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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

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    salam alaikum wa rahmetullah

    I hope this message finds you well.I made sure this post wouldnt be influenced by my emotions.First of all im not doubting islam,i just dont understand.

    I have had a very hard life trying to practice islam in secret for years.When even my family was making my life miserable Allah blessed me and sent me this person who has been with me during my worst moments.She has been the closest person to me,closer than family.I would have really wanted to marry her,as the calms my heart like nobody else.We havent had physical contact,we havent even touched.Because she respects my religion and my choices.She even encourages me to be a better muslim,she would congratulate me if i donated,she would ask me if i prayed,she would like me to grow my beard,she would see islamic videos with me the whole night,and even hear Quran with me,she would be angry if i lied,or if i did some other sin,and she was the cause that i stopped doings sins i couldnt stop doing myself,etc.She has made me a better person and a better muslim.

    I just read the post about characteristics of a good person.She has them all,really,and she is even a virgin.Image a beautiful european girl,who everybody hits of her,wants to stay chase.How rare it is to find such a person,when the muslim girls here are,uf,dont even let me get started.They smoke and go out with guys and do all kinds of bad stuff.But the problem is she is atheist.She grew up as atheist,she likes Islam a lot,and says if she has a religion she would be muslim.Yet she doesnt believe in God,that is the problem,even her doesnt know why she doesnt believe despite trying.

    I have decided to keep distance from her because i was falling in love with her everyday more and i was getting hurt because i knew we couldnt marry.I have broken her heart and my heart and i feel terrible.But i have to do it cuz in islam its not allowed to marry an atheist.This is what i dont understand.Why wouldnt it be allowed to marry a person like this,who only helps me and encourages me to be a better muslim,and wouldnt mind if her children are muslims.Would it be better to marry one of the muslims here,who smoke and go out with boys,who dont even always pray? I dont get it,its clear the first one would educate my children better

    And what makes me better than this girl? I have been so ashamed from her sometimes.I lie a lot and do bad things,while she never lies,i swear i have never seen her say a lie,and only does good things.Why doesnt Allah guides her heart towards islam?

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    keiv's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story



    What makes you better? The fact that you believe in Allah and his messengers. Brother, it's good that she has a good character, but keep in mind, at the end of the day, she rejects Allah's existence completely. Also, she is not perfect, I promise you that. Don't put yourself down by saying things like that. If you want to compare yourself to someone, use practicing Muslims as your standard, not someone who denies Islam. Read about the companions.

    I don't understand your second question. Why good Atheists can't be Muslim? Well they can become Muslim, but being good in and of itself does not make someone a Muslim. I can't seem to make sense how she can like Islam but reject Islam's Creator? And do you honestly think she would be a good educator to your kids? You teach your kids about Allah and she would teach them He doesn't exist? How can that be a good thing? I commend you for distancing yourself from her. Not very many men would have the self control to do such a thing. If anything, I would explain to her your position and reasoning for your actions. If she likes Islam as much as she claims she does, she will understand.

    One final thing. Does she see you the same way you see her? Or are you "like a brother" to her?
    Last edited by keiv; 2 Weeks Ago at 10:54 PM.
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    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Should the brother be applying the "Prevention is better than cure" Rule here?

    Unless the woman reverts, there's no way the nikkah would be valid anyway.

    I believe good people exist in this world, even when we don't discriminate on their religious status. I have met many people where you just know their heart in terms of 'humanity' is in the right place and they have so much to give. They have high morals and values and you can be comfortable around them for sure.

    Keep your distance bro and limit yourself. Control your lust and heart.
    Maybe this is the limit to your interactions with this woman. The barrier is there from the outset. You need to both establish where you stand in this regard and establish your limits. Is it a work colleague who you see everyday??

    Rather be safe than sorry... Eh?

    It's 02:44am UK time and I can't sleep!

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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Why dont you just ask her to convert and then marry you?

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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by keiv View Post


    What makes you better? The fact that you believe in Allah and his messengers. Brother, it's good that she has a good character, but keep in mind, at the end of the day, she rejects Allah's existence completely. Also, she is not perfect, I promise you that. Don't put yourself down by saying things like that. If you want to compare yourself to someone, use practicing Muslims as your standard, not someone who denies Islam. Read about the companions.

