Would you pray for someone to get him as a spouse if you haven't met him??

**immuslimah** · 05-07-2020

Assalamu Alaikum

I am in a dilemma. I need your advice. I have an affection towards a man whom I haven't ever met and haven't ever seen. I am so much attracted towards him. I found him on one of the apps just like this. I read his posts and since then I am feeling so much attraction towards him.
At first, I thought this is all wrong and it would affect my relationship with Allah, so I tried to control my feelings. But when I couldn't, I prayed to Allah to either make this love pure or remove this attraction.
I began to think that I am committing shirk by loving him so much and that I am listening to my nafs. I then prayed to Allah and remained patient, and few days ago, that man posted something which made me so humble in front of Allah. I began to feel humbleness in my prayers and I felt so close to Allah. And I thought that Allah has given me humbleness through this man. Of course, the man was just medium, it was Allah who has gifted this humbleness. And I was very grateful to Allah for that.
But in the morning,I watched a video in which a lady (I don't know if she was really a scholar or no) said that there is no love before nikah.
And from then I began to think that Allah is not happy with. And now I feel so far away from Allah. When I accepted that man as a gift from Allah, I felt so close to Allah. But when I think that this is wrong and Allah is not happy, I feel so far away from Him.
I even prayed that Allah unite us in this dunya or if not here, then in Jannah, InshaAllah.
So please tell me , is this kind of love true. Love for the sake of Allah and for being closer to Him. ?
Or are these my desires?
Note that there isn't any physical desire.
I desparately need help..

**Studentofdeed** · 05-12-2020

Sister please understand that no one is perfect. Because you are young you haven't experienced the harsh and bitter reality. No one cares about anyone but Allah. When I was young I was stupid enough to think about love and wanting to marry and fall in love. It's all fake and lies. Every love will hurt and betray you. Only Allah will never hurt or betray you. You are still young and can not make mistakes as many youth who do. This love thing is lie and waste. Trust Allah and save yourself pain. I promise if it really was good for you, Allah would give it to you yourself. Trust Allah. Be a better Muslim and worship him. Inshallah you will get a good husband but for now this thing is not worth it. Please abandon this before it destroys you

**Studentofdeed** · 05-12-2020

On the day of judgement everyone. Even those who claimed to love each other will run away saying me me and me. Only our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW will say my people. Love the one who cried for us and our God who gave us blessings and life. Never love the creations. Its all lies

**Hamza Asadullah** · 05-12-2020

Assalamu Alaikum,

My dear sister the only solution for you is that you avoid those places and avenue's which could allow you to and cause you to feel this way. Which means that you should avoid these platforms and social media interaction. Surely this is not benefiting you but making you feel in ways that you know are not right.

True love is that which Allah puts into two souls for when they commit to one another in Nikah in which Allah joins two souls in holy matrimony. However as stated to you previously what you feel is clearly an irrational obsession and infatuation which is not healthy nor good for you.

So therefore you must avoid those places in which you may come across certain individuals that may make you feel this way. There is no other solution but that. Otherwise you may continue falling deeper into this unhealthy obsession and infatuation and continue to feel hurt and upset.

**immuslimah** · 05-13-2020

I think I am not able to explain it.

I have prayed to Allah to stop this infatuation, till now it hasn't stopped. I am not complaining that Allah isn't answering. Either Allah is giving me a hint that He will give me this man and this love won't hurt me or it's just that I have to be patient till the dua gets answered.?Do I sound like lovesick?
I will definitely leave that platform.
Please read this carefully and suggest something .?

**Hamza Asadullah** · 05-13-2020

Originally Posted by immuslimah

I think I am not able to explain it.

I have prayed to Allah to stop this infatuation, till now it hasn't stopped. I am not complaining that Allah isn't answering. Either Allah is giving me a hint that He will give me this man and this love won't hurt me or it's just that I have to be patient till the dua gets answered.?Do I sound like lovesick?
I will definitely leave that platform.
Please read this carefully and suggest something .?

My dear sister if you are at the age and ready for marriage and looking for possible suitors then it is understandable that you would desire a partner who you deem as having the characteristics you are looking for and so you would then approach this person through your Mahram.

However if this is not the position you are in at present and also you know nothing about this person or their situation or circumstances nor do you know anything about their character etc then surely these are merely irrational thoughts and feelings of attraction that have developed into an obsession and infatuation. As I've already mentioned my sister this is doing you no good. In fact you are descending deeper into this obsession.

So you must remove yourself from such a situation where you may come across this person's posts etc until the point at which you have realised these are merely irrational thoughts. Until then take time out and clear your head. Make the best use of these blessed last few days and nights to ponder and develop your connection with Allah first and foremost.

I am sure this is a natural part of your emotional development especially as you are going through your teenage years and you are finding yourself and who you are as a person. However know that these obsessions and infatuations much like how a fan of a celebrity gets obsessed with everything they do and say, is very detrimental and could make you further descend deeper into this obsession which can take you off the right path and into another path of which shaythan awaits. Remember when Iblis said to Allah that he will wait for the believers on the right path and so he will try every trick in his book to try and make us go off the right path and most of the time these tricks related to the opposite gender.

