It took a lot of courage but I did it! I asked my Mom if it's time I get married. And what was her response? "Not yet."
It truly hurts that she said that. Yes, I may not have the best career job (Working at Tim Hortons) as a fast food worker. Or I may not have the best education. But I personally feel it's time to settle down, get married and focus on starting my own family.
I'm in my Early 20's. I am a Sunni Muslim born and raised in Canada. My parents background is South Asian. I have a full time job working 5-7 days a week and a second job working 1-2 days a week (cash job). I have no debt and have so much savings, already saving for retirement.
I'm unsure how long my Mom thinks I have to be single. When I turn 30, She will probably look to get me married to a woman in India, Pakistan or Bangladesh.
Anyways, I think I'm going to focus more on reading the Quran and praying namaaz with the local masjid's congregation as much as possible. I'm also going to begin travelling the world. I want to go to every country in the world and explore this Dunya as much as possible.
Should I get married right now, going against my Mother's wishes because I feel it's time (To help avoid Shaytaan and temptations)?
Or have patience and wait until I am at least 30 and marry who my Mom wishes, to make her happy?
A coincidence that I've already viewed the videos you've linked, sister. I've watched many videos from Imams and Sheikhs regarding marriage. I've gone to local public libraries and have read many books on Islam; focusing on reading the books about Nikkah and marriage but reading and gathering knowledge on Islam as well.
In so many Middle Eastern countries, it seems so many Muslim woman are abused in their marriage by their husband; emotionally and physically. The knowledge I've gained from reading books in the Muslim Sister's perspective is amazing! The authors who are Muslim woman show great insight in their marriage, I've come to learn a lot. I've learned what type of man a Muslim sister wants to settle with, to have children with, to spend time and the rest of their lives with. Inshallah I can become a great Muslim husband desired by my spouse and follow Islamic teachings on Hadiths based from the Prophet (Peace and Blessings be Upon him).
The second video is important. I don't go near fornication, haraam, girlfriend lifestyle, temptations. I have no problem with desires like that. I'm too busy visiting grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and helping them, as well as working many hours... to worry about that sort of haraam life. But I want to stay halal and pure for Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Right now, I am young, have energy, have money and want to settle down. If I cannot reach an agreement with my family to get me married, how long do I have to wait? Maybe getting married in my 30's or 40's doesn't seem like a bad idea.
Yes brother. I'm reading everything you're saying. In fact, I'm reading everything twice. You seem to have great knowledge about this issue. You seem to be from the same culture as me, maybe you're around my age as well. I will watch out for red flags and won't let it get in my way. But why not marry a single mother or someone without a father?
I will be going to Zuhr prayers at the masjid today Inshallah and see what the Imam/mosque can do. Inshallah they may be able to help me.
Oh okay that's fine brother.
A woman without a father lives a family energy only. She have not grown up and saw what it is like interaction between a male and a female and the first class lesson she learns that is from her father and mother. If she says harmony between the two parents and sees how the mother treats the fathers and how the father treats the mother it will be imprinted on her that as a woman this is how she treats a man and in return expect this is how a man should treat a woman. If such treatment is harmonic and following the ways of the prophet peace be upon him you will have a saleh woman, if however such treatment is vile, evil, abusive, controlling, physically and emotionally abusive and manipulative this is how she expects to be treated and this is how she will treat her man. If she only have a mother with no father around and surrounded only by women and have only female energy, she have zero interest in the male energy, she will fight him all the time, she will not listen to him and she will mistreat him. How can she treat him well when she never experienced the male perspective. She will end up to learn how to treat men from either TVs, magazines, radio or even friends she meet who themselves have no idea how to treat a man or let alone went one day and prostrated to Allah (Subhanau Wa Talaa) or even know the rights of a husband and a wife and not to cross such boundaries. You will be opening yourself to a door of huge headache and if you live in Canada that is ever more reason to avoid women who have no fathers in their lives.
This is not like back before in the time of the prophet where a man will protect the woman who have no father by marrying her and protecting her name, honor and dignity. Those days are way long gone my brother. You are no longer the hero with the cape to rescue the princess in distress. This is your chance to build your family, better started correctly while you still have the chance. I am saving you headache and misery in the end it is up to you.
Women who have children whose either their father are dead, divorced or born through IVF where there are no father to begin with. Those are one of the major red flags that you need to know about immediately. Horror stories of men raising other men's children where there are violence between the new man and the child, especially if that child is a boy, or sexual abuse where the child is a girl. Don't open yourself to such problem. Why? Why even risk it? Boys who grow up will eventually not listen to you, will say you are not my father you do not tell me what to do and 99% the mother will back up the boy against you and you have no say, no power and even not the same respect had that child being yours. Huge scientific studies have shown that this does not work.
