Im confused about a few things

format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abdullah

Wa-Alaikum Assalam Wa-Rahmatullahi Wa-Barakatuhu,

It is okay to ask such questions because sometime the answers may help not only you but many others.

The answer to your first question lies in the following verse:


Remember this life is a test and Allah test different people with different things. Allah tests some people with poverty, others with emotional distress, others with illness, and yet others with prosperity and fame. How come prosperity is a test? When things are going well, we tend to forget about Allah and the Hereafter, and death, and as a result we may lose the most precious thing to a believer – eemaan (faith) .

Overall, life is test for rich people to see how they spent their money and do they take care of poor and needy people around them. It is test for poor people to see if they can still hold on to their belief in Allah. Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "The poor will enter Jannah five hundred years before the rich."
[At-Tirmidhi, who classified it as Hadith Sahih].

وعن أبي هريرة، رضي الله عنه، قال‏:‏ قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم‏:‏ ‏ "‏ يدخل الفقراء الجنة قبل الأغنياء بخمسمائة عام‏"‏ ‏(‏‏(‏رواه الترمذي وقال‏:‏ جديث صحيح‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏
Reference: Riyad as-Salihin 487
In-book reference: Introduction, Hadith 486
English translation: Book 1, Hadith 486

Scholars say that rich people who will enter paradise will be delayed because they will have to give an account of their wealth and blessings which will take longer compared to poor people who were not blessed with much in the worldly life.

In Islam, there are two main categories of qadr that we must understand, which are qadr of mubram and qadr of mu’allaq. Qadr of mubram means provisions that have been decided and cannot be avoided or change. This qadr is already determined or decided and it must occur or happen, which cannot be changed again, and Muslims must accept it sincerely. Qadr if Mu’allaq means provisions that are hung or linked. It is a type of qadr in Islam that also means provisions of Allah SWT which is still possible to change by effort, hard work, prayer, and human resignation.
Let me explain with some examples:

• Born: When living creatures including human beings born in this world, we cannot change when and how we are born in this world. One can't put an effort to be born in a rich or poor family etc. (mubram)

• Death: Living creatures live and die almost every day. As Muslims we must already know that a death cannot be changed, we cannot avoid it. When our time comes and Allah had determined us to be dead, there is no one who can escape it. (mubram)

• Gender: We cannot change our gender no matter how hard we try. Even there are several people who are trying to change their gender by plastic surgery and so forth. The outcome will be no different, those people will never achieve any gender that they want since there is a special ability for each gender that cannot be swapped away. (mubram)

• Judgment day: Allah SWT had determined when the judgment day will come. As a good Muslim, we only could believe in Him and cannot perform anything to change that provision. (mubram)

• Property: If now we are poor, we can change it by working or doing anything to get money. There are a lot of opportunities for us to change that provision as long as we put an effort toward it. (mu’allaq)

• Career opportunities to move up the ladder: If we want to achieve a better career opportunity, we can perform best in our work in order to get the promotion. (mu’allaq)

• Health: Some sickness, illness or disease can be avoided. But, if you are a dirty person, it will give you more chance to be contaminated by a virus or bacteria. So, prevent ourselves from getting sick by performing sport or exercises is also the types of qadr in Islam. (mu’allaq)
• Knowledge: A Muslim who wants to be able to read Al-Qur’an will never get what he/she wants if he/she does not try to practice reading Al-Qur’an. (mu’allaq)

• A partner or mate is also the types of qadr in Islam. No matter how much effort you put to find your mate or partner if Allah does not give you permission to be married yet then you would not be getting married. A mate is also a form of qadr of mubram.

I hope this helps you to understand what you can change with your effort and dua and what you can't change.
Now your provisions has been written down which is clear from Quran ( see verses 2: 36 & 67:15) for reference.

But we also know that hadith mentions that Allah increase the provisions and life for those who keep ties of kinship.These don't contradict that Allah has already written our provisions. Allah already knew that you will be keeping ties of kinship with your close relatives and it is because of that knowledge, Allah has already determined that your provisions will increase. Let me give an example ( and this may be true for many people). When I started my job, I was single and was barely making anything ($10-15/hour). I started sending money back home, within few months, I was able to make $20-25/hour. I got married, and my Rizk increased. Allah blessed me with kids and Alhamdulliah, I have always been generous in spending money on my parents, siblings, kids and wife, in laws etc. And alhamdulliah I now make, 4-5 times more. I am not a smart person and I know that all of this is because Allah has increased by provisions because I have been good to my relatives. This is nothing to boast about. I just think, it would help you to understand the concept.

As I mentioned above that partner and mate is also part of your destiny which is not entirely in your control. You will get married only when it is written for you and you will end up marrying only with one Allah has already written for you. But this does not mean that you should not put an effort to find your partner. You should definitely look around in your community or make a profile online and start the process. Do istikhara and keep asking Allah to help you find the right partner. When time is right, things will happen automatically.

You said gender cannot be swapped and there is special ability of a gender that the other cannot take. But women are working hard to take over the role of the opposite gender and some even excel in what was specific a gender role, science, strength, logic, etc. Doesn't that mean that gender can be swapped if women can become men and excel in men fields and excel in what men can do and be even superior over men doesn't that proof that gender role can be swapped and a woman can be a man and vice versa? I mean it is women (not men) are working hard to proof that yes, gender role can be swapped. What do you have to say to that? Because right now women have taught me that women can do everything a man can do and better. So doesn't that mean that gender can be changed by human beings?