    I don't understand your second question. Why good Atheists can't be Muslim? Well they can become Muslim, but being good in and of itself does not make someone a Muslim. I can't seem to make sense how she can like Islam but reject Islam's Creator? And do you honestly think she would be a good educator to your kids? You teach your kids about Allah and she would teach them He doesn't exist? How can that be a good thing? I commend you for distancing yourself from her. Not very many men would have the self control to do such a thing. If anything, I would explain to her your position and reasoning for your actions. If she likes Islam as much as she claims she does, she will understand.

    One final thing. Does she see you the same way you see her? Or are you "like a brother" to her?
    Its not that she rejects it completely.She is in doubt,she doesnt accept the idea of evolution completely too.Just says its uknown,she needs more ''proof''.Its not the typical atheist thats for sure.Idk,maybe its my bad dawah,i was never good at making dawah.

    What i mean is,i am a bad person,and before islam i was worst,yet Allah guided me,and He keeps guiding me.Why doesnt Allah guide these people too? They are good people.If they were muslims theyd be better than me.
    Tbh brother,compared to the majority of muslim girls i see here,i think she would be a good educator.I dont wanna speak ill again,but they smoke and dance and do out with guys and all sort of things,some even zinnah.Ofc there are exception but they are very rare,and would not want a 'foreigner'.They can never grow good practicing muslims with jahiliyah mindset.

    not like a brother,she loves me.I love her too tbh,she has helped me so much that she has warmed up my heart...if only it was allowed to marry her..

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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    Should the brother be applying the "Prevention is better than cure" Rule here?

    Unless the woman reverts, there's no way the nikkah would be valid anyway.

    I believe good people exist in this world, even when we don't discriminate on their religious status. I have met many people where you just know their heart in terms of 'humanity' is in the right place and they have so much to give. They have high morals and values and you can be comfortable around them for sure.

    Keep your distance bro and limit yourself. Control your lust and heart.
    Yes you understand what i mean,but i dont understand why such good people arent guided,or why we cant marry them if they have high morals and values?.I am not doubting islam or anything,i just want to understand what makes us 'better',or different.

    Its not about lust at all,i dont look at her that way.

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    Imraan's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by Revert alYunani View Post
    Yes you understand what i mean,but i dont understand why such good people arent guided,or why we cant marry them if they have high morals and values?.I am not doubting islam or anything,i just want to understand what makes us 'better',or different.

    Its not about lust at all,i dont look at her that way.
    You may not look at her like that now... Who knows what is around the corner? That's why I suggested you take your preventative steps.... That's if you haven't developed your 'emotional intelligence skill'

    Hmm not sure if any hadeeth exist to assist you.

    I've read that a Muslim man can marry a non Muslim woman providing she is Christian or a jew. The emphasis here is that as long as she follows one of the heavenly faiths or abrahamic faiths as some might say, a religion that adopts the heaven and hell concept. The Muslim man is also instructed to let his non Muslim wife follow her faith without barriers. I'm not promoting this idea of interfaith marriage, just saying what I read.

    This kind of arrangement will no doubt cause barriers and awkwardness in a marriage. Depends on how strictly religion is followed. I.e. Muslim doesn't drink alcohol but his Christian wife may have wine in the house for her own recreational use.
    That causes confusion in Interfaith marriages I think. I myself would not want alcohol in my house.

    This is one of these scenarios where.... If in doubt, abandon thought altogether.

    Someone please help with strong fiqh on this subject.
    Last edited by Imraan; 2 Weeks Ago at 12:30 PM.

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    *charisma*'s Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Assalamu Alaikum

    What's the bigger picture when you look at your life? Cuz you're only looking at it from one perspective with the focus being on the present, and you are even twisting that to fit into a narrative that you will never find anyone else like her.

    If your family gave you what you needed from them, you probably wouldn't be seeking it so readily elsewhere nor trying to justify it.
    You also very easily judge Muslim women, downgrading them, to raise the status of that one atheist girl. As a matter of fact, what you are describing in this girl is not difficult to find in Muslim girls. But Muslim girls like that will not be found in the streets, nor hanging out with you. So what you see is probably not the best of the best. So instead of saying "Would it be better to marry one of the muslims here,who smoke and go out with boys,who dont even always pray?" why not compare her to actual practicing Muslim sisters who DO pray. Who DO protect their chastity? Even if the muslim girls make mistakes, you don't know their life situation. You don't know which sins Allah has pardoned. The atheist girl is a virgin now, but until when? When she makes a mistake who does she repent to?