I hope I've made myself clear to you. Please do not get disillusioned or upset with yourself as it's not your fault as these are natural feelings at your age as part of your emotional development but you must take yourself out if this situation and take time out until you've come through realisation that these are merely irrational thoughts and feelings.

**immuslimah** · 05-13-2020

Thank you so much. You have helped me a lot.
I will surely reflect over his mistakes and try to hate him or let's just say dislike him

May Allah reward you all with good. Ameen ,ameen summa ameen.

**immuslimah** · 05-19-2020

I am really sorry to disturb you all again. I know I am irritating. I am trying so hard to stop those feelings but unable to. I have been begging Allah to stop this, but it's not stopping. I know I have to be patient. And I remain patient but those thoughts always overtake me and I lose my concentration in prayers too. Then I begin to think that I am not doing anything to olease Allah. No matter how much I try to be concentrated, I always fall down. I am avoiding him so much, but this obsession isn't stopping. Now, I hate myself for being obsessed with someone so much that it's driving me insane and taking me far from Allah. Please don't give the precautions I should take. I already know that I have to avoid him.(and I m doing so).
I have no one with whom I can share my problems except Allah. But i feel that Allah is so angry at me. I have no support.I feel so alone.
I need some answers from both brother's and sister's perspectives. Like if you ever get into this situation,how will you handle it?

**Studentofdeed** · 05-19-2020

What helped me sister was realizing this person is not perfect. They have their own secrets and sins. Do not hate yourself as you are young and its okay. Young people develop this fascination. I remember when I was young and 5 years old I had a crush on my teacher. It happens so do not be upset at yourself. Now what helps me if I ever develop feelings is knowing that person will never be sincere or good to me as Allah. That person will not care or love me as Allah. Sometimes I get lonely but then realize harem relationships are literally a waste of time. No point and its haram. How many people throw away their lives? Inshallah Allah will give you a good husband and he will be righteous. Be patient and be good Muslimah. This quarantine is making everyone including me crazy. So I belive it is the feeling of isolation. Is there a masjid in your area where you can friends? Otherwise there are many nice sisters here who would love to be your friend

**immuslimah** · 05-19-2020

Yes, I do know that no one is perfect. And of course he isn't perfect too. He makes mistakes. And even if i observe them, i am ready to accept him. What should one do in this situation when she is ready to accept the person with his mistakes,with his past

**Studentofdeed** · 05-19-2020

Here is very tough to think about it. It is depressing way but its true and helps me. Lets say someone gets married to a girl. He loves her and has children. The guy passes away and the girl gets sad and misses him maybe for month or two. Then she will get married to another guy and will forget about their first husband. She will tell I love you to the new guy. She will not even remember the first. The kids will call the new guy father! So you can love someone but they will never pay you back the same sincerity. People you love will forget about you. Only Allah will remember you in the grave. People will never be sincere as God. This is what helps me. Even in the day of judgment this person will run away from you saying NAfsi nafsi which means me! Only me! That same person you love so much you end up sort of worshiping and that same person who you worship will be an enemy to you on day of judgment and say I dissociate from your act of worship. No one will EVER be loyal or sincere. I know this is depressing but it is what helps me. At the right time, pious person will marry you inshallah and treat you well but this sort of love is nothing but pain and misery
I really hope this helped you

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Here is very tough to think about it. It is depressing way but its true and helps me. Lets say someone gets married to a girl. He loves her and has children. The guy passes away and the girl gets sad and misses him maybe for month or two. Then she will get married to another guy and will forget about their first husband. She will tell I love you to the new guy. She will not even remember the first. The kids will call the new guy father! So you can love someone but they will never pay you back the same sincerity. People you love will forget about you. Only Allah will remember you in the grave. People will never be sincere as God. This is what helps me. Even in the day of judgment this person will run away from you saying NAfsi nafsi which means me! Only me! That same person you love so much you end up sort of worshiping and that same person who you worship will be an enemy to you on day of judgment and say I dissociate from your act of worship. No one will EVER be loyal or sincere. I know this is depressing but it is what helps me. At the right time, pious person will marry you inshallah and treat you well but this sort of love is nothing but pain and misery
I really hope this helped you

**Studentofdeed** · 05-20-2020

ANother way to think about it is Allah is the creator. He is a creator of that person too. If he wanted he could move mountains just to get you married to that person. But if that person was good for you or right. Maybe ALlah has a BETTER guy for you?

. Allah is the creator and this is a test. SO please sister do not overthink and try to be good muslimah. You are a good muslim and better than most because most sisters do not even care what Allah thinks. All they think about is drugs and messing around with boys. Allah is the last thing on their minds. But you are not them. So focus on God and trust him. This is an advice for me too which I need to do. You are a good muslim and Allah loves you.

**immuslimah** · 05-20-2020

Thank you so much brother. This will help me Inshallah. It's just that right now, I have lost my conscience and am not able to identify what's right and what's wrong. But Inshallah, I'll be patient and try to stop this thing.