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My life is joke...

  1. #1
    Studentofdeed's Avatar Full Member
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    My life is joke...

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    I have been sick of everything. Islam talks about justice but at the same time be "kind" to your parents if they are rude and oppressive. My parents say I'm spoiled.and my father especially who calls me useless and disappointment.

    I honestly hate him. I want to make dua against him. Yet I do not because I'm trying forget so Allah will love me, yet My life is still in chaos. My father on numerous occasions accussed of lying when he knows I have health issues. When I went into septic shock and was terminally I'll, he kept telling my mother that he is fine and he is exaggerating. It was my uncle who told my mother to take me to the ER. Now again he pulled this same stunt saying I'm exaggerating despite me coughing up blood and from.my nose. Yet whenever he gets a chance he is always saying , oh I'm so worried about my son.

    He shouts at me for not knowing things despite never being there and or teaching me anything. He humiliates me in front of his friends. Then he preaches about islam. This is why I was DISGUSTED with Islam when I was young. I was drawn to christianity. Only then through my own journey, I realized Islam was the truth and my father was not a perfect muslim but a horrible human and parent.

    I already forgave him, so dont come here posting forgive and forget. I'm here asking how will I put up with him? In the store, he got angry and said I will hit you with my stick, I got angry and said go ahead. Go ahead and hit me. Il see how you hit me.
    Apparently i can not even stand up for myself or call my father out for his bad behavior? Islam cannot be narrow minded.
    Can I for the sake of my sanity cut off ties with him once I move out or should I just keep salaams.
    I do not want to support him or raise him because he never took care of me. It was my mother. He was indifferent all my life

    I realize.the Iman and few muslims I thought I could rely on, do not actually care about me or ever did. I'm a glorified errand boy and babysitter for their kids. They do not care about using me or my anxiety and depression. Or how people treat me in the mosque
    Last edited by Studentofdeed; 01-18-2020 at 05:44 AM.
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    Studentofdeed's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: My life is joke...

    At this point, my life is in disarray, mocked at the mosque and at home. I'm not welcome anywhere. And the fact I can not put up with my father and sometimes lose my temper. I feel like I'm not a good muslim anymore and all the deeds I do and did are useless. My family constantly taunt me when I get angry or make mistake, saying see, your not a good Muslim but horrible one. Accusing me of double standards.
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    Re: My life is joke...

    Assalam o alaikum rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

    My loved brother. Please remember this world is a test. Keep in mind that prophets peace be upon them faced more difficult trials than you.

    Prophet Ibrahim peace be upon him was patient with his father who disbelieved in his message even when his father threatened to stone him.

    Even abu lahab and abu jahl who were uncle of prophet peace be upon him were very against him peace be upon him aswell. He faced alot of trials but stood strong and patient. Thus his mission by will of Allah became successful.

    We do not know if our trials might end up leading us to something better

    Only Allah knows.

    Please do not cut tie with him. Yes he may be as you described but he is still ur father. Give him gentle reminder that not only parents have rights over children but their children also have rights and that parents will be questioned on day of Judgment about treatment of their children.

    Tell him this hadith

    Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Whoever does not show mercy to our young ones, or acknowledge the rights of our elders, is not one of us.”
    Source: Musnad Aḥmad 7033
    Grade: Sahih (authentic) according to Ahmad Shakir

    Still you need to be patient, keep your trust and hope in Allah.