    Stop moping around. You complicated your life by catching feelings for someone you shouldn't have, and that is not an Islam problem, that is a YOU problem. Even if you haven't done anything physical, you've already allowed her to own you emotionally. What you needed from this girl you should try to find in good Muslim people, or better yet, find the strength to be better, motivate yourself, grow, etc. despite other people.
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    Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    D e a t h

    is the easiest
    of all things after it
    ; ;

    the hardest
    of all things before it

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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Doesn't love know no religion?

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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    I see you are going through some problems. May Allah help you.

    So i would advise you, don't give your heart to her already since she's not muslima. and you can not marry her if you fall in love. So be careful

    So you said,

    And what makes me better than this girl? I have been so ashamed from her sometimes.I lie a lot and do bad things,while she never lies,i swear i have never seen her say a lie,and only does good things.Why doesnt Allah guides her heart towards islam?
    You can't say you are better than her at certainty. Maybe on day she may become a Muslima and can be a better practicing Muslim than you. May allah guide her. Also don't say that why islam doesn't allow to marry her and so on. This life is a test, allah will test us with all sorts of things. He knows what is better for us more than ourselves.

    Why doesnt Allah guides her heart towards islam?
    Remember you can't guide whom you love. The Prophet loved his uncle Abu Talib , and wanted him to become a Muslim. But he died as a disbeliever. And the verse was revealed.

    "Indeed, [O Muhammad], you do not guide whom you like, but Allah guides whom He wills. And He is most knowing of the [rightly] guided."
    Qur’an 28:56


    Also remember Allah is the most fair. He is the just. He will not put someone in hell if that person doesn't deserves it.

    "Then, surely it is We who are most knowing of those most worthy of burning therein."

    Qur’an 19:70

    Always think positive of Allah. May Allah help us all.

    Giving her dawah advice-


    Before i start you should not that you cannot break any law while giving dawah to a girl.

    The way you make dawah and your manners should be in accordance with the rulings of Islamic shareeah, so it is not permissible for example for you to be alone with a kaafir woman, not even for the sake of Dawah. You must beware of forming relationships with women, and you should be aware of the ways in which the Shaytaan introduces evil, whereby you efforts to make dawah and draw closer to Allaah by offering advice to kaafir women may end up with you being tested and tempted by them. Dawah to non-Muslim women should either be undertaken by Muslim women, or else by a Muslim man giving them tapes and booklets, or by giving public speeches and lectures without deliberately looking at the women. We ask Allaah to help you in your Dawah and to make your responses correct. islamqa.info

    I would say give her the videos of Dr.Zakir Naik. He's easy to understand and deals greatly with atheist. This video would be perfect for her.

    "Is The Quran God's Word?" > https://youtu.be/9RuQMD4yYWg

    Also ask her questions about, what are the main questions that is preventing her to accpet islam? Then answer those question. if you don't know youself, ask somebody else who mught know, maybe a imam. if not you can also ask me, i will try to help you. May Allah ease your way.
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Sorry i did a mistake the video for the atheist is this one, not that("Is The Quran God's Word?")

    sent her this video it has three parts

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD?

    Part 1 - https://youtu.be/1VJMT77QqB0
    Part 2 - https://youtu.be/O0VtYLvMCpE
    Part 3 - https://youtu.be/X6-GS-rHZ0I

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK - YouTube
    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK LECTURE NAME: IS THE QUR'AN GOD'S WORD? VIDEO CODE : Q_G_W_16_1...
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Wow its amazing that she encourages you to be a better Muslim, she is an atheist with good morals. But you have no idea what may happen in the future. Marriage isn't easy, one day marrying this girl is going to eventually backfire. She is sweet but eventually when you guys get married and completely know eachother, soon there WILL be conflicts. You may be pushed to do things you wouldn't want to do. Most importantly, its also your kids! There will be conflicts with your kids. Most kids end up turning out like their mothers.

    Yes you shouldn't marry those muslim girls who drink and go out either. Find a good Muslim woman. She will lead you onto the right path. OR

    you can get this lady to convert FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH. not so she can marry you. She seems like a sweet and understanding person. If she is, she will at least hear you out and what videos you want to show her about Islam. If she doesn't convert, its her choice, but you need to respect that. She should also respect the fact that you wont marry her.
    May Allah make it easy on you

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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    You also very easily judge Muslim women, downgrading them, to raise the status of that one atheist girl. As a matter of fact, what you are describing in this girl is not difficult to find in Muslim girls. But Muslim girls like that will not be found in the streets, nor hanging out with you. So what you see is probably not the best of the best. So instead of saying "Would it be better to marry one of the muslims here,who smoke and go out with boys,who dont even always pray?"
    To be honest, I have to agree with this!

