are you and your family today? May Allah bless you all;

    Eric
    Going through tough times...How to deal?

    You will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to God.

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    Ahmed.'s Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?

    Brother, I just thought of something very important

    If it shouldn't work out and my hunch turns out to be right, then your child will be in danger of turning out like your step daughter if left with the mum

    So to save his deen, then maybe you should think about taking your child with you by hook 'or by crook', I. E. Take child away with guile and covert moves...

    When it comes to saving from hell and obeying the kuffar laws, saving takes priority bro

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    HabibUrrehman's Avatar
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    Re: Going through tough times...How to deal?




    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

    And I command you to take care of the women in a good manner for they are created from a rib and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so I command you to take care of the women in a good manner. (Bukhari Hadith# 5186)


    Prophet Muhammad PBUH also said:


    The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, you will break her. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some crookedness.
    (
    Bukhari Hadith# 5184)


    To summarize, these hadiths mean that the nature of a man is different from that of a woman, the woman would appear strange or different to him whereas in reality it is her true nature. This is the reason why the Prophet Muhammad PBUH instructed not to make an attempt at changing her as it would break her. Brother @Eric H has given you a very good advice and it is full of wisdom based of his experience. You should read his post on more time and my advice to you is the same that you need to find a way for your marriage to work. Instead of arguing with your soulmate may be look at the good sides of her personality and look at what you can improve on and change to make it a better relationship. Some of the things you can do are:


    1. Be a good listener. It is very important and sometimes women only want their husband to listen to them without giving offering any solution and without judging them. Just actively listen and say that you understand her, empathize with her instead of getting upset.
    2. Admit to your mistakes. Say sorry and you will see that this word works like a magic.
    3. Have a good intention for your wife at all the times.
    4. Accept her shortcomings for the sake of Allah.
    5. Give her gifts any time.
    6. Be humorous and play games with your wife.
    7. Smile at your wife whenever you see her.
    8. Pick topics of her interest during conversations
    9. Expect and respect her jealousy.

    I should end my post with some quotes from Quran and Hadiths.

    Allah says in the Quran:
    and live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good
    [Quran 4:19]
    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:

    Fear Allah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allah and intimacy with them has become permissible to you by the words of Allah. [Muslim, 1218]
    Prophet Muhammad PBUH said:
    The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. [Tirmidhi, 3895; Ibn Maajah, 1977; classed as sahih].
    I hope you find this post helpful.

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