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    Islami.mu'min's Avatar
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    Marriage. Cutting off family ties

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    Assalamu alaykum, this is a troublesome post.

    my dad is a very angry man. If nothing goes his way, even by mistake, he will scream and mentally break you down to make sure it never happens again.

    anyway, he is very serious when it comes to marriage. He doesnt care about religion but he does care about nationality (ofc dnt we hear this from dads ALL the time).. to the point where he’d rather have me marry someone who DOESNT pray and is our nationality instead of someone who DOES pray and is not part of our nationality. He said he’d slit my sister throat if she married a black man especially

    my sister and i do not like to think about marriage due to this fact. However, 2 weeks ago, my sister pulled a prank on our dad to test his reaction. She said she likes this yemini boy who is religious. After that he threw a whole fit and he made up his mind which he had always said this. He is cutting off our connection if we marry someone out of our race. And he will never welcome us back or talk to us again

    One time I was talking about how I would go to this really good sheik to ask him about anyone I could marry (people do that with him because alot of people need help to find someone to marry). My dad got so angry at me to the point where he screamed and yelled at me and sent me upstairs and wouldnt talk to me for the rest of the day. (It was just a suggestion of mine and I was kindly speaking to my mom and dad but whatever.

    Isnt this haram??? What are we supposed to do?? What if my dad never talks to us again!!?(He is NOT bluffing. He is serious)
    I don’t mind marrying someone of our nationality, but a lot of the people my dad has in mind are not religious like I would want, and they are overseas so like its very different. we wouldn’t do well together. My nationality is SUPER rare so you can never find these people in America
    Last edited by Islami.mu'min; 02-19-2020 at 01:46 PM.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Marriage. Cutting off family ties

    Walaikum Assalaam

    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    Assalamu alaykum, this is a troublesome post.

    my dad is a very angry man. If nothing goes his way, even by mistake, he will scream and mentally break you down to make sure it never happens again.

    anyway, he is very serious when it comes to marriage. He doesnt care about religion but he does care about nationality (ofc dnt we hear this from dads ALL the time).. to the point where he’d rather have me marry someone who DOESNT pray and is our nationality instead of someone who DOES pray and is not part of our nationality. He said he’d slit my sister throat if she married a black man especially

    my sister and i do not like to think about marriage due to this fact. However, 2 weeks ago, my sister pulled a prank on our dad to test his reaction. She said she likes this yemini boy who is religious. After that he threw a whole fit and he made up his mind which he had always said this. He is cutting off our connection if we marry someone out of our race. And he will never welcome us back or talk to us again

    One time I was talking about how I would go to this really good sheik to ask him about anyone I could marry (people do that with him because alot of people need help to find someone to marry). My dad got so angry at me to the point where he screamed and yelled at me and sent me upstairs and wouldnt talk to me for the rest of the day. (It was just a suggestion of mine and I was kindly speaking to my mom and dad but whatever.

    Isnt this haram??? What are we supposed to do?? What if my dad never talks to us again!!?(He is NOT bluffing. He is serious)
    I don’t mind marrying someone of our nationality, but a lot of the people my dad has in mind are not religious like I would want, and they are overseas so like its very different. we wouldn’t do well together. My nationality is SUPER rare so you can never find these people in America
    You shouldn't joke around like that about marriage, especially when you know it will aggravate your father. Telling your father you would have someone else find you a husband is very disrespectful and insulting. You're basically insinuating that your father is not fit for marrying you off and you'd rather a stranger do it.

    Instead you should continue to talk to him about it in seriousness, and let your mother talk to him on your behalf so that he may become more open with time. If he doesn't then he doesn't, but at least you've tried. If you are serious about marrying someone who is religious, then you yourself have to be worthy of that person by being pious as well. Your dad may be able to better understand the type of person that is suitable for you by the qualities he sees in you. If he knows there are qualities you will absolutely not accept in a person, then I would assume he would take that into consideration. However if you are acting childish, then I don't think he even sees you suitable or mature for marriage right now anyways.

    In regards to marrying someone of the same nationality, it is just as wrong for you to be prejudice against your own people just as your dad is prejudice against others. You're already saying you won't do well with someone who is overseas without really knowing or meeting with any potential suitors. You have to remember that the world we live in now has changed drastically over the last 20 years. It's not uncommon to find someone from our own countries who are suitable for marriage, are religious, speak English, have good profession, and who can take care of you.

    You will always have a right to choose the person who you want to marry, but always remember that there's a correct way and a wrong way to do things.
    Last edited by *charisma*; 02-20-2020 at 12:11 AM.
    | Likes xboxisdead, Islami.mu'min, Alpha Dude liked this post
    Marriage. Cutting off family ties

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Islami.mu'min's Avatar
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    Re: Marriage. Cutting off family ties

    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Walaikum Assalaam



    You shouldn't joke around like that about marriage, especially when you know it will aggravate your father. Telling your father you would have someone else find you a husband is very disrespectful and insulting. You're basically insinuating that your father is not fit for marrying you off and you'd rather a stranger do it.

    Instead you should continue to talk to him about it in seriousness, and let your mother talk to him on your behalf so that he may become more open with time. If he doesn't then he doesn't, but at least you've tried. If you are serious about marrying someone who is religious, then you yourself have to be worthy of that person by being pious as well. Your dad may be able to better understand the type of person that is suitable for you by the qualities he sees in you. If he knows there are qualities you will absolutely not accept in a person, then I would assume he would take that into consideration. However if you are acting childish, then I don't think he even sees you suitable or mature for marriage right now anyways.

    In regards to marrying someone of the same nationality, it is just as wrong for you to be prejudice against your own people just as your dad is prejudice against others. You're already saying you won't do well with someone who is overseas without really knowing or meeting with any potential suitors. You have to remember that the world we live in now has changed drastically over the last 20 years. It's not uncommon to find someone from our own countries who are suitable for marriage, are religious, speak English, have good profession, and who can take care of you.

    You will always have a right to choose the person who you want to marry, but always remember that there's a correct way and a wrong way to do things.
    Ok thank you, I will take this into consideration


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