    It's so irritating when Muslim men judge and label the "majority" of Muslim women in order to justify the fact that they want to get married to an atheist lady. Its a stupid degrading excuse to go ahead and follow your whims to marry an atheist. IN reality you are just seeing what you want to see. There are good and bad women everywhere whether they are Muslim or not.

    I do agree that this lady has some good qualities.. But you shouldn't go ahead and generalize and judge Muslim women in your area INCLUDING those who could be a lot better than this lady you love.
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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by Imraan View Post
    You may not look at her like that now... Who knows what is around the corner? That's why I suggested you take your preventative steps.... That's if you haven't developed your 'emotional intelligence skill'Hmm not sure if any hadeeth exist to assist you. I've read that a Muslim man can marry a non Muslim woman providing she is Christian or a jew. The emphasis here is that as long as she follows one of the heavenly faiths or abrahamic faiths as some might say, a religion that adopts the heaven and hell concept. The Muslim man is also instructed to let his non Muslim wife follow her faith without barriers. I'm not promoting this idea of interfaith marriage, just saying what I read. This kind of arrangement will no doubt cause barriers and awkwardness in a marriage. Depends on how strictly religion is followed. I.e. Muslim doesn't drink alcohol but his Christian wife may have wine in the house for her own recreational use. That causes confusion in Interfaith marriages I think. I myself would not want alcohol in my house. This is one of these scenarios where.... If in doubt, abandon thought altogether. Someone please help with strong fiqh on this subject.
    Thank you for your message. I think i have developed emotional intelligence skill far enough that i have been called narcist and socipath or uncaring,compared to them,but i was only managing my feelings,but this girl just crosses over every emotional barrier i have.Its unbelievable how weak i am when it comes to feelings for her.That is why i dont understand it,because this girl doesnt drink too or smokes.She really behaves just as a good muslim,except that she doesnt believe and pray etc,so if you put the religion away there is nothing that distinguished a good muslim and her.Anyway thank you for your messages,i appreaciate it.


    Quote Originally Posted by Islami.mu'min View Post
    To be honest, I have to agree with this!It's so irritating when Muslim men judge and label the "majority" of Muslim women in order to justify the fact that they want to get married to an atheist lady. Its a stupid degrading excuse to go ahead and follow your whims to marry an atheist. IN reality you are just seeing what you want to see. There are good and bad women everywhere whether they are Muslim or not.I do agree that this lady has some good qualities.. But you shouldn't go ahead and generalize and judge Muslim women in your area INCLUDING those who could be a lot better than this lady you love.
    I dont want to justify anything.If i wanted to justify it i wouldnt have ended it.I have so much pain and i did it for the sake of Allah.I dont care what people think i care what Allah thinks,and Allah is my witness that i have tried so much to marry a muslim and i still do.I did a mistake with this girl but everybody makes mistakes.And nobody here knows how much i have been through and how badly i needed someone in my life.I converted alone from internet,i learnt how to pray alone,i have always lived among nonmuslims.I had tons of problems from everywhere.I was so poor also that i was wearing clothes that others were throwing away.This has continued for 9 years.And when even my family was making my life miserable i really needed a friend.Im not made of rock.Turned out this friend was a girl who helped me so much and sticked with me through my difficulties and made me feel at peace,and that made me fall in love with her.Its a process that happened through years,not that i follow my whims.Despite this i have tried to marry a muslim and i still do.I am trying online and in my area because my options are very limited,being a convert from a nonmuslim country,i have no connections.I try so much i have become pathetic,i put alarm and sleep 2 hours now 2 hours then,so i can be free when one of them is free.And to expand my options a bit,i keep removing conditions i have.I thought i have came across a good one yesterday,then she told me she has done zinnah before,but ok for the sake of trying to be a good muslim and being serious about it,despite me keeping my chastity and never been with a woman,i decided to remove this condition too,and it would have worked with her but we ended up disagreeing on other things.Oh or another who told me she wants only 100 euro shoes and gucci bags,or others who reject me for not owning a house,for not being arab,etc.many reasons.I am trying my best but i cant find anywhere a good girl who fits me,so when i want to marry the atheist girl,its because i feel that she fits me a lot and makes me feel at peace,unlike the other muslims i have come across.Ofc the world is full of amazing muslim women,but i am talking from my exp,from the ones i know and have met online or in real life.I dont mean to generalise all.But what does it matter to me if there are tons of great muslim girls that i would never meet,im only talking about what i see around me.Khair in shaa Allah,elhamdulillah. I know you didnt mean that for me.I was just letting it out.Thank you for listening.