That doesn't make sense. On the one hand u say that getting married is mubariq but on the other hand u say we need to put effort into it?
Death will hunt us down no mater where we are.. Whether we are on top of the worlds most dangerous cliff or hiding in the safest place on earth. Death is inevitable and u cant pray to Allah to give u immortality

When it comes to a partner or a spouse it is changeable. If u pray enough.. I like the idea that wayfarer 9 coined. We need to convince Allah through dua.

but it does make sense. I have seen men and women both pray constantly to get mrried, but even at 40s/50s they are unmarried

format_quote Originally Posted by xboxisdead

You said gender cannot be swapped and there is special ability of a gender that the other cannot take. But women are working hard to take over the role of the opposite gender and some even excel in what was specific a gender role, science, strength, logic, etc. Doesn't that mean that gender can be swapped if women can become men and excel in men fields and excel in what men can do and be even superior over men doesn't that proof that gender role can be swapped and a woman can be a man and vice versa? I mean it is women (not men) are working hard to proof that yes, gender role can be swapped. What do you have to say to that? Because right now women have taught me that women can do everything a man can do and better. So doesn't that mean that gender can be changed by human beings?

you are talking about changes to the outher shell. a woman may look and act like a man...she may excel in some male roles better than males...but inside she will remain a woman.

I never heard that we came so far to let a female body produce Y chromosomes...or even produces sperm cells for reproduction purposes with another female.

Gender can be changed. Sex remains constant. Last year there was a news circulating the internet that a man had given birth, and even breast fed the child. Later it was found out, that originally the man was actually a woman who had undergone the procedure to change her gender. But wht God created, cannot be changed.not matter how much you try to mess with His creation. The woman changed her gender. literally looked like a man. but still gave birth. something only women do.

format_quote Originally Posted by wayfarer91

I made dua recently for a job i was eligible and I had also worked in the firm before, but the postal company didnot deliver my documents on time and I lost a really good job. So I am also confused about the concept of Dua. But I believe we have to convince Allah to grant you something, but I don't know how to Convince HIM

Don’t worry about it sister.Something similar to that happened to me.I have waited for years to get the papers to leave my country and be able to live independently to practice Islam.Well it took me 8 years in total and the paper process more than 4 years what for others takes 3-6 months.There would always be some silly stuff that would postpone it,post delivery,grammatical error,misstypes etc.And then when I finally moved it was coronavirus time,the worst time to move to a new country.I thought of leaving Islam because I was almost convinced Allah didn’t love me and didn’t want me.Logically everything should have gone perfect right,because I was asking for the basic things. But things changed,in a very short time,and now I live independent and practice freerly.My life is not perfect ofc,it’s a heavy burden and I have to sacrifice a lot,but compared to what it was,trust me,8 years of waiting are worth it.
I wont bore you more with details.What I want to say is don’t worry about it.It has happened for a reason,you will either notice it here or in akhirah,but you will notice it one day.Sometimes its better not to “”convince” Allah to accept our duaa in this dunya,because He knows better.Its better to just ask for the best and trust His plan.
Apologies for the long reply.

format_quote Originally Posted by 'Abdullah

But we also know that hadith mentions that Allah increase the provisions and life for those who keep ties of kinship.

Ma shaa Allah. It is really good reply I have completely understood it,especially the types of qadr and the marriage thing.JazakhAllahu Khair for giving a long reply in details too.
It’s a bit sad that one has to keep ties of kinship to have his provision increased.In my case for example I wasn’t close to my relatives and especially now that I am muslim and I live far there is nothing that connects me to them.Elhamdulillah anyway,thanks again brother for the clarification.

By Convince i mean we have to keep asking, until Allah says okay fine. I don't know how to explain it.
Perhaps you are right, things happen for a reason, but then what about the Kashmiris who have been struggling for 70 yrs to gain independence from india.

format_quote Originally Posted by wayfarer91

Perhaps you are right, things happen for a reason, but then what about the Kashmiris who have been struggling for 70 yrs to gain independence from india.

أَمْ حَسِبْتُمْ أَن تَدْخُلُواْ ٱلْجَنَّةَ وَلَمَّا يَأْتِكُم مَّثَلُ ٱلَّذِينَ خَلَوْاْ مِن قَبْلِكُم ۖ مَّسَّتْهُمُ ٱلْبَأْسَآءُ وَٱلضَّرَّآءُ وَزُلْزِلُواْ حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ ٱلرَّسُولُ وَٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ مَعَهُۥ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَآ إِنَّ نَصْرَ ٱللَّهِ قَرِيبٌ

Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, "When is the help of Allah?" Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near.

(Al Baqarah 2:214)

This is what I mean, we cannot even complain, just rely on God, when everything is already written, why make dua in the first place, you can't delay death by praying, what is to come will come.

but it has already been written in the preserved tablet... thats the thing. It is already written, we are thought to believe that it was dua that changed your qadr, but in reality, it was already meant to be, and God just made "dua"and excuse for us.

Whether it makes a difference or not, dua in and of itself is an act of reliance upon Allah. Thinking along the lines of "everything is written and there is nothing that can change that" is basically saying Allah is limited in what He can do. Whatever struggles come your way, continue to pray and make dua and don't let whatever happens sway your faith. Death is a certainty and everything good or bad that's happened will not matter at that point. The only thing that will matter is the path that you lived in accordance to Islam, whatever your situation was, and whether you called upon Allah for guidance or whether you gave up on Him.

Oh sweetie. I get where you are coming from. Be sure Allah can do everything. Keep making dua, he will make things happen.. Dont lose hope

One thing which we need to understand is that making dua itself is part of Qadr. Allah has already decreed that when so and so will make such and such dua, xyz evil will be removed from his/her Qadr. I hope that is simple enough to understand.

Agreed brother, but not all duas are answered in the way we want to.
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I guess it is about our faith, If we are cent percent sure Allah will give you it, Allah will do so,