In the end, you will be used and abused and you are just a bank machine with no rights and power. Why open such door? Why open such headache and drama? Do you want to be in Jerry Springer Show or want to raise a family? You live in Canada, so my advice is designed to protect you. Nowadays as a man you need to think of YOURSELF first, your happiness first before your wife and children. The days where a man sacrifice for his family and is appreciated now is long gone. The days where husbands and fathers are respected are long gone. Turn on a TV and watch and see how they talk about fathers and husbands, so weak, so stupid, so buffoon, so redundant we might as well have a strong,smart, single mother to raise the family alone. She comes out the super hero, the superwoman. If the woman you pick does not inflate your ego, does not put you on top of her head and does not teach the children to respect you and listen to your authorities to and to look up at you...you failed.
The second you find a woman and she says we should work 50/50, we should work as a partner 50/50 no one is better than the other, the idea of husband rights to her is alien and outmoded or mention anything that have similarities to modern Western yap-chat, know if you decide to go through this marriage you have decided to put the husband right into a shredder and you are that man in TV who is an idiot, moron and a buffoon and just unnecessary and know the children will not respect you and you will be questioned in the day of judgment for such picking. She is not going to be blamed! YOU ARE! So you lose the dunaya and akhira.
I think 30 years old is bit late, the ideal marriage age is 22 to 25 years. Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) was 25 years old when he married hazrat khadjia (may Allah be pleased with her).
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
Where do you live? Do you live in Canada, Australia, USA or any other country that follow Western world or democracy or secularism and where the law puts equality and enforced? If you live in this world, do not get married. DO not get married. Do not get married,even if there may be a good wife out there, do not get married.
waalaikumsalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuh
Yes, most Imams have gave Friday Khutbah about marriage in Islam. That we should get married young to avoid haraam. Usually woman tend to get married at a younger age than men. I believe Aisha (May Allah be pleased with her) was 9 years old when the marriage was consummated.
With that said, I do live in Canada. The youngest you can marry here is 16 with parents approval and 18 legally. And yes, I've seen so many horror stories online about men losing everything after marriage to their wives and inlaws. I have also seen this with my eyes: in person. It's sad when this happens and may Allah protect us all, Ameen.
I guess the search begins finally for me to find a spouse. But I won't make this 100% my priority. Again, I have to talk to my parents and relatives. If I find someone, I know it was Allah's will. If not, I will have to be patient Inshallah.
You will be opening yourself to a door of huge headache and if you live in Canada that is ever more reason to avoid women who have no fathers in their lives.
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
In the end, you will be used and abused and you are just a bank machine with no rights and power. Why open such door? Why open such headache and drama? Do you want to be in Jerry Springer Show or want to raise a family?
Brother,
You give me a lot to think about! So what country should I go to and find a spouse? Should I wait until my 30's?
I think for now, I will stay single and be patient. Single life is much less stressful and easier, I realize. I don't need to rush things to be completely honest.
I will continue to work hard to earn money for my retirement. I will continue to exercise daily. I will continue to drink ONLY milk and water, no sugar. I will continue to read Quran, pray namaaz and work hard to keep Islam in my heart. I will continue to sleep 8-9 hours daily. My life is simple, I should keep it that way.
I will place my trust in my parents and the Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Even if it means staying single, travelling the world, enjoying life until my 40's, it's better for me. Allah knows best. If the time comes to get married, I will. But for now, it's time to head to the Gym, then namaaz at Masjid
You give me a lot to think about! So what country should I go to and find a spouse? Should I wait until my 30's?
I think for now, I will stay single and be patient. Single life is much less stressful and easier, I realize. I don't need to rush things to be completely honest.
I will continue to work hard to earn money for my retirement. I will continue to exercise daily. I will continue to drink ONLY milk and water, no sugar. I will continue to read Quran, pray namaaz and work hard to keep Islam in my heart. I will continue to sleep 8-9 hours daily. My life is simple, I should keep it that way.
I will place my trust in my parents and the Allah Subhanahuwatallah. Even if it means staying single, travelling the world, enjoying life until my 40's, it's better for me. Allah knows best. If the time comes to get married, I will. But for now, it's time to head to the Gym, then namaaz at Masjid
I am proud of you. I am 43, single and enjoying my simple life too. I have toys to play with, hobbies to do and the best part I work full time soon going to get a diploma and make 120k to 200k a year Insha'Allah. If my mother still alive and healthy...I will gladly give all that money to her That is the only WOMAN ON EARTH I will ever obey happily and will give my wealth too!!! : Not some strange woman who I call my wife one day and my ex next.
To answer your question, seek a country that is not secular, that is not westernized and a country that does not have these headings on:
Praise be to Allaah.
