A friend of mine is facing the following dilemma:
She has a friend who proposed to her for marriage. But she hails from a sunni family while he is a shia. Dont know whether they are staunch, but in her society the divide between the two groups is wide.
She is getting old, and worries for hr marriage, and she doesn't know whethe she should accept it or not.. Bcuz it might be hr only chance at marriage.
A Specific Case of Sunni-Shi'a Marriage
If it is true that he does not hold any beliefs that constitute disbelief (kufr), which include (and is not limited to) believing that the Qur'an was altered, accusing Sayyida A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) of committing adultery, denying the Companionship (suhba) of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him), and the other things you have mentioned in your question, then technically your marriage with him will be 'valid', meaning that the marriage contract will be recognized in Sunni law, and you will not be guilty of living in a unlawful relationship. However, if he does hold beliefs that constitute Kufr, then the marriage will not be considered valid; hence, even if you were to marry him, you will be considered living in an illicit unlawful (haram) relationship. This was explained in detail in a previous answer posted on our website titled: 'Marriage with a Shi'a'. The Sunni position on marrying a member of the Shi'a community who does not hold beliefs that constitute Kufr is that even though the marriage may 'technically' be valid, it is still best avoided due to the many stances of Shi'as being considered as deviation by Sunni Muslims. The gravity or otherwise of taking this step also depends on the exact nature of beliefs held by the person in question. You state that the brother whom you wish to marry believes that 'Hazrat Ali should have been the first caliph' but 'he has never shown any disrespect for the other three Caliphs or Sahaba'. This is very significant. If you can be fully assured and convinced of the fact that he has the utmost of respect and regard for all the Companions (Allah be pleased with them all), and that he considers the other three Caliphs to have a higher status than Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) in the order of: 1) Abu Bakr, 2) Umar, 3) Uthman, 4) Ali (Allah be pleased with them all), then I believe you may marry him. In other words, the only differences between him and Sunni Muslims are the following: 1) Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) should have been the first Caliph of the Muslims, but this does not mean any of the other Companions (sahaba) were guilty of any wrongdoing, rather they are all forgiven by Allah, and Allah is pleased with all of them and they are all pleased with Allah. They are the highest of people after the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace), and the highest in Maqam is Abu Bakr, then Umar, then Uthman and then Ali (Allah be pleased with them all). 2) He attends lectures on the topic of the martyrdom of Sayyiduna Husayn (Allah be pleased with him) in the month of Muharram, but does not believe in self beating, etc. Other than the above two things, if there are no issues, then you may go ahead and marry him, but it will still be somewhat disliked to do so. The reason for this is that according to the beliefs of Sunni Muslims, one who believes that Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) was the worthy first Caliph is also misguided. (See: Al-Aqida al-Tahawiyya with its commentaries) As such, marriage should be avoided in normal situations and whenever possible. Another aspect worth considering is whether you will be free to practise Islam as a Sunni, and whether your children will also have a chance to be Sunni Muslims. And Allah knows best...
The first thing you must do is remind this Sister that everything is in the Hands of Allah. We should not rush to marriage stead-fast, but rather be patient. This way, she can have more time to think about the decisions she will be making and not feel pressured into something she may regret. Tell her patience is key, and to think of all the options first. Do not rush marriage if she sees red flags, feels uncomfortable, or doesn't want to get married. Find out her honest feelings. If she is okay with this marriage, it's time to ask the families what they think. Get the mahrams and wali involved right away to talk about the marriage, but also about the Sunni/Shia difference in their culture. Tell her this may not be her only chance to get married. Only Allah knows our future for certain. Let this sister know she can marry but she should discuss the clear theological and familial differences beforehand.
The 2 of them should discuss a variety of questions pertaining to Islam and how they would like to raise their children. Some questions include:
Do you believe Abu Bakr(ra), Umar(ra), and Uthman(ra) are all kuffar/hypocrites who are going to hellfire?
Do you believe 12 infallible imams who have control over the atoms of the universe that have Ilm ul Ghayb?
How do you practice Islam differently than Sunni/Shia Muslims?
At the end, let her know to raise the kids on the truth. Teaching them and letting them decide for themselves. Be a muslim and raise your kids as muslim. Allah is one and we all follow the same messenger (Peace Be Upon Him). There is no need to promote the sectarian.
A friend of mine is facing the following dilemma:
She has a friend who proposed to her for marriage. But she hails from a sunni family while he is a shia. Dont know whether they are staunch, but in her society the divide between the two groups is wide.
She is getting old, and worries for hr marriage, and she doesn't know whethe she should accept it or not.. Bcuz it might be hr only chance at marriage.
Asalaamualaykum:
There are many types of people who label themselves Shia but differ in beliefs within themselves.
Without knowing his beliefs, it would be unfair for anyone to advise in favour or against this issue.
She said, she asked him and he mentioned that he doesn't disrespect them, but said that those companions did not give him a pen or a paper on the his (saww) death bed, i don't know whether the hadees is true or not. does any one of u have any idea
Yeah. Why add more when it comes to sect nd beliefs.. I personally believe religious difference should not be taken lightly because ppl esp Muslims are emotional when it comes tk their beliefs
A friend of mine is facing the following dilemma:
She has a friend who proposed to her for marriage. But she hails from a sunni family while he is a shia. Dont know whether they are staunch, but in her society the divide between the two groups is wide.
She is getting old, and worries for hr marriage, and she doesn't know whethe she should accept it or not.. Bcuz it might be hr only chance at marriage.
The divide between Sunni and Shia is not limited to a particular society, nor is it a matter of emotions. It is a matter of fundamental differences to the extent that some of the Shi'a have invented a religion completely different to Islam, holding beliefs that differ from the general assembly of Muslims. They defame the Qur'an, view their Imams as being better than Prophets and impute disbelief to the Companions of the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم , amongst other things. It is a very serious issue that should not be taken lightly.
Even in the case that the person is not a staunch Shi’a, there are still a number of issues to consider, such as whether the sister will have the freedom to continue being a Sunni Muslim, as with the children. If the husband doesn’t intervene, that is not to say his family won’t.
إن شاء الله Allah سبحانه وتعالى will bless your friend with someone who is better for her deen and dunya. May Allah grant her patience and the best spouse for her, Ameen.
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