    Anas b. Malik reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said that one amongst the denizens of Hell who had led a life of ease and plenty amongst the people of the world would be made to dip in Fire only once on the Day of Resurrection and then it would be said to him:

    O, son of Adam, did you find any comfort, did you happen to get any material blessing? He would say: By Allah, no, my Lord. And then that person from amongst the persons of the world be brought who had led the most miserable life (in the world) from amongst the inmates of Paradise. and he would be made to dip once in Paradise and it would be said to him. 0, son of Adam, did you face, any hardship? Or had any distress fallen to your lot? And he would say: By Allah, no,0 my Lord, never did I face any hardship or experience any distress.
    حَدَّثَنَا عَمْرٌو النَّاقِدُ، حَدَّثَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ هَارُونَ، أَخْبَرَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ ثَابِتٍ، الْبُنَانِيِّ عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ "‏ يُؤْتَى بِأَنْعَمِ أَهْلِ الدُّنْيَا مِنْ أَهْلِ النَّارِ يَوْمَ الْقِيَامَةِ فَيُصْبَغُ فِي النَّارِ صَبْغَةً ثُمَّ يُقَالُ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ هَلْ رَأَيْتَ خَيْرًا قَطُّ هَلْ مَرَّ بِكَ نَعِيمٌ قَطُّ فَيَقُولُ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَبِّ ‏.‏ وَيُؤْتَى بِأَشَدِّ النَّاسِ بُؤْسًا فِي الدُّنْيَا مِنْ أَهْلِ الْجَنَّةِ فَيُصْبَغُ صَبْغَةً فِي الْجَنَّةِ فَيُقَالُ لَهُ يَا ابْنَ آدَمَ هَلْ رَأَيْتَ بُؤْسًا قَطُّ هَلْ مَرَّ بِكَ شِدَّةٌ قَطُّ فَيَقُولُ لاَ وَاللَّهِ يَا رَبِّ مَا مَرَّ بِي بُؤُسٌ قَطُّ وَلاَ رَأَيْتُ شِدَّةً قَطُّ ‏"‏ ‏.‏
    Reference : Sahih Muslim 2807
    In-book reference : Book 52, Hadith 42
    USC-MSA web (English) reference : Book 39, Hadith 6738
    (deprecated numbering scheme)

    “ The world is a prison for the believer and a paradise for the unbeliever.”
    Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ)
    Reference: Sahih Muslim 2956

    Allah never hates you. He loves you. He is the Wise. He only put you on trials to make you strong muslim only if u have patience and strength to keep going on.. Ask Him to grant you sabr and strength and make things easy.

    Allah is not unjust with His believers

    68:35 Quran
    Then will We treat the Muslims like the criminals?




    Allah does not put anyone difficulties beyond their capacity.

    Do not think that your life challenge you but accept the challange and be strong and fight it for sake of Allah.

    Yes oppressors might have lived less miserable life but they might face other worst trial if Allah wills so, if they still dont change themselves nor repent to Allah.

    Quran 42:30
    And whatever strikes you of disaster - it is for what your hands have earned; but He pardons much.

    As on your 2nd post. Allah knows best your capacity. Dont think of yourself negatively. Dont belittle your good deeds. Dont listen what people including your family says about you.

    Tell your family gently that we muslims do not have rights fo judge anyone and that Allah alone has rights to judge. So we should not call each other horrible. Tell them that Allah is watching you, knows what is in their hearts whatever they conceal or keep it public. Fear Allah.


    Dont make bad duas on them but make duas that Allah open their hearts and guide them to His straight path.


    This is my opinion. Allah knows best. Please forgive me if I have offended you or anything I stil love you for sake of Allah. You are my brother. May Allah bless you and help you.

    He has never left you. Just be patient.

    JazakAllah khair
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    My life is joke...

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    Re: My life is joke...

    Jazakallah khayran brother inshallah I'm going to keep trying. May Allah reward you with the best in both worlds
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    Re: My life is joke...

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  8. #6
    xboxisdead's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: My life is joke...

    format_quote Originally Posted by Studentofdeed View Post
    I have been sick of everything. Islam talks about justice but at the same time be "kind" to your parents if they are rude and oppressive. My parents say I'm spoiled.and my father especially who calls me useless and disappointment.