    Quote Originally Posted by *charisma* View Post
    Assalamu Alaikum What's the bigger picture when you look at your life? Cuz you're only looking at it from one perspective with the focus being on the present, and you are even twisting that to fit into a narrative that you will never find anyone else like her. If your family gave you what you needed from them, you probably wouldn't be seeking it so readily elsewhere nor trying to justify it. You also very easily judge Muslim women, downgrading them, to raise the status of that one atheist girl. As a matter of fact, what you are describing in this girl is not difficult to find in Muslim girls. But Muslim girls like that will not be found in the streets, nor hanging out with you. So what you see is probably not the best of the best. So instead of saying "Would it be better to marry one of the muslims here,who smoke and go out with boys,who dont even always pray?" why not compare her to actual practicing Muslim sisters who DO pray. Who DO protect their chastity? Even if the muslim girls make mistakes, you don't know their life situation. You don't know which sins Allah has pardoned. The atheist girl is a virgin now, but until when? When she makes a mistake who does she repent to? Stop moping around. You complicated your life by catching feelings for someone you shouldn't have, and that is not an Islam problem, that is a YOU problem. Even if you haven't done anything physical, you've already allowed her to own you emotionally. What you needed from this girl you should try to find in good Muslim people, or better yet, find the strength to be better, motivate yourself, grow, etc. despite other people.
    To be honest i dont have the luxury of having a big picture,i have some projects in mind but i need time,so until then i just want a peaceful life.And thats exactly how i feel,that i will not find anyone else like her.I answered to islami.mu'min about this.I downgrade the majority of women women that i see and interact with,those i can.Why should i compare her with the good muslims girls who i can never meet? Its the same as they dont exist for me.If i wont meet them,whats the point.Its like saying why do you compare the golden rings you can afford to each other,and not with a billion dollar diamond ring you can never buy.And i am still trying to find a good one tbh,but my options are limited,and as much as i lower my expectations they do or have smth that i just cant compromise.I cant marry smn who wants me to accept her male best friend after marriage too,or other ''crazy'' ideas they have.I didnt say it is Islam problem,i just dont understand why,because she would def make me happy and give me peace of mind,and the fact that i have become more religious to the point that i forced myself out of her life,for the sake of Allah,means that she is not an obstacle in me practising islam.But elhamdulillah what can i say,and thank you for your answer.
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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by Yusha View Post
    Sorry i did a mistake the video for the atheist is this one, not that("Is The Quran God's Word?")

    sent her this video it has three parts

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD?

    Part 1 - https://youtu.be/1VJMT77QqB0
    Part 2 - https://youtu.be/O0VtYLvMCpE
    Part 3 - https://youtu.be/X6-GS-rHZ0I

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK - YouTube
    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK LECTURE NAME: IS THE QUR'AN GOD'S WORD? VIDEO CODE : Q_G_W_16_1...
    Hey brother i cant reply to your private message because i am a new member.Can you send me your telegram in inbox? Thank you

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    Revert alYunani's Avatar
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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    Quote Originally Posted by Yusha View Post
    Sorry i did a mistake the video for the atheist is this one, not that("Is The Quran God's Word?")

    sent her this video it has three parts

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD?

    Part 1 - https://youtu.be/1VJMT77QqB0
    Part 2 - https://youtu.be/O0VtYLvMCpE
    Part 3 - https://youtu.be/X6-GS-rHZ0I

    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK - YouTube
    HOW TO PROVE TO AN ATHEIST THAT THE QUR'AN IS GOD'S WORD? PART - 1 | DR ZAKIR NAIK LECTURE NAME: IS THE QUR'AN GOD'S WORD? VIDEO CODE : Q_G_W_16_1...
    I am trying to message you but i cant because i am not a full member.I can see your messages but i cant reply thats what i mean haha.You can send me a message again with a contact info,whatever it is,and i would contact you in shaa Allah.thank you brother

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    Re: Why we cant marry good atheists? Why good atheists cant be muslim? My story