The Muslim should not be deceived by the so called western and European “human rights” organizations, because although they outwardly appear to support the oppressed and to take a stance against torture and undermining of human dignity in prisons and detention centres – which in general terms are good ideas – they also play other roles, and support other principles which are aimed at destroying the family, and opening the door to slander against Islam and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and all his fellow-Prophets. They are opposed to the rule of sharee’ah which enjoins hadd punishments such as stoning for the adulterer, execution for the apostate and cutting off the hand for the thief, becoming part of legislation and being implemented, which is in fact very rare. These organizations are also opposed to the shar’i rulings that have to do with women, such as the necessity of her wali’s consent for marriage, the command to observe hijab, and the prohibition on her mixing, in addition to other principles where they claim that they want to liberate man from religious obligations and to make man free in the way he conducts his affairs, not restricted by good morals or sublime shar’i rulings.
To sum up what these organizations promote: it is that man should be able to do whatever he wants, no matter how perverse. They support lesbians, homosexuals and bisexuals, and religious deviance. They regard it as a human right to disbelieve in whatever religions one wants and to express one’s opinion – even about the Prophets – without any fear or shame, and they also support the liberation of woman from the control of her father, husband or religion.
Secondly:
There follow some of the articles of the Universal Declaration on Human Rights, which was approved by the United Nations on 10/12/1948 CE, which we are quoting from their website:
Article 2.
Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status.
Article 18.
Everyone has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief, and freedom, either alone or in community with others and in public or private, to manifest his religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship and observance.
Article 19.
Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion and expression; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference and to seek, receive and impart information and ideas through any media and regardless of frontiers.
These so called rights and freedoms which they call for all people to enjoy regardless of religion make the monotheist and the polytheist equally entitled to these rights and freedoms, so the slave of Allaah and the slave of the Shaytaan are placed on the same level, and every worshipper of rocks, idols or people is given the complete right and freedom to enjoy his kufr and heresy. This is contrary to the laws of Allaah in this world and the Hereafter.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Shall We then treat the Muslims (believers of Islamic Monotheism, doers of righteous deeds) like the Mujrimoon (criminals, polytheists and disbelievers)?
36. What is the matter with you? How judge you?”
[al-Qalam 68:35, 36]
“Shall We treat those who believe (in the Oneness of Allaah Islamic Monotheism) and do righteous good deeds as Mufsidoon (those who associate partners in worship with Allaah and commit crimes) on earth? Or shall We treat the Muttaqoon (the pious) as the Fujjaar (criminals, disbelievers, the wicked)?”
[Saad 38:28]
“Is then he who is a believer like him who is a Faasiq (disbeliever and disobedient to Allaah)? Not equal are they”
[al-Sajdah 32:18].
It is a call to abolish the ruling on apostasy, and to openly flaunt the principles of kufr and heresy. It is a call to open the door to everyone who wants to criticize Islam or the Prophet of Islam Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and to have the freedom to criticize and express oneself with no restrictions.
These are corrupt principles. Even if they suit their lives, values and religion, they do not suit us and they are contrary to our pure sharee’ah, which brought rulings that are suited to individuals and societies, and establish noble morals, and protect minds, honour, physical well being and wealth, and show people the religion which Allaah loves and is pleased with.
Article 3.
Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of person.
It is from this Article that the calls of these organizations come to protect criminals against execution, and started to give bad publicity to the nations which carry out the hadd punishments of Allaah by stoning married adulterers and executing bandits and those who spread mischief in the land. Now these organizations proudly claim that they have convinced many nations to abolish the death penalty for killers, rapists and criminals. This is contrary to sound human nature, reason and sharee’ah, and it is a message that gives peace of mind to those criminals that their lives will never be lost because of their deeds, which is a way of spreading mischief on earth.
They claim that the individual has the right to life and liberty, even if it is a bestial life, and even if that freedom leads to corruption, sicknesses and loss of security for the family and society.
Article 16.
Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution.
This article annuls the role of the woman’s guardian (wali) which is to protect the woman’s rights in marriage, and to help his daughter or sister to make a good choice, and to ask about the religious commitment and character of the suitor. It is by His wisdom that Allaah has prescribed this. If marriage was left up to the woman without her guardian’s consent, you would see most girls marrying those who enchant them of the wolves of men, who are eager to rob them of their chastity then throw them aside.
They also give the wife the same rights of divorce as the husband has. This is something that causes women to turn against their husbands and leads to the break up of their families. The one who knows the nature of men and women will not be able to agree to such nonsense. Western families are not so intact that we can say: Look at how they were destroyed. The call for homosexual rights and the rights of women to form any relationship she wants and women’s rights in marriage and divorce – what families can be built on such shaky foundations?
It is worth noting that these organizations are used for political purposes to put pressure on the Muslim states that care about virtue, modesty and morals, or that apply all or some of the rulings of sharee’ah. Some Muslim nations have abolished the death penalty, and they have introduced strict laws about marriage at an early age for both genders, but they pay attention to woman’s rights to khula’ and maintenance, etc, which causes widespread mischief and evil in many areas of life.