    I honestly hate him. I want to make dua against him. Yet I do not because I'm trying forget so Allah will love me, yet My life is still in chaos. My father on numerous occasions accussed of lying when he knows I have health issues. When I went into septic shock and was terminally I'll, he kept telling my mother that he is fine and he is exaggerating. It was my uncle who told my mother to take me to the ER. Now again he pulled this same stunt saying I'm exaggerating despite me coughing up blood and from.my nose. Yet whenever he gets a chance he is always saying , oh I'm so worried about my son.

    He shouts at me for not knowing things despite never being there and or teaching me anything. He humiliates me in front of his friends. Then he preaches about islam. This is why I was DISGUSTED with Islam when I was young. I was drawn to christianity. Only then through my own journey, I realized Islam was the truth and my father was not a perfect muslim but a horrible human and parent.

    I already forgave him, so dont come here posting forgive and forget. I'm here asking how will I put up with him? In the store, he got angry and said I will hit you with my stick, I got angry and said go ahead. Go ahead and hit me. Il see how you hit me.
    Apparently i can not even stand up for myself or call my father out for his bad behavior? Islam cannot be narrow minded.
    Can I for the sake of my sanity cut off ties with him once I move out or should I just keep salaams.
    I do not want to support him or raise him because he never took care of me. It was my mother. He was indifferent all my life

    I realize.the Iman and few muslims I thought I could rely on, do not actually care about me or ever did. I'm a glorified errand boy and babysitter for their kids. They do not care about using me or my anxiety and depression. Or how people treat me in the mosque
    Like I said before...I am unsure if the mods will allow this post to be cleared.....but having an Allah fearing, compassionate, merciful and good father is a gift from Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa). A gift that lots of children (which are ever more now in 2020) who are ungrateful to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and they rarely pray and thank Allah for giving them a good dad that loves them and caring to them. I bet only 2% of the human population do this. Curious Studentofdeed, in your entire life since your a boy until your adulthood stage...did you ever make your father feel like a dad? Did you ever work hard to get to his heart and melt it. Remember, the mother's heart to her child is already melted by default. For fathers it takes the effort of the child to reach to the dad's heart and melt it. How good did you do that?

    Another thing I need you to look into matters Studentofdeed! While you may be upset in how your dad mistreats you...you never looked at it from the point of view of millions of voiceless fathers world wide who are loving, compassionate, caring, merciful, nurturing, supportive, etc that have been oppressed by society and laws where their own children is poisoned against their own dads. Unlike you...where we can post videos to help you through this calamities...there is nothing for these dads. You would think with such attack on fatherhood, all men on Earth would not want to be a father (honestly I am surprised they aren't! @_@) they fight to be in their children lives, they fight for their children's love, they fight for their rights, they die trying....what about in the situation where you are the son and he is your dad? Where he have higher status over you? Maybe you should ponder a little bit on this...again.......if you are able to read this post.
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  9. #7
    RisingLight's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: My life is joke...

    format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead View Post
    Like I said before...I am unsure if the mods will allow this post to be cleared.....but having an Allah fearing, compassionate, merciful and good father is a gift from Allah (Subhanu Wa Talaa). A gift that lots of children (which are ever more now in 2020) who are ungrateful to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) and they rarely pray and thank Allah for giving them a good dad that loves them and caring to them. I bet only 2% of the human population do this. Curious Studentofdeed, in your entire life since your a boy until your adulthood stage...did you ever make your father feel like a dad? Did you ever work hard to get to his heart and melt it. Remember, the mother's heart to her child is already melted by default. For fathers it takes the effort of the child to reach to the dad's heart and melt it. How good did you do that?