    I dont want to justify anything.If i wanted to justify it i wouldnt have ended it.I have so much pain and i did it for the sake of Allah.I dont care what people think i care what Allah thinks,and Allah is my witness that i have tried so much to marry a muslim and i still do.I did a mistake with this girl but everybody makes mistakes.And nobody here knows how much i have been through and how badly i needed someone in my life.I converted alone from internet,i learnt how to pray alone,i have always lived among nonmuslims.I had tons of problems from everywhere.I was so poor also that i was wearing clothes that others were throwing away.This has continued for 9 years.And when even my family was making my life miserable i really needed a friend.Im not made of rock.Turned out this friend was a girl who helped me so much and sticked with me through my difficulties and made me feel at peace,and that made me fall in love with her.Its a process that happened through years,not that i follow my whims.Despite this i have tried to marry a muslim and i still do.I am trying online and in my area because my options are very limited,being a convert from a nonmuslim country,i have no connections.I try so much i have become pathetic,i put alarm and sleep 2 hours now 2 hours then,so i can be free when one of them is free.And to expand my options a bit,i keep removing conditions i have.I thought i have came across a good one yesterday,then she told me she has done zinnah before,but ok for the sake of trying to be a good muslim and being serious about it,despite me keeping my chastity and never been with a woman,i decided to remove this condition too,and it would have worked with her but we ended up disagreeing on other things.Oh or another who told me she wants only 100 euro shoes and gucci bags,or others who reject me for not owning a house,for not being arab,etc.many reasons.I am trying my best but i cant find anywhere a good girl who fits me,so when i want to marry the atheist girl,its because i feel that she fits me a lot and makes me feel at peace,unlike the other muslims i have come across.Ofc the world is full of amazing muslim women,but i am talking from my exp,from the ones i know and have met online or in real life.I dont mean to generalise all.But what does it matter to me if there are tons of great muslim girls that i would never meet,im only talking about what i see around me.Khair in shaa Allah,elhamdulillah. I know you didnt mean that for me.I was just letting it out.Thank you for listening.
    Man, sorry if I came off harsh. It must be really hard for you. I did think for a second that you were being one of those men trying to make excuses to marry an atheist woman just so you never had to marry a Muslim lady. I never realized why you wanted to marry this lady until you told me all of this. InshaAllah you will feel at ease. May Allah reward you for what you gave up. I understand how hard it is to let someone like that go, especially when there was no one else around to help you. You may feel like no one understands you, but you are not alone. Many Muslims go through the struggle and pain of giving things up. It is what happens when we become too attached to something/someone. Although my story is a lot different from yours (born in a muslims family), after I started taking religion seriously, there were people and things I loved so much. But I had to give it up and detach from them. It's hard. Especially for you since you found this beautiful kind woman you fell in love with.

    You may feel heart broken and you may not see why this is good for you right now. But trust me, this is your test, you will be rewarded with something better. You may think that you just want her and no one else, but you truly won't understand what else your future holds for you. We have to give up things that'll bring us down. Its moving on in life. People make changes, and they move on with those changes without looking back.

    Apart from that, I wanted to address some things and give you advice.

    You said your also poor? That's also a big challenge. Do you have a degree or do you go to school? Can you get a local job to provide yourself with a better lifestyle?

    And here's another thing. If you ever fear that you may commit private sins or zina, keep fasting to reduce desire for the sake of Allah. Please do not fall into private sins because you could get addicted to it.

    How do you find people to marrry? Do you use matrimonial sites for muslims? I want to recommend you a few good ones... There are some bad ones like (mumble) and there are other types that are for more serious Muslims. What country do you live in?

    And do not feel like you need to lower your religious standards. If you want a girl to have a certain amount of piety, SITCK to it. It's not worth falling down into a deep hole. Pick a pious lady and don't compromise her deen. If you feel that she does not fit your religious standards, just don't pick her. Be patient. Anyway, I know some websites that may be able to help you find more serious partners. By the way, a truly pious Muslim woman will not care if you a re poor, and she wont ask for gucci crap. And for those who reject you just because you aren't arab, forget them anyway. You'll find someone, but you need to exercise patience and make dua. It takes some cautious choosing to find the right girl. Never overlook warning signs from suitors. Do you have any masjids nearby? Maybe you can find good religious men who may know pious women.

    I'm proud of you and the struggles you've overcome. Please stick to the deen and don't ever feel that any of the pain you get will go unrewarded. Its REALLY hard to give up someone.
    | Likes Imraan liked this post


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