-- Quote end --
Go to any country that enforces Islamic Shariah correctly and put emphasis on husband's right as much as they put emphasis on mother's right. If you go to any Islamic lecture and they talk about everything else except husband's right and put long hour lecture in making a husband happy as they do about pleasing your mother, taking care of your wife and everything else...know this is a formula for disaster.
If you find a country that is open for laws that give women right to destroy you, your wealth and children then don't get married even if you die single. I am 43 years old and I realized...the simple life is so easy for my mind and health and I still look like I am 25 years old. I do not look like I am 43. It is like I drank the fountain of youth. As long as I live in Canada I will not get married and if I move to Australia I will not get married. I prefer to have this wealth for myself and do zakaah over getting married here and have to jump over mountains of mines to find the wife that will not stab me at night.
Don't forget also..in this country the more you love the children the more she have found your weak point and the more she will use your children as a biological weapon against you. She no longer will be your partner but your open enemy like the Shaitaan. In order to avoid this happening to you...you must live in Sharia enforced country. Where the wife obeying her husband is taking serious as children obeying their mother over their father.
If my mother still alive and healthy...I will gladly give all that money to her
Salaam brother.
We have a similar opinion. I mentioned in a previous post that I will give my parents all my money. If they need blood, I will give. If they need a kidney, I will give. I will sacrifice for them no matter what!
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
I am 43 years old and I realized...the simple life is so easy for my mind and health and I still look like I am 25 years old.
I work at Tim Hortons? Have you heard of that? Anyways, a lot of guests say I look like I'm a teenager still. Having less stress, no kids, and not smoking/drinking makes you look younger and act younger as well.
format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead
In order to avoid this happening to you...you must live in Sharia enforced country.
You're Canadian also? HELLO BROTHER! Anyways, I was born in this land. I breath the air from this land. I work in this land. My family loves this land.
I'm going to continue living in this land. If this is the case, I will stay single forever. But I'm going to begin travelling the world now! My first journey will be Hajj Inshallah as soon as possible.
We have a similar opinion. I mentioned in a previous post that I will give my parents all my money. If they need blood, I will give. If they need a kidney, I will give. I will sacrifice for them no matter what!
I work at Tim Hortons? Have you heard of that? Anyways, a lot of guests say I look like I'm a teenager still. Having less stress, no kids, and not smoking/drinking makes you look younger and act younger as well.
You're Canadian also? HELLO BROTHER! Anyways, I was born in this land. I breath the air from this land. I work in this land. My family loves this land.
I'm going to continue living in this land. If this is the case, I will stay single forever. But I'm going to begin travelling the world now! My first journey will be Hajj Inshallah as soon as possible.
That is the smartest move ever!!
Do you know what is happening in Egypt? The women in Egypt are demanding to be paid for services. If you want anything from her other than sex, like help in raising the children, taking care of the home, etc she have the right to demand salary or wage of payment upfront in order for her to service you. That is the wife we are talking about. Very mechanical...very commercial. Very business. Marriage now is nothing more than a business transaction. So my advise to you if you do want to get married to sit down with the woman you want to get married and ask her upfront how much she wants to get paid to be your wife? Ask her if she demands any sick leave or vacation?
See how romantic marriage is in 2019? AHAHAH!
Stay single. Just stay single. Those kids you get out of her from your own seed, they will follow the mother over you anyways. Stay single! Have a simple life! Enjoy your life! If you need to have children badly, consider sponsoring the children/child (adoption). Either way as a father or a guardian taking care of the children in both scenarios you will be treated like crap and you have no guarantee that either your offspring or the adopted child will pray for you when you die or even take care of you on old age.
However, there are more positive in sponsoring a child than from your own seed. When you sponsor a child, every single hair that you stroke with passion and love you get huge reward from. There is a better chance that the sponsored child whom you saved from life of torment will appreciate you and love you and take care of you, over your own children. Don't also forget the prophet peace be upon him have put his fingers together indicating the huge reward for taking care of a sponsored child, while the father is just a door to paradise. Well, actually a good door to paradise but if the child destroy that door he can still enter from other doors...just not the good door.
However when it comes sponsoring the child make sure it is not screwed up or damaged beyond repair. You don't want that child to end up stabbing you at night or bring the police on you! Take care of that child until he is strong to stand up and able to take care of himself and have him out of your house ASAP. Don't have a grown man of age 20 living in the same home as you are. This way you would have gotten the parenting out of your way and you would not have missed out on it. The reward for sponsoring a child is enormous. Nowadays, if you want a companion of a woman it is going to be business transaction and mechanical and your employee will quit anytime and take your heart and everything else you own with her.
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