    Another thing I need you to look into matters Studentofdeed! While you may be upset in how your dad mistreats you...you never looked at it from the point of view of millions of voiceless fathers world wide who are loving, compassionate, caring, merciful, nurturing, supportive, etc that have been oppressed by society and laws where their own children is poisoned against their own dads. Unlike you...where we can post videos to help you through this calamities...there is nothing for these dads. You would think with such attack on fatherhood, all men on Earth would not want to be a father (honestly I am surprised they aren't! @_@) they fight to be in their children lives, they fight for their children's love, they fight for their rights, they die trying....what about in the situation where you are the son and he is your dad? Where he have higher status over you? Maybe you should ponder a little bit on this...again.......if you are able to read this post.
    So what if he has a higher status? should we love abusive parents now and lower our heads if they are spoiling our religion and life?
    Did he ever make him feel like a dad? Did he ever make him feel like a son though?
    We dont know the situation in details so we cant take sides...but i kinda believe him because i know the brother he stayed with me all nights long when nobody here cared,hes a nice brother...and also my father is the same in many of these...never made me feel like a son,never was my mentor,never was there for me etc....i guess this is how it is...good fathers with bad children and bad fathers with good children,with a few exceptions...
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    xboxisdead's Avatar Full Member
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    Re: My life is joke...

    format_quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    So what if he has a higher status? should we love abusive parents now and lower our heads if they are spoiling our religion and life?
    No! You don't have to love anybody not even your own child. This is not obligatory to be honest. So no..you don't have to love your father or shockingly your mother, but it still does not remove their status over you regardless of how they mistreat you. You still have to show kindness to them, not say OOFF to them and be respectful to them. Don't for them mate. Do it for Allah's pleasure. You honestly believe, Allah (Subhananu Wa Talaa) is going to test you on fluffy clouds and pillows!!! Think man. Think. He is going to test you through calamities. He placed a command in the Qura'an about how to treat your parents, then he put hardship on it to see if you are going to obey his command with the difficulty he put in there. Naturally is going to be easy to obey one's parent(s) if such parent(s) is perfect and never make mistake and is the parent of the year. Ponder on those words.

    format_quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    Did he ever make him feel like a dad? Did he ever make him feel like a son though?
    It is a two ways street. Father child relationship is different than mother child relationship. Mother have had nine easy month given to her through biological interaction and hormone for both child and parent to form relationship. With father he have nine month of nothing. He had nine month of going out there to work to feed you. He had nine month going out there to harm his body to lift heavy objects to make sure the mother who is keeping you safe inside her body is fed and taking care of so you are taking care of. I think the status here is more on him than on the son..and I think the son should put more effort on this way to form a bond verses the father if he doesn't know how..or he feels resentments or he feels he is just a sperm donor or human wallet or.....


    But did you notice something? How easy for you to go ahead and attack the father had it been a mother your tone of voice would have been different. You would say, "She is your mother. She birthed you. She have taken care of you. The paradise is underneath the feet of the mother. The list of goes on and on and on" But since that is a dad.."How dare he! He have no right! Etc" You see? Even when it comes to this...the treatment of one parent is different than another. So we understand, and I agree, there is no equality between father and mother on this regard, then please don't expect the father to behave like a mother and it should be instinctive just because he is a father..like a loyal dog..should treat his son with kindness and make his son feel like a son and love his son. I am sorry..but you are living in fantasy. You don't know what this man went through, how he feels and what negative thoughts have entered his mind all the time (or even whispers by the shaitaan) before he birthed a son that festered into his heart.

    Now..if I was the original OP...I would work hard for a full year...make it a project...a challenging project...to climb that hurdle of mountain to try to get into my father's heart..for ALLAH'S pleasure...and after a year if I still failed...I would rub the dust out of my shirt and smile knowing I have build this huge amount of reward in the afterlife. I would thank Allah for everything. I would not complain about my father. I would thank my father for have given me stronger personality, have made me tougher, able to handle crap, able to handle patience and improved myself from previous year even though my own father will never acknowledge...I am acknowledging it


    format_quote Originally Posted by RisingLight View Post
    We dont know the situation in details so we cant take sides...but i kinda believe him because i know the brother he stayed with me all nights long when nobody here cared,hes a nice brother...and also my father is the same in many of these...never made me feel like a son,never was my mentor,never was there for me etc....i guess this is how it is...good fathers with bad children and bad fathers with good children,with a few exceptions...
    We don't know sides but it doesn't change this...he is your father. Show kindness and respect and don't see off to him. Simple as that. Maybe this is a learning lesson for all the children out there who do have a good father not to take him for granted and to show him special kindness that melt his heart and to thank Allah for giving them good kind parents (mother and father).

