Hello!
I'm not a Muslim (sorry about that) but I'll try my best to answer you.
I'm afraid you have a depression. Depression is a very hard and deceiving psychical illness. Depressed person becomes extremely jealous of other people with successful life and feels that everything around him happens against himself, no matter what he'll do. He also experiences painful moments of his live and is neutral to even small good things, making depression even worse - focusing on only bad things and refusing any good moments.
Some people are commiting suicide because they are thinking that taking his own life will solve the problem. No, it will not. Potential self-killers does not know that taking off his life will hurt not only himself, but his family and friends.
But don't worry, you can free yourself from depression. First of all, stop focusing at others. Stop being jealous. Stop trying to do something impossible. Focus on yourself and embrace every, even tiny good moments of your life. Is food tasty? Enjoy it! Someone smile to you - enjoy it. By small step by small step you will be able to witness happiness again. It is a very small, but worthy process to start fighting against depression. At least it is a start.
Are you jealous at well-prosperate different people who does not follow God's commands? The God will check their achievements and sins. It is only the Creator's task to judge every single soul from our planet (or planets if a human race will become multiplanetary
). Try to focus on your own status - what you've achieved so far and what you can do more. Start building your own career.
You should stop thinking about the girl who shuts down any contact forms and disappeares. Believe or not, you can find better one who will stay with you and share exactly same feelings as you if you would fall in love. Maybe God have other plans for you? Please, trust Him and never lose faith in Him. Never. At the end, you will be rewarded for your good doing.
Please consider making a return to your religion, to Islam. Remember that in any time, we can be tested by the Great One. Our Creator will test our believes - will we still believe and pray Him despite experiencing bad moments? Will we be thankful for every good signs which happens around us?
As a Christian, I'm not allowed to force you into different religion. Only what I can do for you is to make prays for your soul to be calmed down from bad feelings and to enable to revert into good ones. I'll also pray for you yo return to the straight way as God says in Qur'an (Koran). Everyone here wants to help you, no matter which religion. You are not alone and never you have been. Even here. Don't even doubt that!
I've shared my thoughts because I know what does fighting against depression and other bad feelings mean. Me (twice) and my brother (once) have had a depression. I have won two very long battles, but my brother unfortunately lost his battle by commiting a suicide. I just can't allow to another soul being lost. You are not first one, whom I try to convince.
Okay, time for a pray and sleeping. May the Lord be with you. Wish you all the best.
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