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/1768...-unjust-father

    Question
    I am a young woman, thirty years old. My problem is that I hate my father vehemently and I cannot even listen to any news of him. My father transgressed against my rights and the rights of my mother and siblings. He left me when I was small, eight years old, and travelled to another city where he married another woman and forgot that he had two small daughters, me and my sister. We needed him to be with us but he did not care about that. All he cared about was himself. He left me and my mother and my sister with my married brothers, and their wives were mean to us. They created trouble and my brothers believed them. The matter went so far that my mother, my sister and I were kicked out and went to live for a while in my married sister’s house, and we went through a lot of problems. I blame my father because he did not think of us and he did not provide us with a peaceful life, and he left us to our fate, to suffer harshness and injustice. After that, we moved with my mother to the same city where my father lives. He has had children from his other wife and he did not treat us fairly. We lived in difficult circumstances and he did not spend on us; my poor mother used to sell our used clothes in order to provide food for us. We have grown up and I still do not see any care from my father. I hate him very much and he does not even deserve to be called a father. He has not provided a decent life for me and my sister, and he does not care about our future with regard to us getting married and settling down. I have become hardhearted because of the difficult circumstances I have gone through. Now he has sold a house of his and given all the money to his other wife and her children, and he did not remember us at all. I hate him very much; am I to be blamed for hating him? What is the Islamic ruling on that?
    Answer

    Praise be to Allaah.
    Firstly:

    We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to recompense you for your calamity, and to relieve you of your pain, and decree reward for you. And we ask Him, may He be exalted, to guide your father, for he has acted very badly indeed by deliberately neglecting his family whom Allah, may He be exalted, commanded him to look after and take care of, especially since those whom he neglected of his family are those who are weak. Your father has also been unjust toward your mother by not giving her her rights of maintenance and not being fair between her and his other wife. And he has been unjust in terms of giving, as he has given to his children from his other wife but not to his children from his first wife. All these things that your father has done are clearly sins and neglect of the obligations that Allah, may He be exalted, has enjoined upon him, so he deserves the warning unless he repents to his Lord, gives up this wrongdoing, establishes equal treatment of his two families, and sets straight what he has done wrong. If he does that, he will find that his Lord will accept his repentance and show mercy.

    Secondly:

    Despite all the things that your father has done, his right to kind treatment and obedience in that which is right and proper is still guaranteed, according to the shar‘i (religious) texts. If Allah, may He be exalted, has mentioned the rights of the mushrik (pagan) father – and even the one who calls his children to associate others with their Lord, may He be glorified and exalted – to kind treatment and good companionship, then the one who is less than him in terms of evildoing is more entitled to that kind treatment and good companionship. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”

    [31:15].

    Although the father deserves to be warned (of divine punishment) for his sin and neglect of shar‘i duties, disobedient children and those who do not treat their parents kindly are also warned about their actions; it is not permissible to repay mistreatment with mistreatment or wrongdoing with wrongdoing.

    Thirdly:

    Although children are not to be blamed for feelings of resentment in the heart towards the father who commits sin or is a disbeliever, that does not contradict the duty to treat him kindly and obey him in that which is right and proper. But you have to hold your tongue and refrain from speaking badly to him, and also refrain from mistreating him in practical terms.

    As the issue was caused by your father’s actions and you have gone through so much pain and hardship, we advise you to seek reward with Allah for what you have gone through. And we advise you to offer du‘aa (supplication) for your father, praying that he be guided and enabled to repent and set things right, because he is in the greatest need of the mercy and forgiveness of Allah, may He be exalted.

    See also the answer to question no. 148924.

    And Allah knows best.
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